ATTENTION, JESS

Today, the plan was to desperately cram for my psychology final, but I watched Taxi Driver and hand-washed the new dress I bought for my mother instead. Not very productive, but oh well, I still have the evening working in my favor. I just have to lock myself in my room and not answer the door or my phone, that's all.

RULE #1 – THEY HAVE THEIR CLOTHES ON

RULE #2 – I WILL HAVE MY CLOTHES ON

RULE #3 – I WILL BE WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES IN EACH SCENARIO ((SOME NEW-LOOKING [UNFADED] BLUEJEANS + A BLUE SONIC YOUTH T-SHIRT))

10. VALERIE BUHAGIAR – WHEN SUPERSTORE FIRST GOT THE OLIVE THING THE PART BY THE DELI ROW – SUPERSTORE DOESN’T HAVE A DELI IN THE TRADITIONAL SENSE OF PPEOPLE CUTTING STUFF FOR YOU BUT THEY HAVE A LONG REFRIGERATED ROW OF CHEESES / MEATS THEY PROBABLY HAVE A BETTER CHEESE SELECTION THAN ANY OTHER MAJOR GROCERY STORE IN THE CITY ((SAFEWAY / IGA / CO-OP)) THEY HAVE A TON OF CHEESE THERE PROBABLY + THEY DO HAVE PEOPLE CUTTING MEAT / CHEESE BUT THERE IS NO COUNTER THAT YOU TALK TO / YOU CAN’T GET THE SAME TYPES OF DELI MEAT THAT YOU COULD GET AT SAFEWAY OR IGA BUT A HUGE SELECTION OF CHEESE IT’S REALLY ADMIRABLE THAT THEY DO THAT – I THINK SUPERSTORE HAS THE BEST SELECTION OF ANY MAJOR GROCERY STORE – WHEN YOU LIVE IN MOOSE JAW THERE’S NO LIKE ASIAN STORE / INDIAN STORE / ITALIAN STORE / GERMAN STORE – SUPERSTORE HAS A PRETTY GOOD ASIAN SECTION REALLY + A GOOD INDIAN SECTION YOU CAN GET THOSE KIM CHI NOODLES THERE ALL THE GOURMET NOODLES WITH NO ENGLISH WRITING ON THEM EXCEPT A LITTLE STICKER SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO GUESS AT HOW MUCH WATER TO ADD / THE KIMCHI ONES COME WITH A HARD LITTLE CRACKER A REALLY REALLY HARD CRACKER THATS SO SPICY YOU CAN’T EAT IT I’M NOT SURE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO EAT IT OR PUT IT IN THE SOUP I LOVE THOSE NOODLES THEY’RE REALLY SPICY!! YOU CAN GET ALL KINDS OF NEAT STUFF STRAIGHT FROM BANGLADESH – GREAT FRUIT TOO THE FRUIT IS GREAT IF YOU DON’T LIVE IN A MAJOR URBAN CENTRE YOU CAN’T JUST GO + GET ANY FRUIT YOU WANT – FIVE YEARS AGO YOU COULDN’T GET MANGOES + STUFF LIKE THAT – NOW – YOU GO TO SUPERSTORE : GET PAPAYAS ((REALLY GOOD PAPAYAS)) MANGOES STARFRUIT DURIAN UM LONGANS WHATEVER THE THING THAT LOOKS LIKE LONGANS IS GUAVA!! GUAVA!! WHATEVER YOU WANT YOU CAN GET MANGOES AT SAFEWAY MOST OF THE TIME / NOT PAPAYAS ALL THE TIME IT’S INTERESTING TO COMPARE THE SATURDAY GROCERY STORE FLIERS : SUPERSTORE PLAYS UP IT’S GREAT PRODUCE TWO PAGES OF BRIGHT PRODUCE – IGA HAS A BIG MEAT SECTION LOTS OF PICTURES OF MEAT ((WHICH DOESN’T PHOTOGRAPH AS WELL AS PRODUCE A PORKCHOP IS JUST A WHITE BLOB REALLY A MANGO IS LIKE THE PLANET VENUS OR SOMETHING BUT RED)) – SUPERSTORE : PRICES ARE VERY GOOD MY MOM SAYS SUPERSTORE IS THE CHEAPEST PLACE FOR MEAT + THE MEAT IS GOOD IGA HAS DECENT MEAT TOO – SUPERSTORE GREAT PRICES GREAT SELECTION – WHEN THEY GOT THE OLIVE THING A LITTLE THING WITH A HALF DOZEN A DOZEN KINDS OF PICKLED THINGS IN OPEN BASKETS – YOU FILL UP LITTLE PLASTIC CONTAINERS WITH OLIVES / SOME KIND OF ANY OTHER PICKLED WHATEVER : WRITE A NUMBER ON THE TOP – THE FIRST TIME THEY GOT IT I WAS EXCITED TO TRY A WHOLE BUNCH OF OLIVES NUMBER ONE : I FILLED UP A CONTAINER + I WAS WALKING THROUGH THE MEAT SECTION + TRIED ONE + IT WAS TERRIBLE NUMBER TWO : I BROUGHT THE CONTAINER BACK + LEFT IT ON TOP OF THE THING NUMBER THREE : I GOT A DIFFERENT KIND OF OLIVER / FILLED THE CONTAINER NUMBER FOUR : I WAS RIGHT AT THE CHECKOUT / TRIED ONE / WENT ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE BACK BY THE DELI ROW / LEFT THE CONTAINER ON TOP NUMBER FOUR : CONCLUSION : I DIDN’T GET ANOTHER KIND – CANNED OLIVES ARE VERY BLAND COMPARED TO FRESH OLIVES FROM AN OLIVE THING – BLACK OLIVES I MEAN – I LIKE THE SMELL THOUGH OF THE FRESHER ONES I MEAN THEY SMELL VERY NICE BUT THE TASTE IS TOO STRONG IT’S ALMOST BITTER BITTER + OLIVEY INSTEAD OF LIKE A BATTERY + WATER – I THINK THE SUPERMARKET IS ONE OF THE PLACES I FEEL MOST AT HOME AT IN THE WORLD – IT’S A PLACE WHERE THE OUTSIDE WORLD DOESN’T EXIST KIND OF BUT IT’S PART OF THE OUTSIDE WORLD – WALKING AROUND IN A BRIGHT EFFICIENT GROCERY STORE IS LIKE HEAVEN – IT’S AMAZING TO BE ABLE TO WALK AROUND IN A BIG ROOM WITH PRODUCTS TO BUY + TAKE SOMETHING OFF A SHELF + IMAGINE YOURSELF EATING IT – BECAUSE YOU MIGHT NEVER EAT IT – YOU ARE HOPEFUL THOUGH YOU CAN BUY SOMETHING ((NEW POTATOES / ALMONDS / OYSTER MUSHROOMS / BLUE CHEESE)) + IMAGINE YOURSELF EATING IT YOU CAN BUY SOMETHING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR OWN LIFE + YOU