internal email is not usually this grebt

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Wednesday, October 30, 2002 4:13:11 PM
News
From: Reception
Subject: Pesky Kids have broken lift?
To: News

Due to two children smashing the lift about, it is stuck with them inside.

Please use the stairs and ignore their screams.

Thanks Reception.

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 16:19 (twenty-three years ago)

IGNORE THEIR SCREAMS

― geeta (geeta), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 16:20 (twenty-three years ago)

that is the title for my next movie

― geeta (geeta), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 16:21 (twenty-three years ago)

This makes my day in so many ways. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 16:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Surely it should say "Taunt them down the shaft posthaste!"

― Pete (Pete), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 16:22 (twenty-three years ago)

I did this once when I was staying in teh Midland Hotel in Manchester with some other 12 year old kids. We all jumped at once to break it and it worked!

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 16:22 (twenty-three years ago)

horror in the lift

starring the s club juniors

― geeta (geeta), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 16:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Wednesday, October 30, 2002 4:15:28 PM

News
From: Reception
Subject: It is time.
To: Maintenance

Those pesky kids have fallen for our trap.

RELEASE THE ELEVATOR GORGON!!!!!

Thanks Reception.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 16:24 (twenty-three years ago)

*munch munch burp*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 16:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, if only this had happened during some of the Take Your Kids to Work Days I've had to endure...

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 16:36 (twenty-three years ago)

They should use this (the lift being stuck) for baby-sitting purposes: cheap and easy! ;-)

― nathalie (nathalie), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 16:45 (twenty-three years ago)

All you need now is some crooked office worker in a ghost mask trying to escape through the lift. I would have gotten away.....

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 17:53 (twenty-three years ago)

That's great! damn little brats!

People keep trying to sell stuff on our internal email, yesterday it was trainers for £70!

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 18:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Fantastic, Mark.

Another easy way to trap horrible children in lifts is to choose one in a council block, wait for the brats to enter, the doors to shut, the lift to move up a bit, then SLAM both the UP and DOWN buttons simultaneously.

Can I walk over to your office and taunt them, pretty please?

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 18:10 (twenty-three years ago)

"we'll only let you out if you can answer this maths problem...a train leaves Manchester at 09.00 hours, another leaves London at 09.50...."

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 31 October 2002 09:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Has anyone actually been trapped in a lift? I can imagine few worse experiences, apart from being trapped between stations on the Central Line, or buried alive.

― Momus (Momus), Thursday, 31 October 2002 10:41 (twenty-three years ago)

I was trapped in a tipped over portaloo once, that is much worse, believe me.

― Plinky (Plinky), Thursday, 31 October 2002 10:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I was stuck in a life in Istanbul once, but only for a few minutes. Worrying, but not really scary.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 31 October 2002 12:43 (twenty-three years ago)

If your beau has been involved in portaloo tipping over then I would leave him now Plinky.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 31 October 2002 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

i was stuck in a (previous) life as alexander the grebt for 32 years once: the last act is always bloody

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 31 October 2002 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

The invitation to the work xmas party has just arrived and been disposed of. Under no circumstances would I go near such a thing.

― Miss Laura, Thursday, 31 October 2002 12:59 (twenty-three years ago)

I've been trapped in a lift in the manner described upthread, by minging little estate brats in my old place in West Kensington, which is why I know methods of entrapment now, and why I have zero symathy for little kids who mess with lifts.

Had to wait about 45 minutes for the fire department to come and release me. When they did, they told me the kids had done this five times over the past month, last time to an 85-year-old pensioner. And all the parents of the kids, when confronted by police/me, would square up and say things like 'are you accusing my Wayne or somefink?' and I'd be like 'Damn! you catch on quick! Next you'll be learning how to read and everything!'

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 31 October 2002 13:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Anyone involved in lift trapping /portaloo tipping or any such inconsiderate "pranks" should be publicly flogged. When I rule the world it shall be my first proclamation (closely followed by one about people who get on buses with chips having to share them out amongst all the other passengers)

― Plinky (Plinky), Thursday, 31 October 2002 13:46 (twenty-three years ago)

This always happened at one of my old jobs, because it was a creaky old elevator that never really worked right in the first place and the university was too cheap to fix it. This is why I have a kind of paranoid fear whenever I have to use one now.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 31 October 2002 13:51 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't go in lifts. Even if it means walking 10 flights of stairs.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 31 October 2002 14:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Lifts are the safest mode of transport IN THE WORLD.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 31 October 2002 15:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Am I weird or just bored for actually *wanting* to be trapped in a lift, just for the glamour and excitement. Better if there's other people in there. And no, not just an fantasy woman.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 31 October 2002 15:05 (twenty-three years ago)

What about getting trapped in one of those glass lifts? How would that compare? Yes, everyone outside could see you, but that wouldn't necessarily be a good thing...they'd be just as likely to point and laugh as go and find help.

