The ILE bar is now open..............

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I've just opened a bar for ILE members......... welcome to the opening night. You'll see there's a sauna room, a jacuzzi, an volleyball sand court out back, and a siesta room complete with hammocks for when it all gets too much for you.

Drinks are free, so come on in and say hello. Stop in and pass the time of day - introduce yourselves (yes, yes, I know you prolly already know each other but I'm a stranger round these parts) - crack a joke or two, whatever.

I'm C J......I'm reliably informed that I'm female. 34, live in UK, travelled a bit (worked in Hong Kong and Australia), hobbies include fixing up an old Land Rover, getting drunk and falling over.

*C J wipes the bar down, pours herself a G&T and waits to meet the regulars*

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If the drinks are free, watch out for this crowd. They'll drink you dry and then suck the sawdust on the floor. Although, with hobbies like yours, perhaps it's you who should amble over there.

Aimless, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hello to CJ the Clearly Worthy (for opening the bar and inviting us over). I'm Ned, vaguely 31, vaguely living in Orange County and generally very vague. *fades away into fog, then reconstitutes self for a cosmopolitan and a sit down*

Ned Raggett, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Wow, looks like it could get pretty noisy in here later if they get wind of this new venture.

Meet Misu, the bouncer - he'll sort out any trouble. Yes, I know he's a cat.....but he's vicious and not to be tangled with.

*throws Misu a jalapeno pepper to chew on*

Can I get you a drink, Aimless? What would you like?

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, hello Ned. Nice to meet you etc etc

*C J mixes up a Cosmopolitam for Ned*

Vodka, cranberry, lime and Cointreau, n'est ce pas?

Haven't had a chance to get the stir-sticks printed up with the bar's name yet. Sorry.

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That does sound right to me, thanks. :-) No need to worry about the pre-printed bits yet, they'll come in time. So how did you find out about ILE anyway?

Ned Raggett, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I tripped over you by accident - I must've been googling for something funny, and look where it got me.

I've been half-lurking for a few weeks, but thought I'd jump on in - the water looks lovely and I can't see many sharks.

How's Orange County today? UK has been lovely - lots of sun, traffic jams etc, plus the start of Wimbledon.

It's hard to get anything done at all, what with daytime telly showing tennis, all these ILE threads to read and guffaw at, and....errr....what's that other thing?....oh yes.... work. I remember.

*C J pours herself another G&T, and passes round a bowl of Doritos*

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Welcome to ILE CJ!

jel --, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

please ask why some people here put a "g" at the end of words for no apparent reason. i'm scared to ask.

lawrence kansas, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Can I have a Banana Daaquri.

anthony, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Welcome to ILE, CJ... Hope you survive the experience!

Dan Perry, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Thanks for the welcome! I feel like I've been here for ever already.

*serves up a Banana Daiquiri*

They put a "g" at the end of words for no reason?? Is it like *g*......as in *grin*??

Otherwise, I'm as lost as you are

Let me have another ginebra con agua tonica, and think about it.

*C J punches a tune on the jukebox*

.......uh-oh......seems to be Punk Revival Night

*starts pogoing to the Buzzcocks, then slips on a carelessly discarded icecube*

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hanle y needs to post a Hanle yism!

The G thing, hmmm, I think Katie or Sarah or Alang might have the explanation!

jel --, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm intrigued now

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hi C J, thanks for inviting--are you all right? You slipped there on an ice cube.

Well, if you're truly all right, could you fix me a lemonade (American-style lemonade) with a shot of creme de cassis?

Oh, and I'm Julia, from Washington, DC.

j.lu, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hi Julia - nice to meet you.

Yep, I'm fine. Might be a bit of bruising there tomorrow, and I may have trouble sitting down for a while......but I'll live!

*fixes Julia a lemonade (American style) with a shot of creme de cassis*

Are you still at work, then? What do you do?

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i can see that i'm going to learn a lot of exotic drink names on this thread (if nothing else). white russian, please.

Dave M., Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh Dave! White Russians are one of my favourite drinks - can I join you in one of those?

*pours two glasses of vodka, Kahlua and cream*

Mmmmmmm..........

Cheers, all! Nice to meet you

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sarah started with Mang last november. It spread.

Graham, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It spread like cream cheese on a toasted bagel... YUM!

I'll take an extra-dry Bombay Sapphire martini while you're pouring...

Dan Perry, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Started with "Mang"??

*C J frowns*

Is "Mang" andything like "Ming"?

*looks mildly confused*

Pours a Bombay Sapphire martininininini for Dan

Care for a cashew nut with that?

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hi I'm Erik , I'm the skinny Dutch boy in the corner, who looks like someone draw him in ligne claire-style on the wall of the bar.

"Yes, I'm allowed to drink alcohol, I'm 35, really!..."

*shows his ID, ppl laugh, one Dr. Pepper coming up*

erik, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mmmm, cashews....

"Mang" means "Man". The ending 'g' is there for comedic emphasis. People have found this to be so amusing that it's been extended to other words ending with '-an'. So, if you see references to "Dang", someone is likely talking about me.

Okay, who wants to explain "Ptee/Ktee"?

Dan Perry, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*bites her lip, nervously*

I didn't realise I would have to learn a whole new language to understand what's going on here.

I speak a bit of French, German, Spanish and Cantonese.......but I'm lost when it somes to ILE-speak. Maybe I'll just stay very quietly in the corner and hope I don't make a fool of myself.

*passes a Dr Pepper (smirk) to Erik*

Cheers!

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm Arthur. I don't think you'll be carding me, as I just turned 41. I live in Los Angeles, which I read is one of the least sweaty cities in the USA, up there with San Francisco and Seattle and someplace in Alaska. I think they're wrong, though.

Hey Graham, what was that symbol you put in the Bangbus thread, the one that looks like a little package of felt tip markers? Christine "Leafy Dragon" used it too, what does it mean?

Could I have a Bloody Mary with extra celery, CJ? Thanks. I call the hammock.

Arthur, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

uh hi, uh (sweating), uh i'm supposed to DJ?

Tracer Hand, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Arthur, that's the icon of a web counter. They're keeping track of the Google referrals to those threads.

Dan Perry, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Aha! Thanks, Dan.

Tracer, what do you mean you don't have any Redd Kross, what the fuck!?!? Oh, OK, "Silver Machine", will have to do...

Arthur, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(superciliously) you know, I don't think I brought anything you know.... (recognizes Arthur) oh, shit dude, yeah lemme dig it out

Tracer Hand, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*hides face and makes deep low voice* Can i... hm... er... get a beer?

Chupa-Cabras, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hi guys!

*mixes a very very strong Bloody Mary for Arthur*

Careful in the hammock - nothing too acrobatic now - I don't want to have to extract that celery from any orifice. I only have basic first aid knowledge.

Hello Tracer - you don't need to DJ, as the juke box here has every record known to man on it. Grab a barstool and come and chill out instead.

*C J plonks herself down on a barstool, and starts swivelling round very fast on it, just for fun*

Well, it must be going-home-from-work-time for those of you in the States, no? Gone 11pm here, and I'm starting to fade. It's been a long day.

Maybe one for the road, though.

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*hands Chupa a virtual beer*

Not old enough, eh lad?

It's OK. It's all make-believe in here. Just don't tell them it was me who served you, OK?

I have my reputation to protect, you understand.

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Arthur, it's a Site Meter, try clicking it. It counts visitors and records what search terms they used to get there (under referrals).

Graham, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And hi CJ. Whereabouts are you?

Graham, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This time of day? A guiness would do nicely to cut the dust of the road.

Aimless, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I tell ribald stories, sitting on the hammock, and get my man servenant to fetch me many many drinks.

anthony, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hello Graham - I'm in the depths of the UK. In a field, mostly. It's a very quiet village with just badgers, muntjac deer, pheasants and horses for neighbours. And an excellent village pub (though not as good as the new ILE bar, you understand)

Are you in the UK too?

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*carefully pours Aimless a pint of Guinness*

You won't need to trouble your manservant too much Anthony - Misu (the bar cat) is trained to serve drinks (though he prefers not to go near the jacuzzi, for obvious feline water-hating reasons.

I'd love to sit about and be entertained by some of your ribald stories - I may even come up with an anecdote or two of my own - 'cept it's nearly midnight and I'm a bit cream-crackered so I'll have to leave it for now. *yawns and rubs eyes*. It's been a long day.

*tosses the keys to the bar to Misu*

Hey Misu - keep these good people topped up with drinks and snacks for as long as they want, OK? And be sure to wash up afterwards - I want the bar looking tidy for tomorrow, in case anyone feels like popping back in for a chat again.

*Misu thows a menacing look at C J, and rolls his eyes*

Damn cat. You'd think he owns the place.

Nice to say hello to you guys and gals - hope to catch up with you again tomorrow. The bar will be open all night - and we do a great breakfast starting at 8 o'clock.

*stumbles sleepily upstairs for some shut-eye*

Night night all.........

C J

C J, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I like CJ. :-) And in her absence I will recruit my housemate Ben, a trained bartender, to handle the drinks.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What time is it?

tired of typing in that email address, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I mean, is this a lock in or what? Time for bed if you ask me...

Starsailor, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hi i'm duane. i'm a interweb crepe. i'll have a chocolate sauce please.

unknown or illegal user, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

YO CJ U SERVE CRAck cocaine or Le Piat D'or?

Michael Bourke, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hi C J. do you make pina coladas? can i have one?

queenoftheharpies, Monday, 24 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*7.30 am Tuesday.......CJ wanders back into the bar to see who's around*

Looks like there was quite a party here after hours last night - sorry I missed it! I hate it when worky worky encroaches on web-time like that.

So, Duane - an interweb crepe are you? Pleased to meet you (I think). We have chocolate sauce here in abundance, plus strawberry syrup, maple syrup and those little hundreds-and-thousands sugar sprinkles. Feel free to help yourself. Are you a well-tossed crepe? Just wondering.

And Michael - hello.......sorry, no crack cocaine (not my thang, etc) and to be honest I think Le Piat d'Or is a bit dodgy too. Try a sip of this Côtes de Beaune.......I think you'll be subtly amused by it.

A Pina Colada for you, QueenoftheHarpies? No problem......

*C J shreds a couple of fresh pineapples through the juicing machine, and the bar suddenly smells tropical and exotic, and redolent of a Caribbean beach*

*sigh*

Wish it was holiday time.

Ah well, back to work. I'll just have a coffee to get me kick- started this morning.

*C J wipes the bar down, tidies away the empty Doritos packets, and wonders if anyone else will call in to say hello today*

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't drink, but i have just had my ass plowed at the IL* suana room and sperm stains cover my tux - well, what's left of it - do you have anything i could clean myself up with?

Queen Don't you point those squiggly things at G, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*hands over a wodge of Bounty softly quilted kitchen roll, and makes a mental note to telephone the ACME Sauna Cleaning Company as soon as they are open for business this morning*

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

CJ
I would like to warn you against letting Geoff into the establishment. He is a pervert and wil destroy this bar with his decadent ways. Also I would like breakfast, can that be arranged? ase

anthony, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hello everyone (though it's a bit early for bouzing and i was *ahem* on the WINE last night so don't think i'll be having anything other than orange juice) and hello CJ! yes Sarah invented putting "g"s on the ends of words (and sometimes in the middle) of words that end with N. and i thought that words like "mang" and "pumpking" and "husbangd" were extremely amusing so picked up the habit as i am wont to do when something amuses me ;) the Ktee/Ptee thing is more difficult to explain. i think that someone just made a typo on "pete" one day and it stuck.

katie aka Ktee sometimes, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Morning, gang!

Don't worry about Geoff - Misu The Vicious Bar Cat will keep him in line.

C J : Misu, keep an eye on Geoff......I'm told he's a trouble-maker Misu : Oh, right (smiles slyly and decides to make friends with Geoff and secretly wreak havoc)

What can I get you for breakfast Anthony? The Full English? (the delicious smell of grilled bacon, fried eggs, sausages, mushrooms and hash browns wafts though the bar)........or just a croissant and some of my home made strawberry jam? Help yourself to coffee, btw.

Hello Ktee! *hands over a large tumbler of freshly-squeezed orange juice and a couple of Paracetamol to help the hangover*

I'm still getting over my weekend hangover - went to a brilliant birthday party involving a cool rock-covers band, rather too much wine and a bouncy castle. I'd tell you more about it, but my memory is rather patchy, especially regarding the events after 2am. I expect someone will have photos though. Unfortunately.

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Why are there used condoms floating in the jacuzzi?

What on earth was going on in here last night?

(Misu smiles slyly, again)

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i always assumed that Hanle y started the same way. hello there. yay ILE newbies! CJ: sounds like yr a bit of an IRCer or maybe a MUDer?

Alan Trewartha, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

awwww a CAT BOUNCER! misu will get no trouble from me but i hope he/she doesn't mind the occasional cuddle...

katie, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ahh the evil kodak moment, Enchanted CJ. Ive been looking for just this type of recreational establishment, its rather marvellous- Ive just been tenderising in the jacuzzi and am floating a few feet above myself, I think ill need a scotch and dry. Im going to put 'in dreams' on the jukebox, *swivels* Im jeskam by the way, f 26 artist. I dont know if youd call me a regular, but im an advocate for casuals freedom of speech. I wont be seeing many of you in here as im on the underside of the erf, but hey heres my song "in dreams I walk with you...."

jeskam, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

we also need a jukebox in this bar! with Gary Numan on it!

katie, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Opening an ILE bar has to be the best way someone has ever de-lurked. Do you have a real bar CJ? Could you host an FAP?

alext, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*C J points to the fabulous jukebox in the corner.......and reminds everyone that it has every single record in the world on it. And it's free*

Gary Numan, eh? He flies helicopters now I believe. He's come a long way from being the boy on the Blackbird Leys housing estate in Oxford. The boy done good.

Hello all ....... I'd love to stay and chat but I'me a bit snowed under. Worky worky etc. Help yourselves to a drink - Misu will clear up after you - and I'll be popping in later to see who's about.

Have a good Tuesday!

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

We better start this morning as we mean to go on, Bloody Marys all round, nice and spicy. Butter better line up some old fashioneds with straight bourbon chasers and will get to the tanquarey martinis by lunch. I have high standards in martinis. Tanqueray gin, Noilly Prat Vermouth, a few shakes of bitters. The glass must have sides at 45 degrees to each other, a perfectly straight stem and bottom with no fillet or chamfer.

I brought ar snacks though. Deep fried whitebait, parmesan cheese, tortilla and capers.

Ed, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sadly alext, I don't have a real bar. Wish I did - that'd be cool. I'll have to make do with this virtual one.

I thought it would be a good way to get to know you all ..... I'm v. glad you're all willing to play along! I hardly feel like a newbie at all now.

*passes a plate of hot buttered toast around to those still wanting breakfast*

Alan - what's IRC and MUD? is IRC a chat thingy (in which case, no - I don't tend to do that). I thought MUD was a 70s Glam Rock band?

*starts singing Tiger Feet, badly, and out of tune*

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

CJ
My Monkey is hungry
do you have anything for my monkey


puts suzanne on the juke box, I want to waltz- who is up for it ? ase

anthony, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I forgot to Welcome CJ, how frightfully rude, I was all tied up in getting my drinks right.

slips a few quid in the jukebox and lines up some Mingus and Coltrane for the next few tunes, bah bah bing boom bah.

