Let Us Now Praise Ramosi

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after the dave q love-in thread i figured a comp of ramosi's greatest hits might resuscitate him, at least in memory!!

come back, ramosi!!

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 10 March 2003 10:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Not much of a drinker, but if I get my work done early, I've sometimes pop two NyQuil capsules and then jelly-belly my way around the office, giving people hugs and whistling "Patience" by G'n'R. There's this one guy I detest, though, and once I found his chair empty so I just gurgled up a nice one and spat on it. Immediately afterwards I got paranoid and rubbed it into the upholstery and walk- sprinted away. As I wiped my finger on my sock I bitterly realized that the whole process probably resulted in me getting more spit on my clothes than on his. Hmmm. I don't want to physically assault him; trying to chip away at him psychologically wont work - he's one of those people so removed from any social loop that nothing offends him (Example: Me: "You're wearing neon yellow suspenders and a sweater your gramma knitted you and your fly is undone you dumb bastard." Him: "Well I'm SOOOOORRY...I guess I don't conform to your standards of "COOOL" and "FASHION", hmph!").
I think I'm just gonna steal his fucking stapler.

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), February 1st, 2002.

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 10 March 2003 10:08 (twenty-two years ago)

someone has to find that awesome post he made from somewhere describing differing racial and ethnic identities. which thread was that on again? that was classic. almost everything i've seen of his: classic

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 10 March 2003 10:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Approximately 4 litres of bottled water so far, planning on 6 (I usually drink 4-5 liters a day total but I'm trying to flush myself out today) ..... breakfast (i had time): 1 bowl frosted mini wheats with strawberries, 2 pancakes with 1 piece of "chocolate orange" melted and mixed in each(this is my own invention), an inch of skim milk out the gallon (fuck a glass), 1 asian pear, 1 rice cake with nutella on it......lunch: footlong pizza sub loaded, bag of sour cream & cheddar chips and iced tea from subway, was still hungry so I went and got a strawberry sundae from mcdicks, word........when I got home I had a handful of pretzel "flips" and another pear and some licorice.......I'm getting ready to go see Blade 2 right now and afterwards we're probably going to Grand Buffet (chinese)......niggas like to watch me consume insane amounts.....I know which foods to avoid (the 'fillers'), which to stock up on.....I'm the buffet ninja......I should remind yall this is pretty normal for a day, and I'm 135 pounds........if my metabolism ever conks out, shit will definitely hit the fan.....it's okay, though, I'm gonna marry an italian girl, they keep it real.
-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), April 9th, 2002.

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 10 March 2003 10:10 (twenty-two years ago)

And let me explain the "covert rewind".....haha, the shit amuses me still....it's some 10th grade shit for real.....you're listening to a song and there's this really bad ass part or lyric.....you keep rewinding because it sounds good......and also because you want the girls on the sidewalk or in the car youre creeping up on to hear it right when they see you......so you rewind frantically right to the part, trying to time the pull-up correctly.....in my hood getting busted doing a C-R was a pretty big party foul......just last weekend my friend Toby was driving and I was sitting shottie and we took turns doing C-R with the last track on the MC Paul Barman EP with the line, "WHEN I BURST IN YOUR FACE, I INVADE YOUR PERSONAL SPACE!!!"....good times.

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), April 12th, 2002.

(and not cos it mentions someone with the same name as me, obv.)

― toby (tsg20), Monday, 10 March 2003 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Pixies, Alec Eiffel.....now there's a lot going on in that song......I love that song....I think it's the smartest song ever made, and it's become something of a theme song to me, because I'm a little fucker that's pretty underrated......my enemies don't know the half.....but back to the song.....the lines about standing in the archway....very cinematic, very cool, inspirational harbinger steez......the tricky multi-edged genius of the "Little Eiffel, Little Eiffel" mantra.....(little 'eyeful'.....sorry if that's common knowledge....I think I'm special for clocking it).......the shout at the end of the second, "Keepin low dont make no.....SENSE!!!".....gyeaaaah nikkuhhhh......immediately following that is that winding, ascending guitar part that sounds like raw, twisted metal scrambling skywards, right?.....(that is 'sound effect that directly conveys image or concept' example one).......and at the end, oh shit, the most angelic coda......what a rush....shit is hawklike....it represents to me the celestial unveiling of the tower, realized potential, etc, you bitch......yo man, sorry for calling you bitch but i am a rugged man and when I use words like angelic and celestial I have to balance it out......alec eiffel rules.....talk about it, and add any hidden things about it I may have missed.
Sound effect that directly conveys image or concept example two: Smiths - "I Know It's Over"........when he's asking you all those questions and it goes, "if you're so very good looking, why you sleep alone tonight?"....and these chimes comes in, but the way they hit.....they sound.......inquisitive.......like they're highlighting that particular question by asking again, rubbing it in.....like a fucking cartoon chipmunk with huge eyes......they always look like they wanna know something.......little fuckers......so talk about cleverly placed sound effects that work like the two examples I have given you.....and make sure you're on point....none of this "I think the 'shredding guitar' of such and such represents the nebulous rage of emo fuckface on vocals".....be specific or die.......out.