CAN IMAGINE YOURSELF EATING IT EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT NEVER EA IT THERE’S LOTS OF HOPE NO ONE IS UNHAPPY IN THE SUPERMARKET – FROM THE DELI TO THE DOGFOOD AISLE – YOU HAVE TO PLAN OUT HOW YOU HOPE TO EAT THAT WEEK – YOU CAN GET SOME FROZEN FISH / A PINEAPPLE / SOME SMOKED SALMON / SOME MINIATURE PITAS YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT – WHEN YOU’RE IN THE GROCERY STORE YOU CAN BE VERY HOPEFUL – EVERYTHING IS ORGANIZED / PEOPLE ARE THERE – IT’S ONE OF THE ONLY PLACES WHERE YOU SPEND TIME WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE DOING THE SAME THING : YOU’RE ALL BUYING – MY MOM + I PLAY A GAME WHERE WE TRY TO GUESS HOW MUCH IT’LL BE : ONCE THEY’RE UNPACKED YOU HAVE TO GUESS HOW MUCH IT’LL COST – SHE IS BETTER AT GUESSING THAN I AM BUT I GET LUCKY FROM TIME TO TIME + HIT IT RIGHT CLOSE – SOMEONE COULD CHEAT BY JUST COUNTING AS WE GO / WE’RE TOO BUSY TO DO THAT I HOPE – MY MOM / I LIKE TO DISCUSS WHAT MY DAD / SISTER ARE GOING TO EAT – LIKE WE TRY TO PREDICT FROM HOW PEOPLE ATE LAST WEEK / WEEK + A HALF / TWO WEEKS WHAT WILL BE BIG THIS WEEK : BANANAS ARE TOTALLY UNPREDICTABLE : ONE WEEK THEY’LL BE HUGE / THE NEXT WEEK THEY’LL BE IN THE BASKET TURNING BROWN – I’M BETTER AT THAT GAME THAN MY MOM IS : I’M CLOSER TO THE NON-MEAL EATING HABITS OF PEOPLE THAN MY MOM IS I’M BETTER AT WATCHING WHAT’S GOING ON – BANANAS ARE UNPREDICTABLE BUT I KNOW THAT YOU CAN’T EXPECT A BANANA STREAK TO LAST A MONTH IT NEVER LASTS THAT LONG YOU’RE LUCKY TO GET TWO GOOD WEEKS OUT OF IT – IT’S SUPPLY-SIDE ECONOMICS ACTUALLY I’M NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS : WE HAVE TO WATCH DEMAND / CHANGE UP SUPPLY TO FIT IT AS WELL AS BROADENING DEMAND BY INTRODUCING NEW PRODUCTS – SEE LAST WEEK V8 STARTED BY US BRINGING A SMALL BOTTLE HOME : I PLANNED ON DRINKING IT BUT OTHER PEOPLE DRANK IT EVEN BEFORE I COULD – ALL OF A SUDDEN PEOPLE WANT V8 / WHILE I WAS GONE LAST WEEK ANOTHER BOTTLE OF V8 WAS BOUGHT – WE USE NOVELTY TO STIMULATE CONSUMPTION – IT’S HEALTHY THOUGH IT’S A HEALTHY THING TO DRINK KIND OF – MY MOM DOESN’T TREAT IT ALL THEORETICAL LIKE THAT / SHE RESPECTS MY INPUT – THE SUPERMARKET ANCHORS MY LIFE EVERYTHING I DO STARTS THERE IF I SHOP POORLY I MIGHT NOT DO VERY MUCH STUFF THAT WEEK BECAUSE I HAD TO SPEND TOO MUCH TIME PREPARING MEALS FROM POOR INGREDIENTS OR THE FOOD DIDN’T INSPIRE ME TO DO ANYTHING - I MIGHT EAT UNHEALTHY TOO - LAST WEEK I SPENT TWENTY OR SOMETHING HOURS IN MY ROOM ALONE : TUESDAY AT SIX O’CLOCK UNTIL LIKE WEDNESDAY AT TWO O’CLOCK WELL THAT’S LIKE TWENTY : I HEATED UP READY TO SERVE LOBSTER BISQUE ON MY GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL IN A PYREX MEASURING CUP + ATE WHIPPED CREAM CHEESE ((I HAD TO LEAVE MY ROOM TO GET THE CHEESE BUT IT WAS ONLY FOR LESS THAN THIRTY SECONDS / NO ONE WAS HOME)) ON MINIATURE PITAS + HAD BANANA DELIGHT GRANOLA BARS FOR DESSERT : THE LOBSTER BISQUE WAS VERY GRITTY IT HAD A KIND OF RUBBERY GRIT IN IT IF YOU POURED IT OUT ON A BIG METAL SHEET + LET IT DRY YOU’D HAVE A BUNCH OF RUBBERY LOBSTER SAND : THE CREAM CHEESE WAS VERY DRY / GOOD / HERBY NOT ALL WET LIKE REGULAR CREAM CHEESE IT WAS VERY GOOD IT WAS KIND OF LIKE BOURSIN IF YOU’VE EVER HAD THAT BUT A LITTLE LESS DRY BOURSIN IS A PRETTY DRY CREAM CHEESE!! BUT IT’S VERY GOOD + SO WAS MY CREAM CHEESE : I HAD SOME GRAPEFRUIT JUICE TOO ((WHICH I DID NOT MENTION PREVIOUSLY)) I DRANK IT RIGHT OUT OF THE JUG – BUT SEE I WASN’T PLANNING THAT WHEN I WAS IN THE GROCERY STORE BUYING THE READY TO SERVE LOBSTER BISQUE WITH A PULL TAB – ‘EDITING IS THE CORNERSTONE OF FILM ART’ – V.I. PUDOVKIN

9. ALYSON COURT ((BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK)) - IT’S WEIRD TO MEET PEOPLE WHO ARE REALLY NICE WHO AREN’T CHRISTIANS ESPECIALLY PEOPLE WHO AREN’T OLD I DON’T MEAN JUST BORING PEOPLE WHO DON’T DO ANYTHING I MEAN PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTIVELY POLITE + DO NICE STUFF THEY DON’T HAVE TO REALLY DO ANYTHING ACTUALLY JUST ACTIVE POLITENESS + SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE THAN THAT YOU’D PROBABLY JUST ASSUME THEY’RE CHRISTIANS BUT IF THEY AREN’T IT’S KIND OF UNUSUAL BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO REASON TO BE SO NICE THEY DON’T HAVE ANYONE TO TELL THEM TO BE NICE MARNIE HAS A DOLL COLLECTION / SHE PUT PICTURES OF BABIES ON THE WALLS / SHE DOESN’T THINK DRUGS ARE GOOD BUT I’VE HEARD HER USE THE F-WORD / SHE HAS A TRASHY BOYFRIEND WITH A UNIBROW / SHE DRINKS ALCOHOL SHE HAS A FRIEND NAMED JANIS WHO FITS THOUGH BUT SHE MIGHT BE A CHRISTIAN SHE DOESN’T SEEM LIKE