The Business Executive Hand-on-hips Piss Pose -- practical sanitary urination mechanism, or pointless toilet room meme invented by cockfarmers?

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Nine times out of then says you see a guy doing this in the bathroom = he's a high level manager who makes ten times what you make. The hell? Why save your hands a quick extra wash when you just end up with golden drops all over your hot new white Saks trousers?

(sadly, gals, this thread is for the gents...)

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Is this really the sort of thing I never see because I've never had an office job, or do you guys make this shit up to fuck with the rest of us?

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

no, it's soooo true. and so DUD!

― hstencil, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I am going to sneak into office building men's rooms. If you see me (I'm the guy in the hat), play along.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:16 (twenty-two years ago)

better than the guys who place their hands against the wall like some cop just told to spread em or something

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus Christ, how disturbing. From both DB *and* Blount.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:23 (twenty-two years ago)

And yet no one is disturbed by the thought of me prowling men's rooms in a hat, surveying.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Tep, I'd just think you were another perv security guard, or something.

― hstencil, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:25 (twenty-two years ago)

It's really a cap, but I could be an undercover men's room security guard.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:26 (twenty-two years ago)

What the hell? What is wrong with men? I'm becoming a lesbian, right now. Jesus.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:28 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not all of us! I blame prolonged exposure to fluorescent lights and motivational kitten posters.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh my god, I am so creeped out by the whole thing.

There are a lot of guys in my office that seem proud to have to go to the bathroom, by the way. They make a production of it and make sure everyone sees them take the communal newspaper with them. I'm like, why would anyone touch that newspaper afterwards? Jesus christ. Ugh.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, yeah, that's called a circle jerk.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:33 (twenty-two years ago)

All I'm saying is that you don't see me walking around, waving a tampon in the air. That is all.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:33 (twenty-two years ago)

why the hell not¿

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"You'll have to excuse me, ladies. I have to go apply the little white mouse on a string! TEEHEE!"

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:39 (twenty-two years ago)

it is grody

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Unless it was Enya excusing herself from an important business meeting, then she's say "let me bail, let me bail, stop the gory nookie flow"

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:45 (twenty-two years ago)

(BAM! most tastless post evah!)

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:46 (twenty-two years ago)

That is so wrong and sick.

Worst thing ever produced in the men's bathroom at my work: several used condoms. I mean, is it that hard to flush them? What the hell is going on in there?

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:47 (twenty-two years ago)

See, they forgot to bring the newspaper with them.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

You're not supposed to flush condoms down the toilet! Seriously! They don't dissolve quickly at all and can clog pipes and shit.

That and dental floss. For reals.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I've never even heard of a condom clogging dental floss. But I could see it happening.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, fine, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE GARBAGE THEN?

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Please do not bring kittens into this sordid business.

― rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Ants. Used condoms attract ants. You can't leave them in the garbage.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:50 (twenty-two years ago)

So the FLOOR is preferable?

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:52 (twenty-two years ago)

You can't remove the tags from condoms either UNDER PENALTY OF LAW!

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:52 (twenty-two years ago)

plus recycle-reuse-etc

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Ultimately, you just blow them up, tie them, and let them float away. God will take care of the rest.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Remind me never to have sex with any of you.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:53 (twenty-two years ago)

: (

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:54 (twenty-two years ago)

they make nice booties for cats

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:55 (twenty-two years ago)

galoshes rather

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:55 (twenty-two years ago)

aaaw, but Ally, w-w-what about Rusty The Recycling Rubber?

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Can you post an entire thread in that other thread?

(I have no idea what of any of y'all are talking about, btw)

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 03:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I think every guy should try this pose once in their life though, because it does make you feel like an executive.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:01 (twenty-two years ago)

haha, I've tried the 'I'm drunk so I'll lean against the wall and try to pee into the urinal sideways but instead it'll go down my leg cuz I never actually unzipped my pants' pose. made me feel like an airline pilot.

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Cueing the ad for ILX Airlines.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I do the 'one palm against the wall' when drunk sometimes. It can unnerve people.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, when drunk, all bets are off. Otherwise, just go ahead and touch your penis. No biggie.