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), April 18th, 2002.

― toby (tsg20), Monday, 10 March 2003 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

(geeta isn't it like 5am on a monday morning in nyc?!)

― toby (tsg20), Monday, 10 March 2003 10:13 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah working on thesis toby :(

----

Let me break it down for you raisinheaded hamster-ass keebler motherfuckers........just kidding. Check it out cowgirls, right now I just got out the shower and therefore I am wearing fresh plaid Wrangler boxers, a tattered 1996 Fresh Jive "Riddim Jack" quad- collage t-shirt, my sister's Umbro soccer shorts (which feel quite heavenly on my legs....my sister's not bad looking actually), St. Ives Collagen Elastin cream on my hands and elbows (since they have been a tad ashy lately from the cold), a dab of Persa-Gel on that zit under my chin, raspberry Blistex on lips, black metal tiara-looking hair-band that I love to sleep in because the little metal separator bars give my bangs the most sumptuous flowing layered look in the morning.....I got that good hair.
-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), February 3rd, 2002.

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 10 March 2003 10:15 (twenty-two years ago)

This cashier chick at Eddie Bauer was chatting me up but I had to piss bigtime....was getting a little absent minded....I randomly made up some shit about going to Costa Rica for holidays next week and being "super psyched" about it........at the end of the convo she goes Have A Nice Holiday!....I respond, "You too!.....Uh wait..."....She goes "hahaha, it's cool, it's totally that kind of day!".....sweetheart.....I'd let her pee in my hair for hours...
On the elevator this grey-bearded courier guy, real go-getter oldtimer type tells me the weather is superb just as I'm stepping out.....I go, "yeah!, must be great for biking around huh?" he goes "sure is!".....for some reason I go "THANKS!"

Here's some intentional hijinks that went down this week.....there's this really cute girl Tara that started hanging with our click.....I'm into her because she's a total fucking goof like me.....and freckles all over her shoulders which amuses me to no end.....in a parking lot we were smoking weed in, I just grabbed and shook her by the shoulders out of the blue and yelled, "I'm NOT READY TO BE A FUCKING FATHER YET!!!!".....people staring....she was first in disbelief, then stifled a giggle, then started playing along by pretending to sob.....people still staring, gaping mouths about now.....I instantly recall my Chris Rock HBO special and yell, "I'LL KILL YOU GIRL, YOU HEAR ME!?!? I DON'T PLAY THAT SHIT!!!".........and a few days later at the galleria I realized I wasn't dressed totally dorkily in puffy jacket shit, like a kid, thus makign it a good time to pull out an old gag....I set my jaw into overbite and held her arm while acting mentally handicapped and like she was my caretaker or sister.....see, this fucks her totally over....she has to play along because if she gets annoyed and tells me to fuck off, people may think she's a heartless negligent bitch, right?.....but like I said, this girl's the bomb, she played along and baby-talked to me.....I whispered, "start calling me "alvin", aight?".

Is she the one?

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), April 12th, 2002.

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 10 March 2003 10:40 (twenty-two years ago)

geeta is yr thesis ABOUT ramosi?

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 10 March 2003 11:29 (twenty-two years ago)

haha yes mark i changed my topic again!!

----

Straight up, my pops was and is the most humorless, predictable piece of robot shit ever shat in all respects, and music was no exception.......he owned zero music, listened to zero music, hated or was indifferent to all music he heard.....it was like the very existence of music insulted his core being......think that's inhuman? get this......he also disliked sweets.....SWEETS.....all candy was kryptonite to him.....I am sure he is the only cunt on earth that doesn't even like the SMELL of sweet goods.....when mom dukes was baking cupcakes, she'd have to do it hours before he came home from work because he'd freak out and get cursey then depressed if he had to breathe it in......this guy's pleasure sensors must have gotten reversed at birth or some shit.....next time I visit I should mace him to see if he finds it delicious.......thankfully he has always been a quite adept provider.
Mom dukes, though, she's always been down with music......she'd take us downstairs and school us on Patsy Cline, The Beatles, even some jazz, whatever.....when Fugees "Killing Me Softly" came on the radio she'd sing along, make little ironic hip-hop dance lunges, and then make us listen to the OG shit from which KMS was sampled. When new high school friends' moms saw my mom pick me up from their houses, they'd think mom was my older sister in college......must have been her ponytail.....she still rocks it, it's still very shiny.....she's a lady......your momma got rosacea.

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), April 9th, 2002.

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 10 March 2003 11:41 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was in 8th grade or so and my looks were changing, there was a short period when I had no idea whatsoever whether I was hot or not....honestly, I was riddled.....at that time I dreamed up this "system" where every boy and girl writes down a list of 30 people they think are fuckable, gives it to some computer which works out a cross-reference database and returns to each student a list of people who share mutual lust....noone would be insulted, nearly everyone would get laid....I got over this period but I still think it would be a cool thing to have in place

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), February 11th, 2002.