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 31 October 2002 15:35 (twenty-three years ago)

B-b-b-b-but N. - The video to Color Me Badd's 'I wanna sex you up' was not real! DON'T YOU SEE!

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 31 October 2002 17:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Haha I have just remembered in The Office where they have a fire drill and carry the girl who's in a wheelchair down the stairs, then David gets tired halfway down and leaves her there because 'it's not real after all. Just wait there, you'll be fine.'

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 31 October 2002 17:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Lifts make me very nervous. Especially when they smell of wee.

― alix (alix), Thursday, 31 October 2002 17:51 (twenty-three years ago)

That would be every dimly-lit lift everywhere, then.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:02 (twenty-three years ago)

N = Steve Tyler.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:10 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought I was in Guns N Roses

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:19 (twenty-three years ago)

you are rock, you can choose.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:22 (twenty-three years ago)

A company I used to work for had one of those brilliant paternoster elevators - open-fronted lift compartments which move continuously on a chain pulley system. You just step on and off when you reach the floor you want. I used to love that!

― C J (C J), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:27 (twenty-three years ago)

oh yeah, I went in one of them once, and it snagged my umbrella and it fell to the floor below. It was at the university of Essex, I was there on an open day.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:29 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't believe Health & Safety regulations allow those things. I went in the Sheffield Arts Tower one once, just to see what it was like, and I bruised my leg.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:35 (twenty-three years ago)

I just spotted the following on our electronic bulletin board:
_________________________________________________________________
MISCELLANEOUS SOCIAL BULLETIN

Does anyone know where one could purchase a blow up Crocodile?
Urgently needed

Call above number.
_________________________________________________________________

― Lara, Thursday, 31 October 2002 19:27 (twenty-three years ago)

B-BUT THERE IS NO NUMBER!

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 31 October 2002 19:33 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought it best not to circulate the name of someone I work with just in case blah blah etc.

Does your curiosity mean that you have such an inflatable 'toy' for the asking?

― Lara, Thursday, 31 October 2002 19:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Did you call and say, "DAD, STOP IT!"?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 31 October 2002 19:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Wha' you sayin' 'bout my Da?

― Lara, Thursday, 31 October 2002 19:39 (twenty-three years ago)

He's a prankster, your da.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 31 October 2002 19:41 (twenty-three years ago)

That would be a pretty good trick huh? Posting electronic bulletins from beyond the grave. It is Halloween I suppose....

― Lara, Thursday, 31 October 2002 19:49 (twenty-three years ago)

*dies of mortification*

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 31 October 2002 19:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Nah, it was something hereditary.

― Lara, Thursday, 31 October 2002 19:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Conversation of the day.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 31 October 2002 20:03 (twenty-three years ago)

I must not use parental death to taunt people.
I must not use suggestion of parental death to taunt people.
I must not use suggestion of parental death to taunt people.
I must not use suggestion of parental death to taunt people.
I must not use suggestion of parental death to taunt people.
I must not use suggestion of parental death to taunt people.
I must not use suggestion of parental death to taunt people.
I must not use suggestion of parental death to taunt people.

It is mean. And *dangerous*.

― Lara, Thursday, 31 October 2002 20:04 (twenty-three years ago)

two years pass...

bumperoo

― bumpateer, Tuesday, 19 July 2005 12:07 (twenty years ago)

It's not as funny, thesedays.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 19 July 2005 12:10 (twenty years ago)

i was most flattered but somewhat taken aback by this reply.


From: 	[withheld]
Sent:	19 July 2005 13:36
To:	[myworkemail]
Subject:	RE: passwordI just got the perfact shoes for that out fit… black swade round tor wegdes………. And some big sunnies… there is sales on up her its gret I think ive seen the kinky out fit of the year.. Im in to minds but it wout be wicked on you,, its crazy
 -----Original Message-----
From: 	[myworkemail]
Sent:	19 July 2005 12:34
To:	[withheld]
Subject:	RE: password
Hi [person]
Do you already have a log-in to [work computer system]?  I have another user listed on the database as [same name] who is listed as working in [some department].  Was that your previous role?
If so, your [work computer system] account should already have been upgraded to match the extra training.  Otherwise please let me know so I can investigate further.
Many Thanks,
[my name]

― kennnnn seeeeeee, Tuesday, 19 July 2005 12:11 (twenty years ago)

i was most flattered but somewhat taken aback by this reply.


