Artist-specific music jokes

So make your own.

Q: What does it take to get the Beatles back together?
A: Three bullets and a gun.

q :: what was the 1st thing clapton did after writing tears in heaven¿
a :: shoved his kid out the window.

the big hand's on the little hand.

-- dysøn (dyspleasur...), September 29th, 2004.

haha, ever see that Mr. Show sketch?

I love that one.

Q: What did Mark E. Smith say after the marathon?
A: I'm totally tired!

Q: About doing his homework?
A: It's totally required!

Q: To Brix?
A: You're totally fired!

Really, anything that ends in 'ired.' Eh hem.

A: He has a slow hand.

A: Because he doesn't hit on anything over 16.

A: Neil Armstrong walked on the moon.....

....and Michael Jackson fucks kids.

A: Sammy Davis Jr. and Sandy Duncan.

a: michael jackson

So anyway, at the height of his fame Adam Ant visits the set of top British soap opera Coronation Street. As luck would have it, his favourite character Stan Ogden invites to come for a drink in legendary pub the Rover's Return on set. There they proceed to sink a great many pints of fine English ale. More than a little the worse for wear, Adam Ant decides to get one more round in. But as he stands up, he suddenly grips his side and starts moaning terribly. "What is it, mate?" says his companion. Adam starts singing: "Stan, it's my liver..."

/coat

Karen Carpenter's dress-size.

Speaking of people i'd like to pie in the face . . .

How how many how many minimalists how many minimalists does how many minimalists does it how many minimalists does it take how many minimalists does it take to how many minimalists does it take to change how many minimalists does it take to change a how many minimalists does it take to change a lightbulb?

"Yep," said the doctor, "he's bats, all right."

"You've got to do something!" exclaimed the other members of the band.
"Check him into the rubber room, innit?"

"I'm afraid I can't do that," said the doctor with a sad look in his eye.

"But you must!" exclaimed the band, "Otherwise we'll never get sleep again!"

"I'm afraid a higher power has forbidden it, lads." The doctor grabbed his Bible and patted it. "It says explicitly, 'Thou shalt not commit a Daltrey'."

What's yellow and lives off dead Beatles? [worse; racist]

Haha drummers aren't proper musicians [worst of all]

...

cf: I contributed to a similar thread recently and asked the readers of The Friday Thing to join in. Only I'd been duped by the editor into thinking it had a readership greater than that of a tiny college magazine (i.e. over1000) and so couldn't understand why no-one added to it. I looked a real chumpo. Writers beware!

John Lennon.

Flick the lights on and off.

"that Sparks joke is total and utter genius. i'm laughing myself into a stupor right now.
-- ken taylrr (or...), September 30th, 2004."

Sorry to piss on your parade MP, but he got it off Viz magazine.

A: Militia Etheridge!

And a ladyshave for the other leg.

B'dum Tish.

Limp Bizkit

It's Christmas time, and U2 have lined up a series of enormous charity gigs. They get together on the day of the first gig to soundcheck and Bono notices that The Edge is looking a bit peaky.
"What's the matter The Edge?" he says.

"Ah look it's nothing Bono" says the guitarist, "It's just - you know that Japanese promotional tour we did last week, right? I think I picked up something, it might be some kind of flu, I'm feeling pretty bad."

"Well, The Edge," replies Bono, "if you want to pull out of the gigs you just say so."

Edge shakes his head. "No, no, no way Bono. These gigs are important to me - I've got to think of the children, not my aching guts."

"That's the spirit The Edge", says Bono, and so that night they take the stage. They play all the hits and the crowd are loving it. For a big climax, because it's for charity, they're going to perform "Do They Know It's Christmas?", but as they get going on the song Edge suddenly feels very ill indeed, and he turns, drops his guitar and sprints towards the back of the stage. But he doesn't quite make it and he throws up, all over Larry Mullen Jr. and his drumkit.

"Jaysis The Edge!" yells Larry, "Those are brand new drums! What the hell are you doing?"

Poor Edge is mortified. "Aw Larry, I - I - I couldn't help myself, I'm so sorry, it's this flu."

Bono calls a band meeting after the gig. "The Edge, that was disgusting, I don't think you should be playing tomorrow night, you know, you're not well."

"No, Bono, it won't happen again, honestly, I'm so sorry - and you know, the show must go on."

So Bono agrees and when the gig kicks off the next night Edge is up there on stage, riffing away. The gig's going really well, no problems, but then as "Do They Know It's Christmas" starts Edge begins to feel sick. He desperately tries to hold it down but it's no good, and makes a dash for the side of the stage, only getting as far as Adam Clayton, who he vomits over. Copiously.

"Me best leather waistcoat!" howls Adam Clayton, "The Edge you're more beast than man!"

Edge is white as a sheet. "Oh no, Adam, I'm sorry, I couldn't be more sorry."

Bono is furious after the gig. "The Edge you've gone too far this time, you've ruined another gig. I've just been on the phone to Sting, he can fill in tomorrow, you've got to rest up."

Edge is almost in tears, "Please Bono no, this gig means so much to me, I know I've got it all out my system now, I'll be great tomorrow I promise, you have to let me play."

"OK The Edge one last chance, but if there's any more antics like the last two nights then that's it, the end, you're out of U2."

The next day Edge takes lots of vitamins and he's feeling fine. The gig starts and it's amazing, the best U2 gig ever, even "Discotheque" sounds alright. Bono's really pleased, Edge is happy. They start "Do They Know It's Christmas" and Bono moves over to stand shoulder to shoulder with his buddy and realy belt the tune out. Suddenly Edge doesn't feel too good. His face is contorting, he's struggling like mad but it's no use - he turns to Bono with a look of desperation and suddenly hacks up an enormous greenie right in Bono's face.

The song stops. Edge is paralysed with horror - "Bono I can explain, I'm truly sorry, you can't believe how sorry I am."

Bono wipes the snot off, turns to Edge, and says

"Well, tonight thank God it's phlegm instead of spew."

I just remembered that from an old National Lampoon.

A: He just heard that Stevie Wonder is black.

Man : Doc, I can't stop singing Tom Jones songs! It's taking over my life! What can I do?
Doctor : Well, it sounds like you've got a dose of Tom Jones-itis.
Man : Is it serious?
Doctor : It's not unusual.

B'dum Tish.

A friend of mine had this variant back in the day: Paul McCartney went down on one knee this week. Or, as the rest of us know her, ...

Gee, you knit?

"Me best leather waistcoat!" howls Adam Clayton, "The Edge you're more beast than man!"

Haha, that's great. We need more of this fake U2 dialogue.

I love how Bono actually does refer to The Edge as "The Edge" instead of just "Edge" in conversation, as in, "What are ye doing over there with that guitar, The Edge?"

both suck without cream.