Ed, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

they're both chat thingies, where people often invoke "actions" as well as saying stuff, like:

*Alang sits down and sings about gold*

Also the making of virtual hangouts is VERY MUD-y. thanks for the bar, it's nice. lots of weird stuff hanging from the ceiling, a GIANT CAT bouncer, (well maybe not that giant), a toaster. ace.

Alan Trewartha, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ed
cohen was playing, and i was enjoying him
please wait for the mingus
and i would really like to dance

anthony, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

mmmm...toast. Do you by any chance have any Marmite, CJ? It's really great that you've opened this bar just for us. You are most welcome on ILx. Mark sits down (wow, the comfiest chair) and contemplates a trip down the road to Blackbird Leys after work to search for the blue plaque on Gary Numan's old house.

MarkH, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

many apologies, I though the juke would just queue thm up, taps in cohen again.

Ed, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Does Misu have a brother caled Behemoth?

Ed, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*hands Ed his money back* - juke box is free, so save your cash.

Anthony! Do you really have a monkey? Is it perchance a Barro Colorado Howler Monkey? *hands over a bucket of fruit and leaves for Monkey*

Or is it more of a Johnny Vegas-type stuffed Monkey?

Either way, he's cute. Make sure he stays away from Misu though, as I think he's feeling a bit randy this morning.

Jeskam - Hi! Are you from Aus? I lived in Melbourne for a couple of years, and travelled about a bit before heading off to the Far East. Had a great time.

I do go to one particular Chat Room, Alan - but it has recently become overrun by bored spotty adolescents (apologies to any bored spotty adolescents who may be on ILE). That's prolly where I got the *action* stuff from.

Sheesh! I really DO need to go to work. BBL

C J

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The Monkeys Father is a Baboon and His Mother is a Bonobo. The only fruit he eats is fermented.

anthony, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I have something interesting lurking in a Rumtopf - would Monkey care to try that? It melts knicker elastic, but am not sure what it does to primates. Still, he looks the sort who'll try anything once........what's his name, btw?

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

MarkH .........mmmmmm, Marmite!

I love that shove-off-the-cliff it gives me when I spread it too thickly

*makes another round of toast, and passes MarkH the Marmite jar*

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey CJ - I actually have a bar in real life (with a free jukebox natch) - but it is nowhere near as nice as your one. The nearest you'll get to a cocktail down here is Snakebite & Black (or Snakebite'n'Red if the blackcurrant has run out).

By the way, FAP = Fancy A Pint.

Pete (Who never calls himself Ptee), Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am not sure, you will have to ask the monkey.
He prefers a nice pinot gris

anthony, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Pinot gris?

I thought you said he was a Monkey, not an Alsatian?

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Where's your real life bar then Pete? Snakebites sound very West Country Chic to me..........

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Excuse me, have I got Marmite on my face? I sometimes eat my marmite and toast a little too, erm, enthusiastically. Pass me one of those maroon napkins out of the shiny metal dispenser, would you? I like that carved wooden Buddha, btw.

MarkH, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Pete brings a little bit of the West Country to Russell Square.

MarkH, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Snakebites are student chic, surely?

West country chic = cider armadillo, of course.

Welcome to ILx, CJ.

Tim, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Snakebite & black = goth chic. Heh heh heh.

Emma, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Surely guiness and black ==> goth chic

Ed, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Guinness & Black = Purple People Eater, no? (Or was that guiness, cider and black?) Whatever, it = Ashton-Under Lyne mentalist chic in my experience.

Tim, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mummy I went on the internet and interacted with mentalists who have 'virtual bars'.

N., Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The virtual hangover is when you wake up and realise you've been fired and have no mates.

Ronan, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

God, aren't you the life and soul this morning?

Anna, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My monkey grows bored, entertain it.

anthony, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes!

Ronan, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(not yes to entertaining the monkey, sorry)

Ronan, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ronan
Entertain the fucking monkey

anthony, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

anthony! they found NU-MONKEYS!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/americas/newsid_2064000/2064216 .stm

katie, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Does the relationship that Nu-Monkeys have to monkeys parallel the relationship between nu-metal and metal and New Labour and Labour?

I rather fancy a Gin FIzz when you get back CJ.

Pete, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Blue Blazers all round.

Ed, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Lunchtime greetings, CJ. Mine’s a pint of Orkney Dark Island. Unless you serve it in gallons, of course.

What? Oh, I’m in the UK too: Leith, to be exact. I am the person who discovered the Ask A Drunk forum and kicked it into its present state of corrupt feverish life, so well exemplified by Aimless. That is my only claim to fame in – hang on, let me count how many years it is – cor, I’m even older than Momus! On the other hand I’m less talented, so you see how nature balances itself.

Hate to ask, but do you actually mind if I suck the sawdust?

Rex, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'll take a belvedere on the rocks with a lemon wedge please. Make it a double, I was up half the night.

Chris, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Now it's lunch time I could really do with a pint of London Pride, please CJ. Then I can sit at the bar and introduce myself to you properly (sits down on bar stool). I'm Mark, 31, I live in Oxford and I work as an Electronic Content Quality Controller, putting journal articles on the web. At the moment I'm working on an article about the primeval forests in the Babia Göra National Park in Southern Poland. I might wander over the jukebox later to see if you have "Party Fears Two" by the Associates.

MarkH, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Whoo, I can't hold my booze anymore these days...one lemonade cassis last night and...oh, Misu, thank you for the coffee -- just what I needed.

*holds hand out for Misu to smell. He sniffs it, and finding no scent of another cat, rubs up against it*

As long as you're up, Misu, I'd love a croissant, and do you have any Nutella? In the meantime, I'm in Washington, DC, and I work as an editor (this week I'm working on medical stuff). I'll probably return for a drink this evening; it's hard enough to keep the subscripts and superscripts straight when I'm sober.

*Misu returns with croissants and Nutella*

What a sweet cat. I think CJ and Misu will fit right in here. :^}

j.lu, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

excuse me barkeep, im thirsty. still waiting for my belvedere.

Chris, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Misu is a very fine cat indeed, from the sound of it. Right now all I need is some orange juice, but then again I've just woken up.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm on my break, and could murder a glass of Chablis.

Matt, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, looky here at all these people! I'm sorry you've had to wait so long for this barkeep to return - I told Misu he was in charge, but he appears to just be snoozing gently on that sunny window sill.

Here's your orange juice Ned - did you finish reading The Bell Jar last night? I've not read that particular Plath, so maybe I could borrow it after you?

I'm actually reading something nice and lightweight today - due to work stress cannot cope with anything that I need to think about - so I've just started Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. Excellent book, very funny. Less than 300 pages so should have finished it by tonight.

Here you are Chris - a double Belvedere on the rocks with a lemon wedge. Sorry to keep you waiting!

Good morning Julia - here's a nice warm croissant and Nutella for you. *refills coffee cup too*.

A pint of Orkney Dark Island for you Rex....... I had to travel to the Orkneys specially to get that, but nothing's too much trouble in this bar. I don't mind at all if you suck the sawdust, just be careful because Misu's still being house-trained, and I really wouldn't be able to vouch for the content of the damp patches on the floor. Enjoy!

Gin Fizz for Pete .........Blue Blazer for Ed ........*huge* glass of chilled Chablis for Matt ....... and a pint of London Pride for MarkH.

*C J waves at MarkH, her Oxfordshire neighbour*

Did anybody entertain Anthony's monkey? I might give Misu a bath in the jacuzzi later - that's usually quite entertaining. Especially when trying to remove Misu from my scalp.

I doubt I shall get much done on the computer this afternoon now - ILE is too damned distracting.

Nice to see you all (again)

C J

- who really can't believe that she actually wrote down all those drinks orders like a real waitress, to make sure she didn't miss anyone out......lol! -

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY IS FANTASTIC. HOPEFULLY YOU'VE READ NAKED AS WELL BY SEDARIS, EQUALLY ENTERTAINING. THANKS FOR THE BELVEDERE, COULD USE SOME TEQUILA SHOTS RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

Chris, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Pardon? I couldn't quite catch that. Could you speak up? :)

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I haven't read Naked yet - the only other one I've read is the Santaland Diaries.

I would like to nominate Sedaris as Comic Genius of the Week, please.

Thank you

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

CJ (snorrrrrrrrrrrt) - fuckin woah, man, i feel like river phoenix...

can you tell anthony's monkey if he shits one more time in the jacuzzi I am putting his photo on the FBI terrorist list, and that means no more monkey fellatio

Queen Don't you point those squiggly things at G, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

WELL ITS LOUD IN THE BAR.....SO I HAVE TO YELL. ;)

Chris, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*breaks out the crayons and the poster-board and starts making "No Pets Allowed in the Jacuzzi" signs*

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris is indulging in his bachelor party a bit too early. ;-) I could loan ya the Plath, certainly, but as it's the library copy around here, they might protest if Misu got around to appreciating it, since I hear claws are murder on pages. *sips juice with thanks*

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And yup, I did end up finishing it. Good book!

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This being a virtual bar, I think I will have a Cider Armadillo, please. It's been well over a year since my last armadillo IRL. Pauvre me.

Tim, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ITS ALWAYS A BACHELOR PARTY HERE.

Chris, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Drunk.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

honey, bachelor's just one more word for someone waiting for a cocksucking...now bend over the pool table and let's get started...oh, can someone stop the goat from eating my cock - what is it with these bloddy animals?

Queen of the Porches Leaving Their Men Club G, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Uh-oh........Queen of the Porches Leaving Their Men Club G appears to have a certain part of his anatomy stuck in one of the pockets of the pool table.

Well, I'm not going to try and get that out. Da Management are not responsible if their clientele's shenanigins get out of hand.

*C J calls Misu over and whispers into his ear*

Misu winks, and saunters over towards the pool table........

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

thanks ned! :)

Chris, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

did you whisper "mousey", CJ?

MarkH, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey CJ, welcome barkeep. Mine's a nice bison-grass vodka on the rocks.

suzy, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Dubrowka!! Sure-fire hangover cure. And cause.

Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey Suzy ..... here's your wodka!

Yep, Misu's a vicious little mouser. He has no regard for life (human or otherwise) at all in fact and will, without any hesitation or remorse, tear eyeballs out and/or remove all the skin from a person's body upon my command.

He seems to have dealt with the appendage which was wedged in the pool table quite nicely, don't you think? Shame it looks like something which people cook for dinner now. Ah well.

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, I'm on the neat vodka 'cos of too many WHITE RUSSIAN MILKSHAKES. This is my Barkeep Test, can you make this?

suzy, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

White Russian Milkshakes, eh?

*C J mixes Kahlua, Vodka and ice-cold milk together in the blender, pours carefully into a glass for Suzy, and really really hopes she has got this one right*

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry I'm tough, my dad and sis are both bartenders and that's a standard white russian you've made there. You are English, you think milk is a primary milkshake ingredient when in fact you need at least 4 big scoops of vanilla Haagen-dasz and only a tiny bit of milk as lube for the ice cream. Ideally you must be able to stand a straw up in the milkshake and then fall over after drinking one.

suzy, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Suzy is Badass, and this is why we love her so.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

the green tea scream shake is HD, green tea powder, and the bison grass stuff. Mwahahaha.

suzy, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Could I have a glass of lemonade please?

DG, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

sambuca on the rocks please. followed by a boilermaker.

Chris, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

OK, Suzy........one *proper* White Russian Milkshake coming right up. Mmmmmm.......Haagen-dasz........heaven!!

Just a lemonade DG? Are you sure? I'm glad one of us is staying sober. There are a lot of very squiffy people in here and I'm afraid it's all going to go a bit downhill soon. I hope it doesn't degenerate into one of those riotous evenings where we all lurch about singing "Barnacle Bill The Sailor" and other such tasteful rugby songs!

*hands a sambuca to Chris* A Boilermaker too, eh? Beer and whisky sounds a lethal concoction, but here goes .........

C J helps herself to a glass of white wine, kicks off her shoes, and finally starts to unwind after a dismal day at work.

Anyone watch any tennis today?

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Wanna buy some Death Sticks?"

DavidM, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

what is barnacle bill the sailor.

anthony, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*hic*

RickyT, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry about that, already had a few tonight.

Anyway, a pint of best and bag of pork scratchings please.

Oh, and my names Richard, I'm an old man round these parts and I like ale, badgers, DFW and Throwing Muses.

RickyT, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Perhaps those muses don't want to be thrown. Do you have a permit?

DG, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hello, can I speak to CJ please, I have come here to sell you Piggy- Pork-Scratchings for your bar, but I notice that you are already stocking *a competitor's brand* Therefore I will do you a deal whereby I will give you a year's supply of Piggy-Pork-Scratchings for free if you let me in. I also did live and work in Hong Kong, so we will chat about that while you are trying to mend the Baileys optic as it has become gunged up. I wil say, oh, I lived on Lantau, where did you live? I notice your are busy so can I please hand these Piggy- Pork-Scratchings keyrings out to your regulars?

stevie mitch, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Can I have a bowl of rabbit stew and a handsome naked man please

anthony, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

anthony, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

for ricky

anthony, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The Chablis restored my spirits beautifully, thanks. I have now finished work for the week, and therefore demand ABSINTHE.

Matt, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Good to see everyone here at the end of a work day. Could I have a margarita -- on the rocks, no salt. I say -- I didn't know this bar stocked handsome men for the ordering!

j.lu, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Piggy-Pork Scratchings!! My favourite brand! Have you got the ones which have hairs on? Sometimes, if you're really lucky, you get a nipple in the packet too! Of course I'll stock them in the bar - I'd be delighted. Misu will help you carry the boxes round to the store room.

Lantau eh? How long ago were you there. I have very fond memories of the Frog & Toad (though this is sadly no more now) and joining in the Mud Olympigs there (all for chariddy, mate).

I was in Kowloon Tong (miles from anywhere) to start with, but was lucky enough to move to the island to a smashing flat in Old Peak Road, complete with swimming pool. Oh, happy days!

C J, Tuesday, 25 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Here's an Absinthe for you Matt.

Is it true that absinthe makes the heart grow fonder?

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Rabbit stew, Anthony? awwwwwww...... cute ickle bunny-wabbits? I couldn't bring myself to cook that. Perhaps if you're peckish you'd like to try this soufflé de sole et coquilles St Jacques au fumet de Gewürztraminer et brunoise de légumes which I just rustled-up in the kitchen for you? It's rather splendid.

It's lucky I live in Oxfordshire, as I am well-placed to go and investigated that Badger wine later today. Do the RSPCA know about this?

Barnacle Bill The Sailor is a bawdy rugby song, which I am far-too- much-of-a-lady to sing for you know (mostly because it is 6am and I am sober).

Who's that knocking at my door? Who's that knocking at my door? Who's that knocking at my door? Cried the Fair Young Maiden................

Did you find yourself a handsome man? I have one here, but he's spoken-for I'm afraid.

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*hands a Margarita to Julia*

(sorry if you've been waiting rather a long time for this - I blame it on British Summer Time, continental drift and the angle of dangle)

If you fancy unwinding after work Julia, take your Margarita and toddle along to the jacuzzi room - I think I just saw the New Zealand rugby team headed that way.

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*loud crashing sound as another Muse lands head-first on the v-ball court*

Would patrons kindly refrain from Throwing Muses until I have sorted out the paperwork regarding the Muse Throwing Licence?

I thank you

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

CJ, hello! My name is rainy, I live in Dunedin.

For my drink I would like a singapore sling with about ten or eleven cherries in it.