From: 	[withheld]
Sent:	19 July 2005 13:36
To:	[myworkemail]
Subject:	RE: passwordI just got the perfact shoes for that out fit… black swade 
round tor wegdes………. And some big sunnies… there is sales 
on up her its gret I think ive seen the kinky out fit of 
the year.. Im in to minds but it wout be wicked on you,, 
its crazy
 -----Original Message-----
From: 	[myworkemail]
Sent:	19 July 2005 12:34
To:	[withheld]
Subject:	RE: password
Hi [person]
Do you already have a log-in to [work computer system]?  I 
have another user listed on the database as [same name] who 
is listed as working in [some department].  Was that your 
previous role?
If so, your [work computer system] account should already 
have been upgraded to match the extra training.  Otherwise 
please let me know so I can investigate further.
Many Thanks,
[my name]

― kennnnn seeeeeee, Tuesday, 19 July 2005 12:12 (twenty years ago)

Lara is awesome. I bow before her.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 19 July 2005 12:37 (twenty years ago)

Kennnnn Sea you have to tell us how you handled that further investigation.

― sgs (sgs), Tuesday, 19 July 2005 12:57 (twenty years ago)

I wonder if they ever released the screaming kids.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Tuesday, 19 July 2005 13:00 (twenty years ago)

they are no longer in their larval stage:
bat in the bogs

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 19 July 2005 13:27 (twenty years ago)

THEY RELEASED THE B(R)ATS

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Tuesday, 19 July 2005 14:04 (twenty years ago)

eight months pass...

work has not been like this so much recently >|(

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 21:43 (nineteen years ago)

invite mike figgis over for an interview and trap him in the elevator

― amateurist0, Wednesday, 29 March 2006 23:48 (nineteen years ago)

Has anyone actually been trapped in a lift? I can imagine few worse experiences, apart from being trapped between stations on the Central Line, or buried alive.

I can imagine being trapped in a burning building or the cabin of a sinking ship would be far worse, in that there is actual immediate danger.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 30 March 2006 00:08 (nineteen years ago)

I just got the perfact shoes for that out fit… black swade
round tor wegdes………. And some big sunnies… there is sales
on up her its gret

WTF Ken, this woman spells like a five year old, how did she get hired!?

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 30 March 2006 00:16 (nineteen years ago)

when the Great Blackout of '03 happened i was working in the same room on the 50th floor of the building i took this picture from:

ihttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v134/tracerhand/lookingeast-1libertyplaza.jpg

well when the power went out everything STOPPED, including every elevator in the city, even the ones connected to backup power. some of these started working again once the generators kicked in. not in my building. in my building, which sits directly across church st. from the world trade center site, one elevator got stuck between the 49th and 50th floors and we could hear the people inside shouting for help. the problem was, we had all been told to evacuate (down 50 flights of steps, naturally) ... one woman planted herself next to those doors and talked to them, and promised them she'd stay there until somebody could come up and help. the rest of us were like "well that's taken care of, then"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 30 March 2006 00:19 (nineteen years ago)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v134/tracerhand/lookingeast-1libertyplaza.jpg

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 30 March 2006 00:19 (nineteen years ago)

it would be a long way to fall, basically

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 30 March 2006 00:20 (nineteen years ago)

Great photo, Tracer.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 30 March 2006 01:08 (nineteen years ago)

thirteen years pass...

a friend's tweet brought this thread to mind

(notice momus attempting to guilt us all into not enjoying this set-up)

― mark s, Wednesday, 13 November 2019 21:43 (six years ago)

great revive

― actor Robert de Niro disguised as an Uzbek homeopath (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 21:52 (six years ago)

correct

― mark s, Wednesday, 13 November 2019 22:05 (six years ago)

You never want to be trapped in a lift with me, I will say this now. I know I will have a pitch-fit screeching panic attack.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Thursday, 14 November 2019 02:39 (six years ago)

three years pass...

Please use the stairs and ignore their screams.

― earosmith (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 16 August 2023 16:47 (two years ago)

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