Jerry smiles serenely and says "Give me a guitar, so I can play 'Truckin'' one last time!"

The elder nods his agreement and then turns to Eric. "And you, what is your request?"

Eric grimaces and says "Kill me before he plays that f#*&ing song!"

Cause there are twenty of them.

cause there are 60 of her

He looks up to see a beautiful young woman peering down at him. "Yes," he says, "I am Thom from Radiohead. Who might you be?"

Before she can answer, the young woman morphs into 50 Cent, and he starts performing a club-friendly song from his latest collection of commercial rap crossovers.

Who are Hansel and Gretel's favourite band?

And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Bread

Earth, Wind, and Youre Fired!

-- rentboy (rentboyd...), September 29th, 2004.

That reminds me, I read in some music publication (perhaps even via ILM) that Stevie Wonder likes to do a little party trick where he'll have someone tell him about a particular party guest's outfit and then he'll go over to the person and compliment them on how great it looks on them.

Q: What did the lady say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
A: "Excuse me, but you're in my son."

Q: What's the difference between Dashboard Confessional and the Donnas?
A: One is for fat chicks and the other is four fat chicks.

*Ducks*

You hear they made a Jeff Buckly documentary? It's called Finding Nemo.

Q: Why did the music critic write mean spiteful jokes on the internet about famous people he's never met.
A: Because he has crushingly low self-esteem and has to ridicule other people to validate himself and give himself the illusion of control.

A: Endless Love

For some reason when I imagine "you're totally hired" in a Mark E. Smith voice, it comes out in the voice of Snake from the Simpsons.

(I went through a period of a week or so where I thought jokes about the Doors not having a bassist were hilarious. Don't ask.)

A. They both come on small crackers.

Q: What do vegetarian worms eat?

A: Linda McCartney.

What major top selling pop group masturbates together just before going on stage, ejaculating at precisely the same moment on a towel supplied by their management?

'NSync

Why did the Red Hot Chilli Peppers cross the road?

They were running away from the rehab clinic.

Why do the Red Hot Chilli Peppers wear socks on their cocks?

Because they've lost all bladder control.

q. what's brown and rhymes with snoop?

a. dr. dre

lulz

Some 1978 zine said this joke was making the rounds in NYC punk dives:

What has ten legs and kills its girlfriend?
Squid Vicious.

more neil hamburger barbs:

what do you call a senior citizen who can't refrain from showing her genitalia in public?
madonna.

what's the difference between courtney love and the american flag?
it'd be wrong to urinate on the american flag.

more Hamburger

What's Elton John and a Sabre Toothed Tiger got in common

Hell Knows but I would'nt let either of them near my ass

I heard that Dr. Dre one recently.

F3rg's Sparks joke still wins thread as far as I'm concerned (followed closely by "Endless Love"). Got a big old guffaw outta me, that's for sure.

Your favourite jokes about David Guetta

Q: what did the deadheads say when they ran out of drugs?
A: god, this band sucks.

Q: What did the Star Wars droid change his name to when he joined the New York No Wave scene?

A: R2 Lindsay!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a rapper who's been ritually slaughtered and bled?

Halal Cool J!

Have you heard about that white rapper with the sinus infection?

His names Ebideb.

Q: What did the Star Wars droid change his name to when he joined the New York No Wave scene?

A: R2 Lindsay!!!!!!!!!!

Thankig u, I loled irl so hard.

Q. Who goes out with indie musicians, just to eat their clothes?
A. Kate Moth.

What has five legs, weighs 2000 lbs and sings?

The Diabeatles.

What do you get when you cross a pirate with a pedophile?

Arrrrrr! Kelly

here's one i made up in 5th grade:

who is the most famous mexican rapper?
julio (coolio, get it?)

why can't stevie wonder read?
because he's black.

^^^literally my favorite joke of all time

what has 7 arms and sucks?
def leppard

i never get to tell that one because i have never met anyone who gets it and explaining it takes the lols out of it

actually i think it's 9 arms...whatever

did you hear eminem didn't graduate from high school?
well, he's no smartie

JC Penney's is having a Michael Jackson sale ... little boys pants 1/2 off.

This one's great!

Kid (upset): Mom, at school they call me "The Backstreet Boy".

Mom: Who, dear? Who calls you "The Backstreet Boy"?

Kid (singing): EVERYBOOOODY, YEEAH...

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Little Boy Blue

Little Boy Blue who?

Michael Jackson

Q: What's black and walks into pianos?
A: Stevie Wonder

There are a lot of Stevie Wonder jokes!

My favorite, from the Truly Tasteless Jokes era...

Q: How is Yoko Ono like an Ethiopian?
A: They both live off dead Beetles

Q: Why did Kurt Cobain grope a fat man when he got sad?
A: Cos he was feeling a Tad depressed

George Galloway is visiting his pal Saddam Hussein in Iraq. It's been a while so they're catching up on what's been going on with each other. Saddam is kind of keen to know about public opinion of him in the UK right now. "Oh," says George, "it's... not bad. Actually, you have a pretty high profile celebrity fan, the singer out of the Kaiser Chiefs."

"No way!" Saddam says, "I love that band."... Read More

"Yeah, he thinks you're misunderstood and he wants the Kaiser Chiefs to come and play a concert at your palace."

"Seriously? That's awesome, I'm going to start clearing one of the bigger rooms now."

"Mate, I was only joking. I daresay he probably hates you," George says, laughing.

"Aw... you had me going there you bastard!"

"Sir," says George, rising to shake Saddam's hand, "I salute your indie fatty gullibility."

lol I c+p'd that off someone's Facebook page

It's my joke though.

That's a great one, but I will now never be able to pronounce 'indefatigability' properly again.

I don't get this one:

Q: What's Sid Vicious's real name?
A: John.

The joke is that his real name is John Vicious instead of Sid + a regular surname.

"Q: Why were the Byrds great?
A: They set Bob Dylan songs to music."

Crickets were chirping right out of the gate on this thread.

i love it when tuomas explains stuff.

But John was his real name

No, it was Simon.

Yes, he was christened Simon John Ritchie but he was occasionally known as John too, hence the Four Johns (along with Lydon, Gray, Wardle)

Either way, not funny, in fact, not even a joke!

What did George Harrison say to his guitar while it gently weeped?

Don't Fret.

Q: Which imminent prime minster of Great Britain is also a technically accomplished metal guitarist?

A: David Hammer-on!

Kid (upset): Mom, at school they call me "The Backstreet Boy".

Mom: Who, dear? Who calls you "The Backstreet Boy"?

Kid (singing): EVERYBOOOODY, YEEAH...

― daavid, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 08:12 (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^^loved this one

Q: Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
A: Fo' drizzle!

I read this elsewhere on ILM, but nevertheless. . .

Q: Who is the most talented member of Big Black?

