Cheese Slices

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They're my wife and they're my life.

OK, cheese is one of the few food areas where I am even the slightest bit foodie - I love fine cheese and am really keen to extend my knowledge and explore etc. etc. SO WHY CAN'T I STOP EATING KRAFT CHEESE SLICES which I know to be objectively disgusting and bad for me.

What is the most low-quality, mass-market, unacceptable food that you will nonetheless gorge yourself on given the opportunity?

― Tom, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tom, why is your general attitude to cheese so markedly at odds with your attitude towards pop music?

― Nick, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Doorayaki. I can't help it. I love stuffing my face with those Japanese red bean cakes. At least I used to. Now I am merely addicted to yoghurt. Once the yoghurt tasted quite strange. Did I throw it away? No,I continued eating it. Till the last drop.

― nathalie, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My attitude to cheese is the same as my attitude to pop music, excepting that listening to too much pop music will not increase my chances of an early death.

― Tom, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But you would never say 'Britney is objectively disgusting and bad for me so WHY CAN'T I STOP EATING HER?'

― Nick, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I cannot eat them at all.

― anthony, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You specifically answered this question JUST SO you could say that, Nick. Your motives are too naked (as are possibly other things, but I'll steer away from that for now).

To Tom -- well, you're sick, is all. I wouldn't have Kraft Cheese Slices in the house or anywhere near me for that matter.

However, expanding the range to all kinds of food, I do get cravings for Fritos and generic bean dip every so often, in combination with 7UP for a drink.

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes but my objection to Kraft CS (theoretical objection since I have just guzzled 5) is that they are cheap and made in bulk from shoddy materials. Whereas Britney's records are vastly expensive to make and use only the finest production techniques - the only similarity is the mass-consumption of the end product. Some horrible lo-fi indie record made in a basement for 50p is the kind of thing I should be avoiding. With pop you get the best of both worlds - the priciest and most gourmet sounds are also those the public loves.

― Tom, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Haribo sweets! though they aren't low quality! Kids and growns up love it so, the happy world of Haribo! Seek: Smurf jelly sweets!

― jel, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That Haribo advert with the cockfarming baby in the pram. Jesus! All Eurosweets are wretched though, what is the continental obsession with licquorice?

― Tom, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I always want to eat French Fries with low-quality "maple"-falvored syrup. Also I love hominy but there's nothing bad about it (as far as I know), plus it is only $1.75 for a 5-gallon can.

― 1 1 2 3 5, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Why is there an assumption that you can't be just as objective in listening to Britney as any other music anyway. (Note: I'm not saying I'm objective - I'm only interested in her arse.)

― Greg, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Relationship between "objective" and "objectifying"?

― Tom, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"What wrong with being sexy, then?" "Sex-IST."

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Kraft cheese slices are grate, Tom, you should eat as many of them as you like.

― Josh, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I believe the conspiracy behind the world's love affair with Kraft Cheese Slices is linked to their AMAZING PARANORMAL ADHESIVE PROPERTIES. Try it. Throw one at the ceiling, or a window. They're incredible. If only the world knew why.

Nothing is better for toasting than cheap, perfectly square, sliced white bread. Hovis and the in-store bakery stuff just don't get it. Cheaper is always best.

― Graham, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oreos! They're sickening. I love them. I didn't enjoy French fries much once I thought about them, though.

― Lyra, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

tom - feel no shame, just don't start injecting them...they are great survival food, as is macaroni cheese - one day all restaurants will serve them

― Geoff, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Cheese slices are like singles. Bulk cheese is like albums. Pretentious, high-concept. Spray-on cheese is like.....guest remixes.

― Curt, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Relationship between "objective" and "objectifying"?

Objectifying is fun.

― Curt, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like being objectified

― anthony, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Kraft cheese slices can be folded and broken in half and in half again and in half again and in half again. This is why I like Kraft cheese slices. Do not be ashamed, Tom. Eat and be happy.

― Madchen, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

the turkish shop round the corner from me doesn't do kraft singles, it does some strange foreign brand, but in Mozzarella and emmental flavour, and, by golly, they taste good

― cabbage, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would gorge myself on anything and especially right now as I have had no breakfast (the most important meal of the day). In particular crappy crisps e.g. cheese puffs, savoury stix.

― Emma, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I too have become obsessed with mass market cheese of late. In my case it's Laughing Cow/Dairylea type stuff. I like to spread it on rye bread (sorry, I'd love to say Mother's Pride but it's not true) and eat it for my breakfast. Yum yum.

Tom, is there any evidence that Kraft cheese slices are any worse for you than indie cheese?

― Nick, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Having the misfortune to be born middle class the fridge as a kid was always full of all sorts of exotic cheese, and never anything I could actually eat. Similarly the cold meat section was all fancy peppered salami, gammon, proper ham and all sorts of other stuff I didn't want to eat. If I'd seen a couple of Kraft cheese slices poking out the back of the fridge behind a packet of smoked salmon, another thing I don't like, I would have been as happy as lamb in the springtime.... Still not as good as dairylea though.