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Monday, 10 March 2003 11:52 (twenty-two years ago)

URGENT:
TOM.....WAS DRIVING THRU BACKROADS OF HONKYSHIRE PROVINCE, ENGLAND WITH A RUTHLESS NATTY DREAD SITTING SHOTTIE.....WAS PULLED OVER BY RACIST COP WHO ROOKED MY 'KNAVE' PORNO MAGS (AVAIL. ONLY IN UK), I SAID "TAKE EM, GRILLES ARE BUSTED ANYHOW".....HE GOT EXTRA PISSED AND RIFLED THRU MY TRUNK FOR HIDDEN REFUGEE SEGUNDOS....."THIS AIN'T CALI" I SAID BUT HE WASN'T HEARING ME......SO BASICALLY RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO SEND SUPPLIES......I'M GOING TO DESTROY THIS COP'S HOUSE WITH THE "MARMITE BOMB" I SAW ON MACGYVER

ramosi.....date time thing

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 10 March 2003 11:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Not sure whether to post this here or on N.'s "Am I black?" thread!

Nick Dastoor: Hero

Nicky Dubbs......what to say about him......when I first came to ILX, I had never heard the last name "Dastoor" before, and I assumed N. was taliban or something......but it turns out he's a very waiflike white man......but from the dapper way this cat swings on ILX, it is so utterly obvious that although he may be pale and skinny, underneath his clothes his penis is assuredly a stout, towering obelisk of deepest ebony.....how you livin, Nick?

Nick's got a harem like arabian muthafuckas........when his manservant peels him a grape, Nick's like, "peel it again" and when the manservant says "that's physically impossib--" Nick just shoots him in the face.......he's got it like that....

Ramosi (olafsonkilla@ac.com), September 7/10th, 2002.

Sweet.

― Mooro (Mooro), Monday, 10 March 2003 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Ramosi on the subject of extreme sport thrill-seekers:

Oh, in that case (living on the edge) we're talking that extreme sports shit......well there's the good natured cheery bearded kind that just loves the outdoors.....then you got the younger snowboarder types that just have fun and hit jumps to WU-Tang....bohemian painter snowboarders are the worst though because it's a very 'bro-down' sport and everyone praises each other regardless of everything......much utopian precious nonsense.......*then* you got those corny pinched-face, overtanned, plus-one "PUSH THE ENVELOPE" Max Powersauce niggas.....dude i'm SOOO STOKED, 100%!!!....unbearable to hang with......they gleek-spit all over the place, got tore up kneecaps.....don't bring this zen psycho shit in my area you Oakley rockers.....you try to eat dinner with them and they get all restless....."dude, i need a new rush, fuck, new challenges, push the envelope......let me drink this whole canister of soy sauce and slap some olive oil on the waiting bench....grind that shit!!!"
-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), March 14th, 2002.

― Mandee, Monday, 10 March 2003 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Now: When I'm out with my friends or friends of friends and I hear one of them initiate a conversation about "Friends", I sort of, um, try to destroy their self-esteem by backhandedly attacking their intelligence, family, career, type of car they drive, hairstyle, you name it, for the remainder of the night. Oh, and I sort of wish the mother and daughter from the Gilmore Girls would eat each other out. Because otherwise the show is only good for attracting even cornier fans than Friends. "That Korean girl is SO TRUE!!" Ugh. Ballcorns.

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), January 23rd, 2002.

― Nicole (Nicole), Monday, 10 March 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Black latex brassieres filled up with tits, these are a few of my favorite shits!
I'm talking shit that delights you so much to see that it damn skippy breaks your bastard heart..........

-rumply leather-trim inside door panels of mid 90's Acura NSX.
-pretty girls that happily, proudly give up their thursday nights to push their retarded brother around town in a wheelchair after dressing him up in Lakers gear*.
-your woman getting so comfortable around you that she doesn't even suck in her gut anymore when she's tying her sneakers.
-any member of the Gracie family losing a match.
-Deuce Bigelow knocking the fishtank over.
-pussy
-seeing ILXOR for the first time and thinking "damn, i totally underestimated that tranny-looking Graham kid!!" (much props to him, btw!!!)
-PIZZA TIME!!!

* (and this is coming from a guy that hates the Lakers!)
-- The Sound Of Ramosi (olafsonskill...), September 5th, 2002.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 10 March 2003 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I take time to clock the personality time.......squinty little indie- types that look like they're lifeless tightasses, I don't even bother with......there's a table......you best be down to dance on it.....shit, I dance like a girl, I get persecuted.....I even do the snake-y arms with my eyes closed sometimes....ahaha, man, I'm a dork......but forildo, I just be totally crazy random (this is the thing....superenergized, knowing randomness is the backbone of my social life), big ridiculous words juxtaposed with ebonicized or snide humor, aggro but wise, not fratboy style......a few Ramosi- original ice-breaker outbursts: "I swear, the smell of summer, like right now.....it always got me livin' gorilla"......"puerto ricooooooo!"......."Leno's a fucking pussy, yo"........."this weed got me discombobulated supreme.....yo, how come some redheads have yellow teeth, and they don't even smoke?"
-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), April 13th, 2002.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 March 2003 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

ok this is bizarre, i just started working on a ramosi fansite for this express purpose the day before yesterday!

haha this is really cool, i was gonna have to dig through ilx looking for good stuff, but if it's all here it will make my task much easier, thank you ile!