A: The Drummer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnoj-3mIlVw

Philip Glass joke is still my favourite

I think there are certain awesome jokes which ONLY DJ Martian can make. And for that, I revere him.

*MENCAP not Martian ffs

Philip Glass joke is still my favourite

― I wish he hadn't adapted my critique of his "ilxor" moniker (Myonga Vön Bontee)

Mine too. Nice moniker, btw.

If you really hate it I can take it down, you know. ;-)

You were OTMer the first time xp

Either way, not funny, in fact, not even a joke!

it's clearly an anti-joke.

Is the Sparks joke just a pun, or am I missing something?

I think the Sid Vicious joke is merely a version of this, non-artist related joke:

A man walks into the magistrate's office, and says:

- I want to change my name.

- I see. And what is your name now?

- Johnny Asshole.

- Okay, I get why you want to change it. And what do you want to change it into?

- Danny Asshole.

Could be. But "Sid" is a comedy name too, nobody under the age of 60 in 1977 was called Sid.

xpost

But that joke is funny. The Sid Vicious one isn't.

Also don't get this one:

Q: Where does Kylie go to buy her dinner?
A: Jason's doner van.

I assume it's about Jason Donovan. But wtf's a doner van?

A doner is a kebab, so a doner van is a van that sells kebabs

... have never come across on myself but they could exist!

But that joke is funny. The Sid Vicious one isn't.

I disagree; taken as an anti-joke, I think it's much funnier than Tuomas's interpretation.

Don't get these either:

How did Ian Curtis's mother get Joy Division to stop practising?

Flick the lights on and off.

why does michael jackson like debbie harry?

cause there are 60 of her

Heard about the new Beatles album?
They've gone all Drum 'n Bass.

Sasha: "Fancy going to the cinema tonight?"
Tong: "Dunno, who's the projectionist?"

Sasha: "Fancy going to the cinema tonight?"
Tong: "Dunno, who's the projectionist?"

DJs

I know who they are...oh wait...I get it now...I guess...bad joke.

Heard about the new Beatles album?
They've gone all Drum 'n Bass.

Only the drummer and bassist left alive

Ian Curtis was epileptic you see....

Only the drummer and bassist for the Beatles are alive you see....

Don't get the Debbie Harry one either though.

kevin john bozelka you are ridiculous

xpost

Ah! Aaaah! Those were good.

pushing hard for the title of American Tuomas

16:05:43 WILL: Knock knock
16:05:55 TIM: Who's there?
16:06:00 WILL: John
16:06:12 TIM: John who?
16:07:33 TIM: ???
16:07:37 WILL: Shhhhhhh
16:07:49 TIM: ...
16:10:33 WILL: John Cage

Thom Yorke is sitting in a bus station looking all depressed. Someone comes up and says, "Hey, aren't you Thom Yorke from Radiohead?"

He looks up to see a beautiful young woman peering down at him. "Yes," he says, "I am Thom from Radiohead. Who might you be?"

Before she can answer, the young woman morphs into 50 Cent, and he starts performing a club-friendly song from his latest collection of commercial rap crossovers.

WINNER

When I heard that Philip Glass joke, the punchline was Steve Reich-- go figure

Whay are we ignoring classics such as:

Q: Why are Dolly Parton's feet so small?
A: Things don't grow in the shade.

-or-

Q: What's Kurt Cobain doing these days?
A: Decomposing.

I almost think that the assumed pun on debbie harry/hairy is a red herring.

There's some awful joke out there comparing fucking a twenty-two-year old to fucking twenty two-year-olds, but I can't tell if that's what that's going on about either.

Fuck if I can guess that one.

if that's what that's going on

See how perplexed I am?

ilxor/stephen, feel free to continue calling yourself whatever you wish, with my best regards!

The proper joke is why does Michael Jackson like having sex with 62 year olds? Because there are 60 of them. I presume Debbie Harry is 62 years old.

It's such an old joke that the assumption is that it doesn't need to be told correctly.

Did you know that the Walker Brothers' fanclub had the same number of fans as the Beatles?

Four.

...and two of them are dead.

Chris Rock has a routine about the O'Jays that I think is pretty funny.

(it's 2:34 into the clip)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd1cAztzrBo#t=02m34s

That anti-joke thread is GOLD.

I agree. It's fucking hilarious, and way funnier than "real jokes."

what is the most psychic roots reggae album?

- heart of the cognos!!!!!!!!!

Llega un hombre a una taquería y pide un Lady Gaga, el mesero se volteo con los de la cocina y grita: "¡Sale una gringa con chorizo!".

heard this once:

"How many Tori Amoses does it take to change a lightbulb?"

"None, because Kate Bush already did it"

here's one i made up:

Where did Phil Anselmo stay when he went interrailing round Europe?

In a fucking hostel.

A joke courtesy of Bob Weston of Shellac:

"Q: What's the worst thing you could hear after giving Willie Nelson a blow-job?
A: I'm not Willie Nelson."

What was that one...What do you get when you cross a pirate and a urinal? "Arrr Kelly" or something like that.

― frankE (frankE), Wednesday, September 29, 2004 11:49 AM (6 years ago)

Is this a reference to both Mr Kelly's early 2000s teenage urination video and Duchamp's "Fountain"?

R Mutt --- R Kelly ---see?

Frank Sinatra is golfing with Sammy Davis Jr. "What's your handicap?" asks Frank. "I'm a one-eyed black Jews," answers Sammy. "What's yours?"

(Jew singular, of course. I'm tired)

Why did Goldie apologise to Roni Size?

Because he wanted to make Amens

I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said she wanted to see a Monkees concert in Switzerland. But then I saw her face, now I'm in Geneva.

Q: What do you call a pig with Wings?
A: Linda McCartney

I saw a member of the Moody Blues tell this in a documentary about Wings, as an example of the sort of sexism and misogyny Linda McCartney had to put up with when she joined Wings, nice work there, fella!

Interviewer to Stevie Wonder: "Stevie, has being blind been a disadvantage to you?"

Stevie Wonder: "Well it could have been worse, I could have been black."

"What's black and walks into pianos"

I've heard more jokes about Stevie Wonder than any other musician

I've heard this told as a true story, but I feel sure it must be apocryphal:

Bono starts doing slow handclaps at a concert, then says "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

Member of audience yells out "Well stop clapping your fucking hands then."

I heard it was in Glasgow, but sounds like the sort of story Glaswegians are likely to claim happened in Glasgow, honest

which black metal band embarrassed themselves in a social justice faux pas?

NAGLfar

What was the goth Smurf called?

Peter Smurphy

"the Bonzo Dog Band has actually released quite a bit of music since Vivian's death."
"oh, is it any good?"
"it's a sub-Stanshall body of work!"

dear god

Q: Why were the Byrds great?
A: They set Bob Dylan songs to music.