For the love of all things holy, don't let me drink too much. If my cheeks start to get pink, please would you call me a cab and send me home?

rainy, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I head to the wonders of the jacuzzi room and romp with the rugby team.

anthony, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hello rainy - nice to meet you! Here's your Singapore Sling. Last time I had one of those, I was sitting in the garden of Raffles Hotel. *sigh* I so need a holiday.

Just finished work then? How's NZ today? I've just been chatting to a friend of mine in Hamilton....she loves it over there, but gets homesick for strange things such as Pickled Onion Flavour Monster Munch. I am always sending her Emergency Care Packages!

Misu - I need some breakfast. Fetch me a plate of Marmite soldiers and a cuppa tea would you? Ta.

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Misu is a practical cat. As I am about to turn in, I'll just have some sparkling water for now.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Here you are then Ned - a glass of naturally-carbonated Perrier for you.

Night night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite!

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

C J tiptoes over to the jacuzzi room (unnoticed by Anthony and the rugby team, who appear to be somewhat preoccupied) and pours an entire bottle of Badedas bubble bath into the water. She closes the door quietly behind her and quickly returns to the bar, looking all innocent.

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The Bubbles ruin a perfectly good backgammon match. Me and Henry, the scrum half, walk out to the cool black night

anthony, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Can you talk Henry into letting me have his jersey? I don't have a Number 9 in my collection (due to not liking small, wiry, bruised men)

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hes not exactly wearing it , is he ?

anthony, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Did I say he was? I just thought you were better placed to get your hands on it than I - since I'm busy cooking breakfast for everyone etc.

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

has no one been watching rainy's cheeks!! if that's not pink i don't know what it is!! cab for rainy now!!

mark s, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*someone call for rainycabs?*

yeah, there you go darlin that's it get in... ah course I spent my young years in the navy you know it were the sixties then took me son to a black sabbath concert the other week he sez "dad, there's nuffink I could buy that can match this" it's the chinese you really got to worry about, well football all a game of cat and mouse these days aint it, i mean sarf korea, dont get it meself.... DUNEDIN? hang on aint that sarf of the river? sorry that'll be extra luv ....anyway course i spent my young years in the navy you know it were the sixties then took me son to a black sabbath concert the uvver week (repeat to fade)

Senor Pulpo, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey guys I just saw rainy punch a taxidriver outside, oooh it is warm in here *takes off kangaroo mascot head sets it down carefully then pulls tupperware from pouch* Ive had a slooo day , my computers bellybutton imploded. Hey CJ the word on the street is you are a terrific host and I brought you some mongolian fondue, (double dipp while you work) just for hospitalities sake. ummmm If you dont have a live act tonight I was thinking I could change into my cabaret outfit later and sing some solid tunes.

, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

sorry to bother you luv, but you don't happen to have some steak for my eye, do you?

The Taxi Driver, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

CJ - what's up with the double standards? How ocme Anthiony gets to take the entire rugby team into the sauna, as well as have his monkey defecate all over the bar, yet I go on a morrison-like cock, i mean coke binge, get one testicle caugt in the pool table and your fucking tiger's all over my cock making enough mince meat to cook a few burgers?

Oh, and thanks for getting that pool cue out of my lower intestine - do you know how embarassing it gets having to go up to the emergency ward every time that happens?

Now who's that piece of meat hwo just strolled in the door? Whatever he's having, I'll have him.

Queen of the Porches Leaving Their Men Club G, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ROFLMFAO!!!!

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

OK, have stopped laughing enough to type again now.

That monkey shite and rugby sauna malarkey was for Anthony's leaving do.

I hardly know him, but I'm missing him already.

I'm sorry that Misu greeted you so enthusiastically - I'm working on his social skills, but he's still a bit too keen I'm afraid. Next time, perhaps you shouldn't bend over quite so far? It seems to encourage him. Still, it was thoughtful of you to lubricate the pool table pockets so thoroughly.

There's a First Aid Room over there - next to the Siesta Room, see? - and I'm sure that Dr Love and his medical team will be happy to look at your mangled bits. They have a magnifying glass and tweezers, I understand. :)

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*runs out of the kitchen and slaps a lump of Aberdeen Angus on Taxi Driver's eye*

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey Jeskam! Cabaret? Sure! What sort of thing do you do? I was thinking of getting some Oompah-Loompahs to make up a string quartet, but a good old singalong sound much more fun.

Can you be ready for, say, 8 o'clock?

Would you like a drink now you're here?

(C J pours herself a glass of wine, and offers the bottle to Jeskam)

*offers QueenOfTheDamned an interesting cocktail as a way of apologising*

How's Rain, by the way? She's gone very quiet over there in the corner.

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Rainy doubtless is observing us all with great wonder. Me, right now I just need some aspirin.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Bad headache, Ned? Don't bother with the aspirin, they're not good for you at all.

*C J calls over the two new barmaids, Salma and Halle, and asks them to give Ned a soothing head massage*

Better?

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

So Cj, what's a pretty ho like you doing in a weird ass cronenberg bar like this?

Are 12 foot lizards really aprt of the Bilderberg group?

Are youor have you ever been funded by the CIA to draw infromation out of unfortunate victims of feline testicular amputations?

And can you lend me some money - the postage on the box I put Anthony's monkey in has cleaned me right out. Still, it'll be worth it when Dubya opens it up and finds that Anthony's monkey has mated with Hanley's ass-bats from hell...

Queen G of the &th day apocalyptic sandwiches, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*throws bucket of icy water over Queen*
Sorry, but it needed to be done. I thought you had become hysterical.
A pretty ho like me? *blush*
Oh, I'm just passing through. I thought it would be fun to open a bar for a while.........and it seems to be going pretty well. I've met all sorts of interesting people here.
Perhaps you'd like to help me decide on the Rules for this joint? I've drafted some up, but would welcome your input (as you seem like a seasoned professional alcoholic who'd know just what's needed). (No offense, etc):-
1. No minors allowed. Cruising the junior high schools won't be very fruitful for you when they're all in here.
2. 'Round these parts, we don't take kindly to those who are without retractable genitals.' Think about it.
3. There IS a mandatory orientation period, mandatory as in "Those who refuse to conform will be beaten until morale improves". This orientation process consists of learning how to care - no, care really, very deeply - about whether or not Britney Spears is a whore.
4. Those who enjoy the music of the Virgin Prunes are exempt from all rules.
5. Because of the popularity of this Bar, there will also be an application process that helps us to discover the truly exceptional contributors.... Applicants must secure the following items:
One copy of the Necronomicon, signed by the author.
One ounce of William Burrough's toenail clippings.
Two dead magpies.
A legal document that states the applicant has officially changed his/her name to "big soft."
A bop gun.
How does that sound to you, Queenie? C J
- who has gone mad with boredom on a dull Wednesday -

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I appear to be completely unable to post anything which looks even vaguely formatted today.

I keep forgetting you can't just "type and go" on this site. It's really beginning to annoy me........I look like an incompetent fool.

*grumble*

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You're not incompetent, yer cool. And your proposed headache remedy is most welcome.

I love them there Virgin Prunes. Yay me!

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hi, I'm Dave, fancy a pint?

DavidM, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(hands Dave a pint of draught Bass

Uh-oh.........someone's been eating those big white mints out of the gents urinals again.

Was that you, Misu?

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Damn it, I thought that was where someone had cunningly hidden the coke. Feel a bit ill now...

Matt, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The Frog & Toad? Oh yes yes yes yes yes. We walked there over the hills (from Mui Wo where we lived - I went back there 2 years ago and now they've got a McD's and lotsa bars - how different my life would have been - and how much fatter!) by the refugee camp, weird. Don't remember how we got back, but it was on water I think. I stayed in Kowloon Tong a little while - made a big change from the island - hearing the traffic all night instead of frogs n cows. Anyway - there's probably someone wants serving, so I'll let you get on. Can I put some posters up? They are classy ones.

stevie mitch, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's OK, I don't need to serve drinks any more as I have taken on staff (points to Salma and Halle), and there's always Misu The Talented Bar Cat.

I always used to get back from The Frog & Toad via walla-walla to Cheung Chau, then back via ferry to the island. I can always remember *going* there, but I'm blowed if I can ever remember a trip back!

I have some photos of the Mud Wrestling fun at the Frog & Toad - I'd post them if I only knew how. Never mind.
What a small world, eh?!

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*taps foot impatiently* Where's Jeskam - she's supposed to be providing the cabaret at 8pm. It's 10.20pm now, and still no sign.

Perhaps she didn't realise I meant 8pm UK time? That's the trouble with this international set-up.

*C J puts another tune on the juke box instead*


Ahhh......I'm in the mood for some classic 70's punk.


(Starts pogo-ing to The Buzzcocks, trips and falls over, looking stupid. Again.)

C J, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hullo! I punched a taxi driver? Maybe I'll just have a cup of tea today then, please. And a sugar biscuit.

rainy, Wednesday, 26 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

s'OK, rainy..........he's has gone now, chased off by a snarling spitting Misu. Considering you had just punched aforementioned taxi driver - hard - in the face, his reluctance to press charges was surprising. Perhaps he realised he should have kept his hands on the steering wheel.

Nice left hook, btw!

(pours a cup of tea for rainy, and hands round a plate of biscuits)

Well........Thursday already. Tempus fugit, and all that jazz. Roll on the weekend. Wonder who's going to call into the bar today? The parcel containing Anthony's monkey has been returned as "Not Known At This Address", so I hope he calls in to claim it. It's a sweet monkey but it's wreaking havoc in the siesta room and to be honest I'm finding the smell is putting me off my breakfast.

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ANTHONY!!

Please come and collect your monkey and take him home. He misses you.

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

CJ darling, anthony's still got his mouth wrapped around the last wino who wandered in here. Just tranquilise the monkey with one of yr cock-tails, and send him home with anthony when he's done...

Now, WHO'S BEEN THROWING COASTERS AT MY FACE?

Queen G of the &th day apocalyptic sandwiches, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(removes comically-perched beer mat from Queen's nose)


The last wino? So *that's* where the taxi driver disappeared to!

Anthony! I hope you realise he's had his meter running all night! Oh my, this is going to cost a fortune.


(I would suggest we have a whip-round to help Anthony out here, but on reflection I think this might be entirely the wrong thing to say)

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

anthony's had enough whip's around to create himself his own rodeo, if you know what i mean...

so CJ, where do you live when you worked in Oz? Any crocodile hunter tales to tell?

Queen I am neither Buffy nor the Messiah G, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I lived in Melbourne - South Yarrah, dahlink! - and loved it. I worked for a German goldmining company - and occasionally I was allowed to tag along on the field trips. Spookily enough, I do have one crocodile story to tell.......

Camping out on one such field trip, the geologists really *did* hide a teeny-tiny baby croc in my sleeping bag one night, for a bit of a larf. Bastages.

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*taxi driver emerges from the sauna, bleary, waddling, a black eye, clothes torn, a baby crocodile clamped on his ass. he heads for the door, mumbling something about his solicitor getting in touch*

Senor Pulpo, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*Telephone rings*

(C J is heard muttering in the background)

Oh dear.......I've just been speaking to the taxi driver's solicitors, Messrs Shaftem & Scarper. It seems my presence is requested in the conversation pit in their offices immediately.


*C J throws the bar keys over to Misu, and rushes off out into the street, looking worried*


Help yourselves to drinks and nibbles until I get back!

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

So a man walks into a bar, and he says

Fuck that hurt.

Queen I am neither Buffy nor the Messiah G, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

... and then the Mexican gets up and shouts "remember the Alamo?" and throws the Yank out of the plane!

Er... why is there and inverted pentagram chalked onto the wall?

DavidM, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i need a hug my monkey is gone

anthony, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(C J staggers back into the bar, looking exhausted)

Misu! What are you doing playing with that Harry Potter Dementors' Magic Set For Beginners? Put it away! And take that black velvet hooded robe off Anthony's monkey. You've missed the full moon - that was on Monday - plus I have no idea where you'll find the requisite number of virgins around here so you are probably wasting your time.

Don't argue, Misu. I want those chalk marks cleaned off the wall, too. You don't want me to send you back to the asylum, do you? Right then.

*brushes the chalk dust off Monkey, and hands him back to Anthony*


(C J pours herself a (large) glass of Muscadet, and hands round a large bowl of popcorn to the regulars)


Cheers all! Soon be the weekend. Anyone have any interesting or exciting stuff planned?

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I seem to be going on a picnic after work tomorrow, oddly. Might be nice, if the weather here in London is right.

Hey, are we getting big-screen World Cup Final on Sunday in this lovely new bar, CJ?

Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My monkey is back
but i do not have the hug
? also i want booze and pickled eggs

anthony, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey, Anthony: you can always get a hug from me, as you well know, and we happen to be here together! Hooray!

Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i am feeling the martin love

anthony, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hello Martin - I hope the weather holds for your picnic tomorrow. I'm convinced I heard a rumble of thunder over Oxford just now though - haven't they forecast rain? Ack! Typical!

*C J points to the 'normous TV screen on the wall of the bar*

Yep, we'll be watching the football in here on Sunday. I rather hope Brazil win, meself.

Can I get anyone a drink? I seem to be standing about here with nothing to do!

Glad you like the bar, btw. I've given Salma and Halle the evening off, but the new barmen (Pierce and Enrique) should be in soon. *sips Muscadet, and throws popcorn at Misu*

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Not the most challenging of orders: a beer, please. The strong, flat, bitter kind.

I was thinking of asking for a job here. I used to be a good barman, years ago (experienced, talkative, good at handling aggressive drunks - though the cat seems even better at that. If I had claws...). Except I don't actually have quite enough time, sadly. And all your bar staff are gorgeous, of course, so I'd just lower the tone.

Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Will a pint of Marston's Pedigree be OK for you Martin?

You're welcome to hop behind the bar and help out any time you like - I'd be very glad of some help, as I'm overburdened with work just now and am acutely aware I'm not giving this bar venture the attention it deserves. Damn work!

Misu does the best he can, but he's so unpredictable. You sound like you'd make a wonderful part-time barman - the pay's rubbish, but look at all the wonderful company we have in here!

I used to work behind a bar in my poor-hard-up-student days - see? see how I can still pour pints properly? A bit like riding a bike.......

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, and (((((hugs)))) for Anthony

Why so sad today?

Would you like to talk to Auntie CJ about it? I'm a very good listener..........

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think that this bar needs a patio and of course cold cold cold lager or maybe a perry

anthony, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That will do nicely. Perhaps I can offer to help out on a casual basis, when I'm around and you're not? I was a barman in a busy city centre pub in Bristol. It was an odd one: Bunch of Grapes so unsurprisingly a theatre pub, and I fondly remember long conversations with people I still see on TV (Philip Jackson several times, one very good long chat with the wonderful Eleanor Bron) but it also got rather rough at times. That was kind of fun too, mostly.

Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

We already have a patio - there, see? Go down the corridor, past the jacuzzi room, and turn left by the volleyball court. Lovely large patio in the walled garden - see? There are barbecues, too - feel free to bring your own sausages next time you're here.

*pours Anthony a glass of ice-cold lager*

Would your monkey like to try some strawberries? They're fresh from the Pick Your Own farm this afternoon. Mmmmm..... delicious.

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Brissle, eh? I used to visit some college friends there.......I have vague recollections of some rather excellent jazz being played in the pub we used to go to - but I can't for the life of me remember what the place was called. Down near the docks somewhere. I dunno. It'll probably come back to me at 3 o'clock tomorrow morning - I'll let you know.