― Martin, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I was going to roundly lambast all you Kraft munchers for being people of no taste, but then I remembered my frequent Laughing Cow pig outs and realised I had not a leg to stand on. However, I can still offer the following peice of advice: if you really want to stop eating Kraft Cheese slices go and work in Burger King. There's a very good reason each slice is individually wrapped: a big stack of the naked slices smells almost exactly like stale beer vomit.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

BK Slices != Kraft Slices.

I should mention at this point that I will not touch any other brand or even Kraft Light.

― Tom, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Is this supposed to be a 'does not equal' sign? If so, it doesn't seem to have worked very well. Is there an html way of producing that character? I've been wondering.

― Nick, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

[ The "!=" sign comes from programming. The exclamation point by itself signals negation.]

― Sterling Clover, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd no idea where it came from but it's been ILEtin for 'does not equal' for aaaaaaages.

― Tom, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Shows how much attention I pay to you all, kittens.

― Nick, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Blimey, cheese slice snobbery.

[Haskell uses /= for not equals which is a little closer to the normal representation, but not much. Puzzlingly, ¬ seems to be rarely for negation despite being the symbol that seems to be most frequently used in symbolic logic and its presence on every computer keyboard]

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

[Bollocks. That should be 'rarely used for negation in programming languages' rather than 'rarely negation']

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Bollocks to all you programming geeks:

!= ≠ not equal to in my book. My book is great, you should all read it.

― Nick, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

where is ¬ on my keyb, RT? "!=" = easily misunderstood, IMO

― mark s, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Um, err, I was wrong about that one then?

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think, like me, Mark has a Mac - their keyboards don't even have a bloody hash sign, rendering them USELESS for IRC and symbolic logic.

― Nick, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

work keyb:
as is:
§1234567890-=qwertyuiop[]asdfghjkl;'\`zxcvbnm,./ SHIFT:
±!@£$%^&*()_+QWERTYUIOP{}ASDFGHJKL:"|~ZXCVBNM<>?
ALT:
¡€#¢*§¶•ªº––*œ*´®Ý¥¨^ø*“‘åß*ƒ©·*°¬…æ«`*=ç**~µ**÷
ALT SHIFT:
/™ÐðÞþý°·‚—±Œ„‰ÂÊÁËÈØ*”’ÅÍÎÏÌÓÔÒ*ÒÚÆ»Ÿeurosign hereÙÇ*iˆ˜¯*¿
now print out here, then post to see what is lost...

― mark s, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

so by science ¬ = alt l hurrah

― mark s, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

work keyb = not a mac keyb btw, tho work comp = mac

Lost in the dots = infinity, not equals, cap sigma (= sum off in maths), pi, delta, cap delta (= a triangle), cap omega, root of, integral sign, less than or equal, greater than or equal, cap pi (= product of in maths), the apple logo (haha), a little diamond use i kno not what, and that little upwards facing crescent that is a diacritical mark in some languages

― mark s, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

For hash on the Mac, #######

Alt+3.

― suzy, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I knew this really but I am cross that it is not actually printed on the bloody keyboard.

― Nick, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

BACK TO THE SUBJECT AT HAND.

The question is, really, unpasteurized or pasteurized cheese?

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That's not the question at all. Start your own bloody thread.

― Nick, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Celeb death match. Bare knuckles and lumps of cheese can be used to knock out opponent. ;-) Sponsored by Philadelphia Cheese.

― nathalie, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wonderful fusion.

I've just discovered Easy Mac. I love it.

― Lyra, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Now home to discover more than three times as many symbols read as useless little oblongs or asterisks when using my ancient mac keyb. GRRRR: ¬ is no good to me, however it reads to you!!

― mark s, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Erm, that's not the keyboard. The keyboard types ASCII characters and has been pretty much the same for ages. It's just the font that's different. Decent new fonts should have all the characters.

― G®€g, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hah!! Font = same, New York both times. However, I accept that eg screen fonts in system folder may be diff generations etc.

― mark s, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Kraft Cheese + white bread = yummy grilled cheese sandwiches = CLASSIC.

― rosemary, Tuesday, 21 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

three months pass...

The Man Who Didn't Like Cheese

― Nick, Thursday, 6 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

two years pass...

The mac and cheese madness reminded me of this thread.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 17:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that Mac n Cheese stuff just Kraft Cheesy Pasta?

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I think so. Don't tell me you don't like that?

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 17:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Cheese slices aka plastic cheese, are absolutely neccesary when making Cheese Dreams.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 17:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Moderators, please delete Rumpy Pumpkin

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 17:56 (twenty-one years ago)

What I don't get, following on from Tom's Britney comparison, is why machines can't make fantastic cheese very cheaply. They're MACHINES. They don't make mistakes!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not the machine's fault; it's a case of garbage in, garbage out.