― minna (minna), Monday, 10 March 2003 21:42 (twenty-two years ago)

oh god I've been doubled up over "grind that shit" for like ten minutes.

― g.cannon (gcannon), Monday, 10 March 2003 21:55 (twenty-two years ago)

porn psychic

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 10 March 2003 22:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Rescued from a Winter Olympics thread (but I was looking for another post!):

I hope none of you saw Bill Maher on Leno last night.....what a stacked card, let me tell you....the biggest pseud on TV with the most unfunny cunt on earth.....Bill said some shit so ignorant it somehow eclipses his "overweight people are just lazy and why should I pay health taxes because they're pigs?!" P.I. show and rap music comments....he says something like "I don't watch the Winter games....they're not sports...they're GRAVITY!!! You sit on a sled.." All the while with that huge triangular nose and those smirky incredulous "I mean COME ON!" facial gestures that must mean this guy actually thinks he's being cleverfresh...... everyday I cry a 40oz of tears trying to understand how people can think this man is exceptionally intelligent or witty....my theory is that Bill is the mascot for midbrow pseuds all over the USA that aren't outright morons but have just the right amount of totally cursory knowledge about shit in general to think they can stop right the fuck there.

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), February 22nd, 2002.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 10 March 2003 22:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah, here it is. THE ULTIMATE RAMOSI POST. Or one of them:

I bet some of you don't even like sports.....slobb ass bandwagoniers....probably like it for the "populist pageantry" or some such safely removed arty shit.....yall can die.....haha Im just playing.

I just watched the women's freestyle skiing event (which looks very difficult). The cute canadian girl with buck teeth should have won by far (she came fourth) - she qualified really early so the judges gave her a good score but not as good as she deserved so they could 'make room' for the later-running top qualifiers.....still, it pissed me off....some corny norwegian girl with a big burger king forehead won instead. So let's talk Olympians I wanna fuck.... In the same event, #1 american qualifier was Hannah Hardaway. Let me tell you, that's a bad pic but trust me this girl has got the most adorable face and the BUBBLICIOUS ASS. I mean ideal thickness: tall, 140 cornfed pounds in all the right places, dig?...not dumpy thick wit da manly witch-face like most athlete ATHLETE chix...I'm talking cute thick....like the drummer girl from the WHite Stripes...bomb diggity with big tiggities....let me drink the milk out them shits ya monkey....I swear, that's all I need in life, babyface hoosier athlete dame with SIr-Mix-A-Lot booty on my jock, hard funky beats every Friday at parties with familiar hairdos, intermittent Chinese food, daily Tony Hawk Proskater 3.....I'm set. Word to muff.....put on some makeup for once in your life girl, bring that fat ass over here and hop on my Wooooo00000000ooooo!!!!

-- Ramosi, Red Beans & Rice Mothafokka!! (olafsonski...), February 9th, 2002.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 10 March 2003 22:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Cripes, that whole thread is full of Ramosi beauty. Another instance:

Ok, I am seriously pissed. Sale and Pelletier were robbed. Poor kids.

UNGHHH....same here. I'm this close to getting carried away....I don't really have a 'genteel' reputation here to say the least, so what the hey, right about now I feel like taking a boxcutter and sock full of pennies to the Pole & Chino judges...I seriously would, too.....word up. Right now, more than the cure for cancer, or why the sky is blue or why we park in driveways and drive in parkways, I want to know exactly what was going through the stupid bastard heads of those judges.... thankfully there's controversy and everything is TAINTED so everyone will remember the way it should have been....everyone knows....I like how the Russians were cool as hell about it and kept shaking their heads and shrugging as if gesturing to Sale and Pell. that they agreed shit was rotten in denmark - they aren't to blame at all.....so that's Jennifer Heil, Danny Kass & Heikki Sorsa, Sale & Pelltier, all fucked over.....I'm telling you this shit is crooked as a barrel of snakes....I'm so pissed off I just quoted Jackie Brown......Sale is beautiful, not like that Sailor Moon fisheye Russian hoe...oh yeah, oh yeah, it's not her fault......man, I'm gonna go punch a stranger in the head right about now

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), February 12th, 2002.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 10 March 2003 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh God, I must search the "unflattering pictures of tennis players" thread...

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 March 2003 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

In response to an unflattering picture I linked of Martina Hingis:

Dan, her left arm in that second picture is so ralphrugged it looks like her palm is likely to be sweating pure Old Spice cheddar flavor....looks like Mega-Man with titties....her face is so gimped up and intense she looks how I look when I get bored at my desh and try to dig out this mole/beautymark thing on my left wrist with a protractor (I do this religiously and I'm getting there).
Phil, she got one of them Sade foreheads.