This made me laugh...

"The Edge you're more beast than man!"

still lolllling after all this time at this! the lack of comma after The Edge is even hilarious.

yes!

Taxi driver dropping off the Mael brothers at an airport, struggling to get one of their suitcases out of the boot. Turns to a nearby man and says 'when this gets out, Sparks are gonna fly'.
― Michael Philip Philip Philip Annoyman (Ferg), Wednesday, September 29, 2004 8:51 PM (thirteen years ago)

Jon Anderson from Yes bought the original claymation model of the beloved children's character Morph.

He's the Owner of a Tony Hart

Ok but technically Morph was made by Peter Lord and David Sproxton of Aardman Animations.

Q: What do you call a pig with Wings?
A: Linda McCartney

I saw a member of the Moody Blues tell this in a documentary about Wings, as an example of the sort of sexism and misogyny Linda McCartney had to put up with when she joined Wings, nice work there, fella!

― Eats like Elvis, shits like De Niro (Tom D.), Wednesday, 12 February 2014 15:30 (five years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

saw Tom D post this on ILM as an example of etc

Steve Reich walks into a bar.
BARMAN: Why the long phase?

Newspaper cartoon I heard about with a guy sitting at the end of a bar looking really moody and the caption 'That's God he thinks he's Miles Davis'
Just googled it and can't find an image. I think it's mid 50s or possibly earlier so maybe that's not that surprising.

fgti to thread.

What’s the difference between a baby and an bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn’t let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

Terrible I know, a variation I’ve heard of a joke upthread.

I like Neil Hamburger's version of that

"Why did Eric Clapton switch from PC to Mac?"

"Because he had a bad experience with Windows!"

This one is from The Two Ronnies, I think.

Since the break-up of Peters & Lee, Lee has gone solo and Peters has gone straight into a lamp-post.

I'm a terrible person and I love every joke about Clapton's dead son

why weren't Michael Jackson and Eric Clapton friends?
...
...
because Michael Jackson doesn't fuck dead children

irl lol

lol

fav music-related neil hamburger joke:

why did the farmer start a punk rock band?
because he was tired of HALL AND OATES!! ("haulin' oats" lmaooooo)

Q: Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
A: Fo' drizzle!

― Do you mean ironic in the literary sense or the alanis morissette sense? (KMS), Thursday, 18 June 2009 14:58 (nine years ago) Permalink

This deserves more props

Newspaper cartoon I heard about with a guy sitting at the end of a bar looking really moody and the caption 'That's God he thinks he's Miles Davis'
Just googled it and can't find an image. I think it's mid 50s or possibly earlier so maybe that's not that surprising.

Don't think I've ever heard of this originating as a newspaper cartoon, but About 142 results (0.34 seconds) , several quoting So What: The Life of Miles Davis (Szwed, 2002)

What's Stevie Wonder's favourite book? A cheese grater.

How does Bob Marley like his donuts? Wi' jam in.

What's yellow and lives off dead beetles? Yoko Ono.

fuck all three of those, wtf

The Marley one is good

Following the tragic death of Linda McCartney, Paul gathers the kids into the kitchen to tell them the news.

Paul: “Kids, there’s good news and bad news, the bad news is your mother has passed away, the good news is... it’s steak for tea!”

Todd Rundgren walks into a bar.
Barman says "Why the long face?"

Just read this entire thread for some reason (ILM sure did used to be a lot more racist).

But I did find this one objectively hilarious:

Sasha: "Fancy going to the cinema tonight?"
Tong: "Dunno, who's the projectionist?"
― bg (creamolafoam)

Steve Reich walks into a bar.
Reich walks into a bar. Steve
walks into a bar. Steve Reich
into a bar. Steve Reich walks
a bar. Steve Reich walks into
bar. Steve Reich walks into a
Steve Reich walks into a bar.

(probably in this thread already, too predictable)

Why couldn't paramedics save Marvin Gaye when he was shot?

He needed sexual healing

Steve Reich walks into a bar.
Reich walks into a bar. Steve
walks into a bar. Steve Reich
into a bar. Steve Reich walks
a bar. Steve Reich walks into
bar. Steve Reich walks into a
Steve Reich walks into a bar.

― StanM, Sunday, May 12, 2019 1:52 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Steve
Steve Reich
Steve Reich walks
Steve Reich walks in
Steve Reich walks into
Steve Reich walks into a
Steve Reich walks into a bar
Steve Reich walks into a bar
Steve Reich walks into a bar
|Steve Reich walks into a bar
||Steve Reich walks into a bar
|||Steve Reich walks into a bar
||||Steve Reich walks into a bar
|||||Steve Reich walks into a bar
||||||Steve Reich walks into a bar
|||||||Steve Reich walks into a bar

why was Steve Reich carrying an umbrella?

Because Noah couldn't open the door.

because he answered the iron ... lol lol lol

What major world river is the best at chucking rhythm guitar?

The Nile

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― Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Wednesday, 1 May 2019 10:46 (two weeks ago)

sorry DL but Pete Lord made the Morphs. I do actually have an original :)

yes! xp - apologies for stealing your Reich idea

q: why can't stevie wonder read?
a: because he's black

― 6335, 29. syyskuuta 2004 22:44 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Q: Why can't Ray Charles read?
A: Because he's dead.

I think man alive's works more for Philip Glass.

q: why can't stevie wonder read?
a: because he's black
― 6335, 29. syyskuuta 2004 22:44 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A kid told that to me in the sixth grade. As far as I can remember it was my first exposure to any overt racism. He laughed and laughed!

I've often felt that "The National" and "Vampire Weekend" were decent two word jokes albeit ones without punchlines.

a joke without a punchline is... just some words, so you’re correct in that sense i guess

This is honestly one of the greatest things I've seen this year.#warrenzevon #knockknock pic.twitter.com/5O5PKWJg6I

— Ali Catterall (@AliCatterall) May 17, 2019

https://pics.me.me/what-is-love-larry-larry-moe-moe-curley-curley-no-35965845.png

Encroaching on ☺ ♩♪♫♬۞۞ΞΞƷ Φ ۩‼Austin's gallery of MUSIC MEMES and other music-related internet ephemera‼۩ Φ ƸΞΞ۞۞♬♫♪♩ ☺ territory here

I like Motown acts, but I can only think of maybe three, four tops

*applauds*

How do you know an email came from Aretha Franklin?

Subject - Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Spect (just a little bit)

Q: Hey asshole! Which enterprise-grade messaging platform is used for workspace collaboration at Merge Records?

A: Slack, motherfucker!

Lol Hideous

Q: Why was Richard D. James fired from his gig as cinematographer of the Pearl Jam tour?
A: He couldn't keep Stone in focus.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Philip
Philip who?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Glass_Buys_a_Loaf_of_Bread

Q: How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to do it, one to tell the world why they're doing it, and two to stand in the background.

