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Calm down dear, this is actually another thread about adverts that do our fucking nuts in...

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:15 (twenty-three years ago)

it's the "hello mum! I'm on the telly!" bit that annoys me. the woman who says it is sixty-odd. do they have daytime ITV beyond the grave? or is that where it actually comes from?

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Michael Winner makes me laugh for some reason, probably cos i'm always thinking of him as his Spitting Image puppet

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:17 (twenty-three years ago)

I was just about to tell you to set fire to them as well. I never watch TV = don't know any adverts anymore.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:17 (twenty-three years ago)

not that i'm always thinking of him

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:18 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm sick of that one with the old song "take good care of my bay-beeee" - i can never remember what its for, but its on all the bloody time

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:19 (twenty-three years ago)

i have so far been unsuccessful in trying to start off a 'Hatchback! Open Top!' call and response style meme around town :(

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:20 (twenty-three years ago)

PICK-UP!

worst advert of the moment = that ad with the bossy children talking about disposable cameras and the girl indignantly saying "ooh I don't know how men manage" - thankfully I have repressed all knowledge of what brand it was trying to foist upon me

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:20 (twenty-three years ago)

What is annoying about the 'calm down dear' adverts is that Chris Moyles says it about 50 times each day! Jesus, we get it, now leave it the fuck alone!

not that i'm always thinking of him

Don't lie!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:20 (twenty-three years ago)

I am sick to the back teeth of those nightly half hour long commercials for premium rate phone numbers on channel 4.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry PP, but if you listen to Chris Moyles then you deserve everything you get ;-)

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Can tube adverts be included too please?

such as, say, Choose Your Coach at runlondon.com?

Please?

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:22 (twenty-three years ago)

I Had the day off work & got sick of the amount of 'consolidate your loans' adverts. Oh & the ambulance chaser ads aswell. 'Have you had an accident? Were you being a twat? Nevermind, we will still sue the ass of them for you!'

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Mr Sulu to thread

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Tico - I hate that one because I can never tell where O'Reilly's eyes are

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Fair point j0e, but I live in Cambridge & there isn't really that must of a choice down here you know! We could have our local station Q103 which is full of crappy djs with shit loads of ads or Vibe which plays constant dance/bbotlegs/shite with equally annoying djs!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:24 (twenty-three years ago)

we are the Lilt Laydeez, bling bling yo yo we drink carbonated pineappley piss

Gah it is fucking dreadful - and made worse by the fact that the previous campaign with the original Lilt Ladies taking the mick out of that schtoopid Levis advert was my favourite advert ever

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:26 (twenty-three years ago)

While we are talking about bus stop/tube station ads, I'm being particularly irritated by the Barcardi "Dance Like No One Is Watching/Party Like You Don't Have To Work/Love Like You've Never Been Hurt" ones. Not because I've never been an idiot and DONE these things while drinking (in fact, if anything, these things would be an incentive NOT to drink) but because - well, I don't know. I'm not sure which is worse. The idea that drinking to lose your inhibitions is a GOOD thing. Or the idea that you need to drink in order to be a Free Spirit or whatever it is that these ads are implying.

The Love Like You've Never Been Hurt one PARTICULARLY irritates me. Because drink doesn't make you love (especially if you've been hurt) it just makes you more likely to be an idiot and shag idiots who are going to hurt you more.

― kate (kate), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Perennial tube rottenness with Heatbusters - where the fuck were you this week eh lads?

And my lord if I never see those droopy-moustache fuckers 118 and 118 again it will be too soon. Obviously they don't tell you that if you do say "oh yeah connect me cheers" you get charged sexline rates for the privilege.

Kate the reason for this is that the Bacardi ads are aimed at the "Drink Like Youve Never Got Drunk" market.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Even more reason to hate them, then. Grrrrrrr.

(I actually quite like 118's haircuts. HSA teases me endlessly about this.)

― kate (kate), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:35 (twenty-three years ago)

"That's one pressed flower!"

It's Lambrini all over again without even the drunkenness as an excuse!

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:38 (twenty-three years ago)

The SPAFE Micra ads are on the tube now. I have an out of proportion hatred for them, esp the one that says "ARE YOU FEELING KNUMPED knocked and bumped?"

On TV - I hate those ones for WKD alcopop.

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Could there have been SPAFE Micra adverts were it not for Jabberwocky?

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:40 (twenty-three years ago)

oh yes - that coffee one Tico! "what's so great about the EU then?" I'd love the answer to be all Gordon Browny

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:41 (twenty-three years ago)

(I am love with the Sunday Herald's advert. And I love the song so much. Someone told me last night that it's Dido. Meep!)