Eleanor Bron certainly is a wonderfully funny lady. My neighbour here is Rowan Atkinson - but he's a very private, quiet, family man and he doesn't like to talk to other raucous locals in the pub much. And who can blame him?

More beer, anyone? I might have one for the road, if you twist my arm.

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am grilling burgers and kebabs on the bbq, the monkey is eating strawberries and well i need more lager

anthony, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The pub you refer to is down the other end of the same road on which I worked. Can't remember the name - it's twenty years ago! I went in now and then, but it was a bit trad for me.

Yes, I'll have another beer, please (drinking faster than usual tonight!).

Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*pours another Pedigree for Martin, and a lager for Anthony*


Cheers, boys!

(also serves up another Cosmopolitan, in case Ned should drop by in a moment)

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think you need to turn those burgers now, Anthony.

I haven't any sesame seed buns I'm afraid, but will a chunk of fresh, crusty Pain Rustique be OK? And you really should try this excellent relish - I love it - made by a small family business on the Isle of Wight. Yum!

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd ask if it's normally this quiet on a Thursday night, except you're new to this. If I got behind the bar the staff would outnumber the customers. Customer. Not that Anthony doesn't deserve special service, obviously...

Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Just before last orders...
Cocktail. A Manhatten, please, on the rocks. That's not real rocks you understand, it's just bar talk for ice cubes. Cheers.
What songs are on the jukebox... ?

DavidM, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought I smelled something delicious -- burgers! I'll start with one, medium rare. Plus a pint of the best beer you have on tap...surprise me. Got any crisps (that *is* what the British call potato chips, isn't it)?

Mmmmmm...strawberries. Monkey! Please don't scarf them all; I was thinking of making shortcake later!

j.lu, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Strawberry shortcake? Most cool, J.Lu. And I'll take that cosmopolitan, thanks!

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ooh, a rush. Need any help behind the bar?

I think you'll find that everything is on the jukebox, Dave.

Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*hands a Manhattan on the rocks over to DavidM*

Thanks for explaining about the ice thing........I'd never have guessed. :-p

The juke box is a rather special one - it has every record ever made on it. Go on, try it!


Hello J.Lu - crisps? yes, we have crisps (or chips, if you prefer!) What flavour would you like? Salt'n'Vinegar? Cheese'n'Onion? Buffalo'n'Walnut? We do them all here.


It has been quiet this evening Martin, hasn't it? Maybe people still have to get used to there being a bar here.

*tops up Martin's glass of Pedigree*

Uh-oh.......I smell burning from the patio. I hope Monkey is all right!

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh Martin - I forgot to serve up J.Lu's beer - can you give me a hand for a sec? There's a dear!

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hi J.Lu - have a pint of Director's: the best beer in Bristol, in the pub where I worked, according to those CAMRA fools (people who talked earnestly about Real Ale while drinking sweet sherry, very often).

Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i bring three black angus to the patio.
Also a butcher
who wants meat ?

anthony, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You don't need to bring a butcher when I'm around, Anthony! That was my dad's trade, and I learnt a lot - handmaking sausages and all that. I can deal with this walking beef...

* wields axe... *

Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Give me a shout when you've finished, Martin, and I'll hose the patio down with some Jeyes Fluid.

I'd offer to give you a hand, but I seem to have mislaid my Swiss Army Knife

Are you from Bristol, originally? It's just I used to know some Skidmores in the Gloucestershire area (many moons ago). Now, wouldn't that be a co-inky-dence?

I'll just make up a bowl of red wine marinade for that beef....

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am indeed originally from not Bristol precisely but the Gloucestershire area near Bristol! I'm not the only Skidmore around, however.

Hey, I clean up too: another of my past jobs (career peak, probably) was cleaning the toilets and washing up generally in a motorway service station (M4, Chippenham).

Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Not..........Leigh Delamare??? I can quite see how latrine duty at J17 would be the high spot on anyone's CV. I'm very impressed!

No need to clear up, Martin ....... Misu does all that. Well, normally he does, but he seems to be taking a rather unhealthy interest in Anthony's monkey at the moment.

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

feed me the beef.
with a nice dry red
and some onions

anthony, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Leigh Delamere indeed! In fact, I started seeing my boss there, when I worked there back in 1978, and we only split up last year.

Sadly I have a proper job these days (analyst-programmer at UCL) so have to be up at 7.30, so it's time I went to bed. Night night.

Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*hands Anthony a plate of Angus beef fillet with a horseradish crust, in a red wine sauce scented with walnuts, and caramelised red onions*

Not bad for my first attempt at barbecuing here, eh? I'm quite pleased with that. What do you think?

Right-o - it's late and I'm wilting a bit. Time for bed.

*Throws the bar keys over to Martin*

You're in charge now, mate. S'that OK? Just leave the keys with Misu when you leave.

See you all tomorrow, Friday - yay!

Night night

C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

this barbecuing pork scratching sales will decrease as will your discount

stevie mitch, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*Plants self in front of door* Course, this way, I'll be first in line for tonight's crowd.

Nick (if you please), 28, strong-willed, and I carry a big stick (to swat any perverts).....

Nichole Graham, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*Emerges from the kitchen*

The strawberry shortcake's ready, if anyone wants some!

*The crowd immediately overpowers me and grabs all the shortcake*

What the...Good thing I hid a second one in the kitchen. Hey Martin, or Misu, could I have a nice extra dry champagne, to go with the shortcake?

j.lu, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

CJ, sorry i have not been keeping up w yr thread, but i have decided that you MUST get on the AIM!!!

Ron, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Jeez, I resolve to spend a week away from booze and this happens *sigh* mine's a Shiraz..

electric sound of jim, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Morning all! 6 o'clock on a sunny UK Friday ..... Yippee! It's the weekend!

(C J leaps behind the bar, dons amusing Homer Simpson apron, and begins cooking pancakes for everyone's breakfast)

Can I order another dozen boxes of porkie scratchings please stevie? They're going like hot cakes.....er......I mean hot scratchings. Misu and monkey love them too. And thanks for mentioning a discount - very kind of you!

Nick! Nice to meet you! I don't think you'll need that big stick to fend off troublemakers - Misu's a great bouncer, and that's his department - come on in and have a drink instead.

Oh no! J.Lu! I missed the strawberry shortcake due to being knackered and needing to go to bed. This time difference lark is a bummer. You didn't save me a slice did you? It sounded so delicious. *sigh*. (C J hands J.Lu a glass of 'poo)

Hi Ron - is AIM the AOL instant message thingy? If so, I prolly have that, but I've never used it. I'm a bit of a useless newbie I'm afraid. I'll look into it though - and thanks!

*pours a glass of Shiraz for ESOJ* Why do you make an electric sound, Jim? Are you a guitarist? Maybe we could set up a resident band here in the bar.......that's be quite cool. Are you free on Tuesdays?

It's a bit early to start drinking - I've got a busy day ahead too - so I think I'll just have a coffee and read the papers. Shame about John Entwistle, wasn't it? Has anyone heard exactly what happened?

C J, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Can i get eggs ?
oh and i want to see some art here

anthony, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Eggs? Of course you can get eggs here, Anthony! How would you like them - fried, boiled, scrambled, poached, coddled? They're very fresh......newly laid by the bar hens this morning.

Yes, you're right, the walls are looking a little bare. I'd like to encourage some local talent - maybe we could have an exhibition of ILE art. Do you paint at all?

I'm quite good at those Painting By Numbers kits, but my real forte is colouring-in using wax crayons.

C J, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

no just look
i want my eggs scrambled with rosemary and majoram

anthony, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Who's Rosemary?

C J, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ooh, a tuesday night residency! I'm there with bells on.

electric sound of jim, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It is a spice It is good.

anthony, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It is a herb. It is a bit prickly. But you're right, it is nice. I grow it in the Bar's herb garden, next to the patio. The wonderful herby aroma gives the place an almost Mediterranean feel, dont you think?

*hands Anthony a plate of scrambled eggs with rosemary and marjoram*

I think I'll make some hot, buttered toast to go with that.

Oh well.........time for worky worky now. See you all later!

C J, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Good morning! I'd like one of those Belgian raspberry beers, please!...I forget what they are called, but they are the only beers I've ever liked! Bar keep?...

*waits patiently*

jel --, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I do know a Skidmore who got rather offended when I suggested that she was related to Graham "ar Graham" Skidmore who is heard but never seen on "Blind Date". The pub in Bristol with the jazz is the Old Duke on King Street, with a pic of Duke Ellington on the sign outside. I went there for lunch at the end of my finals, full knwing there'd be the RESULT on the wall in the dept. when I returned! I tried a Dutch beer flavoured with cherries at De Hems once. The barman warned me "You won't like it". I didn't!

MarkH, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Morning jel - I've never even heard of raspberry beer, but I have googled up a Liefmans Frambozenbier for you.........hope you like it.

The weirdest beer I ever tasted was a garlic lager. It was ...... umm......interesting. Except no-one would kiss me for about six months afterwards. Dammit.

Is "our Graham" a Skidmore too? I never knew that. See how much I learn from hanging about in this bar! Is "our Graham" related to "our Martin"? The Skidmores I knew were from Cheltenham. I think he was a "Peter" and his Mum made him a Batman outfit out of a brown gingham checked tablecloth. It was a long time ago though, so I may be mistaken about that last bit.

C J, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

CJ - did my stilettos for sunday night's drag show come in? all torch, all hours...pound for pund of wobbling chords and corduroy

Queen I am neither Buffy nor the Messiah G, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I knew it had Duke in its name! Yes!

No, I'm no relation to Graham of Blind Date, any of those in Cheltenham, Alan of minor jazz fame, Skidmore Owings Merrill architects or the Skidmore who was big in Washington long ago - there are a number of Skidmore Colleges and Libraries in the US. I am, however, related to a former president of the Lebanon! Not a blood relative - I was adopted and know nothing of my biological relatives.

We have a disturbing amount in common, CJ: my asthma has nearly killed me several times, though not since the '70s.

Just popping in for a quick one during my lunch break at work.

A tribute... * Punches in a few Who gems on the magic jukebox *

Martin Skidmore, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Did you enjoy yr Liefmans Frambozenbier jel? I've just suggested to David Howie that he should pop in here. Those wax crayon drawings are really something else, CJ. See that guy in the Panama hat and the white jacket staring intently at one of them? The one who looks a bit like the Man from Delmonte? He's got to be an art dealer.

MarkH, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

He's not an art dealer. He's a psychotherapist. He's trying to analyse me from my Badly Drawn Squiggles. I think I'm confusing him though because secretly I've learnt to draw an uncannily accurate version of the standard pattern #3 in the Rorschach series to test obsessive compulsiveness.

Uh-oh.......he's giving me a very strange look now.


It's been quiet in here today - I s'pose everyone is at work. Maybe they'll be in for a drink and a chat on their way home. Shame I missed Martin at lunchtime........I didn't have time to stop and have any lunch today, so I think I'll just grab a coffee and a doughnut now.

C J, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

They've all gone to Glastonbury CJ!

jel --, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*smacks forehead with hand*

Of course! How can I have been so stupid! Well, since I can't get to Glastonbury this weekend due to the fact I have too much work to do (bleurgh!) maybe we could stage our own min-Glasto Festival here in the bar instead? I could turn the hosepipe on and flood the garden so we have to walk around knee-deep in mud. And I'll lock the toilets and supply empty beer bottles (and funnels) instead.

There must surely be enough talented posters here to form an impromptu band or two.........or failing that, the magical juke box will have to suffice.

Oh, and Queen-of-the-Whatever-Flavour-It-Is-Today has offered to do a drag show on Sunday for us! (costume and make-up, plus lots of spangly bits arrived by post this afternoon for you, btw)

Whaddya say? Virtual Glastonbury? Yay or nay?

C J, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ANTHONY'S MONKEY STARTED A BAND!

Mandee, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Bah, Glastonbury. Mere mud. Now, did Nick get her drink? And is there any shortcake left, or did I in fact scoff the lot?

Ned Raggett, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

There should still be some of the second shortcake in the kitchen...unless the monkey got to that as well? But Ned, I thought you were part of the battalion that swarmed me and took away the first shortcake?

Hmmm...I must have been hit on the head harder than I thought. CJ, you did mention the staff doctor here? Where is his office?

*swoons to the floor*

j.lu, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(helps J.Lu to her feet again)

Doctor Love's office is just over there - no need to make an appointment, just go straight on in.
I'm quite stressed out after a busy day, and I need to unwind a bit.

*C J grabs a bottle of ice-cold champagne and heads off to the jacuzzi*

C J, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

er... how to put this? *wringing hands, simpering smile with head tilted to one side* you haven't, er, actually given out any of those novelty 'pork-style bar snacks' to your, er, guests have you?? It's just that I've learned some, er, enlightening manufacturing information about the, um, *makes cheeky rabbits* product, and you might want to, er.... *bottles it and legs it out the door*

stevie mitch, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i would enjoy a large lunch buffet of vegetables and pasta. Also booze, red wine.

anthony, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What's stevie on about?

Those porky scratching things tasted fine to me


*shrugs*

Misu, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*hair in a parting* Yes, hello, I am new here and we have never met before. I would like to buy all your delicious bags of Piggy-Pork Scratchings please. Thankyou. I would also like to buy your charming Cat Bouncer - the one who is currently breakdancing.

Master Of Disguise, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Anthony - nice to see you! Just in time for lunch.

As luck would have it, I've just been trying out a couple of new pasta recipes - tell me what you think of them. There's either fettucine with Swiss chard, rocket and goat's cheese, or tagliatelle with white truffles, sautéed button mushrooms and rosemary. Or would you prefer something simpler?

*pours Anthony a glass of St Emilion, while he decides on his lunch order*

C J, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My, my, look at Misu! He's cutting some serious shapes on the dance floor today. Why are his eyes swivelling and his teeth moving about like that though?

I'm so sorry, mysterious stranger, but Misu isn't for sale. Not at any price.

*Misu stops breakdancing for a moment, and is spectacularly sick all over the remaining bags of porky-scratchings*


Oops......sorry. Did you say you wanted to purchase all my remaining stock of these delicious bar snacks? I'll just run them under the tap - I'm sure they'll be fine. That'll be twelve pounds and seventy five pee, please.

C J, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

and I'll have a Shandy-Bass-In-A-Ladies-Glass too, please. Here's a Billion Pound Note. Keep The Change!

*unparts hair and goes 'ta-da!!!'* The drinks are on me!

*regrets complex sub-plot and sends instant resignation txt to PPS Happy Snacks Ltd [a division of ACME Cleaning Corp.]*

Master Of Surprise!, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*jaw drops with surprise at revelation that creepy + mysterious stranger was really none other that ex-PPS salesman stevie*

Well! you could knock me down with a feather. Who'd a thunk it?

Was this complex sub-plot an attempt at world domination via the use of bar snacks deliberately contaminated with mind-altering hallucinogenic substances?

Curiouser and curiouser!



ps: I have just realised my continuity is shite, too. I am in fact not in the bar at all, but drinking champagne in the jacuzzi.

C J, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The drinks are free.
No need to impress us with your money
Also the Truffle Pasta looks good.

anthony, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Have I missed last orders? I have been picnicking in Regent's Park then drinking in a pub with about 200 Union Jacks all over the bloody place.

It's all very well wanting a pseudo-Glastonbury, but Coldplay have just come on on the BBC2 coverage, so we could all just be grateful we're not there.