One day she'll undo that scrunchie and find out she looks like Steven Wright....a weave won't be able to save her......bitch I thought you knew the time!

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), February 3rd, 2002. (link) (admin)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 March 2003 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

From the "I... am... NUMBER ONE!" thread I posted in honor of Serena taking the #1 ranking:

2 is not a winner and 3 nobody remembers....why the shit didn't that song hit #1....
Bottom line, Venus and Capriati are supremely chuggo human beings...straight ralphrugged physiques....I'd agree to a threesome with them if they promised to lift me up by my bunghole using only one arm with their hooked index finger and call me Angelique - it is the objective.

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), February 19th, 2002. (link) (admin)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 March 2003 22:40 (twenty-two years ago)

i still like dave q better

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 March 2003 22:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't pick just one! That's like saying Hall is better than Oates!

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 01:53 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a challenge, which one had the better hairstyle?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 02:09 (twenty-two years ago)

"Cripes", nick......I was off eh? BUt cool, cool, I hate silicone, and I am getting heavily into that kind of geeky porn......thanks much in part to this gag they got going on Letterman (the deserving king of US latenight talk shows).....they got this totally geeked out intern named Stephanie (?) and Dave just sends her to do errands with a two-way mic on her.....she is just completely deadpan dorky and adorable and that's why the bit keeps going......she has no idea anything is funny........tonight they filmed her going to buy gourmet french fries in a little picture window in the bottom right corner on the screen....."Dave, they don't have wet-naps here."......an utter naivete.....she just starts chowing on fries on camera while waiting for the rest of them......she's totally homely and unpretty and I still want to marry her.....rocking baggy denim and nondescript shirts......that's the shit about geeky girls, I mean real geeks.......underneath those mumpy ass unglamorous clothes they got the bomb squeezy bodies just pristine and primed for whatever.......yo, you ever hooked up with a party girl rocking a skanked out ultra-tight top and jeans at the club, and when they take it all off, you see the price of hoed-out fashion.....accordion marks on the tittes, the little red belt intentation under the belly....it's no big deal, but geeks aint be having those things, they've always been rocking the comfort cotton threads.....and girls like Stephanie be busting out the teddy bear behavior......yo this girl got me crazy! cuz theres more to life, than weed and Mercedes!

Sorry again, nick, I really wanted to get you right.

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), April 2nd, 2002.

And Stephanie is so very crushable.

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 02:16 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm partial to "coochie red like fire truck" and "beast out on that twig themselves, WHAT"

― ron (ron), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 02:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I have seen so much porn in my life that it's mostly all a blur and pinpointing age of first exposure is near impossible.....but the first time I saw bush on film was at my cousin's house.......this comedy/nudie flick where it's like a musical....probably the best way to 'ease' a kid into it, it was very lighthearted and festive.....titties bouncing everywhere, i was like yeah, that's cool.....but then this one scene theyre in a chorus line, kicking....a very faraway shot, but they were def. not wearing panties.....unshaven bushes, I was confused......I had had no sex ed but was pretty sure there was a damn hole somewhere....so where it at?.....I just stared riddled at the dark, murky, faraway mounds and I asked my cousin "how come the pussy is BLACK"....he was confused as I was....
Few months later my friend at school has me over and he shows me a Playboy....I remember it like it was yesterday, the start of my rambling life of porn.......Kerri Kendall centerfold, unshaven, but clear pic, and I could easily make out the cameltosis....a real woman right there...big country badoonk, big country tittes, what.....i asked dude if i could borrow it.....he knew what was up, was very accomodating and said yes....what a guy....he still chuckled knowing what was going down, though.......in the car on the way home, my mom oblivious, my heart began thumping out of control and I had a root like no other.....total fever.....oh verd uppenheimer.....straight to my room, I pulled out my wank teddy bear and it was on (remember that? I already told you the bear/wanklikeagirl story).....the heart thump was funny....after I got used to porn, esp the full exposure shaved kind and video, the anticipatory crazy thump went away...the only other times (2 total) I had it was the hour leading up to when I lost my virginity, and later on in 11th grade when I was sucking this chick's tits and she was reeking of Tommy Girl perfume in general.....it was an epiphanic moment.....I used to think of Tommy GIrl as a total played out bougie perfume every girl rocked, but that one moment......now whenever I get near a tittie I want to smell Tommy Girl and nothing but....all you girls try to wear Tommy Girl in the summer, aiiight?!?!? it just suits tits.

So a while after Kerri Kendall, the real shit went down.....in same friend's back shed, he pulls out the Hustler, aw shiiiiit......no hairy muffz, I can see everything.....yeah. antoher friend shows me video porn a bit after that (by then I'd learned to wank like a man, by hand) and the rest is Randy West worshipping history. my documents folder is split into three these days......mp3......mad porn....crazy porn

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), March 14th, 2002.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 05:23 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.olympic-usa.org/news/images/hardaway_h.jpg

bomb diggity with big tiggities

― jm (jtm), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 05:49 (twenty-two years ago)

nine months pass...