ONE SHE HAS A WHITE DODGE NEON THEY’RE BOTH IN ELEMENTARY EDUCATION THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT CRAFTS + STUFF CRAFTS JANIS HAD AN IDEA FOR A BUTTERFLY MADE OUT OF A TOILET PAPER ROLL THE TOILET PAPER ROLL IS ACTUALLY THE COCOON NOT THE BODY I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT WORKS THEY WERE DISCUSSING LESSONS THEY WERE PLANNING FOR THEIR THINGS MARNIE HAD A PLAN FOR THE KIDS TO REACH INTO A BAG + DESCRIBE WHAT THEY FELT TO HER + NONE OF THEM WOULD SAY ANYTHING ABOUT COLOUR / SHE WOULD TALK ABOUT HOW COLOUR IS ONLY A SIGHT THING / TEACH ABOUT THE RAINBOW / MIXING COLOURS / THEN THEY WOULD PAINT A PICTURE JANIS SAID IT WAS COMPLEX BUT SEE I WANT TO SHOW HER SCAT + PICTURES OF DEADBODIES IT’S NOT RIGHT WITH CHRISTIANS BECAUSE THEY HAVE A GOD BUT IT’S RIGHT HERE IF SHE WAS A CHRISTIAN + I RAPED HER SHE WOULD BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND IT BUT NOW IF I RAPED HER SHE WOULD JUST HAVE HER TOILET PAPER ROLL COCOON / NOTHING WHICH IS REALLY SAD IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE I WOULD NOT RAPE HER – YOU ARE GOOD WITH POSITIVITY THOUGH I’M NOT ANGRY AT YOU / WANT TO RAPE YOU / FEEL SAD ABOUT IT I LOVE YOUR LIPSTICK I’M SERIOUS IT’S SO OLD-FASHIONED I HAVE SOME LIPSTICK PREFERENCES NOT MANY PEOPLE COULD PULL THAT OFF IT’S WEIRD THAT YOU EVEN NEED LIPSTICK I LIKE THE WAY YOU CAN BE AN EIGHT YEAR OLD GIRL EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE NOT YOU HAVE FAT CHEEKS IT’S VERY EASY FOR ME TO IMAGINE YOU NAKED I THINK IF PEOPLE DIDN’T HAVE TO WORK IN THE MORNING THERE WOULD BE MORE FILTHOUGHT DEDICATED TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU THE PEOPLE WHO COULD DO THAT HAVE TO HAVE JOBS IN THE MORNING THOUGH I’M SAYING THEY WOULD WRITE PORNOGRAPHIC FICTION ABOUT YOU / MASTURBATE TO YOU ON TV IF IT WASN’T CLEAR THAT’S WHAT I WAS SUGGESTING LIKE THE LOONETTE PEOPLE LIKE THAT BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT’S ABOUT YOU’VE PUT ON WEIGHT SINCE LOONETTE?? I THINK WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS I WANT YOU TO GO TO THE BATHROOM IT’S WEIRD EVEN THOUGH I IMAGINE YOU LIKE AN EIGHT YEAR OLD I IMAGINE YOU WITH AN EQUILATERAL OF SHORT DARK PUBIC HAIR NOT WHATEVER ELSE I WANT YOU TO GO TO THE BATHROOM / CLOSE THE DOOR / PEE ON A FACECLOTH / COME OUT + LET ME SUCK YOUR PEE OUT OF IT – THAT’S FOUR STEPS –

8. EMMA – THE NEW DEGRASSI ALWAYS LOOKED TOO COLOURFUL FOR ME OLD DEGRASSI THE OLD DEGRASSIS THERE WAS MORE THAN ONE I GUESS – OLD DEGRASSI HAD ALL WRONG COLOURS DIDN’T IT IT LOOKED WASHED OUT ALL DIRTY COLOURS THE NEW ONE ALL THE YTV SAME ACTORS FROM ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK SECRET ADVENTURES OF ALEX WHATEVER WHATEVER WHATEVER WHATEVER WHATEVER I WASN’T CONVINCED AT ALL – THIS ISN’T HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE DEGRASSI FUCKING DEGRASSI – BUT I WATCHED IT – SOMEONE TOLD ME IT WAS GOOD + I SAID A BUNCH OF BAD STUFF ABOUT IT – BUT BEFORE I HAD WATCHED IT FOR REAL BUT I WATCHED IT – IT CONVINCED ME I WAS CONVINCED – THE FIRST ONE I SAW : THAT GIRL WHO IS SMART ((EMMA)) DIDN’T WANT GENETICALLY MODIFIED FOODS IN THE CAFETERIA SHE STARTED A CAMPAIGN THEY PRESENTED A THING TO THE PRINCIPAL HE SAID HE WASN’T CONVINCED + IT WAS EXPENSIVE – SO BAD STUFF HAPPENED EVENTUALLY SHE GOT SUSPENDED FOR CAUSING PROBLEMS IT WAS COMPELLING – I WASN’T BOTHERED – SEE OLD DEGRASSI IT WASN’T REAL IT LOOKED REAL BUT IT WASN’T REAL TO ME IT WASN’T REAL – THAT GUY WHO TOOK ACID JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE SPIKE GOT PREGNANT THAT GIRL WENT TO A PARTY WHEELS GOT HIS THIGHS GROPED BY A TRAVELING SALESMAN ON THE WAY TO SEE HIS DAD – BUT I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND IT – NEW DEGRASSI LOOKS FAKE IT LOOKS LIKE COLOURFUL BUT OLD DEGRASSI IS FAKE / LOOKS REAL ((NEW DEGRASSI : LOOKS FAKE / IS REAL)) ((OLD DEGRASSI : LOOKS REAL / IS FAKE)) OLD DEGRASSI WAS TOO MATURE OLD PEOPLE WROTE IT OR PEOPLE HAD DIFFERENT PROBLEMS OLD DEGRASSI WAS TOO OLD FOR ME NEW DEGRASSI IS TOO YOUNG FOR ME MAYBE – THE NEXT EPISODE I SAW WAS A GIRL GOT SEMI-RAPED OR SOMETHING IT WAS INTENSE I DIDN’T SEE THE RAPE THIS WAS THE AFTERMATH OF THE RAPE – NEW DEGRASSI DOES HAVE LESS GOOD CHARACTERS MAYBE THEY’RE A LITTLE ONE-SIDED MAYBE BUT I’VE ONLY SEEN A FEW EPISODES - I WAS EATING A PIZZA BOTH TIMES I SAW IT I GET HOME ON SUNDAY NIGHT WATCH NEW DEGRASSI + EAT A PIZZA – IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE I REALLY RECOMMEND DOCTOR OETKER PIZZAS GET THEM AT SUPERSTORE I EAT ONE EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT – WITHOUT FAIL – THERE ARE FOUR FLAVOURS – YOU THINK OF DOCTOR OETKER AS THE PUDDING MIX GELATIN MAN THE FIRST PIZZA I HAD WAS INCREDIBLE IT WAS THE MUSHROOM KIND THESE ARE MORE TRADITIONAL PIZZAS I THINK MORE EUROPEAN THAN NORMAL VERY THIN CRUSTS GOOD INGREDIENTS VERY GOOD INGREDIENTS I EAT A WHOLE ONE EVERY TIME I’M HUNGRY BY THEN THEY AREN’T THAT BIG REALLY I EAT A WHOLE PIZZA I CAN ONLY EAT ABOUT FOUR PIECES OF PIZZA HUT WHATEVER NOT EVEN FOUR – MORE LIKE THREE OR LESS – IT’S NINETY PERCENT CHEESE PIZZA HUT IT’S LIKE JUST THICK WHITE – DOCTOR OETKER IS MINIMAL MINIMAL CHEESE MINIMAL MINIMAL SAUCE VERY LIGHT EASY TO EAT A PLEASURE TO EAT NOT OVERWHELMING DECADENT BOURGEOIS AMERICAN CAPITALIST SIXTY GRAMS OF CHEESE PIZZA THIS IS THE REAL – I LIKE TO DRINK SOME RASPBERRY GINGERALE WITH IT / PLAIN GINGERALE – JUST ONE BIG GLASS : I MISJUDGED NEW DEGRASSI / RECOMMEND DOCTOR OETKER PIZZA ((CHECK SUPERSTORE)) / DRINK RASPBERRY GINGERALE /

7. DEBBIE YOUNG – WHEN YOU WEAR A PLAID SKIRT / COMPLEX UPPER PART COMPLEX UPPER PART – A COMPLEX UPPERWEAR A BEIGECANVAS JACKET A PLAINWHITE BLOUSE WITH BUTTONS UNDERNEATH A SMALL BAG ACROSS CHEST WHAT’S THAT CALLED?? STRAP - A CROSS CHEST STRAP – COLLAR WITH LOTS OF TRIANGLES – SCALP – I READ A BOOK ONCE WHERE PEOPLE WERE CUTTING THEIR NOSTRILS + MAKING THEIR NOSES REALLY WIDE LIKE A BIG TRIANGLE + THEY TATTOOED PICTURES ON THEM I FORGET WHERE I READ THAT IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN WILLIAM GIBSON SOMETHING – THE SKIRT VERY BEAUTIFUL LEGS THE SKIRT IS SUPRISINGLY SHORT I DIDN’T BELIEVE IT MOVING TO EXPOSE BACKS OF THIGHS EXPOSE THE UPPER BACKS OF LEGS OH – I WANT TO HAVE A DREAM ABOUT YOU I REALLY REALLY WANT TO KISS YOU THE FIRST TIME I SAW GOOD BUT THEN THE SKIRT VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY I WANTED TO MASTURBATE THERE ARE PRETTY PRETTY GIRLS + SEX GIRLS CRYSTAL IS BOTH I WANT TO IMAGINE HER NAKED BUT NOTHING ELSE I WATCHED TEN ELEVEN EPISODES IN A ROW MORE LIKE FIVE THERE WERE LOTS ON I WISH THERE WERE MORE CRYSTAL EPISODES IT WAS A SLOW NIGHT – OKAY SHE’S THE REASON BECAUSE I NEEDED TO IMAGINE HER WEARING A PLAID SKIRT + COMPLEX UPPERWEARETC + WHITE UNDERPANTS IN A LINE ON REALLY LONG AFRICABLACK THIGHS : PEEING ALL OVER MY FACE WITH HOT SOUPSMELLING PEE I WANT TO FEEL HOT YOURPEE ON MY SQUINCHED EYELIDS IT’S THE TRUTH I’M SORRY

6. NAMUGENYI - LAST NIGHT I MASTURBATED TO THE PLAYBOY CANDID CAMERA SHOW IT’S AN OLD THING FROM THE 70S EARLY 80S EVERY SINGLE JOKE IS THAT THERE’S A MAN + NAKED WOMAN + THE MAN’S REACTION LAST NIGHT IT WAS DIFFERENT THE GUY WAS TALKING TO WOMEN ON THE PHONE + ASKING THEM IF THEIR BREASTS WERE REAL + HE MADE THEM JUMP UP + DOWN + SHAKE + PROD THEM + LIFT THEIR ARMS IT WAS AMAZING IT WAS VERY GOOD I DON’T KNOW WHY ANYONE MADE A SHOW LIKE THAT – THEY CAN SHOW FULL NUDITY ON THAT SHOW IT’S THE REGULAR CANDID CAMERA GUY THE THING WAS HOW NORMAL THE WOMEN LOOKED THEY HAD BIG HAIR IT WAS THE EARLY 80S THEY COULD BE THE ONE OF THE RECEPTIONISTS AT CITY HALL / SECRETARIES OF SOME KIND THEY USED TO SELL IT ON VHS A LONG TIME AGO THEY WERE SHOWING A THING WITH RICK + YOU IN SOUTH BEACH I THINK THAT’S IN FLORIDA THERE WERE SOME MONKEYS EATING RAISINS OUT OF A BOX FEEDING MONKEYS FEEDING MONKEYS RAISINS I LIKE YOUR HAIR ALL OUT LIKE THAT IN TWO BIG SIDE THINGS I THOUGHT YOU WERE UGLY AT FIRST YOU HAVE A FLAT NOSE WHEN THE MONKEYS WERE ON YOUR OKAY PICTURE A MONKEY ON RIGHT SHOULDER JUST A REALLY SMALL MONKEY THE SMALLEST KIND OKAY BOX OF RAISINS IN RIGHT HAND AT CHEST LEVEL HELD OUT FROM BODY ONE / HALF FEET MONKEY WALKS DOWN WITH FRONT PAWS LEFT PAW TOUCHING WHITE MATERIAL COVERED BOSOM SOFT LOOKING BROWN TOPS OF BREAST LEAPING FROM SIDE RAIL TO SIDE RAIL ON WOODEN BRIDGE THE MOST EROTIC TOO SHORT TO MASTURBATE TO THEY PLAYED A BASEMENT JAXX VIDEO MONKEY ONE FOR THE MONKEYS / I BET I WOULDN’T EVEN MEET YOU JUST GO TO A CLINIC WAIT IN THE WAITING ROOM READING MACLEANS I HAVEN’T READ MACLEANS IN A LONG TIME I CAN NEVER READ IN WAITING ROOMS I CAN’T READ IN THAT POSITION WAITING ROOM FOR A REALLY TALL FROWNING NURSE TO COME OUT TAKE ME TO DOCTOR ROOM ASK TO TAKE SEAT COME BACK WITH STYROFOAM CUP OF URINE LIKE WATCH ME DRINK IT SAY “”OKAY”” “”YEP”” START TO REACH MY COAT “”WAIT”” / SHE PRODUCED A SMALL REGULAR THING YOU WOULD PEE INTO IT ALL DIDN’T FIT INTO MAIN CUP “”OKAY”” DRINK THAT JUST LEAVE WONDER HOW LONG YOUR PEE WILL BE INSIDE OF ME HOW LONG WILL YOUR PEE BE INSIDE OF ME DEPENDS ON WHAT’S IN MY STOMACH IF MY STOMACH IS FULL A LONGER AMOUNT OF TIME IF EMPTY NOT VERY LONG MY BLADDER HAS A LOW CAPACITY I’M ALWAYS INSECURE AT URINAL ROWS BECAUSE I PEE FOR A SHORT TIME OTHERS PEE FOR A LONG TIME I WET THE BED UNTIL I WAS EIGHT I THINK IF YOU WERE NAKED YOUR BREASTS WOULD BE VERY FLAT JUST FLAT A MONKEY REACHING ACROSS THEM STILL MAKES ME HAVE TO MASTURBATE TO CANDID CAMERA