Martin Skidmore, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*low-energy conversation in darkened corner of ILE snug, set against soundtrack of pool balls, whoopley-whoop 80's bandits and Poison Arrow on Jukebox*

1. complex pig-snack sub-plot was a complex pig-snack sub-plot

2. The Billion Pound Note was not real money *blushes*

3. *Heavy Sigh* *pops another nicorette chewy*

4. I'm really happy just sitting here in this bar

5. That's a William Scott on the wall there. Lovely

6. Strokes Misu, who doesn't recognise me either way

7. More horse-brasses over here, please!

stevie mitch, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Is this the friday night lock-in? E-e-e-excellant.
Why has everyone got a cold at the moment? Including me AHHH- CHOOO!!Bleehhh!Snifff!Ug! I need a stiff one. Pour me a whiskey, a voddie, a brandy, red wine, a pint of foaming, nut-brown ale and a flagon of death-strength SKULL lager. Yeah, just pour it into a bucket, I'll plunge my head into it. That's fine.
there's a naked hippy in the gents, by the way. He was barred from Glasto.
Fancy a sing-song?

DavidM, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Good morning. I've popped in to watch the 3rd place playoff on your big screen. I thought it might have been a bore, but there have been three goals in the first fifteen minutes!

Martin Skidmore, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i am dancing naked on the bar, yelling about the glories of oranges.

anthony, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am affected enough to order an orange juice, but I am still watching the football.

Martin Skidmore, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

cower in the glory of my nakedness

anthony, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Noooooo! No Misu! It's not a mouse! Let go of it!

C J, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ouch ouch ouch
can i get some gauze and a reconstructive surgery.

anthony, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Might your cat need glasses, CJ?

Martin Skidmore, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i think i need to get clothes on .

anthony, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mmmmmmm...brunch. Could I have a mimosa, please.

Say, CJ, is Misu allowed to eat people food? He's crouched in front of my plate, looking at me as if he expects me to share this bacon. I don't mind; there's still plenty in the chafing dish, but I wanted to check before I gave him some.

j.lu, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Misu doesn't need glasses, he just needs his lunch.

Are you okay, Anthony?

(passes First Aid kit to Anthony, who hobbles off to the siesta room to swathe himself in Savlon and bandages)

C J : Misu, you are a very bad cat! Please don't maul the customers like that.

Misu : Werl, if you provided luncheon on time I wouldn't need to go hunting for tasty morsels, would I?

(did I mention that Misu can talk?)

*opens a can of mouse-flavoured Moggy Chunks for Misu*


I'm surprised to see anyone in the bar today - nice of you to call in and watch the footie here. I'm working, dammit. Saturday........and I'm working. Ack!

*C J helps herself to another coffee, and pours a large brandy for Anthony, who looks as though he could do with one*

Are you joining us for a drink, Martin? What can I get you? And how did your picnic go yesterday? What was that all in aid of - someone's birthday? Or a work 'do'?

C J, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think Misu might look cute in glasses, personally.

I'll have a beer, thank you. The picnic was a work do, for my division, formerly known as MISU (really: Management Information Systems Unit - is that what your cat's name is short for?), now MSD (Management Systems Division). A pleasant time, though it was a bit cool for it, really.

Martin Skidmore, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What does Misu have for gay men's testicles? And how did she pick up the taste? Better not have been the bidlebergs again...

Queen G of the You talked about my essence with my mother?, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(C J pours Martin a pint of Pedigree)

Your division used to be named after my Puerto Rican, vicious, scheming, acrobatic, innovative and talking cat-monster? That's an amazing coincidence!

*Misu struts around importantly, swishing his tail in an arrogant manner*

You know, you might be right about the glasses though.......horn- rimmed with thick beer-bottle-bottom lenses. I think he'd look cool in those.

*Misu runs off, looking alarmed*



I've noticed some people here post pictures into the threads ....... can anyone explain to me how to do that? I might be able to find a mugshot of Misu, so you all know what you're dealing with.

I know, I know, everyone gets cross with the newbies asking dumb questions - but I haven't quite got to grips with how this site works yet, and I'd appreciate a little guidance!

(C J busies herself with wiping down the bar and washing up the glasses, due to Misu having temporarily scarpered)

C J, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hello there, Q!

Misu isn't particularly partial to gay men's testicles ...... he's just playful, that's all.

I guess it means he likes you.

Fancy a drink now you're here?

C J, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

On a technical note, this thread has been so popular that it does take a little while to load. Perhaps you could burn down the ILE bar and rebuild it from scratch every weekend? In the external world, not a good plan (unless you have a clever insurance fraud going with a very dumb insurance company), but its ILE equivalent is stating an end to this thread and starting a new one (just add a link to it from this one, to discourage this from continuing - and a backwards link from bar 2, for interested parties?).

Martin Skidmore, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I wish you didn't say such tehnical things to me, Martin!

I'm blonde, y'see ....... and was following the gist of it really well up until the bit about setting up links, at which point I became hopelessly lost.

Great idea about the arson, though. Can you set up Bar 2 for me and do all that techie stuff?

*looks helpless and flutters eyelashes in Martin's direction*

C J, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You only have to ask, CJ: Your brand new bar is here. Hope you like it.

Note to others. No more drinks will be served here, because it's been destroyed in a complicated arson scam, I mean by a cat smoking in bed - try the new one.

Martin Skidmore, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one month passes...
i want to warn

cassie, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 14:05 (twenty-three years ago)

This is no long the hot nightspot it was!

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 14:48 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...
CJ, how come I never heard of this place? G&T, with a lime wedge, à l’américaine, please. Lovely.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

try it!!!

chris (chris), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

A Martini Rosso to build up some appetite!

Baaderoni (Fabfunk), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Good grief! I'd forgotten I'd ever started these bar threads. These were my first posts when I de-lurked two years ago!

I think I'll celebrate by joining you in one of those lovely-sounding G&Ts with a lime wedge, Michael :)

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

how is Misu these days?

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Has "unabashed" been in?

mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

How did I miss this place? Must be the long array of similarly-yet-not-quite-identically-looking doors.

I believe I just have time for a pint of Guinness and a shot of Aquavit before running off for the football match. Cheers!

OleM (OleM), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

i believe this bar was destroyed in a complicated arson scam, he means a cat smoking in bed.

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I will have a bloody mary, thank you!

gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Red wine please.

Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

i believe this bar was destroyed in a complicated arson scam, he means a cat smoking in bed.

Meh, soon we'll be too soused to care. Is this place still a smoking bar?

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

fighting in the other bar.

cozen (Cozen), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

*hands gygax a bloody mary, and a red wine for pinkpanther*


I haven't seen Misu for ages, Mark. I think he eloped with anthony's monkey.

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Pls may I have another, it's been one of those years!!

Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Margarita plz.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

*hands pinkpanther an open bottle of Beaune red*

It is a smoking bar Michael, but only because it's virtual. Real smoke makes my eyes water, and is probably not very good for my asthma.

I think I'll join you in a Margarita or three, Ned. I'm too scared to go into the other bar with all that fighting going on.

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

The fighting's stopped. There's just some drunk guy muttering to himself and refusing to leave.

robster (robster), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I think he pi$$ed himself

chris (chris), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:52 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.wearsideonline.com/images/status-quo-2.jpg

"Hi, we're Status Quo, and we'd like to perform our song Margarita Time in your bar"

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

CJ, I'd be glad to go outside to smoke if you prefer. I was making lame under-caffeinated joke about a) the cat smoking in bed fire, and b) whether it's a cool bar. What kind of gin is that? I like it. More please.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

It's Gordon's Gin, the export variety with the yellow label printed with juniper berries. It's rather good, isn't it?

I have a feeling I might not get much more work done today.

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Excellent choice. I approve. Work, shmork. You should rig up you belt water contraption with G&Ts and you and I can stumble about while you show me the surroundings.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks CJ, you're a star!

Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Nothing like a good G&T for upping a chap's hubris.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

You should enter that in your personal lexicon and use it whenever possible, you know:)

How is your hubris these days?

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Shiny and well-watered, thank you. And yours?

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I've temporarily mislaid mine, along with the spare set of car keys, my Swiss army knife and three library books. It's very vexing.

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

um, can I get some peanuts or olives or something?

x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Of course you can Jeremy - there on the bar, see? Dishes of peanuts, cashew nuts, nachos with salsa dip; plus black olives, and green olives stuffed with almonds, pimento or lemon. And pork scratchings, of course, but they're not for the faint-hearted (or weak-toothed).

Help yourself!

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

'black olives, and green olives stuffed with almonds, pimento or lemon.'

What kind of fag pub is this?

Patrick Kinghorn, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

It's mine.

Can I get you a drink while you're here, Patrick? It's all on the house, although obviously none of it is real.

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

ooh, fag pub. I'm in MA, does that mean i can smoke inside? and then marry the butt?

x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Bouncer's day off, CJ?

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Uhh, okay whatever the guest ale is, pref. something with a fruity name like Devonshire Threesome or Wimple Williescratcher.

Patrick Kinghorn, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Has "unabashed" been in?
-- mark grout

i was going to post along those lines, nice sandwiches mark

stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Hi CJ. I've had a long day. I'll have a pint of Grolsch, please.
Unless you *happen* to have on tap my favourite beer in the world - Creemore Springs, from the lovely little town of Creemore in Canada?

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Or even the bottle will do me nicely:
http://www.creemoresprings.com/images/500ml_bottle.jpg

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

The bouncer is Misu the cat, who has eloped with anthony's monkey. I need to interview for a new one, I think. Fairly urgently. Until then, I'll just get the hockey team from the local girls' public school to hang about by the door and stop anyone too rowdy getting in.


The Guest ale is this one, Patrick :


http://www.wychwood.co.uk/images/Dog


Of course we have your favourite beer, Rob! We have everything here!

Here you go ....

http://www.pac.ca/events/CreemoreSpringspic.gif

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd like a beer please, stat.

luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

*opens bottle of the urBock*
Ahhhh, that's nice.... Lucky me - this stuff isn't even in season right now!

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Hello luna! Here's your beer. Sorry I took so long, I wandered off and got distracted for a while.

Are you from Creemore then, Rob?

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Aw CJ, you're worth bottling. xx

luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:14 (twenty-one years ago)

How's your day going, luna? I've been really swamped just lately, but it's such a gorgeously sunny day here that I'm going home to sit in the garden with an ice-cold G&T (a real one!) now. I heart this weather.

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Nope, I'm from Toronto. I just like the beer those fine folk in Creemore make. I did take a road-trip to Creemore once, to check out the brewery and buy some fresh brew. It was a lovely day.

Right, I'm off to a gig. Thanks for the beer, CJ!

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Since I can get whatever I want here and I'm starving, I'll have a bottle of
http://perso.club-internet.fr/ycharbon/images/image1069.gif
Chassagne-Montrachet

Then to start, some
http://www.sudouest.fr/upload/produits_zoom/EA19.jpg
Rillettes de porc with some
http://www.bienmanger.com/images/21/fallo/corni.jpg
Cornichons

Next I'll have the
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/victorygarden/images/recipes/trout/trout1_lg.jpg
Stuffed Trout with Scallops Tartar.

Followed by
http://shop.timwebworks.com/halifaxseed/assets/product_images/arugula.jpg
an arugula, or as you would say, rocket, salad in a vinaigrette à la moutarde à l’ancienne.

Then I'll switch to
http://perso.club-internet.fr/ycharbon/images/image1100.gif
A half bottle of St. Joseph

For my main, I;ll have the
http://hotel.loucastellas.free.fr/canard.jpg
Magret de canard et son petit jus aux figues, petites endives confites aux grelots (Smoked duck breast in a fig reduction on confit of endives)

And for cheese, the
http://www.francefromage.com/images/photos/grandes/205.jpg
Ossau Iraty.

Thanks CJ. This place is amazing.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

You have chosen a delightful menu. I am now hungry, and I also yearn for the days when I worked as PR lady for a certain French celeb chef and ate lunches like that every single day. *sigh*.

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

*sigh*

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

*Glug* Ahh, that pint was the d- err, it was.........top, thank you.
Think I'll hang around. Those naughty Hockey girls don't look at all hostile or belligerent, think I'll try my luck there...

Patrick Kinghorn, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't cross'em or they'll check ya!

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

That all looks delicious, but maybe we should open a separate ILE restaurant? I don't want to disturb your meal while I get drunk, smoke and talk trash at full volume.

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

ugh this place stinks!

Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Spencer,

That's what I like about this place.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

That all looks delicious, but maybe we should open a separate ILE restaurant?

ILE TAPAS BAR!

stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Spencer,
That's what I like about this place.

Whoops! Dude, I ashed in your food. NURSE!, bring this man another french food!

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Nurse!? This place is better than I thought.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

And while your at it, may I have a clean ashtray? Spencer, fancy a glass of the St. Jo? Great stuff, really.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

GET ME SOME PIRATES UP IN THIS BITCH (no arring please)

Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Yay! I got the fat one's phone number!
Okay so one of my testicles is now inside my body, but them's the hazards of the game. That horse-faced bitch needs a drink.

Patrick Kinghorn, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.quartzcity.net/~chris/2003nyc/tapas.jpg

Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

ILE TAPAS BAR!

waitress, bring us one of everything, and don't skimp on the everything:

1. Gaucho Burger $ 6.00
2. Spanish Style Beef Patties $ 4.00
3. Spanish Sausage (Sauteed in Onions, Peppers & Wine Sauce) $ 6.00
4. Medallions of Pork in a Cream Wine Sauce $ 7.50
5. Broiled Chicken Breast $ 7.00
6. House Chicken in Wine Sauce $ 7.00
7. Chicken in Garlic Sauce $ 7.00
8. Fried Chicken $ 6.50
9. Chicken Tenders $ 7.00
10. Tortilla Espanola (Eggs, Potatoes, Onions, Peppers & Spanish Sausage) $ 6.00
11. Vegetarian Tortilla $ 6.00
12. Vegetarian Wrappers $ 6.00
13. Prosciutto Cheese $ 9.00
14. Shrimp Cocktail $ 8.00
15. Fried Breaded Shrimp with Tartar Sauce $ 8.00
16. Camarones en Ajo (Shrimps in Garlic Sauce) $ 8.00
17. Camarones Verde (Shrimps in Green Sauce) $ 8.00
18. Camarones Andalucia (Battered Fried Shrimp cooked in Wine Sauce) $ 8.00
19. Camarones a la Plancha (Jumbo Grilled Shrimps) $11.00
20. Almejas en Ajo (Clams in Garlic Sauce) $ 8.00
21. Almejas Verde o Tomate (Clams in Green or Tomato Sauce) $ 8.00
22. Mejillones en Ajo (Mussels in Garlic Sauce) $ 7.00
23. Mejillones Verde o Tomate (Mussels in Green or Tomato Sauce) $ 7.00
24. Calamares Romana (Fried Calamari w. Tartar Sauce) $ 8.00
25. Merluza Romana (Whiting Fish w. Tartar Sauce) $ 7.00
26. Merluza Verde (Whiting Fish w. Green Sauce) $ 7.00
27. Concha Tomate (Scungilli w. Tomato Sauce) $ 8.00
28. Pulpo Galician (Octopus Galician Style Fridays Only) $ 9.00
29. Bacalao Bilbania (Cod Fish cooked w. Onion & Peppers in Tomato Sauce) $ 9.00
30. Boquerones en Vinagreta $ 7.00

Special Beverages
1. Sangria Full Carafe (64 ozs) $ 18.00
2. Sangria Half Carafe $ 10.00
3. "Hot" Mimosa Pitcher $ 15.00
4. "Hot" Mimosa by Glass $ 5.00

Sandwiches
1. Spanish Sausage $ 6.00
2. Cubano (Ham, Roast Pork & Cheese Garnished w. Pickled Cucumbers) $ 7.00
3. Pepitos (Loin of Pork Sauteed in Garlic & Onions w. Cheese $ 8.95
4. Skirt Steak Argentinian Style $ 8.95
5. Sirloin Steak $ 8.95
6. Beef Pepitos (Beef Sauteed with Garlic & Onions w. Cheese) $ 7.00

Main Dishes
1. Entrata con Papitas Frita (Skirt Steak w. French Fries) $13.95
2. Solomillo con Papitas Frita (Sirloin Steak w. French Fries) $15.95
3. Lomo de Cerdo con Papitas Frita (Lion of Pork w. French Fries) $12.95
4. Paella Valenciana (Chicken, Sausage, Clams & Mussels) $14.95
5. Paella Marinera (Mixed Seafood, serves two) $26.95
6. Zarzuela con Salsa Verde o Tomate (Seafood Combo in Green or Red Sauce, served with a side of Rice) $15.95
7. Almejas Verde (Clams with Green Sauce) $11.95
8. Mejillones en Salsa Verde o Tomate (Mussels in Green or Tomato Sauce) $10.95
9. Chicken in Rice $ 9.95
10. Sausage in Rice $ 9.95

Desserts
1. Flan (Carmel Custard) $ 3.50
2. Vigilante (Choice of Sweet Potato Jam w. Chocolate or Quince Jam w. Cheese) $ 3.50
3. Cafe con Leche (Coffee w. Milk) $ 2.00
4. Espresso $ 2.00
5. Cafe Andalucia (Cafe w. Brandy & Liquor 43) $ 6.00

stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Spencer, fancy a glass of the St. Jo?

