How should I flirt?

This was my adolesence in a nutshell.

OK so the moral here is this is not the right way to flirt.

Here's my problem:

Once this girl came to my door looking for one of my housemates. She smiled. She giggled. She flirted, even. She obviously thought I was cute. And I thought she was... *breathtaking*. I was in *love*. I had erotic dreams about her *that night*.

Cut to two weeks later, when the roomate she was looking for is telling me this story: he left town for three days. When he came back, he went over to her place, and found her curled in a corner. She hadn't eaten for three days. She hadn't eaten since he'd left. She was waiting to eat until he came back. The girl was wildly unstable, and probably very stupid on top of this.

This was a near miss for me. One sideways glance, one small changed circumstance, and I would have been in bed with this girl. Man... I still might. The attraction was that powerful. But she was crazy, you see. And here I am left wondering if I was somehow attracted to her *because* she was crazy, because I could smell crazy on her and I wanted it BAD, because maybe that's, like, my thing. It's a disturbing thought. And judging from most of my other girlfriends, I wouldn't put it past myself.

For every girl that has been dismissed as "crazy" for reasons of male ego, there is some boy somewhere who will delight in that "craziness". Unforunately, this also works for true craziness. Or, erm, something.

As to the original question, J-Lu, I don't know what to tell you. If you flirt too subtly, men don't notice. If you flirt too obviously, men think you are a "slut" (see the "crazy" argument above for the origin of that term) and want nothing to do with you in the way that *you* want.

Then again, men have this problem, too. The first night that I met HSA, I refused to believe that he was flirting with me, partly because I was distracted by an asshole, and partly because I just didn't believe that he could be flirting with me.

Anyway, that's a completely useless post, isn't it?

flirting
Stay Right There Tiger Flirting vs. Come Hither Flirting
STOP FLIRTING

1) Light-hearted and therefore non-threatening expression of sexual or romantic interest (Flirting With Intention, chatting someone up)

2) Sexually charged banter without specific romantic or sexual intention

Sometimes Situation 2 is used as a precursor to, or sort of verbal "feeling out" to see if a party is receptive to Situation 1. But sometimes it is simply a little bit of diverting fun or amusement.

I was under the impression that J-Lu was asking about Situation 1. In some people's experience, practice at Situation 2 makes them better at Situation 1. Situation 2 is often easier, as there is no pressure, and there's no "brainfarting" Holmstrom Effect.

This sounds like one of Jack Handy's Deep Thoughts (tm).

that's not very helpful is it? well, this might b
j lu: most men are stupid about whether a girl likes him.
they're either stupid or their overly suspicious - it's a
reflex some of us get from thinking that a girl likes us
and then finding out she's just being friendly

so anyway, if you like a guy, romantically - say something.
say I LIKE YOU, or grab his hand or something. do something
obvious like that, most guys (in my experience) are not
turned off by boldness.

This is not always true in my experience. It really depends on the guy. And it depends on what you want from him.

(One could say that men who are turned off by boldness are unlikely to be interested in and/or able to handle me as a long-term partner anyway, so I should just abandon the thought but... ah well.)

Skwert, this ignores the problem of 'the flirt'. Some people are just flirtatious per se, because they enjoying wielding that power, or because it bolsters their self-esteem, or just because they find interacting that way fun. Which it is, as long as no one gets hurt. Whatever the reason, in these cases it doesn't really signify any chemistry at all, unless you were to argue that these people just have chemistry with everyone.

This is the WORST way of flirting, ever, in my opinion. Go and search out the entire Hilton Betelgeuse debacle for my experiences of how utterly confusion-making and ego-shredding and awful this method of flirting is.

I mean, if it's worked for you, fair enough. But In My Experience, it is a MAJOR dud.

I guess she prob wouldn't have done it if we were in the same platform.

bah. I hate flirting (if that's what it was).

because in the words of the great man

"you can never really te-eell when somebodee
wants something you-u waaaant too"

(hi again kate!)

First of all, you never let on how much you like a girl.
"Oh, Debbie. Hi."

Two, you always call the shots.
"Kiss me. You won't regret it."

Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?"

Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice."

And five, now this is the most important. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

It's never too soon...
A girl decides how far she's gonna let you go in the first five minutes. You start from the minute you walk in a room. I mean don't just walk in, you move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.

That's the attitude! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.

(haha ; = a winking colon!)

Also, sometimes I get drunk and say things like "Hey, wanna make out?" or "Can we make babies later?"

THNX GYZ YR LIF SVERS

I think just as often when someone fancies someone they will NOT flirt with them, at least experience has taught me this somewhat.

As for people who flirt with everyone I have to say I find this quite attractive, there is at least one person I know who is unbelievably confident like this, I would say she makes most boys I know feel like they're the most special person in the world constantly. Even though you know she's like that with everyone it's kind of hard to not be a bit taken by a pretty girl kissing you and telling you she's missed you so much etc etc etc.

But I guess it's good for someone to be like that, maybe she does just really like everyone.

Daylight flirting can be rather circuitous and baffling. I think the elusive "am I indie" borderline has nothing to do with music but rather if you have the patience to do the bookstore glance->wow->headup head down->glance->oh shit->beamer->heheh->oh fuck seeya->wistful internet report process. It often perplexes and defeats me. Even more soul-crushing in its glancingness is on the sidewalk when you get the once-over and the unmistakable 'I'd rather enjoy your COCK about now' sneer-smile and you're like, What, am I supposed to turn around like an idiot and skip up behind her? "Wait up, wait up! Heheh, uhhh...." Nighttime flirting is a bit better because you just can plant yourself in your target's peripheral vision and be happy givin er and if you get a glance that somehow turns into Let's Go, "it's a bonus".

I dunno how to do the smiling thing. Whenever people gaze at me, on the tube especially, the best I can offer in return is a Frank Specer grin or shitting-my-pants grimace.

How to flirt with a girl: If you're aiming for someone really hot there is not set way. In fact, the only way to pull a really hot chick is to try hard to get to know her. Try REALLY hard, in fact, and dedicate all your time to it. It's a bitch but, hey, that's life.

i agree. flirting's fun and i think i do it well, but more often than not the give-and-take of positive attention is just another pleasant way to pass the time.

Hi. I'm sorry to bother you about this again, but it's just something I feel like me won't really see eye to eye until we thrash out.

It's about the touching thing, as I'm sure you've guessed. Specifically the cute-single-plausibly-interested-girl-touching-us-on-legs-and-shoulders-etc-in-a-vaguely-flirty-way thing. I'm not saying we have to lean in, or anything like that, but, well, the flinching idea just really isn't working out for us. I know it was fine, before, but times have changed since the whole big puberty fiasco. They really have, and you're going to have to accept it one day, you know.

Best, as ever,
Greg