(ha! I just made an unintentional pun. Please don't read too much into it.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:12 (twenty-two years ago)

)

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Cueing the ad for ILX Airlines.

We really need to have airline bags made up

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:16 (twenty-two years ago)

DB is on fire. He also scares me greatly.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I guess I just don't trust physics / gravity / my penis quite enough to think everything will take care of itself like that. Some things call for a steadying hand. Even just in case of the unexpected.

― use your hands (nabisco), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:26 (twenty-two years ago)

throw yourself at the urinal and miss.

no, wait

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Clearly the executives expect there to be assistants to hold their wingwangs.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Did you seriously just type "wingwangs?"

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah. Wanna make something of it?

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Like a puppet?

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 5 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Sure, Chris, that's what normal people do!!!

― rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Like the Richard Pryor joke about when U R takin a pi$$ and some big dick motherfucker rolls up to the urinal and stands like 3 feet away from it.

I went to a bar once that was so busy there were girlz in tha boyz room standin' up pi$$in' in the urinals. That was freak nasty.

I prefers piSSin' in da toilet because I hate the spray from the wall of a urinal.

But there's no smell worse than a toilet full of miXXed pi$$!

Nevertheless, Pi$$ Poses are some comedic shit.

― Masaccio, the Evil Fucking Teenage Mutant Turtle, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:54 (twenty-two years ago)

What's with the spelling? Do you piss money or something?

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus, I've never seen a guy piss like this, probably mostly 'cause I avoid even looking in another guy's general direction when he's urinating. It's totally the thing I'd expect that manager guy from Office Space (and people like him) to do though. I don't think a palm-on-the-wall is so bad though, as long as one hand is keeping things in line, you know? Hahaha, I can just imagine some guy peeing with his hands on his hips and then kind've leaning back and rolling his head to the side and looking at the dude next to him like "oh yeah, that's the spot right there". Seriously, I think if I ever saw someone doing this I'd get out of there as soon as humanly possible.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 04:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Now I'm picturing Garth in the Wayne's World "Justify My Love" sketch.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 05:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Cri$Tal & Dom has to exit da body sum way my man.
I pi$$ mad notes!

And I wanna defy the logic of all pi$$ laws.

― Masaccio, the Evil Fucking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 05:01 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a beer here called PISS. They have a website, but because (presumably) you cant have rude words in domain names, its something like www.pi55.com.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 05:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Echo the bizarro aspects of pose (1) Executron-no hands and pose (2) Spread-em-Hands against the wall. Both are wack. But no one's mentioned the additional variation of not simply unzipping and pulling it out through the pants fly, but actually unbuckling and und zipping and sort of half pulling pants/trousers down in front combined with either method. That's just too much.

― Skottie, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 05:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember getting laughed at in Kindergarden for pulling my pants down to pee. Nobody at home told me not to do that. Very scarring memory.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 06:17 (twenty-two years ago)

yikes, i remember the first time i came across this. i was at my senior prom at the university club in chicago [a private club for harvard alum, i think?] and this guy rocked up to the urinal next to mine and performed the BEH-o-HPP - and I was like, uhhh, does this guy want me to check-him-out/suck-him-off or something? But then he started peeing, and I was relieved.

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 06:25 (twenty-two years ago)

You were *relieved*? He could do that and pee at the same time?

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 08:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Here's another little something. Boys - if you have a foreskin, *pull it back* while you pee. No dribbling!

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 08:12 (twenty-two years ago)

You were *relieved*? He could do that and pee at the same time?

Ha! Maybe that's what they learn at Harvard!

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:58 (twenty-two years ago)

There were like 4 of them, the condoms I mean, I mean honestly, just go home. There's a hotel right next door, and we own it, come on.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Skottie "simply" unzipping and pulling out your wang through two unaligned holes just seems needlessly complicated, almost bondage-esque. I've made this point previously.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, but unbuckling belts is also needlessly complicated. You would do it only to show off what a nice, nice buckle you had.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Well I DO have a nice buckle. 1974 Winston Cup. Eh, sonny? Aaaaaaaahhhh that's a good piss.