I believe I've had it, but it would be wasted, huhuh, on me at this point. Actually, I like you and your food here. NURSE! Bring me a french food too!

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

ET,

What's with the "Wild Turkey" letters in the background?

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:11 (twenty-one years ago)

CONDEMNED. UNFIT FOR BREWSKI CONSUMPTION, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY.

HEALTH DEPARTMENT, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, this place doesn't have salt cod cakes???

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll have one of these:

http://www.quartzcity.net/albums/2003lasvegas/IMG_0652.sized.jpg

Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha! I sneer at you, Health Eenspector. Plus I am not drinking BREWSKI, I am drinking wine and I'm thinking of having an Armagnac.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Spencer,

They have whatever you want. Get the brandande.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

mmm espresso martini. we'll also need one of these:

http://www.quartzcity.net/albums/2003lasvegas/IMG_0650.sized.jpg

stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Good to see you all. This place looks kinda fancy and here I am w/my dirty jeans and no shoes. Crank up the Gang Starr and get me a Primo and a shot of cheap whiskey would you? Thanks.

christhamrin (christhamrin), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Here you go chris .... and don't worry about your barefooted dirty-jeans look. There's no dress code here, I prefer people to just be comfortable.

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I shut this mofo down. Now, vamoose!

HEALTH DEPARTMENT, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

You're lovely when you're angry.

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Shall we down this guy's hubris, CJ, or do you prefer the steely gentility route?

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I have reason to believe that you're not a genuine Health Inspector at all. You're the owner of a rival bar and you're just posing has a health inspector. C'mon now, fess up - we know how easy it is to fake ID!

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

steer him to the section with the $50 hamburgers and $300 scotch.

stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

what the hell, he's expensing it anyway.

stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

$350.00 Scotch and Burger colonic irritation bomb, coming right up.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Im shutting this down because of its close proximity to the "Poo" thread, and its blatant disregard for sanatary practices.

HEALTH INSPECTOR, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Sanatary? I'm afraid I don't follow.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Mens sana-tary in corpore sano-tary

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

What about the womens?

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

They're in the sanatarium, dressed as nurses. Do you have a problem with this?

C J (C J), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey christham you lookin at my pint?

Patrick Kinghorn, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Even though I had lunch, I am now hungry again. I HATE YOU ALL.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm going to hide under a table with a bottle of lagavulin. don't mind me.

lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry I'm late. It's not too late for a drink is it? In that case I'll have a Gueuze beer please.

Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

i think ths is where ilx too a major wrong/weird turn.

strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

They're in the sanatarium, dressed as nurses
Their coif's are prim, their maryjanes mean business
Red metal crosses on their white vinyl purses
I'd like to talk to them but I'm too shy and listless

Be quiet Health Inspector and fetch us all another round
Rip that citation up and join the fun, we're playing
Iatric Lost and Found

Hockey player girls look so steamy in white
First a couple drinks then I think I'll chat'em up
Keep my testes external, don't wanna fight
Before I saunter over there I'll have to don my cup

Hey Health Inspector fella, whatsamatter?
What, the puck? Where? Ouch.

Sorry for the poetasting, I'm in me cups.


Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

i think ths is where ilx too a major wrong/weird turn.
-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), May 19th, 2004. (dubplatestyle)

Why, Jess? It's just a bit of harmless fun. Does this contravene the guidelines about the sort of posts which should be made here or something?

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 05:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Only in Jessniverse.

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 20 May 2004 06:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Hum, it's a little early...oh, go on then. Glass of Vacqueyras.

Matt (Matt), Thursday, 20 May 2004 06:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Here you are Matt -

http://www.vacqueyras.tm.fr/Caves/Monardiere/Bout.jpg


I'm just warming some croissants up in the oven for your breakfast. Be ready in a tick.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 06:56 (twenty-one years ago)

geeez... i have a bit of a hang-over this morning. a few too many coronas at the gig last night. i think i need a little hangover cure...

CJ, can you fix me a Bloody Caesar (not a Bloody Mary, but similar - uses 'Clamato' juice instead of tomoato). I'm a bit of a purist, so I'll have mine with some grated fresh horseradish. Thanks.

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 20 May 2004 07:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Would it be wrong to have some of those delicious-looking pork scratchings for my breakfast?

Oh, and I'll have one of those Bloody Caesars too while you're at it. Start as you mean to go on!

Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:04 (twenty-one years ago)

How bold of you, Liz! Every time I explain what a Bloody Caesar is to Brits, they reel in horror at the use if this 'Clamato' juice and vow never to try one. Having tried both extensively, I can say that the Caesar is a FAR superior adult beverage.

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never tried a Bloody Caesar before, they sound delicious. I'll make up a jugfull now.

Help yourself to the pork scratchings Liz, though they're a bit hairy, I'm afraid.

Morning everyone!

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:13 (twenty-one years ago)

WOW. I tried an image search for Clamato juice and found this:
http://www.yoshidaya.co.jp/products/juice/clamato_1.jpg

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Cor, that looks lush!

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:16 (twenty-one years ago)

OK, what's Clamato juice? Let's see if I reel in horror.........

MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:16 (twenty-one years ago)

even BETTER:
http://chrishiller.net/gfx/clamato.jpg

(yes, Clamato juice uses CLAM juice along with the tomato base. TRUST ME, it's good with the vodka and the rest of the stuff)

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:17 (twenty-one years ago)

*waits for chorus of EWWWWWWWWs*

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Mmmmm clams and tomatoes, what more could a girl want? I'm feeling beverageously adventurous at the moment though - I bought bubble tea in Chinatown last night and it was great! And ta, CJ, hairy is just how I like my pork scratchings. And my men.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Christ! I've had it up to here with today already. I'll have a shandy as it's still the morning. And a bag of generic crisps in a transparent packet.

Clamato juice sounds nice.

robster (robster), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh! Oh! Do you have Seabrooks Worcester Sauce flavour crisps CJ?

Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Does this place have jukebox?

robster (robster), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:21 (twenty-one years ago)

There should probably be an 'a' in that last post.

robster (robster), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Or you could be pretending to be foreign and mysterious and that.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmm... Needs more "'ow you say..."s

robster (robster), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I've seen Clamato juice in cans in the supermarket, but never bought any. It sounds like it might smell, you know, a bit fishy.

However, I shall purchase some today as I have a bottle of vodka and an urge to be adventurous.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmm... Needs more "'ow you say..."s

and "I get to 'ear three tunes for one of your English pounds, yes?"

MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:28 (twenty-one years ago)

You want Seabrook's Worcester Sauce crisps AS WELL AS a hairy man, er, I mean hairy pork scratching?? For breakfast, Liz?

And I thought I was edgy having a slice of cold pizza and a hangover.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:29 (twenty-one years ago)

ahh, so that's why they had tins of clam juice on the shelves with the tinned seafood in the supermarkets in the states!

I think i should try one of those myself!

x-post

Vicky (Vicky), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:29 (twenty-one years ago)

The jukebox is free, no need for English pounds to make it work. Plus it has every record every made on it (with it being all virtual and stuff).

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Mmm - cold pizza.

Cor! Free jukebox. Thanks CJ - best pub evah!

robster (robster), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:32 (twenty-one years ago)

the best is the "motts" brand clamato. in london you can get it at the canadian store in covent garden at stupidly inflated prices. it really doesn't smell or taste fishy. it's more like a savoury tomato juice...

ask any canadian about it and they'll tell you how wicked they are. dunno if the yanks are big on them or not. the traditional way of having a caesar is like a bloody mary: with dashes of worcestershire & tabasco, rimmed with celery salt, and a celery stick and slice of lime. fancy-pants people like me prefer the fresh horseradish, which is WICKED. oh god it's too early in the morning but i actually want one right now. if we ever have our picinc/tennisFAP i'll make some caesars...

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Somehow seeing the word 'rimmed' this early in the day seems a bit wrong.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:43 (twenty-one years ago)

then you better not join the other canadians in this thread:
This is the thread where you roll up the rim to win

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:51 (twenty-one years ago)

gidday! its fucking dark in here, eh? my timeclocks all wrong though... timeclock?

giss a beer then.

mullygrubber (gaz), Thursday, 20 May 2004 09:02 (twenty-one years ago)

CJ, it's incomprehensible how ILE ever managed without you. Props to the girl with the poshest car on ILX!

Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 20 May 2004 10:16 (twenty-one years ago)

You've just made my day, Mark. See how I am smiling? :)

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 10:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I could murder a pint of Kronenbourg (boring I know) please CJ. I'm sure I've been using "mang" well before I discovered ILx. Oh well.

dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 20 May 2004 10:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Here you are then, a nice icy-cold pint of Kronenbourg for you to murder.

I've often wondered about your name. Are you really a dog, and have you studied much Latin??

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 10:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Clamato is very popular with east coast yanks - cape cod, etc. And I shall have a bloody ceaser right now...extra horseradish, hold the celery. Do you have a jar of pickled eggs behind the bar? Not that I want one - I just like looking at them.

aimurchie, Thursday, 20 May 2004 12:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I have nothing against bloody caesars but I'm really a shaker mary purist. Shaker mary=bloody mary chilled then strained into glass so you don't have melting ice cube diluting your beverage. Still think Clamato is best on its own. The bloody mary at Zuni, here in SF, is worth dragging one's ass out of bed for.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I've just got home (after sloping off early from work) and realised that I forgot to buy any Clamato today. Bugger. I are useless.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

isn't clamato juice the same as licking out a whore on the rag?

I'll stick to my armpit minestrone thank you very much. Everything else goes straight to the false titties.

queen give us a feel then, Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, you can have some right here CJ! Look - there's a bunch of tins right behind the bar there!

x-post... wtf?

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm feeling strangely bilious now, thank you queenie. I'd better have a quiet sit-down with a cup of tea and a hob nob.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Well the tins in the bar are all virtual ones, Rob. I did want to try it for real.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I've often wondered about your name. Are you really a dog, and have you studied much Latin??

No I hate dogs and no I speak only English and French and a smidgen of German. I just slammed two random words together back in '99 when I was posting on the Warp Records message boards and it stuck. I believe early 90s baggy band The Soup Dragons did something similar only to find out that Soup Dragon was the name of a character out of childrens TV series The Clangers. Similarly, about two or three years after picking 'Dog Latin' I found out that it did mean something i.e. joke or made up Latin as in "Biggus Dickus" etc.

dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

It reminds me of dogtanian for some reason. Which is odd, cos he was French.

___ (___), Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Dog Latin is, oddly enough, also knowen as Pig Latin.

MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

*kicks open saloon doors*

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

*sudden hush*

everyone including the piano player (robster), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

*in commanding voice*

whisky!

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Any particular brand, sir?

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

*strikes match from stubble and lights cigarette*

any kind.

or a pina colada if you're out of whisky.

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

OMG, pirates!!

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

*whips out six-shooters and kills pirates, revealing himself to be the good guy*

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

*tries to pick don up to throw at bar band*

___ (___), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Nnng!

*discovers he is too heavy*

___ (___), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

*collapses with a bad back injury*

___ (___), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

*wonders if 3underscore would be stronger if he'd had any sex in the last 6 months*

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Leave your guns at the door! We don't want no trouble here. Thanks for shooting Galliano there, he was kinda gettin' on my nerves.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

*gives guns to Michael*

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

can i have a pint of medicinal lager please?

___ (___), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

*resumption of music, general jocularity & drinkin'*

everyone including the piano player (robster), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

*buys 3underscore medicinal lager and ruffles his hair playfully*

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

*Puts guns into storage locker, hands don gun-check ticket, touches brow of magically appeared Stetson and only perceptably nods head*

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

*requests old-timey piano player to play "On Top of Old Smokey"*

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

*Toys with idea of taking gun out of locker and shooting whom? don? piano player? pondering.*

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't be silly, it's not a real gun. It's a spud gun, and I've hidden all the potatoes so it won't work.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

*buys everyone in the bar a drink*

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Last night a CJ saved my life. :)

Can I have a large g&t and some of those potatoes, rendered bravas please duck?

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

CJ, while you're at it, I too would like a G&T. Thanks.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Typical - that's the second time in two weeks I have had potatoes confiscated by barstaff (true!)

___ (___), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Misuse a spud - go to jail. There should be a law.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't believe you, tripleunderscore! Tell us the tale of the first occasion!

Large G&Ts all round then, with ice and a chunk of lime I think. And a dish of patatas bravas for Archel. What is this lifesaving hier soir of which you speak?

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a potato dependency problem I think.

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, well it's actually not last night so much as tonight, once I get that G&T down me :)

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it was the potato in pint, barstaff-nearly-falls-over-potato-trying-to-escape-from-the-bag that did it. It was quite an odd night. I think someone may have tried to strike a potato-pint pricing system as well.

Killjoys.

*lights a cigarette*

*offers don a cigarette, knowing he rarely has any*

___ (___), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

There are worse things you could have than a potato dependency though Archel.

I'm fairly cheese-dependent, myself.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

We have an ice cream van thing that drives round our part of town, and is actually a cheese deli.

It goes by the name "Cheesy-Peasy". I shit you not.

___ (___), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

What kinds of cheese do they offer?

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Ice-cream vans in Milton Keynes sell fags and condoms

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

How about batteries? Bongs? TP?

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

It is a full on cheese deli. I haven't really gone into that much detail on the matter, as the name puts me off dealing with them.

___ (___), Thursday, 20 May 2004 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I can understand.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh fabulous -- I always said tapas should be served dim sum style. Waiter, would you please bring the cart over here -- my god, what a selection. And CJ, do you have a nice rioja?