Understandably my man ant you're missing out a chunk of the hetero side but I agree with your general purple headed thrust......the ubiquity is heinous, the graduality is gone.....if someone would link to my post on Chuck Jones, it explains it....I link a lot of corny whippersnapper behavior to gen-x-ers having their trashy epiphanies and demanding everyone on earth be experiencing the same thing they are at all times.....yeah man I really wanna see you pissing on the stairs when I'm driving my grandma to church, you're so revolutionary.....i hate flipping to nudity when my mom just wants to see Jeopardy......lines gotta be there or aint no fun crossing them........I'll be straight, cultural thrillseeker lateniks fuck up everything......they neutralize and make corny and boring the gully porn I hold dear by putting it everywhere......like old people starting to pop E and getting all up in my face with corny conversation, I don't want to hear your hairy stockbroker ass explain how good it feels to pee.......and fools that start listening to music in grad school reclaiming Tevin Campbell and shit.......oh I'm glad to know Tevin factored in the shift toward E-Coli during the Rodney King riots ya fuckin schtrutz.

-- Ramosi (asdfsad...), September 22nd, 2002 8:46 PM. (link)

― g--ff (gcannon), Thursday, 8 January 2004 08:37 (twenty-one years ago)

god i love ramosi
i never finished my fansite :/

― minna (minna), Thursday, 8 January 2004 08:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I have no idea who he is, but I love him too.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 8 January 2004 08:53 (twenty-one years ago)

He sounds hairy

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Thursday, 8 January 2004 08:56 (twenty-one years ago)

i miss ramosi!! :(

― geeta (geeta), Thursday, 8 January 2004 08:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Me too.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 8 January 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Much love for ramosi.

― bnw (bnw), Thursday, 8 January 2004 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

i miss him & i wasnt even around for it the first time

― kephm, Thursday, 8 January 2004 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Man, Ramosi was one of the best. Godspeed, wherever you are!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 8 January 2004 17:40 (twenty-one years ago)

all the girls love ramosi! (me too.)

― cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 8 January 2004 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Man, Ramosi was one of the best. Godspeed, wherever you are!

probably in a food court somewhere.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 8 January 2004 18:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Y'all remember when he posted to a thread a few months ago and everyone was all like, "Oh shit! It' Ramosi!" and then he vanished?

― ModJ (ModJ), Thursday, 8 January 2004 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

There was a point in my life when I would have flown to America to meet Ramosi.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 8 January 2004 18:49 (twenty-one years ago)

ILE is grosi without ramosi.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 8 January 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I searched google for him and didn't find anything. Except something about a pharaoh. Didn't jess used to IM him?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 9 January 2004 00:35 (twenty-one years ago)

he sent me an e-mail once saying he liked me and gareth or something, i forget really.

― cozen (Cozen), Friday, 9 January 2004 00:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 6 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

really

― miccio (miccio), Monday, 31 January 2005 01:56 (twenty years ago)

You are welcome to suggest another.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 January 2005 02:12 (twenty years ago)

― miccio (miccio), Monday, 31 January 2005 02:19 (twenty years ago)

how about:

i'd like to C on her T's

-- cutty (holle...), July 28th, 2004

― haitch, man? (haitch), Monday, 31 January 2005 02:34 (twenty years ago)

aha, the rosetta stone at last!

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 31 January 2005 02:40 (twenty years ago)

your momma got rosacea.

― Masked Gazza, Monday, 31 January 2005 02:45 (twenty years ago)

classic nonsequiter (though as usual it's something everyone just KNOWS is true) from a josh wink thread on ilm

...

"My sister gave me a compilation disc from Ovum Records and it had this Wink track called "New Groove".....not much to it but it sounded very......pneumatic........like a really bright New York apartment with glass everywhere.......back then I thought that shit was really cool......but now my feet are on the ground and my standards of beauty are earthen and real.....fuck it baby, let me break you off the fact of facts:

The best girls on EARTH either drive a black '95-'98 Volkswagon Golf (cabrio or hatch), or a white Geo Tracker with the stock aluminum wheels......not too rich, not too poor, down for whatever. You may find them at the beach with that nigga Ramosi and his truant officer Goeff Parkes."

― vahid (vahid), Monday, 31 January 2005 05:21 (twenty years ago)

two years pass...

― Jordan, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 19:57 (eighteen years ago)

ramosi was ILX jesus

― Jimmy The Mod Awaits The Return Of His Beloved, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 19:59 (eighteen years ago)

"Megaman with titties"

― HI DERE, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 20:00 (eighteen years ago)

wow i never saw this ramosi shit before.

― M@tt He1ges0n, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 21:08 (eighteen years ago)

everyday I cry a 40oz of tears trying to understand

― Milton Parker, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 21:10 (eighteen years ago)

nothing makes the internet fall in love like a made-up braggart who uses ellipses every five words

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 21:11 (eighteen years ago)

Ramosi gave me a nice cheer-up msg on facebook the other day. What a great guy.