Q: How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just watch it burn out and then follow it around for twenty years.

Q: What do you call a guitarist whose signature is playing arpeggios at 17.8 nps?
A: Peter Buckethead

I'd listen to that album

Could stand to work an XTC reference into the Q, but I still lol'd.

Q: What do you call it when Crosby, Stills and Nash get together with the lead singer from Chicago?
A: Crosby, Stills, Nash et Cetera.

I’m gonna apologize for this awful bit of homebrew in advance. I just think he deserves a bit of relief from the ableist/racist shit. Anyhow.

Q: Why did Stevie Wonder fail his commercial truck driver’s exam in 1984?

A: Apparently he totally aced it, right up till the end when he kept shifting gears up and up and up for NO FUCKING GOOD REASON WHATSOEVER

Lol, I'm never sure if he does that in golden lady or it's a shepard tone style illusion.

Could work for Beyonce / Love On Top

OMG, he totally does it in Golden Lady too. The above joke was specifically a complaint about “I Just Called To Say I Love You” but apparently it’s a bigger thing.

hey he was just trying to reach the higher ground

Q: What does Eric Clapton and coffee have in common?

Only good with Cream?

Ah, beat me to this post, but yes...

https://imgflip.com/i/60uks8

Also I found that Mr. Show sketch mentioned upthread:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCD-F81iptk

Q: why did Eric Clapton cross the road?
A: because he's a cunt

Q: How does Ian Astbury's wife know when breakfast has been served?
A: When she smells Frankenberries.

I once read a dialogue in the Megg and Mogg comics something like, "Dude, you just pulled a Thurston Moore!" And I thought that was kinda funny I think.

Q: Why don't Stereolab go on any long pub crawls?
A: Because they just go back and forth between the first two bars.

Good one

Courtesy of my sister:

Q: Who is the most accommodating R&B singer?
A: Mary J. Oblige

Who is the most soothing hip-hop artist?

Succor MC

Ha ha ha

Which prog rock band were the biggest dicks?

Genital Giant

I was robbed at a gas station in NJ last night. After my hands stopped trembling..I managed to call the cops and they were quick to respond and calmed me down..... My money is gone.. the police asked me if I knew who did it..I said yes.. it was pump number 9…

— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) March 24, 2022

if ice-t bought an electric vehicle would he have to change his name?

which gay pop band sucks the best?! raw blow featuring kneel and bob!

Q. Who's the house band for the You Tube interview show Hots Ones?

A. The Red Hot Chili Poopers

What appetizer did Phoenix always ask for on their tour rider?

Hot wings.

One I made up:

When Judas Priest went acoustic, people shouted 'JESUS!'

What special treatment to disco stars get in hospital?

A neater ward

Lol dl

How do you know when Lars Ulrich is at your door?

Your Enter Sandman download is at 95%

a+ dog latin!

yes! a+

...I liked the neater ward one too...

Yeah that was a good in!

What takes care of business and drives cats CRAZY?


Bachmann Tuna Overdrive

Did you know Andy McCluskey has taken up falconry? He also has a love for cleaning houses with the lights off.

Yes, that's right: old kestrel man hoovers in the dark.

that's good shit

tears

The version I'm used to is where he has a hawk and a kestrel on each shoulder

So I hear Thom Yorke has a new band. What’s it called, OK Boomer?

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar. The barman goes "Oh no, not U2 again."

Lol

Jacques Brel walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why the long face?"

Why couldn’t Jimmy Page make a phone call?

Because he had No Quarter

Not a verbal joke, but a one-panel sight gag: a modern-day descendent of the California Raisins named Lana Del Raisin.

First music journalist: I hear you’re going to interview Steve Reich?
Second music journalist: Yeah, that’s right.
First music journalist: Cool, but whatever you do, don't ask him about the bloody weather, you'll never hear the end of it.

Third music journalist: Ask him to name the toy cars he used to play with as a boy.
SR: Dinky, Dinky, Dinky, Dinky, Tonka, Tonka, Tonka.

this one only works with excessive headbanging, air guitar and mouth-guitar-noises, before the audience looks blankly and says "sorry, the young who?"
...and that juicy tumbleweed moment is the punchline

the young gods walk into a bar.
barman says:
hey, why the
Longue route comète
Aujourd'hui est de fête
Nous avons fait longue route
Donne-nous le ciel à boire

Longue route mes yeux
Oh longue planète bleue
Nous avons fait long feu
Et nous brûlons encore

Car la nuit... est D'ACCORD!
D'ACCORD!

Q: What did Adam Duritz almost hit with his car?
A: A browwnn deeeeeerr

Q: What did Darth Vader say to the record store clerk who didn't have his favorite George Michael album?
A: "I find your lack of Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1 disturbing."

(sorry, his favorite album is what it is... I can't change it to make the joke work better)

What did Hughie Green say when asked if he was allowed to include anything by Jethro Tull or Beady Eye in a list of second albums by British rock bands he was making?

"Stand Up (1969) and BE (2013) counted."

Q: What did Darth Vader say to the record store clerk who didn't have his favorite George Michael album?
A: "I find your lack of _Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1_ disturbing."

What did Harriet Wheeler say to Jonatha Brooke in 1995?

"Here's where The Story ends."

Q) What's the first song on Blizzard of Ozz?

Hahaha

I don't know!

https://images.uncyclomedia.co/uncyclopedia/en/f/f2/Slimed.gif

Q: What did Darth Vader say to the record store clerk who didn't have his favorite George Michael album?
A: "I find your lack of Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1 disturbing."

― Day 1 fan (morrisp), Monday, May 22, 2023 3:24 AM (eleven hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

LOL

That one took a LONG time to register for me, but yes, well done.

Did you know the "Ghostbusters" singer loves Disintegration?

Yes, Ray's for the Cure

...something about a festival celebrating English folk-rock held outside Rochester NY and it's called the Fairport Fairport Convention Convention.

That Darth Vader joke is amazing

Omg I just finally got it...lols

Yes it is a great act of misdirection where a pretty good joke is subverted by a different reference, which causes you to reevaluate your expectation and uh zzzzz never mind, analyzing a joke kills a joke.

Nevertheless I got it despite anticipating where it was going

I had to google the original quote bcuz never seen star wars. The darth vader in the joke has the better favourite album.

Did you know Jerry Garcia attended the National War College in Washington DC?

He even wrote a song about his time living on campus:

War Frat.

I'm glad you guys enjoyed the Darth Vader joke (I was afraid it was too silly for a thread revive, ha ha...)

when Josh Groban joined the cast of Sweeney Todd, they opted to add one of his signature numbers to the piece.

he sings "I Raise You Up"

Q: Why are there no Lee Ranaldo songs on Dirty?
A: He was having trouble playing out of tune.

george harrison walks into a bar
bartender says
hey
why the long and winding road?