Ally there's a women's baffroom right next door, what were you doing checking out the men's room in the first place?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

duh, used condoms - do the math

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

almost bondage-esque.

Which is the point, surely? Or no......

― Skottie, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

No Skottie the point is painless peeing!

I had thought of that James, yes.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

The cleaning girl asked me to come and look at it. It wasn't the upstairs bathroom anyway, Tracer, that'd be so rock though.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Heh, I was just talking about this phenomenon w/my friend a few days ago. Hand-on-hip Piss Pose=Wanker is one stereotype that may never be discredited.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

It disturbs me that there are piss-pose stereotypes beyond the basic drunk-off-ass/not-drunk-off-ass dichotomy which divides us all. I feel so country mouse.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:41 (twenty-two years ago)

ANYWAY I WOULDN'T HAVE SEX WITH ANY OF THESE PEOPLE, YOU FILTHY MEN. Ugh, I'm disgusted by the existance of man right now.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.restrooms.org/standing.html

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

HAHAHAHA! I love the pic below.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 15:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Wait, wait -- so is the point of all this that executives are too good for their own dicks?!

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 15:01 (twenty-two years ago)

either that, or their dicks are so small, they have no choice put to pee at a right angle to their posture.

Anyway, sorry, Ally.. I'll start more benign threads from now on, like "How to use waffles as maple syrup ladles for other waffles"

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

one of the many grebt things abt sam delany's dhalgren is that it includes "how to while standing up" info for girlies

(it does involve hands tho, so glass ceiling ahoy i guess)

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:09 (twenty-two years ago)

That info is in several of Delany's books.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Didn't someone invent a cyclonic tubelike apparatus so women could pee standing up? Seems like an awful lot more work to me.

"I'll be right there - just let me rinse my Bowel Funnel."

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:13 (twenty-two years ago)

i think that's probbly the first though: it's certainly where i learnt abt it first

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Didn't I post my pissing-with-Delany story on another thread?

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:15 (twenty-two years ago)

NB once when I was in high school the guy at the next urinal unbuckled his belt, slipped it out of his pants, held it behind his torso, and started pulling his hands apart to thwack the middle of the belt against his back. While urinating. I swear to God.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:16 (twenty-two years ago)

This was a man in his 60s or so. At a restaurant called Cactus Flower in Pueblo, Colorado.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

That's the most disturbing story yet.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.travelmatecanada.com/index.14.jpg

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.warnfestivals.co.uk/reading/products/piss.jpg

― thuddd (thuddd), Thursday, 17 April 2003 00:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Re: used condoms.

Ultimately, you just blow them up, tie them, and let them float away. God will take care of the rest.

Cue John Denver: flyyy awwwaaaayyyyyy...

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 17 April 2003 00:34 (twenty-two years ago)

WORST. THREAD. EVER.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 17 April 2003 00:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I pi$$ mad notes!

And I wanna defy the logic of all pi$$ laws.

Why do I enjoy these words?

― Sean (Sean), Thursday, 17 April 2003 02:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Yr totally sick, that's why. Men.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 17 April 2003 02:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Whatta thread. Clearly we're getting the full value out of that "Urine" thread classification.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 17 April 2003 03:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Best category EVAH!

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 17 April 2003 04:21 (twenty-two years ago)

the next time I see some guy do this I'm gonna go 'what the fuck man? you learn that shit from picket fences?'

― James Blount (James Blount), Thursday, 17 April 2003 04:37 (twenty-two years ago)

hands-on-hips is just how you separate the men from the boys.

i fear and respect their courage.

― brian badword (badwords), Thursday, 17 April 2003 05:14 (twenty-two years ago)

two years pass...

Dear lord, what was I thinking.

― donut e-goo (donut), Monday, 13 June 2005 23:48 (twenty years ago)

All the right things.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Tuesday, 14 June 2005 00:17 (twenty years ago)

five months pass...

I can't believe I didn't see this thread before.

― Dan (Wow) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 29 November 2005 01:29 (twenty years ago)

yeah, now to search for the thread about pissing when you're drunk.

― AaronK (AaronK), Tuesday, 29 November 2005 13:37 (twenty years ago)

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