― Curt1s Stephens, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 21:12 (eighteen years ago)

Le Coq could write a memoir of this stuff and there'd be two threads devoted to cheering on Oprah for calling his bullshit

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 21:12 (eighteen years ago)

.......in the car on the way home, my mom oblivious, my heart began thumping out of control and I had a root like no other.....total fever.....oh verd uppenheimer.....straight to my room, I pulled out my wank teddy bear and it was on (remember that? I already told you the bear/wanklikeagirl story).....the heart thump was funny....after I got used to porn, esp the full exposure shaved kind and video, the anticipatory crazy thump went away...the only other times (2 total) I had it was the hour leading up to when I lost my virginity, and later on in 11th grade when I was sucking this chick's tits and she was reeking of Tommy Girl perfume in general.....it was an epiphanic moment.....I used to think of Tommy GIrl as a total played out bougie perfume every girl rocked, but that one moment......now whenever I get near a tittie I want to smell Tommy Girl and nothing but....all you girls try to wear Tommy Girl in the summer, aiiight?!?!? it just suits tits.

Amazing^

― Mr. Que, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 21:13 (eighteen years ago)

tombot otm. the stream-of-consiousness/ellipsis every 5 words format is a total disqualifier

― wanko ergo sum, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 21:38 (eighteen years ago)

rong

― Jordan, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 21:40 (eighteen years ago)

My neighbors are *very* light sleepers and they're sort of cranky and old (they love to file noise complaints for the tiniest rumble) so on nights when I cannot find my earbuds, I'm kind of at a loss (I sleep on my side so big headphones are impossible.) I have discovered a non-music alternative lately, though: I cart my TV and VCR into my bedroom, pop in a hardcore porno tape -- I'm talking "gonzo" material here, like rough anal or cumswapping or loud gagging coughing slobbering deepthroat stuff, lots of yelling -- and turn it up pretty loud. For some reason they never complain about that (I think they're too embarrassed to talk about sex, or, they feel they only have the right to complain about *music* noise -- that's why I only play the real amateur shit: no music, sounds like real fucking.) So I watch the porn and bust a nut and fall asleep immediately and the yelps and wet slappy noises keep going in the background for 2 hours and noone fucks with me. In the morning the tape has been automatically rewound and I hit play again, masturbate once more, and go to work. It's a wonderful life.

-- Ramosi, Saturday, January 19, 2002 1:00 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark Link

― gr8080, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 21:48 (eighteen years ago)

well written is well written

― deej, Friday, 8 June 2007 02:42 (eighteen years ago)

bomb diggity with big tiggities....let me drink the milk out them shits ya monkey

...is perhaps the most direct and perfect portrait of straight male lust for the female bosom ever written.

-- Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, January 31, 2005 1:26 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Link

― ^@^, Saturday, 9 June 2007 23:21 (eighteen years ago)

Haha speak of the devil! After not hearing from him for like a year, yesterday the guy dropped me a line that he was in town and we hung out til like 5am. Good times. Much better than last time he visited and I thought he and my roommate were going to murder each other. True story: dude is the person who introduced me to ILX back in the day. Also he'd seen this thread and Tombot hate makes him :(

― Alex in Baltimore, Saturday, 9 June 2007 23:29 (eighteen years ago)

DOES HE STILL HAVE THE VIDEO?

― gr8080, Saturday, 9 June 2007 23:36 (eighteen years ago)

Ah man, that was a fun ass night Al. You remember when we were smokin trees in the hotel room w everyone and you were messing around with the firmness control on the bed i'd later be sleeping on? It was completely deflated like a waterbed when i came back but the re-inflation would have been too loud at 6am so i just assed out and went to bed - had TWO drowning nightmares, ya bastard! Can't wait to come back to Bmore.

also, TOMBOT OTM.

― LeCoq, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 19:24 (eighteen years ago)

re: video. unfortunately they died with my old laptop. So I'm looking for them too.

― LeCoq, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 19:26 (eighteen years ago)

I think Tombot has confused you for the PS3.

― Ronan, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 19:27 (eighteen years ago)

haha. I was drunk and weirdly obsessed with the VMMMMMMMMMMM sound it was making, I must've pressed the button up and down on that thing for 10 straight minutes. I'm surprised I didn't outright break the bed like John Candy's car seat in Trains, Planes & Automobiles.

(xpost, didn't nickalicious say he might still have the video on the noize board?)

― Alex in Baltimore, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 19:28 (eighteen years ago)

hey it ain't hate I just like being contrary during dogpiles or group hugs
unless it's momus or some other troll. anyway it's fascinating how "Gonzo" style can make stuff that should by all means be met with fear and disapproval IRL into really entertaining, uh, entertainment

I know if I met dude in person we'd get along, except I don't smoke trees or whatever!

ronan wins

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 22:13 (eighteen years ago)

Is Ramosi still the only ever made-up ILX character that people actually believed in? That's an achievement in itself.

― Matt DC, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 22:22 (eighteen years ago)

+ Aja!

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 22:24 (eighteen years ago)

I'm pretty sure 'Ramosi' is, name aside, a lot less "made-up" than some people here think he is. Probably less made-up than some people here period.