Make I Me Mine a double

Dark Horse walks into a bar
Bartender says
“Why the long, long, long face?”

Kevin Shields walks into a bar
Bartender: Why the long gap between albums?

Lars Ulrich walks into a bar and he immediately speeds up then slows down

Bartender: Why the shit snare?

James Hatfield them walks into a bar and Lars snarls "you PROMISED, James!"

Q: Why was Rick Rubin’s partner unimpressed with his style of lovemaking?
A: It involves him lying on a couch across the room and smoking a joint.

(You’re welcome for this very funny joke!!)

From my kids, at primary school, c. 10 yrs ago:

Q. What do you call a fat computer?
A. A Dell.

(Smarmy stand-up bit):

"Folks, I'm a schmuck. I've been a schmuck my whole life. Wanna know how big a schmuck I am? Listen to 1969: Velvet Underground Live... I'm the kid in the crowd yelling back at Lou Reed – 'No, play two short sets! I gotta get home for Johnny Carson!'"

What do you call a Mike and the Mechanics tribute band made up entirely of samurai?

Silent Ronin

Q: Why are Depeche Mode bad at Teams meetings?

A: Because they're on Mute.

I've heard that on his rider Dave Gahan demands his own personal cheeses.

why did Depeche Mode march into the offices of Delta Dental?

to get a Policy of Tooth

what do you call a group of prosperous post-rock lawyers?

I don't know, reggie, what DO you call a group of prosperous post-rock lawyers?

McEntire, Grubbs, O’Rourke & Pajo LLP(?)

Do Make Say Think & Waterhouse ?

Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk

Q: Why does Dave Gahan never watch slasher flicks?
A: He can't stand Gore.

McEntire, Grubbs, O’Rourke & Pajo LLP(?)

^

torteoisie

Why did Bob Marley take karate?
Because he got to have hi-yah now

3

Q: Why are Depeche Mode bad at Teams meetings?

A: Because they're on Mute.

Btw, this was so great that I've thought about it from time time since it was posted...

Thanks, that was one of mine, although I'd probably heard it before somewhere. And now I think it would be funnier with Zoom, not Teams.

Why did the chicken ignore side one of Aerosmith's Pump?

To get to "The Other Side"

(This also works with Pendulum's In Silico but I figure ilx is more likely to complete the punchline in their head if it's the BBfBs)

gen z mud be like that's yeet that's yeet that's yeet that's yeet

why did the bee gees walk out of the clive anderson interview?

he was clive talkin'!

oh, my child

what were george michael's favourite songs first released on albums from 29 september 1997?

"cowboys" and "angels"

A man walks the streets of a foreign country, looking for a place to eat. The owner of a restaurant sees him and calls, "hey you! come try my food!" The man shrugs and goes inside.

"Just bring me your specialty," the man says as he sits down. The owner gives a delighted look and says, "I'll bring you our TWO very best dishes."

Ten minutes later, the owner sets out two plates of food that the man can't even recognize. "This one is fried scarabs," the owner explains excitedly, "and this one is sheep testicles." The man is horrified. But the owner swells with pride in his dishes and stands there expecting the man to try them. So try them the man must. First, he picks up a scarab. It's fried, so how bad could it be? He crunches into a leg and struggles to keep it down, but ultimately swallows the horrid thing and gives a thumbs-up. The owner is very pleased and gestures to the sheep testicles. The man slowly cuts a piece, closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, then puts it in his mouth. He gags but is barely able to get it down, and afterward he turns to the owner with a put-on grin. "Both dishes are, uh, great."

"C'mon, you must have a favorite," the owner says, wagging a finger. "So which is it: the beetles or the stones?"

What laidback early 70s rock albums do health food specialists unwind to?

'Holland' and 'Barrett'

https://www.threads.net/@orangeframpton/post/C4ENBlxJMXm/

lol “What is a Communique?”

Yeah that guy really just had one round in the chamber, lol

What is a surgical assistant's favorite punk band?

Operation I.V.

Why did Anthrax hate Led Zeppelin IV?

They're Anti! They're Anti-Zoso!

Now that Andre 3000 has made his debut as a flautist, he is dueting on a track with Ian Anderson.

It's called Hey Yaqualung

I laughed

Why couldn't the producer of Ghostbusters find a classical composer to do the score?

Because they were too hot to Handel, too cold to Holst

this would work marginally better if it was somehow about the composer of Ghostbusters 2 (1989) being a different and less storied composer than that of Ghostbusters (1984), a film that does not have any associated lyrics about being hot to handle nor cold to hold, and if it remembered that the producer of both Ghostbusterses is the fairly well-known-by-name director of same

Fair, I actually forgot that the song was from II!

although the line "Found out about Vigo, the master of evil" should have reminded me.

How Leonard Cohen reveal that he was a pervert for sea monsters?

"Give me Kraken anal sex..."

Why couldn't Billy Eilish find good crew members for her new tour?

Cause EVERYBODY'S WORKIN' FOR THE WEEKND

nice

a few years after Hüsker Dü broke up, Bob tried to patch things up with Grant by hiring his landscaping business to build a privacy fence in his back yard. Grant assured Bob that he'd get it done over the long weekend, but when Bob got back into town on Monday morning, he was dismayed to find that Grant had only erected a single picket on the entire lawn! so he called him up and said, "a stake's no fence at all!"

So Johnny Cash falls in love with a lady of Mesoamerican heritage who keeps a menagerie of big cats that all need exercising, and he tells her "Because you're Mayan, I'll walk the lion."

Does anyone know who did the song Owner of a Lonely Heart?

[makes the screeching sound at the beginning of that song]

Almost 20 years later and I'm still loving that Philip Glass joke upthread

What was Steely Dan’s bus driver for the Welsh leg of their tour called?

Dai behind the wheel

Does anyone know who did the album Once We Were Scum Now We Are God?

Does anyone know the title of Guns N' Roses' next-to-last single?

What did Chris Martin say to the Chainsmokers when he heard their song "Roses"?

I want something just like this

Mick Jones and Lou Gramm were walking down the street and they saw a man who looked unwell. This man stumbled slowly, erratically, his cheeks puffing out periodically.

At one point, he stopped, opened one of the residents' mailboxes, and started projectile vomiting inside it

The homeowners came out very upset, but Lou assured them they would handle the situation. Mick tended to the sick man, offering him water and proving him a pain reliever, while Lou cleaned up the mailbox, then brought the soiled mail inside and cleaned it off.

Weeks later, a man walked by the local civic center and saw Lou and Mick being presented with medals by the mayor. The homeowner from the previous episode was standing outside.

The man asked the homeowner why Mick and Lou were being recognized with medals, and the homeowner replied "Because they're--"

PUKE! BOX! HEROES!