Patatas bravas? And some goose? Delicious. And I won't countenance any potato guns in here. The potatoes should either be cooked, or vodka. Or cooked in vodka?

So Misu eloped with that monkey -- oh, is that the postcard they sent? Sounds like they're happy. Still, I do miss Misu, and the monkey was all right when he wasn't stealing fruit out of your drink. Or stealing your drink. Mmmm...now this is a rioja.

j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 20 May 2004 16:04 (twenty-one years ago)

All this cheese talk! Alright CJ, let's have some Epoisses
http://www.frencheese.co.uk/elements/cheeses/Epoisses.jpg

and, just to be extravagant, some Romanée-Conti, 1929

http://www.inadages.com/29RomaneeConti.jpg

I hope it's still good.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 16:14 (twenty-one years ago)

The Romanée-Conti is still excellent, and so it should be at that price. It's been awaiting your arrival in the bar, wrapped in a copy of Mad magazine.

I am drinking too much gin, and am starting to get a bit light-headed.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 16:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Mad magazine! Pre or Post Gaines?

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh definitely from before he died.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Double bonus!

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

i think ths is where ilx too a major wrong/weird turn.
-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), May 19th, 2004. (later)

Otm, I was going to post this but thought it would start a hyper insecure party so I didn't.

ILX becoming like the rest of the net etc etc etc.

Please do not reply to this post.

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I've been off on other threads - mostly about Iraq - and now I want "The Mother of All Cocktails". I'll leave it up to you to choose the ingredients.

aimurchie, Thursday, 20 May 2004 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't go here Worst Drink Combo Ever

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

What was the point of posting that, Ronan? If you (or anyone else for that matter) don't enjoy these sorts of chat-type threads, then you don't have to post on them. Agreeing with Strongo that "this was the moment where ILX took a wrong turn" makes it sound as though I'm being held responsible for dumbing-down the whole site. How do you think that makes me feel?

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh don't take it so personally. There are about 800 posts on the two threads, two of which are people complaining. A lack of total and utter endorsement, like 5 percent, hardly implies you're responsible for anything.

Just carry on with the thread, I am sorry for expressing dislike of threads which I could find equivalents of on any other board online.

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 17:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Hang on Ronan, I'll just get you a saucer of milk.

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 17:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I APOLOGISE FOR WANTING THE INTERNET TO SOME EQUIVALENT OF REAL LIFE HUMAN INTERACTION

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:01 (twenty-one years ago)

the fact that I can sit at my computer with a beer in my boxer shorts while posting is cushion enough from reality

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:01 (twenty-one years ago)

You put your beer in your boxer shorts? Groovy!

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:02 (twenty-one years ago)

it increases my sperm count

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not sure you want to be doing that

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Ronan,

Pour beer in mouth. Wait for crankiness to abate. Repeat if necessary. If you want real life interaction, go see real people. In person.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Why is it such a no go area to express a complaint about a certain type of thread?

"if you don't like it don't read it" is the stupidest ILX meme of all time.

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

urgh. Why criticize something that is so simple and fun? This thread is so great because posters do not have to talk about a particular subject - and our bartender should be getting paid a million dollars per hour. Ronan - you seem to be surly and tough. Maybe you can be the bouncer.

aimurchie, Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Why is it such a no go area to express a complaint about a complaint about a certain type of thread?

Sorry, Ronan, but I know have an image of you sitting in the dark save for the blue light of your monitor, in your boxer shorts with cold cans of beer stuck in, and you're reading some kind of online sperm bank literature about optimum sperm count.

Don't get your goulies too cold or they'll stall out on you, man.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I hope you enjoy that image.

See, this thread is already better

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Brrrr. CJ, can I have an Irish Coffee please?

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Here you are Michael......

http://www.irish.rank.pl/img/const/pict_01.jpg

I hope people won't mind the bar being self-service now, but I'm just off out. Help yourselves to anything you fancy!

C J (C J), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:21 (twenty-one years ago)

*picks Ronan up by the scruff of his neck and marches him out the door*

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

*dusts off hands*

well thats the end of THAT chapter

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

LOL

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

*celebrates by eating 50 steak pies*

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:26 (twenty-one years ago)

explain why "you don't like it don't read it" is a stupid meme. it can't possibly be more stupid than complaining about a thread (or thread type) you don't like.

oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Ok. If you don't like my post don't read it.

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

*agrees with oops but has a mouth full of pie, so doesn't respond*

(x-pie)

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha!

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I usually don't.

oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Good.

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:34 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe if you complain more the internet will bend to your will

oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:37 (twenty-one years ago)

You guys've been drinkin' gin, haven't you?

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost time 1000

Dog Latin is, oddly enough, also knowen as Pig Latin.

Pig Latin is a bit different. It's a code you make by swapping letters around and adding bits.

oardsbay ofbay anadacay = boards of canada in pig latin

dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:40 (twenty-one years ago)

a single post is different from a thread, if only because you don't have to click on each post in order to read it.

oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Right, I see, that makes lots of sense.

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

No, no, you were right. It's exactly the same thing.

oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:44 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost

I thought the whole point of the interweb was that we would be going to virtual cities, walking down virtual streets, instead of living like we do in the real world.

*pulls up a stool* can I have a JD & Coke please?

jellybean (jellybean), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Virtual drinkin' ain't all that, but the virtual hangovers sure are less painful.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually Ronan is right. ILE should more accurately resemble real life human interaction. You know, like when you're in a crowded bar and you get up on a table and tell everyone that that one person over there who you barely know totally ruined the place.

oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:57 (twenty-one years ago)

*regrets eating that last pie*

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:07 (twenty-one years ago)

hey barkeep, how come the spanish bar down the street serves me gin and coke when I ask for a cuba libre vs. rum and coke like everywhere else?

x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

is attacking me supposed to prove what a wonderful place ILE is? all the argument here basically amounts to "shut up if you don't like this thread", NOT something which was quite common on ILX. you'd swear this was a constant thing on my part, rather than a once in a blue moon two line post, which gets responses from about 8 people, inevitably.

What are you so insecure about? YOU'VE WON.

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:11 (twenty-one years ago)

No I wasn't trying to show how wonderful ILE is. You seem to be the one of the few who feels a need to voice your incredibly rude opinions to everyone.

I'm not insecure, just annoyed by your condescension and rudeness. There's no battle here. Nobody wins or loses anything. At least not in my eyes. Clearly you are seeing things differently. Your opinion has been noted and placed in my circular file.

oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Lectured by the homophobe who made good in the big city.

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

when in doubt, resort to name calling. I expect nothing less from you.

oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah it's name calling, whatever dude. it's nice everyone conveniently forgot your intro to ILX. how moral you are.

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

This place is getting a little frou frou. back to basics:
http://www.neworderonline.com/Images/Gallery/electronic_gettingawaywithit_front.jpg

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks for that interlude, convenient excuse to leave the thread.

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:25 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, where have the barstaff gone in this place?

*leaps over the bar and pours herself a drink*

jellybean (jellybean), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I encourage anyone to read that thread themselves and ask me any questions they wish. Perhaps some people would like to have things clarified rather than--for whatever reason-- hold onto an inaccurate, negative view of someone.

oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I sense some tension...

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 19:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I still think you should be the bouncer.

aimurchie, Thursday, 20 May 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

jellybean,

CJ's gone for the night. Serve yourself.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

*burp*

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 22:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Quite. Yes.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 20 May 2004 22:09 (twenty-one years ago)

*scratches balls, absently*

can someone call me a taxi?

don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

*lights a fag, inhales thoughtfully, slugs back some chardonnay, inhales again*.

Mmm. You know, I have always been amused by some ornery folx's idea that ILX is somehow "immune to" or "better than" the "rest of the internet" as Ronan put it. As if there is this huge mass of "rest of internet" thats like, totally dumbfuck stupid.

I'm particularly amused by this, because it implies things like "things here were better once upon a time" when alls I have to do is read back a couple years and see marcello/doomie/kate/momus/calum/b*ckyl*cas all screeching and swearing and throwing shit, and somehow thats supposed to have been better and more thoughtful than now.

[edna krabappel] HHHHA! [/edna krabappel]

*inhales cig again, sips thoughtfully at wine, looks sarcastic and cynical and stuff*

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 20 May 2004 23:44 (twenty-one years ago)

ILX is much better than most of the rest of the internet. At least we all (well most of us) know how to spell and use grammer correctly, and we don't reduce to threads where we all seem to speak in code.

But threads like this one is fun, just as somewhere to post random rubbish, just for the sake of it. Until we end up arguing over whether or not we are too clever to have threads like this one.

jellybean (jellybean), Thursday, 20 May 2004 23:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Indeed :)

FWIW though, I know and inhabit quite a few other places online with smart, non trolly, well written banter. It really isnt exclusive to this place, Im always bewildered at the enclave mentality some people want to encourage.

Still! Drink up all! Its 11am and uhh.. hey, its a virtual bar, I can drink whenever I like ;)

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 20 May 2004 23:53 (twenty-one years ago)

alright Trayce? Sherry? Battered sav?

mullygrubber (gaz), Thursday, 20 May 2004 23:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Mines a shandy, darl. I'll just be over at the 20cent pokies fer a bit.

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:01 (twenty-one years ago)

schweet. me'n'col will be in the TAB.

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmm. Since this seems to be a self-service bar and I have some things to celebrate, I think I'll actually go for something alcoholic. What would you guys recommend for someone who is a bit of an alcohol weakling?

*picks up bag of shelled and roasted peanuts, sits down, starts nibbling away*

Those Beautiful Lines (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:11 (twenty-one years ago)

have a shandy with Trayce Dee. nice drink for a lady. here, i'll get it for you.

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

what're you celebrating then?

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:20 (twenty-one years ago)

One of those boozy softdrink thingies? Like the bottled Cosmopolitans an' that? Those things never seem to get me that drunk.

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Arrrr xpost.

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Arrr oive turned into a pirate, how be that hap'nin!? *flings parrot off shoulder in disgust*

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:26 (twenty-one years ago)

it's a pirate bar (see further up thread - i think - i can't be bothered to check).

*slips on wooden leg to fit in*

jellybean (jellybean), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:28 (twenty-one years ago)

it also might be those fackin shandies you've been knocking back on top of the chardonnay love. have a couple of these cheezels.

can't lend me a coupla bucks can you?

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:30 (twenty-one years ago)

who is this Trayce Dee? some sort of super hybrid machine that drinks shandy?

the surface noise made by people (electricsound), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:30 (twenty-one years ago)

jimbo! how they hanging?

mate -heh heh -i see Ayn Rand has called you "an indie girls wet dream" in her latest

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh, ok, I'll try this shandy. Many thanks, mullygrubber!

*nibbles on peanuts and sips shandy*

I'm celebrating having better vision today than I did twenty years ago, that's what. Yay!

*nibbles and sips some more*

Peanuts, anyone? I'm treating! But beware the jalapeño ones -- they're really spicy for some reason. I think they used habanero spice instead, honestly.

(Ha, surface noise somethingorother.)

Those Beautiful Lines (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:38 (twenty-one years ago)

BUT WHO WILL AMUSE THE MONKEY NOW

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the monkey's over by the jukebox, trying to go through the G's to find out where the Peter Gabriel songs are. You know -- big PG fan. Huge. Big big big big big big big big big. HIGHER!

*ahem* Excuse me. I don't know what came over me there.

Those Beautiful Lines (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 21 May 2004 00:59 (twenty-one years ago)

*kicks open saloon doors*

don (don), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm back baby!

don (don), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:04 (twenty-one years ago)

*spills drink*

get under the table dee. its don.

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:05 (twenty-one years ago)

*draws six-shooter and spins barrel*

x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:08 (twenty-one years ago)

*pulls down pants*

don (don), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:20 (twenty-one years ago)

*moons jeremy*

don (don), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:21 (twenty-one years ago)

*pulls up pants and returns to the bar, to rapturous applause*

don (don), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:21 (twenty-one years ago)

*removes hand covering dee's eyes*

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Um Don, you do realize that Jeremy just filled your ass full of buckshot?

j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:24 (twenty-one years ago)

*replaces hand over dee's eyes*

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:26 (twenty-one years ago)

*yes, and not before experiencing an eerie sense of deja vu*

x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I eat buckshot for breakfast.

don (don), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:29 (twenty-one years ago)

hey, it's a pirate bar anyway. it was blunderbuss, and filled with nugs of dank thai stick.

x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:39 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.globalbeer.com/diverse/piraatgr.gif

don (don), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank you muchly, mullygrubber. I do appreciate you shielding me from such... visions.

Shall I treat you to a drink? Something to eat? I hear this place has the best burgers you could ever have and that the fried pickles are addictive. I think I'll settle right now for some fried pickles -- way too late for me to eat anything heavier than that.

*continues sipping on shandy*

Those Beautiful Lines (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 21 May 2004 05:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Hello.

My name is Pingu. They tell me I was born 22 years ago in a very, very small town. I've been lurking for a few weeks or something like that, I even posted some stuff on the football threads. I live in Moscow, Russia. I usually read ILE in the morning with my coffee (coffee - very strong, with just a little bit of milk). I'm thinking 'bout joining your little club and getting drunk at the bar.

Okay, now I would like a G&T.

(What's the name of the bar? You gotta give it a nice name.)

Pingu, Friday, 21 May 2004 05:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Many welcomes, Pingu! Hope you find this place to be as rewarding as I've found it to be. I have learned a tremendous lot while being here at the same time as I've found certain ideals I'd previously held being strengthened. Kinda cool.

Anyway, here, have the rest of the fried pickle basket. They're really, really good, but I don't want to get too overfull this close to my bedtime.

Those Beautiful Lines (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 21 May 2004 06:03 (twenty-one years ago)

This fried pickle concept confuses and terrifies me, Dee ;P

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 21 May 2004 06:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks for the welcomes and the pickles.

Another G&T, and bring rhe ladies what they want!

Pingu, Friday, 21 May 2004 06:14 (twenty-one years ago)

gidday Pingu!

*spreads arms wide, gestures at someone in the corner, falls over*

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 07:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey Gaz, you alright down there mate?

Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 21 May 2004 07:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Pinkpanther! sit yerself down! how are ya?

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 08:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Is 10.07 too early to continue with the gin? Hair of the dog after ill-advised RL wine last night (although I did have RL patatas bravas too, which were excellent.)

Archel (Archel), Friday, 21 May 2004 08:08 (twenty-one years ago)

no no its after 10 thats acceptable

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 08:10 (twenty-one years ago)

My lust for the wily Bloody Caesar has not abated. Someone get me a pint of clamato juice and some celery salt.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 21 May 2004 08:26 (twenty-one years ago)

*pulls Clamato off the shelf, mixes a top-drawer caesar for liz*

there ya go, dear! sorry it's only a virtual one for the time being. we'll have real ones soon... (i'm SO going to the canadian store at lunchtime for motts clamato)

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Friday, 21 May 2004 08:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Excellent. Thank you Mr B. This morning virtual drinking is playing merry hell with my virtual liver though.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 21 May 2004 08:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I suppose we shouldn't be surprised at Ronan's outburst - every pub has someone who gets maudlin or mouthy when they're pissed. It's just that it's usually me.

Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 21 May 2004 08:36 (twenty-one years ago)

*gets up off floor, brushes sawdust off jacket*

c'n i have one of those bloody mary's rob?