― Alex in Baltimore, Wednesday, 13 June 2007 00:26 (eighteen years ago)

Ramosi lives in all of us, ya ding-dong

― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 13 June 2007 12:44 (eighteen years ago)

I thank God for being on the internet (and that totally wacky Pitchfork board), otherwise I'd never have *met* Le Coq.

― nathalie, Wednesday, 13 June 2007 13:19 (eighteen years ago)

haha yeah, 'Bitchpork' was the shit

― Alex in Baltimore, Wednesday, 13 June 2007 13:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dude, you were on there as well? God, I miss that board. I don't think I even read PF at the time. hahahaha

― stevienixed, Wednesday, 13 June 2007 17:18 (eighteen years ago)

i was supposed to marry this guy

― homosexual II, Wednesday, 13 June 2007 17:23 (eighteen years ago)

If you ever do, could you two adopt me?

― stevienixed, Wednesday, 13 June 2007 18:11 (eighteen years ago)

nine months pass...

I second the CARNIVAL recommendation.....hype shit.....and THE SURGEONS HOUSE has the most perfectly scraggly guitar line ever played.....beautiful song......it warms me up like no other....well, maybe like when I used to microwave my "Magic Bag" therapeutic pad, stick it between my legs and watch Ducktales in the morning before fucking school.....I was one of those kids that couldn't eat a single bite in the morning, not a one......I was a weak AM student but I persevered......in high school I could force a pizza pop in the AMs but only if I had been smoking pot the night before......oh, the Magic Bag I first encountered at Grandma's house, and I had to have one for myself. I tried hers and it smelled like cabbage and ginger snaps.....dirty ass bitch.

-- Ramosi, Tuesday, March 12, 2002 1:00 AM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

― Jordan, Friday, 4 April 2008 14:48 (seventeen years ago)

I have no idea who he is, but I love him too.

-- luna (luna.c), Thursday, 8 January 2004 08:53

― gff, Friday, 4 April 2008 15:32 (seventeen years ago)

smoother than a trunk full of ~~mink~~cellphones

― and what, Friday, 4 April 2008 15:34 (seventeen years ago)

The one guy I called someone out for racism. Now it seems so lovably deranged.

― felicity, Friday, 4 April 2008 15:42 (seventeen years ago)

"it just suits tits"

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 4 April 2008 15:42 (seventeen years ago)

two weeks pass...

the thread where he sort of comes out, with the interesting story about the 'real' ramosi and all, that popped into my head the other day after not looking at ilx for ages. anyone have any idea what it was called, if i didn't dream it up?

― milk, Wednesday, 23 April 2008 14:07 (seventeen years ago)

seven months pass...

― Every Day Jimmy Mod Is Hustlin' (Jimmy The Mod Awaits The Return Of His Beloved), Friday, 5 December 2008 03:22 (sixteen years ago)

yo, how come some redheads have yellow teeth, and they don't even smoke?
yo, how come some redheads have yellow teeth, and they don't even smoke?"
yo, how come some redheads have yellow teeth, and they don't even smoke?"
yo, how come some redheads have yellow teeth, and they don't even smoke?"

― Tanganyika laughter epidemic (gbx), Friday, 5 December 2008 03:29 (sixteen years ago)

one year passes...

That's hot. Women are incredible people.

-- LeCoq (LeCoq), Friday, February 25, 2005 8:54 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Link

― Astronaut Mike Dexter (Jimmy The Mod Awaits The Return Of His Beloved), Friday, 22 January 2010 16:41 (fifteen years ago)

two months pass...

Is Ramosi still the only ever made-up ILX character that people actually believed in? That's an achievement in itself.

innocent timez

― velko, Sunday, 18 April 2010 04:12 (fifteen years ago)

which thread has the coming out thing. i wanna read that.

― dylannn, Sunday, 18 April 2010 05:19 (fifteen years ago)

A Difficult But Crucial Post For Me: Cleaning Out My Closet

― a hoy hoy young mess (some dude), Monday, 19 April 2010 17:27 (fifteen years ago)

eleven months pass...

I'll be straight with you, I always pocket my friends' lighters. Sometimes by accident, sometimes not. I keep them - there are at least 30 - in the back of a box full of videotapes because I've had a few embarrassing experiences from just leaving them lying around my room and my friends recognizing them when they come over....those are just the distinctive ones, though - the Bics blend in. Whole crew thinks I'm toxic... Ive got to stop.

Other stuff... Kinder Surprise toys (I never play with them, yet I keep buying the overpriced chocolate because assembling is something to do in the car), spoons for McDonald's McFlurry (I keep thinking I might make a similar dessert at home one day and this exact spoon type will be mandatory for eating), "ambient" mp3s I keep in my drive to feel cool but never ever ever EVER *EVER* listen to.

― Ramosi, Wednesday, 6 February 2002 12:00 (9 years ago)

― side splitting genital based username (vdgna) (sic), Wednesday, 13 April 2011 06:52 (fourteen years ago)

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