:)

Purgin', purgin', purgin', purgin' emergency... *saxophone solo*

The Chameleons have just opened a garden centre. It's called In Sheds.

Which Texan rock'n'roller was notorious for his mdma habit?

Buddy Molly

Everyone one knew that Madonna was ambitious in the 1980s. First she became a pop superstar, then she set her sights on Hollywood. But lesser known is the fact that Madonna also took a shot at toy manufacturing!

She wanted to get into Galoob

idgi!?

i don't think i'd heard of Galoob before, but it makes sense

xp: Madonna sang Get Into The Groove. Galoob was a toy company of prominence in the 1980s.

what does Get into the Groove have to do with Galoob?

aside from the letter G?

ooh i see
nm

welp that's how i'm singing along with that from now on. thanks pm!

I re-watched Desperately Seeking Susan the other day, aso the Madonna song has been stuck in my head.

I still don't get it :( Is it just that they kind of rhyme(?)

^^^ same

Nobody said the artist-specific jokes had to be good. Just as well.

The Chameleons have just opened a garden centre. It's called In Sheds.

Simon Topping has just opened a garden centre. It's called A Certain Patio.

And the Cassady brothers work in Section 25

With a name like that I'd have thought he'd be more suited to running a pizza joint. xp

Q: What do you call a minimalist composer who opens a garden centre?

A: Harold Buddleia.

Pun - a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings.

It’s the 21st century. Nobody does punchlines anymore. It’s all just mumble pubs.

Puns ffs

lol

Have you heard of that band the Neckbyrds? They're fronted by Roger M'guinn

Taylor Swift is hiring a whole crew to tend her garden... The Orchard Poets Department

mumble pubs

Been in a few of those myself.

When Madonna was looking to buy a condo in an L.A.-area mixed-use retail and residential complex, why did she have to settle for the Americana at Brand?

She couldn’t Get Into The Grove

Yes!

did you hear that John Zorn got his own radio show? I'm not a fan, but people are saying it's unlistenable: apparently it's nothing but static!

Q. Why was Madonna feeling uncertain about investigating the 1990s UK post-rock music scene?
A. Because she's a Laika Virgin

https://i.imgur.com/ZsiYdY7.png

Before Talking Heads formed, David Byrne worked briefly for Chanel, developing fragrances.

Then he had to stop making scents

Yeah, later he tried being a carpenter… had to borrow an L-square from my uncle, via mail, since he didn’t have the cash to buy one himself. Byrne wrote him a nice note afterward: “Thank You for Sending Me an Angle.”

Q: What did Madonna say just before she had a psychotic episode on the London Tube?
A: Northern Line, feels like I'm going to lose my mind

What 80s R&B act could carry the most cargo? DeBarge.

Name a Van Halen single released in April 1984. I'll wait.

Some people don't like 80s synth pop. Me, I just can't get enough.

Yeah, later he tried being a carpenter… had to borrow an L-square from my uncle, via mail, since he didn’t have the cash to buy one himself. Byrne wrote him a nice note afterward: “Thank You for Sending Me an Angle.”

― A Single Block of Aluminum (morrisp), Friday, May 9, 2025 11:13 PM (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

outstanding

I asked David Byrne if he preferred Matthew Sweet’s third album or his fourth.

He said:

love that

Sammy Hagar is speeding through the city on the way to a gig. He's going at least 95.

He finally gets pulled over and the cop comes up to the window and says "you know how fuckin fast you were going? Why on Earth were you thinking?"

Then Sammy turned his head, locked eyes with the cop, and said

"Why can't this be love?"

Nice!

Also I just belatedly got the Byrne/Sweet joke from two weeks ago.

Yes, that was good.

Let's imagine that Tina Weymouth decides to patch things up with David Byrne by taking him out to an all-you-can-eat buffet seafood lunch. The choices are cod, haddock, and plaice, but when Byrne reaches the counter he sees that there are only signs for "cod" and "haddock". The third fish is unidentified.

So he points at the unidentified fish and says to the person behind the counter

...Naive Melody

Let's imagine that Morrissey decides to patch things up with Johnny Marr by taking him out to an all-you-can-eat buffet seafood lunch. The choices are cod, haddock, and plaice, but when Marr reaches the counter he sees that the food hasn't been prepared yet, despite the fact that Morrissey had told him that the food was available "now".

Dejected, he returns to the table, pulls out a powerful laser pointer, and blinds Morrissey with two zaps to the eyeballs! Then he cuts him into chunks with a bandsaw and microwaves the remains. Turning to the camera Marr grins evilly and says "well, I guess you could say that the sidewinder sleeps tonite!" david lynch house clearance auction candle socks #metoo

Why does Tarzan keep getting lost?

Because JUNGLIST MASSIVE!

lol

What do you call an album written by a Genesis tribute band that likes to let friends accompany them to their community pool?

Guestpass

What do you call an album written by a Genesis tribute band that works at Costco?

Selling Wheat Thins By the Pound

What do you call an album written by a Genesis tribute band that is woke af?

ACAB

What do you call an album written by a Genesis tribute band who witnessed a tragic accident where a self-driving car in Times Square caught fire with a beloved circus performer inside?

Sedan Fries Clown on Broadway

Let's imagine that the US government decides to complete rejig its physical currency. So the US Treasury drafts in David Byrne, Academy Award-winning musician and all-round clever guy. He evaluates all the coinage and comes to the conclusion that the lower-value coins are more expensive to make than their value.

So he says

What do you call a Lou Rawls song about a bath and body shop with incomparable products?

"You'll Never Find Another Loofah Like Mine"

Don't Worry About the Government xp

More like the Govt. Mint

Imagine Bruce Springsteen is playing an outdoor street fair. In the crowd, he sees the lead singer of the Kinks. Bruce wants him to come onstage and join Bruce in a Kinks greatest hits medley so Bruce says...

cover me?

Come Dancing in the Dark?

So Ray Davies is playing one of his speaking/singing retrospective shows, and as he reaches the 80s he notices the frontman of Handsome Furs in the audience & decides to invite him up on the stage to perform guest vocals, so he says “Come, Dan, sing.”

Then the power went out and he added, "In the dark"

Why did Henry Rollins buy three TV sets in one month?

Damaged II

kornrulez, are you ever going to give us the punchline for the Bruce/Ray joke?

"Ray, sing in the street"

Ah, ha!

Oh geez, sorry. Yes it's Ray Sing in the street

Can't remember where I heard this, but: Gina Hartman and the Fox sisters to reform Marine Girls, have not invited Tracy Thorn to participate (Everything But The Everything But The Girl Girl)

Kriss Kross had songs on a variety of topics, including one about the heated final conversation between Andrew Aycock and Randy Rhoads

called "I Missed the Bus"

What do you call getting a cheap haircut on a day the moon partially obscures the sun , while listening to 30 second samples of new music from your favorite coke rap duo?