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 08:38 (twenty-one years ago)

no problem! except that it's a bloody caesar. a little different (see upthread a bit). you'll like it. plus you look like you could use one!
*brushes more sawdust out of mully's hair, straightens mully's coat*

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Friday, 21 May 2004 08:49 (twenty-one years ago)

While I have no problem facing gin at early hours of the day, I draw the line at clam juice.

*retreats to a private booth far far away from the Bloody Caesar drinkers*

Archel (Archel), Friday, 21 May 2004 08:56 (twenty-one years ago)

clam juice?

*legs start to wobble, hand goes to mouth*

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 08:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Once again, you alright Gaz mate? Pls may I have an irish coffee with some yummy chocolate cookies?

Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:02 (twenty-one years ago)

This bar has chocolate-based products too? Excellent.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Right, it's after 11 and time for a liquid lunch. A lovely pint of imperial stout please.

robster (robster), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:12 (twenty-one years ago)

*gets up again, brushes sawdust off jacket again*

i'm fine. no, really. its early. what cocktails are available?

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:18 (twenty-one years ago)

mmmmm cocktails. any creamy one will do for me!

Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:19 (twenty-one years ago)

do you come here often?

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:21 (twenty-one years ago)

don't fear the caesar, mullygrubber! clamato is mostly tomato juice with a *hint* of clam juice. a drink made entirely from clam juice would be just plain wrong...

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:22 (twenty-one years ago)

what the fuck is clam juice?

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:25 (twenty-one years ago)

*covers ears, whimpers*

Archel (Archel), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Look, I only want vegetarian cocktails, get away rob with your canadian ways!! ;-) I want to live in london, I can't believe I will miss Colette's b/day & why did I have no idea that Ally & Tom were over at the moment. boo. :-( Red wine pls!

Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:30 (twenty-one years ago)

are clams hurt in the extraction of the juice?

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:34 (twenty-one years ago)

They ARE the juice doood!

Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

What about V8 juice? I love that stuff. I love tomato juice too but once I made a bloody mary and somehow, the worst taste of the vodka was hilighted by the tomato and uuurgh it tasted foul. The two parts seperate are great but somehow together, puzzlingly gross. Weird. I mean I love savoury drinks so it doesnt make sense.

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:54 (twenty-one years ago)

nooo... clam juice is the broth from steamed clams. it's the shiznit!

CLAMATO JUICE: A refreshing, unique tasting beverage which is the key ingredient in making the perfect Caesar. Clamato is known as the “Original Caesar Mix”. A deliciously seasoned clam and tomato flavoured cocktail (red in colour) with clam broth, spices, and seasoning added. It comes in both Regular and Extra Spicy. Mott’s Clamato Extra Spicy was launched in 1985.

Mott's Clamato is the integral ingredient in the Bloody Caesar Cocktail, a Canadian invention. It was developed in Calgary, Alberta, in 1969 when to mark the opening of a new restaurant - Marco's - the owners commissioned Walter Chell to develop an original cocktail. After three months of exploring different recipes, Chell discovered a spicy drink made of Clamato juice, vodka, salt, pepper, Worcestershire sauce and a dash of oregano. The Bloody Caesar remains Canada's #1 selling cocktail to this day, in fact, more than 250 million Mott's Clamato Caesars are sold every year.

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Well it still aint vegetarian, I mean, unless of course they survive the steaming. yeah right/!!

Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 21 May 2004 10:04 (twenty-one years ago)

*head starts spinning, vision kind of blurry*

r o b
w h a t h a v e
y o u m a d e
m e d r i n k?


*reclines in sawdust*

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 10:50 (twenty-one years ago)

um....more wine?

Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 21 May 2004 10:54 (twenty-one years ago)

thanks

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 10:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Howsabout this for a carnivorous drunk?

Bullshot
One for the morning after! Like the Bloody Mary, the Bullshot is a great combination of vodka with savoury flavours. If you want to spice it up, try it with pepper vodka instead. Mix plenty of ice cubes, 1 shot of vodka and 3 shots of clear beef bouillon. Add a dash of lemon juice and Worcester Sauce, and a pinch of celery salt. Shake and strain into a ice-filled tumbler. Decorate with a slice of lemon.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 21 May 2004 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Meaty! In absence of bouillon, could you use bovril?

robster (robster), Friday, 21 May 2004 10:58 (twenty-one years ago)

bullshots are wicked, really really good and savoury. My great uncle used to have one at bedtime.

this may help explain his terrible gout

chris (chris), Friday, 21 May 2004 10:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I have a can of bouillon at the back of the cupboard at home. Mmmm boozy soup. Anyway, as you were.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 21 May 2004 11:09 (twenty-one years ago)

*gets up from floor, brushes sawdust off jacket*

wow. i had this weird dream that people were making "meat-lovers" cocktails.

mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 21 May 2004 11:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Madness!

Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 21 May 2004 11:12 (twenty-one years ago)

*kicks open saloon doors*

don (don), Friday, 21 May 2004 13:18 (twenty-one years ago)

you are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge

don (don), Friday, 21 May 2004 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

*picks up piano and spins it on little finger*

don (don), Friday, 21 May 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Like, the best way to get to the town hall round the one-way system, sort of thing?

Archel (Archel), Friday, 21 May 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh god, he's back.

___ (___), Friday, 21 May 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh, is it like Groundhog Day?

Archel (Archel), Friday, 21 May 2004 13:34 (twenty-one years ago)

He keeps coming into the pub trying to sell stuff. Last time it was midget porn. He told us it was in short supply.

___ (___), Friday, 21 May 2004 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

On that note, I'll have an expresso and a shot of marc, please. Any gitane in this place? I'm feeling dirty and surly as a French truck driver.

Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 21 May 2004 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I read this thread in a blur. Something about buckshot monkeys?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 21 May 2004 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I think you caught the drift of it, ned.

___ (___), Friday, 21 May 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

For painkillers, I've taken to shooting myself in the head with poppy seeds.

Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 21 May 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

*looks around*

it's the weekend, and this bar is empty.

ah well

*waits*

jellybean (jellybean), Friday, 21 May 2004 17:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm here. I'm just a tad groggy, that's all.

Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 21 May 2004 18:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm here and I've just noticed a little lit up plastic box on the bar containing......a jolly German. Yet this is not a Sam Smiths pub. How can this be???

MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 21 May 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

A jolly German?

Bimble (bimble), Friday, 21 May 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

*Cheerily polkas into the bar*

Ya, ein gemutlichkeit Deutchlander, dat is right. In the meantime it is 5:00 p.m. where I am, so I would like a bottle of your best Sekt as an aperitif, danke schoen.

j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 21 May 2004 19:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I believe I'll have a Sapphire Gibson up, if you don't mind. Hello? Now, what's the right rhythm for the Martini again?

Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 21 May 2004 21:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Uhhhhrrr... morning all, its 9.40 on a saturday morning, and me? I need me a caffe corretto, stat.
(For the uninitiated, this is an espresso coffee with a shot of what you like - rum, wisky, marsala, sherry, whatever). That should wake me up, I have to go pay the rent now, its a week overdue :/

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 21 May 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, Trayce. Are you in Australia? I haven't even left work yet. Try this marc in your coffee. It's France's version of Grappa. Woke you up, didn't it. Sorry.

Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 21 May 2004 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I am yeah. I am also not usually up that early on a weekend, haha! But I had errands. It turned out to be very nice, walking along smelling coffee and baking and deli smells and enjoying the nice autumn day.


Wooohhh grappa in espresso? Thatd put hair on me chest! :/

Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 22 May 2004 01:42 (twenty-one years ago)

*goes to kick open saloon doors, but mistimes it and goes flying through into the bar landing awkwardly and spraining ankle*

don (don), Saturday, 22 May 2004 10:07 (twenty-one years ago)

ow

don (don), Saturday, 22 May 2004 10:08 (twenty-one years ago)

*walks in bar. Looks at jukebox. Sees no Killing Joke. Sees no Misfits. Sees only crappy ILM cheese monkey pabulum. Leaves in a huff*

Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 22 May 2004 10:11 (twenty-one years ago)

*crawls out from under table, brushes sawdust off jacket*

*sees don*


*dives back under table*

mullygrubber (gaz), Saturday, 22 May 2004 10:14 (twenty-one years ago)

hahahahaha!

don (don), Saturday, 22 May 2004 10:18 (twenty-one years ago)

*reads, on the intreweb, about this ile bar*

t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Saturday, 22 May 2004 10:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm in the corner playing the Guns N Roses pinball game.

the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 22 May 2004 10:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Hold on back up: midget porn?

Patrick Kinghorn, Saturday, 22 May 2004 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

How many points do you get for hitting Slash's hat, Music Mole?

MarkH (MarkH), Saturday, 22 May 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

G&T, pretty please. Actually, make it a double.

Pingu, Wednesday, 2 June 2004 05:43 (twenty-one years ago)

this whole thread is confusing and too reminiscent of those roleplaying chatrooms on AOL like "TEH REDDE DRAGONNE INNE"

Ian Johnson (orion), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 05:58 (twenty-one years ago)

How many points do you get for hitting Slash's hat, Music Mole?
-- MarkH

I take it you've never played this excellent game?

the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 06:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll have a mojito thanks and a seat by myself in the darkened corner to the left of the bar.

ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 06:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I haven't, Music Mole. A demonstration would be welcome!

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 06:18 (twenty-one years ago)

twelve years pass...

At the bar with the millennials #bau

calstars, Friday, 28 October 2016 22:54 (nine years ago)

say something earnest

milliennials love that

I look forward to hearing from you shortly, (Karl Malone), Friday, 28 October 2016 22:58 (nine years ago)

#5
I should slow down but

calstars, Friday, 28 October 2016 23:49 (nine years ago)

On #6
So just trolling where I feel most comfortable

calstars, Saturday, 29 October 2016 00:13 (nine years ago)

You can't hear anything, see anything, smell anything, feel anything, or taste anything, and do not even know where you are or who you are or how you got there

rip van wanko, Saturday, 29 October 2016 00:35 (nine years ago)

do we really love sincerity or is it just that we like it compared to gen x

Mordy, Saturday, 29 October 2016 00:51 (nine years ago)

it's true, those gen xers are always laying way back on the beanie bag playing with the holes in their jeans, saying they don't care about stuff

I look forward to hearing from you shortly, (Karl Malone), Saturday, 29 October 2016 01:06 (nine years ago)

us otm

mookieproof, Saturday, 29 October 2016 01:21 (nine years ago)

gen ilx

the kids are alt right (darraghmac), Saturday, 29 October 2016 03:38 (nine years ago)

remember mojitos?

El Tomboto, Saturday, 29 October 2016 04:58 (nine years ago)

I'm a fiend for mojitos

Al Moon Faced Poon (Moodles), Saturday, 29 October 2016 05:26 (nine years ago)

#7
Fuck everyone

calstars, Saturday, 29 October 2016 21:58 (nine years ago)

it's ok to leave the bar and go home every once in a blue moon iirc

Neanderthal, Saturday, 29 October 2016 22:57 (nine years ago)

About to enter bar no. 3! 4?

calstars, Saturday, 29 October 2016 23:02 (nine years ago)

#7
Fuck everyone

― calstars, Saturday, October 29, 2016 2:58 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i can get behind this

wdw calstars

brimstead, Saturday, 29 October 2016 23:32 (nine years ago)

Don't sell yourself

calstars, Sunday, 30 October 2016 00:25 (nine years ago)

Don't even remember wrltimg this

calstars, Sunday, 30 October 2016 00:27 (nine years ago)

the only reason millennials are more insufferable than genXers is internet

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Sunday, 30 October 2016 01:08 (nine years ago)

they also want to order fireball shots at the ile bar

Treeship, Sunday, 30 October 2016 01:27 (nine years ago)

i think they discontinued Aftershock by the time I was old enough to drink

american drinking culture is fucked up beyond belief, tbh, gen x or y

brimstead, Sunday, 30 October 2016 01:31 (nine years ago)

meant to post a sadface :( after that first remark

brimstead, Sunday, 30 October 2016 01:32 (nine years ago)

looks like it's still around actually

goldschlager is ok

Never had HOT DAMN

brimstead, Sunday, 30 October 2016 03:10 (nine years ago)

one year passes...

The bartender is the preacher at the altar of Bob Seger

calstars, Monday, 5 March 2018 20:43 (eight years ago)

This color of the hair of this chick next to me is A plus and I would like to talk to her but I’m married with children so what’s the point.

calstars, Monday, 5 March 2018 22:34 (eight years ago)

*sigh*

calstars, Monday, 5 March 2018 22:40 (eight years ago)

Sexist!

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Monday, 5 March 2018 23:33 (eight years ago)

what's wrong with being sexy?

calstars, Tuesday, 6 March 2018 02:46 (eight years ago)

three weeks pass...

tfw you can answer customer questions about the beer better than the bartender

calstars, Saturday, 31 March 2018 17:54 (eight years ago)

a few years ago i was in the mood for a gin sling, which i sometimes make at home but rarely ask for at a bar. the bartender had never heard of it, and when they asked me how to make it i couldn't remember the portions of gin and cointreau, and then they carded me!

Karl Malone, Saturday, 31 March 2018 18:02 (eight years ago)

Outside it might be 2018 but in here Huey Lewis’ “the power of love” has just hit the radio

calstars, Saturday, 31 March 2018 18:41 (eight years ago)

Gin sling= singapore sling? I would've paused on that too. When I bartended in Hawaii a couple of years ago, I was a little tense about about someone ordering a zombie or grasshopper or some other out of fashion but in fashion for old people vacation drink.

Yerac, Saturday, 31 March 2018 19:06 (eight years ago)

Now on to Winwood’s “Valerie”...heaven by the afternoon light

calstars, Saturday, 31 March 2018 19:10 (eight years ago)

I'm here!

*orders Hendrick's martini with a twist, looks for boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal*

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 31 March 2018 19:11 (eight years ago)

it was originally synonymous, i think, but nowadays the singapore sling is more fruity (usually with grenadine or benedictine or pineapple juice or something else), whereas the gin sling is usually more minimal.
xposts

Karl Malone, Saturday, 31 March 2018 19:11 (eight years ago)

*eyes alfred suspiciously and cards him*

Karl Malone, Saturday, 31 March 2018 19:12 (eight years ago)

Do they normally serve Hendricks with cucumber that side of the pond? Currently a tinny of Tennants with a shot of aperol in the top..the old union special

carrotless, turnip-pocketed (fionnland), Saturday, 31 March 2018 19:45 (eight years ago)

Tennents**

carrotless, turnip-pocketed (fionnland), Saturday, 31 March 2018 19:50 (eight years ago)

big star at the bar

calstars, Monday, 2 April 2018 20:03 (eight years ago)

that's cool

alomar lines, Tuesday, 3 April 2018 04:25 (eight years ago)

I'll just take a good slug of fine Irish whiskey with a spot of water on the side and go sit at that dark table in the back corner. You can join me, if you're in a quiet mood.

A is for (Aimless), Tuesday, 3 April 2018 04:30 (eight years ago)

6 Guinnii

calstars, Tuesday, 3 April 2018 22:37 (eight years ago)

I'm propped up at the bar drinking a salty dog looking at my phone

Louis Jägermeister (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, 3 April 2018 22:42 (eight years ago)

Mine's a double Rittenhouse 100 on the rocks. *Contemplates seeing if there's anyone at the bar with whom to flirt, versus going home and watching a Max Linder short*

Polly of the Pre-Codes (j.lu), Wednesday, 4 April 2018 00:49 (eight years ago)


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