5. SARAH POLLEY – IF I WAS A POOR PERSON I WOULDN’T SELL DRUGS I’D ROB PEOPLE I’D GO TO THE PART RIGHT OFF ALBERT RIGHT BEFORE THE BRIDGE WHERE THE METAL GRASSHOPPER IS I’D DO IT IN THE SUMMER NOT NOW WHEN IT’S COLD I’D JUST WALK AROUND + I’M NOT SURE HOW IT WOULD WORK BUT I’D END UP THREATENING SOMEONE WITH A GUN + BE LIKE GIVE ME YOUR WALLET I’M NOT SURE IF I’D TAKE JEWELLERY I’D TRY + GET A JOB TOO SO I WOULDN’T HAVE TO ROB SO MUCH I’D WANT TO JUST ROB PEOPLE ONCE A WEEK OR SO ONE ROLEX WATCHES + COLOURFUL SWATCHES I’M DIGGIN’ IN POCKETS MOTHERFUCKERS CAN’T STOP IT MAN NIGGAS COME THROUGH I’M TAKIN’ HIGH SCHOOL RINGS TOO BITCHES GET STRANGLED ((ON THIS CD THEY CENSOR THE WORDS STRANGLED + PREGNANT – I WOULDN’T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU’RE PREGANT GIVE ME THE BABY RINGS + THE #1 MOM PENDANT)) FOR THEIR EARRINGS + BANGLES + WHEN I ROCK HER + DROP I’M TAKIN’ HER DOORKNOCKERS + IF SHE’S RESISTANT BLUCKA BLUCKA BLUCKA SO GO GET YOUR MAN BITCH HE CAN GET ROBBED TOO TELL HIM BIGGIE TOOK IT WHAT THE FUCK HE GONNA DO I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THAT REALLY BUT I GUESS YOU DO HAVE TO THREATEN PEOPLE OR THEY WON’T GIVE YOU THEIR MONEY I WOULDN’T USE MY MONEY TO LIVE A CRAZY RICH BLACK PERSON LIFESTYLE EITHER I PROBABLY WOULDN’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO DO VERY MUCH I’D GET ABOUT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS A WEEK I GUESS I’M NOT SURE HOW MUCH MONEY PEOPLE CARRY I BET GUYS LIKE MASTER P INVEST A LOT OF MONEY ONE OF MASTER P’S BATHROOMS COST THREE MILLION DOLLARS I’M FASCINATED BY POOR PEOPLE I’M SCARED OF THEM FOR THE BREAD + BUTTER I LEAVE NIGGAS IN THA GUTTER I’VE ONLY BEEN TO A POOR PERSON’S HOUSE ONCE IT WAS UNREAL I SMOKED MARIJUANA IN THE KITCHEN WHILE MY POOR FRIEND’S MOTHER WAS WATCHING A MOVIE ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL IT WAS A MESSY HOUSE IT WAS SMALL SOMETIMES IN THE SUMMER I USED TO DRIVE DOWN ATHABASKA TO LOOK AT THE POOR PEOPLE / INDIANS IN THIS CITY NOW THERE ARE SO MANY INDIANS DOWNTOWN THEY’RE ALL POOR IT AMAZES ME AT THE CORNER OF ALBERT + SCARTH AT THE MAIN BUS STOPS IT’S ALL INDIANS / POOR WHITE PEOPLE IT AMAZES ME I’VE NEVER SEEN INDIANS LIKE THAT BEFORE I GET APTN THE INDIAN MEN + BOYS ALL LOOK THE SAME THEY’RE ANGRY ABOUT BEING POOR THEY WANT TO ROB ME I KNOW THAT ALL POOR PEOPLE WANT TO ROB RICH PEOPLE I DON’T HAVE VERY MUCH MONEY BUT I HAVE MORE THAN THEM PROBABLY THE INDIAN GIRLS ARE SOMETIMES PRETTY BUT SOME ARE FAT LOTS OF THEM HAVE TOO MUCH FAT SOME OF THOSE ONES ARE PRETTY IN A DIFFERENT WAY I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO THEM THE PRETTY ONES LOOK LIKE INDIANS FROM PERU THEY LOOK LIKE INCAS THERE ARE PRETTY ONES WHO LOOK LIKE INCAS / PRETTY ONES WHO LOOK LIKE SOUTHEASTASIANS MORE DELICATE FEATURES SMALLER EYES I WANT TO TALK TO THEM KISS THEM THEY ALL DRESS VERY SIMILAR I SEE INDIAN GIRLS BY THEMSELVES WAITING IN BUSSTOPS WHEN I DRIVE MY CAR AROUND WHEN I GO DOWNTOWN I PARK NEAR THE LIBRARY + GO TO THE MAIN BUSSTOP I CAN STAND IN A SHELTER WITH AN INDIAN GIRL IF SHE’S ALONE I WEAR MY BROWN CORDUROY JACKET I DON’T WEAR MY COAT THAT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A RICH WHITE PERSON I HAD AN INDIAN FRIEND WHEN I WAS LIKE EIGHT OR SOMETHING OR OLDER PROBABLY ONE TIME WE WENT ON A SCHOOL TRIP / HIS DAD GAVE ME AN ELEPHANT BECAUSE I DIDN’T WET THE BED MY INDIAN FRIEND HAD A BEDWETTING PROBLEM TOO I DIDN’T REALLY HAVE ONE I THINK BUT I HAD A REALLY SLIGHT ONE I USED TO MARK OFF HOW MANY DRY NIGHTS IN A ROW ON A CALENDAR I HAD STOPPED THAT BY THEN I DIDN’T WET THE BED BARELY BY THEN MY MOM STILL CHECKED THE THING ON THE SHEET MY INDIAN FRIEND’S DAD GAVE ME AN ELEPHANT MY INDIAN FRIEND GOT A LION OR A WOLF I THINK ONE TIME HE GOT A COMPOUND FRACTURE HE WAS CLIMBING ON SOME MONKEYBARS + HE FELL OFF SOMEHOW THAT’S WHEN THE BONE COMES RIGHT OUT OF THE SKIN HE HAD TO HAVE A CAST + METAL SCAFFOLDING THAT INDIAN FRIEND SAID BAD THINGS ABOUT INDIANS WHEN SOMEONE SAID INDIAN GIVER HE SAID WE SHOULD SAY MOHAWK GIVER IT WAS WHEN THE MOHAWK GUYS HAD BLOCKADED THAT STUFF I THINK I HAVE NO IDEA OKA MAYBE IT WAS BEFORE OR AFTER I HAVE NO IDEA ONE TIME I WAS AT THE SEVENELEVEN AT THE CORNER OF MAIN AND ATHABASCA I THINK WHATEVER STREET A WAS IN MY CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED DOWN IT WAS A BRIGHT SUNSHINEY DAY AN INDIAN MAN CAME TO THE WINDOW OF MY CAR ASKED ME IF I HAD ANY CHANGE THEN I SAID NO HE ASKED ME IF I KNEW WHERE SAINT JOSEPH’S WAS I SAID YEAH JUST DOWN RIGHT AND UP I ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED A DRIVE THERE I GAVE HIM A DRIVE THERE HIS GIRLFRIEND TOO HE WAS A CRAZYLOOKING INDIAN GUY HIS GIRLFRIEND WAS A CONSERVATIVE INDIAN WOMAN OH HE SAID HE HAD TO TALK TO THE PRIEST OR SOMETHING THERE I ASKED IF HE WAS GOING TO GET MARRIED HE WAS LIKE SHHH LAUGHED BECAUSE HE WAS SUGGESTING THAT HE DIDN’T WANT HIS GIRLFRIEND TO HEAR I HAVE NO IDEA SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN HIS WIFE A COUPLE DAYS AGO I WAS DRIVING AROUND IT WAS AT NINE:THIRTY OR SOMETHING BY THE TRAINTRACKS RIGHT UP FROM CASIONOREGINA BUT WAY WAY UP INTO THE INDUSTRIAL PART ON MACDONALD STREET ACTUALLY THERE WAS A DRUNK INDIAN I LOCKED THE DOORS OF MY CAR HE HAD A WOMAN WITH HIM HE MOTIONED FOR ME TO ROLL DOWN MY WINDOW ASKED IF I COULD GIVE HIM A RIDE HOME FOR TWO DOLLARS HE HAD A CLEAR BOTTLE I SAID WHERE DO YOU LIVE THEN THE GIRL PULLED HIM AWAY AND TOLD HIM TO DUMMYUP THAT’S THE EXACT THING SHE SAID I WAS REALLY REALLY SCARED REALLY SCARED RIGHT IN MY ASSHOLE I WOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM A RIDE HOME HE WAS JUST DRUNK THERE WAS A WINDCHILL WARNING TOO!! HE MIGHT HAVE FROZEN TO DEATH BUT I FELT SCARED A FEW DAYS I WAS AT THE LIBRARY GOING TO MY CAR A GUY ASKED ME IF I HAD ANY CHANGE I SAID I DIDN’T HE SAID JUST ANYTHING WOULD BE GOOD OR SOMETHING I SAID SORRY I REALLY DON’T HAVE ANY CHANGE I ONLY HAD THREE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS I WAS GOING TO GIVE HIM ONE BUT I DECIDED THAT WAS JUST RIDICULOUS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE I GUESS HE WOULD PROBABLY ENJOY SPENDING TWENTY DOLLARS MORE THAN I WOULD BUT I REALLY ENJOY SPENDING TWENTY DOLLARS TOO ALSO IT WILL ONLY POSTPONE THE RADICALIZATION OF THE EXISTING SOCIAL ORDER / THE ABOLITION OF THE BOURGEOIS RELATIONS OF PRODUCTION THAT’S A LITTLE JOKE - IN GRADE SEVEN EIGHT A GIRL NAMED JADE WHO WAS AN INDIAN WAS MY FRIEND SHE WAS SOME KIND OF INUIT ACTUALLY WAY MORE EXOTIC A REAL INUIT ONE TIME SHE CALLED ME / ASKED TO PLAY MODEM DOOM WE COULDN’T GET IT TO WORK SHE LIVED ON MY PAPERROUTE BUT I DIDN’T DELIVER TO HER HOUSE HER HOUSE DIDN’T SUBSCRIBE TO THAT NEWSPAPER I ACTUALLY SAW HER A WEEK AGO I THINK IN REGINA I DON’T KNOW IF SHE RECOGNIZED ME I HOPE SHE DID / SHE WILL TALK TO ME WHEN SHE SEES ME AGAIN I WILL ASK HER TO GO SOMEWHERE WITH ME I WILL MARRY HER MY CHILDREN WILL BE HALF ESKIMO I THINK SHE MIGHT ONLY BE HALF INUIT ACTUALLY SO A QUARTER THAT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT SHE HAS STOCKY LEGS I CAN PICTURE MYSELF MAKING LOVE TO HER FOR SURE THERE AREN’T THAT MANY INUIT HERE THEY LIVE HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY – FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SARAH POLLEY : I WILL GO BACK IN TIME + DRINK LITRES OF YOUR URINE – SMELL LIKE COOKING HAMBURGERS :

4. AMANDA WALSH – A HORIZONTALSTRIPED SHIRT GREEN YELLOW DARKER GREEN + YELLOW + BLACK DIGITAL WRISTWATCH + BEIGE BELT MADE OUT SOME KIND HARD CLOTH LIKE CANVAS OR SOMETHING + YOU HAVE SUCH A FUNNY NOSE IT’S ALL PINCHED OR SOMETHING + SOME JEANS WITH THE SEAM ON THE TOPS LEGS KIND OF THING OR SQUARE POCKETS ON TOPS UPPER THIGH LOOK LIKE BACK POCKETS ALMOST I LOVE THAT + TIGHT SHORT PIGTAILS BEHIND EARS HELD WITH A THIN WHITE PLASTIC HAIRBAND THE FRONT OF THE HAIR IS MOVING HORIZONTALLY WITH SOME STRAY FLAT STRANDS FALLING DOWN SIDES OF FACE ((AMANDA [THE ONE I LIVE WITH] SAID YESTERDAY THAT SHE HATES THE RAMONES SHE WAS LOOKING AT AN AD IN THE PRAIRIEDOG OR SOMEWHERE FOR MARKY RAMONE + THE SPEEDKINGS COMING TO WHEREVER IT ACTUALLY GOT CANCELLED THOUGH FOR UNSPECIFIED REASONS I WASN’T GOING TO GO ANYWAYS + SHE SAID SHE HATED THE RAMONES FUCKING STUPID CUNT I DIDN’T REALLY SAY ANYTHING / WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE I MADEUP A LONG THING I SHOULD HAVE SAID BECAUSE YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THAT SHE LIKES EMO + REALLY SHIT HARDCORE + POPPUNK LISTEN YOU STUPID CUNT DO YOU THINK ANY LISTEN YOU TOLD ME YOU LIKE A FUCKING CREED SONG FUCK OFF YOUR BROTHER’S BAND SUCKS TOO ANYONE WHO DYES THEIR HAIR BLACK IS A FAGGOT WHATEVER HE DYES HIS HAIR BLACK + HAS A PIERCED NOSE YESTERDAY THEY WERE HERE + THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT A STUPID AMP BECAUSE IT’S THE SAME ONE AS POISON THE WELL USES FUCK POISON THE WELL ARE