― Ian Johnson (orion), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Milk is not garbage! (I am assuming there is milk in Kraft cheese slices)

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I recently discovered Japanese "yam noodles". I think the Japanese name is "shirataki". They're clear, flavorless ramen-type noodles made from some sort of cousin of the yam, but they have NO calories and MINIMAL carbs, for those who care about such things. They take on any flavor you add to them. I'm loving the fact that I can eat noodles almost every night now. Stir fry one day, soup the next.

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 19:07 (twenty-one years ago)

NO calories?

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

But as for mass market -- toss up between Milano cookies and Cheez Its.

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't the carbs in the noodles count as calories, since you have to burn it for energy?

(xpost w/ N)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 19:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, Nick. I think there's something like 14 calories in a package of noodles. Carbs even less.

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Nichole, I dunno. I'm just rattling off what I remember from the package. I'm gonna do some research.

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Here's some info. This is the brand I like, btw.

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Hm. That didn't work. Try www.house-foods.com

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Looked, but it doesn't contain cheese products (though it does have Tofu and import products)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, no. I never said it was in the cheese family. It's just a plain ol' no nutritional value food product that's a great substitute for real (i.e. made with flour) noodles. It 's called shirataki and it's on the home page.

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

let me repeat myself for the millionth times: cheese in cans, WTF?!?

― nathalie (nathalie), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 19:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I am jonesing for toasted white bread. And smoked sausage.

Actually, I'm obsessed with food in general right now. Probably because I'm trying to not "eat excessively." Does anyone here "forget to eat"? How on earth do you do that?

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 4 March 2004 04:14 (twenty-one years ago)

The Kraft-centric attitude showcased above (long time ago) by Mr Tom is reprehensible! There's something especially sexy and dirty about wanting processed cheese 'food slices' and not even going for a branded product, but instead Tesco Value or Safeway Savers. Ooh, it makes my blood run hot and cold all at once.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 4 March 2004 10:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I wasn't very brand-loyal with my cheese-slices, but boy oh boy did I love 'em. I knew they were bad but used to sneak a slice every now and then as a kid. I also had cheese whiz every morning (between my eggo waffles with corn syrup on top - yum!), and still buy spray cheese (is that stuff even cheese? - I like how one type is called called "American Cheese" on the can).

It should be noted that I have matured beyond this and now am a gourmet cheese freak. Had some lovely Taleggio cheese last night - highly recommended...

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 4 March 2004 10:24 (twenty-one years ago)

If you eat too many Kraft Cheese Slices you do ACTUALLY get a Kraft Cheese Hangover. I have no idea if similar occurences happen with the economy processed cheese slices. Liz?

― Sarah (starry), Thursday, 4 March 2004 10:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I cant' see why we're not allowed to love Roqefort, Taleggio, etc., AND Kraft Cheese Slices. Actually, the two combined usually rock pretty hard.

― Baaderoni (Fabfunk), Thursday, 4 March 2004 10:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Haven't noticed one. But what constitutes too many? Several packets in one sitting? What's the hangover like, though? Do you burp fake-cheesily and get a fluorescent aura appearing around objects in your field of view?

xpost.

Of course one can appreciate both posh cheese and demotic evil plastic cheese slices. I have to say that the thought of combining the two extremes is nauseating me slightly though. But in a good way.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 4 March 2004 10:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll try an experiment: get a really nice piece of Stilton and wrap a cheese slice around it with a shot of spray cheese on top, and give it a go. SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 4 March 2004 10:44 (twenty-one years ago)

This may become my new favourite snack. Could do with a slice of ham wrapped round it though. And an olive.

― robster (robster), Thursday, 4 March 2004 10:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Cheese slices shall be used as a texture base for extra-gooeyness, while some fine blue will rock the taste buds!

― Baaderoni (Fabfunk), Thursday, 4 March 2004 10:51 (twenty-one years ago)

It's more a disgusted nausea, like when you wake up and realise you ate a box of fried chicken and it's stuck to your face...

― Sarah (starry), Thursday, 4 March 2004 10:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Starry, you just described my perfect morning.

― robster (robster), Thursday, 4 March 2004 10:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Waking up with cheese slices all over your face could possibly be the only improvement!

(aw man I'm hungry!)

― Sarah (starry), Thursday, 4 March 2004 11:04 (twenty-one years ago)

spray cheese (is that stuff even cheese?

Don't know about other countries, but in the U.S. the feds require such products to be labeled things like "processed cheese food product," to indicate that it is less like cheese and more like something fit for external use only.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 4 March 2004 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

five months pass...

my girlfriend was dipping oreos in coffee and one fell in. a couple minutes later she looked back and found a THICK layer of oily goo floating on top of the coffee.

also, in rosebud, homer goes blind after eating 64 slices of american cheese.

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 12 August 2004 18:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Well the icing in Oreos is made from butter or other lard, so yes when it melts there will be oily goo floating on yr hot drink of choice. It does look icky though, I know. *reaches for the bourbon creams to dunk in coffee*

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 13 August 2004 08:39 (twenty-one years ago)

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