Getting clipped at Great Clips during an eclipse while listening to clips of Clipse

A Great Clips eclipse clip with Clipse clips

You know, Ann and Nancy Wilson are friends with Bonnie Tyler, and they recently started up a side business designing hair accessories made from tortoiseshell.

They call them...

Turtly clips of Heart

Let's imagine that the US government decides to reduce the incidence of muggings, so they hire Academy Award-winning musician David Byrne, who despite his seeming physical frailty is actually a pretty wiry man. He bones up on practical advice on how to stay safe while out of doors and comes up with a presentation that consists of a lecture and some slides and some dancers in pastel-coloured bodysuits and Adrian Belew.

When he reaches the topic of how to stay safe while walking home at night his chief advice is

Make flippy floppy?

I seem to recall him telling us not to worry about the government

I think I started the trend of not posting the punchlines. Sorry about that.

We should also omit part of the joke

Why did the chicken

Man walks into a

When he reaches the topic of how to stay safe while walking home at night his chief advice is

Drugs

Remain In Light

I prefer my suggestion.

If in the UK circa 2020, would it be

Bremain in Light?

irl lol at Turtley Clips

When he was young Peter Gabriel used to supplement his income with part-time work stacking shelves at a local supermarket. But one morning the supervisor took him aside and told him that he was being let go.

"How come?", asked Peter Gabriel.

"Well," said the supervisor, "the problem is that you've got no shelf control."

"No shelf control?", said Peter Gabriel.

"No shelf control", said the supervisor.

"No shelf control" said Peter Gabriel etc.

What do you call a talented R&B singer who also won the Ballon Doors?

Chakaká Khan

Ballon D'or

The Ballon Doors are a band of singing soccer players who exposed themselves on stage

Little-known fact: Brian Eno was approached about appearing on Saturday Night Live in 1997.

But he refused because of his dislike for the humor of Norm McDonald, who was then hosting "Weekend Update."

"Oh no," Eno reportedly said, "here come the Norm jests."

nice

On first attending St Joseph's College, Ipswich, in 1959, Brian Eno was surprised to find out that physical education classes were scheduled for 09:00 and also 10:30.

"But", he said to his tutor, "that's BEFORE and AFTER science!"

And that is how ambient space pop was invented.

Bored, and at a loose end, Brian Eno decided to write some quirky vocal pop of a kind he used to do in the 1970s. In need of a vocalist, he picked up the phone and got in touch with Phil Oakey of The Human League.

"Phil", said Brian Eno, "it's about time we worked together. I was only going to write a few songs, but I've written an entire album. It's quirky vocal pop of a kind I used to do in the 1970s."

"That's incredible," said Phil Oakey. "Have you thought of a name?"

"Yes," said Brian Eno. "I think it should be called Music for Phil".

I can’t believe I haven’t posted this on here before, and I’m sorry for doing so now. I made up this joke in high school (newly redone for reading instead of listening).

“Did you know that after John Lennon’s death, Yoko Ono briefly married Sonny of the duo Sonny and Cher? When they divorced, she had a brief, ill-fated marriage to U2’s singer. Her rebound marriage to the father of ambient music was also a bust, but she has found lasting love with — of all people — the founder of PopLlama records.

Now she’s known as Yoko Lennon-Ono-Bono-Bono-Eno-Uno.”

Fun fact, I know a guy who wrote a song around the premise that if Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto had married actor Bob Balaban and opera promoter Sir Rudolf Bing, she could be called Benazir Bhutto Balaban Bing.

When she tragically died in a car explosion, his wife quipped "Benazir Bhutto Balaban Boom" (rather poor taste, imo). Then when it turned out her head hit the ceiling of the car, the quip became "Benazir Bhutto Balaban Bonk."

Sidenote: During the 2000 Olympics it was pointed out that if Dutch swimmers Inge de Bruijn and Pieter van den Hoogenband got married, she could be called Inge de Bruijn van den Hoogenband.

She didn't die in a car explosion though.

I thought I'd better check Wiki and it seems she might have and she might not have.

... but she probably did.

She didn't.

But Inge de Bruijn did.

Brian Eno parked his rental car and surveyed the local area. It was lush and verdant, but where were the mountains? Where were the ski slopes? He had travelled all the way to northern Tasmania, but where were the cable cars? Where were the cows, with bells?

And then it dawned on him.

"Shit", he thought. "Could it be that there's another Grindelwald?"

This one’s probably too obvious, but…

Brian Eno has recorded a Richard Thompson tribute album.

It’s called Music for Fairports

Okay that one is good

Brian Eno was into Fourth World music for awhile, but all he really got out of it was a taste for international fusion cuisine. He’s finally opened his own Asian/Middle Eastern restaurant. It’s called Noodles in the Camel’s Eye.

Makes sense, he’s a real renaissance man. I recall that he coauthored a fitness rehab manual with his physical therapist after he strained an abdominal muscle

The Oblique Strategies

he's also written a book about his lark as a medium for US presidents: My Life in the Ghost of Bush

Did you know that he mother of the lead singer of The Animals briefly considered terminating her pregnancy?

She said, "I am not sure I can bear this Burdon."

In the early 1980s Simple Minds asked Brian Eno to produce their next album. But Eno had to turn them down because he was too busy.

"Sorry, lads", he said, "the government has asked me to write something for Charles and Diana's forthcoming tour of the Mediterranean. It's taking an age. Do you know what I'm going to call it? Di's Crete Music."

West Country Bob Geldof: "The silicon chip in ciderhead"

Did you hear R&B superstar George Michael once ranted about Americana music being funkless?

He said "Little Feat have got no rhythm"

Brian Eno has recorded a Richard Thompson tribute album.

It’s called Music for Fairports

They're holding an English folk-rock festival just outside Rochester NY, the Fairport Fairport Convention Convention.

I'm reminded of Richard and Linda Thompson's tribute to Brian Eno, I Want to See the Warm Jets Tonight, which was inspired by a trip the three of them took to a burlesque club in Hamburg in 1976.

Q. What did Bernie Taupin say to Elton John when he saw a small rabbit exercising?

A: "It's a little fit bunny..."

reluctant lol

And of course there was Richard and Linda Thompson and Brian Eno's Shoot Out the Warm Jets, which caused Wikipedia to be banned in the UK for several months on account of the cover art.

and The Warm Jets' album Here Comes Brian Eno

Most people don't realise that Mounjaro's secret ingredient is Whisky.

But Thin Lizzy let everyone know: "There's Whisky in Mounjaro"

What can’t drive 55 but can buff your chrome?

Shammy Hagar

why did squeeze fire their woodwind player?

they got tempted by the flute of another

Ok, I laughed at that one.