YOU SOME KIND OF FAGGOT WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT GUITAR AMPLIFIERS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD TAKE HIS MOTHERFUCKING LIFE THAT’S A PROMISE HE’S A FAGGOT THAT’S THE TRUTH I COULD PUT HIM TO DEATH IN THREE MINUTES DOES THE WORLD REALLY NEED ANOTHER TERRIBLE AMATEUR HARDCORE BAND GROW THE FUCK UP DO YOU REALLY THINK ANY 24YEAROLDSINBANDS FAGGOT EMO BANDS THAT YOU LISTEN TO FUCK PLANES MISTAKEN FOR STARS THREE WORD NAMES ALL THAT YOU ACTUALLY BOUGHT THE DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL UNPLUGGED CD THAT’S RIDICULOUS DO YOU REALLY THINK ANYONE WHO IS TWENTY FOUR YEARS OLD + IN A BAND WITH A THREE WORD NAME SHOULDN’T BE EXECUTED WHILE THESE FAGGOTS ARE WEARING IRONIC T-SHIRTS / LISTENING TO CAT POWER THE RAMONES ARE IN NINETEENSEVENTYEIGHT SICK FROM DRINKING COUGH SYRUP TO GET HIGH DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WHILE THOSE FAGGOTS ARE I DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WOULD BE DRINKING THEY’D BE DRINKING CHEAP AMERICAN BEER + LISTENING TO THE WHO FOR MAXIMUM WORKING CLASS IRONY FUCKING FAGGOTS YOUR TATTOOS ARE STUPID I HOPE YOU GET RAPED BY BLACK PEOPLE WHATEVER YOU’RE WEARING A PROPAGANDHI T-SHIRT / DISAGREE WITH AMERICAN FOREIGN POLICY LISTEN YOU’RE FAT THOUGH THE WEAKERTHANS SUCK THAT’S THE TRUTH ACTUALLY YOU GO TO WENDY’S TOO MUCH YOU EAT A BUNCH OF FOOD A THOUSAND TERRIBLE HARDCORE BANDS + A THOUSAND IRONIC T-SHIRTS CAN’T CHANGE THAT PEOPLE ARE STILL BEING TORTURED IN COLOMBIA I HAVE A T-SHIRT FROM AN ARABIC FIRE HYDRANT COMPANY MY DAD BOUGHT IT FOR ME IN SYRIA I THINK GO FUCK YOURSELF THE ONLY IRONIC T-SHIRT I OWN IS MY WEAKERTHANS ONE YOU LITTLE FAGGOT ANYONE WITH THEIR HAIR DYED BLACK I WILL FUCKING MURDER I WILL ENJOY THAT YOUR RUNNING SHOES ARE JUST AS EXPENSIVE AS ANYONE ELSE’S THEY JUST LOOK WORSE THEY’RE BROWN IF YOU HATE THE RAMONES YOU SUPPORT TORTURE HAVE YOU EVER DEFECATED IN A ZIPLOCK BAG HAVE YOU EVER MASTURBATED TO FEAR FACTOR HAVE YOU EVER YOU’RE A GARBAGEMAN THAT’S A FACT)) A PONYTAIL ON THE BACKTOP OF THE HEAD – LISTEN I WANT YOU TO BE SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD I WANT TO BE THIRTYSIX – I SAW A PORNOGRAPHY FILM – LISTEN I WANT TO BE LET ME JUST GET A CALCULATOR NINETEEN YEARS OLDER THAN YOU IF IT WAS NINETEEN-NINETY NINE I WOULD HAVE BEEN BORN IN NINETEEN-SIXTYTHREE / YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN BORN IN NINETEEN-EIGHTY / IF MY MOM WAS TWENTY YEARS OLD WHEN SHE GAVE BIRTH TO ME SHE WOULD BE FIFTYSIX + WOULD HAVE BEEN BORN IN NINETEEN-FORTY THREE / IF YOUR MOTHER WAS FIFTEEN WHEN SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOU SHE WOULD BE THIRTYFOUR + WOULD HAVE BEEN BORN IN NINETEEN-SIXTYFIVE / IF YOUR MOTHER WAS TWENTYFOUR WHEN SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOU SHE WOULD BE – HEY I JUST SAW A MISTAKE SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN THIRTYTWO + BEEN BORN IN THE YEAR NINETEEN-SIXTYSEVEN / IF YOUR MOTHER WAS TWENTYFOUR WHEN SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOU SHE WOULD HAVE BE FORTYONE + WOULD HAVE BEEN BORN IN THE YEAR NINETEEN-FIFTYEIGHT = I WILL BE YOUR I MET YOU AT THE LIBRARY I MET YOU AT A I VISITED YOUR SCHOOL TO GIVE A TALK ON DRUNKDRIVING – YOU WOULD COME TO MY HOTEL ROOM UM I WOULD SEE YOU DOWNTOWN ON SATURDAY I LEAVE ON MONDAY YOU MIGHT BE SELLING UM I CAN’T SET THIS UP WHATEVER SO I SEE YOU + YOU ((THIS IS GARBAGE)) COME BACK TO MY HOTEL ROOM I’M LEAVING ON MONDAY I AM AN ATTRACTIVE THIRTYSIX YEAROLD MAN EVEN THOUGH I AM A DRUNK DRIVER I AM A GOOD PUBLIC SPEAKER I KILLED A KID WITH DOWN SYNDROME WHILE DRINKING + DRIVING I SPENT THREE YEARS FOUR MONTHS IN A PRISON + MADE A PROMISE TO MYSELF THAT IF I EVER GOT OUT I WOULD / DO SOMETHING / AT THE CLIMAX OF THE PRESENTATION I SHOW SLIDES OF THE BOY I KILLED + OPENLY WEEP HE ENJOYED PLAYING SOCCER ((THIS IS SO STUPID I THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD THE FIRST TIME BUT I REALLY THINK IT’S KIND OF LIKE I’M NOT SURE PRECIOUS YOU KNOW LIKE IT’S ALL TRYING TO BE CLEVER IN A TERRIBLE UNPLEASANT WAY)) HE HAD A DOG NAMED LEWIS I CHANGED THE DOG’S NAME AFTER THE FIRST FEW TIMES ((THIS IS GARBAGE)) HE HAD AN UNUSUAL NAME I FELT IT WOULD TAKE AWAY FROM THE PRESENTATION PEOPLE WOULD BE THINKING ABOUT THE DOG’S FUNNY NAME + NOT ABOUT THE BOY LOVING HIS DOG PLAYING WITH IT FEEDING IT HE HAD A THREEYOUROLD AT THE TIME SISTER NAMED WHATEVER I SHOW A PICTURE OF HER AT THE END PEOPLE COME UP + HUG ME EVEN THOUGH I AM A DRUNKDRIVER ((THIS PART IS A LITTLE BETTER BUT I HAVE TO GO + CHANGE SOME STUFF NEAR THE END)) EVERYONE IS CRYING BECAUSE I KILLED A KID WHEN I SEE YOU DOWNTOWN YOU RECOGNIZE ME AUTOMATICALLY SOMEHOW WE GO BACK TO MY HOTEL ROOM PLASTIC KEYCARD THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I’VE EVER DONE THIS TYPE OF THING YOU SITTING ON THE BED WATCHING AN INTERVIEW WITH SHAKIRA WHILE I PUT ON DEODORANT ‘’I HATED “WHENEVER WHEREVER” BEFORE I HATED THE WAY SHE DANCED’’ ‘’I LOVE IT!!’’ ‘’SHE HAS WIDE HIPS’’ I MASTURBATED TO THIS VIDEO IN A RAMADA INN IN SUDBURY TWO MONTHS AGO I DIDN’T EVEN IMAGINE HAVING SEX WITH HER OR ANYKIND OF SEX SCENARIO I JUST MASTURBATED SHE HAS BEAUTIFUL HAIR LOOK AT ((THIS IS TERRIBLE REALLY I THINK I WOULD HATE IT IF I WAS READING IT + I HADN’T WRITTEN IT BUT I STILL LIKE IT EVEN THOUGHT IT’S GARBAGE)) THAT DANCE HOLY COW I SIT DOWN BESIDE YOU SMELLING NICE I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE EVER HAD SEX WITH A MAN I INTEND TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU I START TO KISS / LIFT UP YOUR SHIRT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT MY CAR KILLING AN EIGHT YEAROLD RETARDED KID HE DIED INSTANTLY = I MAKE LOVE TO YOU IN THE HOTELROOM BED + WE LIE THERE / FALL ASLEEP WHEN I WAKE UP YOU ARE GONE THERE IS A BIG WET PATCH ON THE BED MY LEG LYING IN IT I’M THIRTYSIX YEARS OLD I TOUCH THE WET WITH FOUR OF THE FINGERS ON MY RIGHT HAND SMELL MY WET FINGERS SIT UP TO KNEELING TO ON ALL FOURS BEND DOWN LIKE A DOG DRINKING FROM A WATER DISH TO SMELL THE WET THE FIRST SHAWN DESMAN VIDEO WAS INCREDIBLE BUT HE FOLLOWED IT UP WITH NOTHING JUST NONSENSE WITH THE SAME VELOUR TRACKSUIT ETC THE SONG SOUNDS EXACTLY THE SAME

3. WOMAN WHO LOOKS LIKE A KILLER WHALE WHO WAS ON THE LOFTERS ON WHATEVER THAT CHANNEL IS / MIGHT BE ON SPORTSNET OR TSN NOW ((JENNIFER HEDGER)) – JUST A SIMPLE I’M NOT SURE WHAT IT’S MADE OUT OF COMING TO A FEW INCHES ABOVE KNEES SKIRT + A WHITE BUTTONS UP THE FRONT LONG SLEEVES A LIGHT MATERIAL SHIRT + WE ARE IN MY OFFICE + VERY AIRY LOTS OF SUNSHINE / I COLLECT SPORTS MEMORABILIA BASEBALL MOSTLY / A BIG YELLOW DESK WITH STUFF ON IT / A THIN RED CARPET / AN AQUARIUM OR SOMETHING ; NOTES : VERY PROFFESIONAL GREAT HAIR A REAL BLONDE THERE WAS A THING I SAW WHERE REAL BLONDES WERE GOING TO GO EXTINCT EVENTUALLY IT’S NOT A THING FOR ME I THINK FAKE BLONDNESS RUINED THE REAL THING FAKE RED HAS NEVER RUINED FAKE RED THOUGH MAYBE BECAUSE IT CAN’T BE DUPLICATED JUST RIGHT VERY PROFESSIONAL THIS ISN’T AN AUDITION YOU’RE JUST HERE TO URINATE ON ME TELLS ME SHE JUST DRANK TWO CANS OF BRISK BEFORE SHE CAME I’VE NEVER HEARD ANYONE REFER TO IT AS JUST BRISK ONE WORD LIKE THAT BEFORE LIPTON’S BRISK ICED TEA WHY NOT JUST SAY ICED TEA IT’S BARELY LIKE TEA AT ALL IT’S ACIDIC YUCK : “”OKAY I’LL JUST LIE ON THE FLOOR HERE + WHENEVER YOU’RE READY JUST GO FOR IT”” “”UM DO YOU USUALLY LOOK??”” “”NOT IF IT’S A PROBLEM IT SOMETIMES IS”” “”OKAY”” + STANDS OVER ME / PULL MY SHIRT UP TO MY NECK / LOOK UP AWAY FROM HER TOWARD MY DESK + STANDS OVER ME HIKES UP SKIRT PULLS DOWN UNDERWEAR ((STANDARD)) TO AROUND KNEES / WAIT WAIT WAIT “”I’M REALLY SORRY THIS IS SO WEIRD”” “”JUST RELAX”” WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT UNTIL IT COMES OUT REALLY FAST / LOTS OF IT IN A KIND OF ARC LIKE DIRECTED / ON MY SHIRT / STEPS BACK QUICK + HITS LOWER RIBMEETING AREA RUNS INTO MY NAVEL / “”OHYMYGOD I’M SORRY”” ((PULLS UP UNDERPANTS QUICK)) “”IT’SOKAY CAN I LOOK NOW??”” + SHE LEAVES QUICK + STAND UP FEEL PEE DOWN CHEST RUN OUT OF MY NAVEL ABSORBED BY TOP OF PANTS +++ DRY MYSELF OFF BY MYSELF +

2. WENDY MESLEY – BABY YOU ARE EASY LET’S MAKE THIS BRIEF : YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INTELLIGENT + YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE YOU CUT IT YOURSELF + IT MAKES YOU LOOK SERIOUS + STANDARD NEWSANCHORING WOMAN SORT OF BUSINESS SUIT RIGHT? + YOUR DRESS IS CONSERVATIVE + A DEEP RED? / NO A GREYISH BLUE + IT’S EASY WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A PROSTITUTE LIKE A PROSTITUTE IN A MOVIE LIKE SOME KIND OF RUSSIAN SPYWOMAN + I WILL MAKE YOU SPEAK TO ME IN A RUSSIAN ACCENT + DEMEAN ME CALL ME – URINATE IN MY MOUTH NOW : WE ARE IN A PRETTY BIG EMPTY OFFICE ROOM WITH JUST CARPET NO WINDOWS NO DESKS NO TABLES JUST CARPET ELECTRICAL OUTLETS : NUMBER ONE: LYING ON MY BACK AGAIN + TELL ME TO CLOSE MY EYES I DO + ((I CAN’T SEE THIS I GUESS BUT)) STAND OVER CLOSED EYES / BEND KNEES A BIT / REACH UP INTO SKIRT TO PULL UNDERWEAR TO THE SIDE / FILL MY MOUTH WITH ((REALLY SUPRISINGLY)) HOT WATERY URINE / SWALLOW ONCE BUT LOTS / COMES UP OVER SIDES DOWN CHEEKS / FINALLY STOPS /