― Cozen (Cozen), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:43 (twenty-three years ago)

The worst thing about the Micra ones is they have one asking if you're 'streggling', stressed & struggling, and it's like I'M ON THE FUCKING UNDERGROUND AND IT'S 95 DEGREES, YES I AM STRESSED AND STRUGGLING. you bastards.

And in the EU coffee ad the girl says 'I don't weigh 12 stone any more' despite the fact that the 2 models in the pic clearly weigh less than 12 stone between them.

― Emma, Friday, 18 July 2003 10:43 (twenty-three years ago)

The EU one is the worst - it barely even qualifies as a quip, how desperate for friends would you have to be to laugh at that? There might as well be an "LOL ;-)" at the bottom of the ad.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Whoever's behind the Micra ads should be thrown with great force into an acid bath.

Also, can someone explain the 'It's Not Cricket' cricket adverts to me? I think I'm missing something.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I also hate the new Slimfast ones with some girl going 'how can you you snack AND lose weight? I don't know how it works, that's Slimfast's job.' (Reminiscent of L'Oreal - 'here comes the science bit'.) Like it's 'cool' to take NO responsibility for the shit you might be putting into your body.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:47 (twenty-three years ago)

The tv Micra adverts are indeed annoying, but I dig her lipstick! (btw I am sorry everyone!!)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah if you're dumb enough to not know what you're eating, then bitch you deserve to be fat!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:48 (twenty-three years ago)

*enters thread dressed as large bottle of wine*

How about dinner?

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:50 (twenty-three years ago)

what I don't get is - why isn't the woman in a costume too? is she meant to be naked? no wonder she's getting all these offers

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:51 (twenty-three years ago)

if slimfast were selling tapeworm eggs as slimming pills this wd be quite funny

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:53 (twenty-three years ago)

'I don't care! It works! Haha, look at me laughing in a swimsuit.'

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:54 (twenty-three years ago)

i like the senile old man in the 118 ads who says 'HELLO!' to the old 192 man

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 18 July 2003 10:58 (twenty-three years ago)

"Here's where we add the enbalming fluid"

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 18 July 2003 11:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The one for a car, I think, with the "It ain't no joke" theme song. I want to watch ever single one of those Nathan Barley cunts dismembered as their pissy little hatchback comes into juddering, metal death contact with an articulated lorry doing 120 mph.

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 18 July 2003 11:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh yeah. 'Look, we are so achingly hip and kerazee that we have a load of *CDs* in our boot! Beat that, suckers!'

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 18 July 2003 12:03 (twenty-three years ago)

"Buy a Fiesta and ram-raid Our Price!"

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 18 July 2003 12:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Boot-load of CD's.

And they picked Smash Mouth.

Jesus...

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Friday, 18 July 2003 12:22 (twenty-three years ago)

I heart all adverts.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 18 July 2003 12:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, that attempt to make a Fiesta cool by having attractive young people and a boot full of CDs is breathtakingly lame.

Entertainment from the Michael Winner ads is gained by assuming that he directed them. And you could recognise the woman as Julia Foster, a minor TV star of decades ago.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 18 July 2003 20:02 (twenty-three years ago)

"Would you like a drink honey?"

"Nah I'm good"

"Are you sure?"

"No thanks"

"DAVID, I'M IN THE KITCHEN - CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?"

"Alright whaddya have?"

"..a Coke?"

"That sounds good"

"Ice?"

"For fucks sake woman I didn't want anything - what the fuck is wrong with you - jesus - all this shit because we thought you were up the duff - and now I've just lost my last ball - fuck fucking shit fuck! Get the fuck out of here you bitch, I'll kill you...I'll fucking kill you..."

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 18 July 2003 20:03 (twenty-three years ago)

rilly that Coke as is such a headfuck - what sort of impression are they trying to give us about their married life? that they spend all day irritating the shit out of each other?

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 18 July 2003 20:05 (twenty-three years ago)

What's the loan advert where you get those people doing testimonials to a point slightly off camera, and they sound very unconvincing and they have fear in their eyes? "Dey're really good. I would say that if yer lookin' for a loan, then [company] are der ones. Just give them a try. Please don't break me other leg." Those are awful, natch.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Saturday, 19 July 2003 18:20 (twenty-three years ago)

the Beanz Meanz Heinz slogan change one is irritating. i've never seen a more cynical advertising ploy - "Give us some money or we'll fuck tradition up the arse". its the way they say 'we're thinking of changing Beanz Meanz Heinz to something more modern' when surely the use of z's made it ahead of its time originally, and its still a classic slogan in every sense of the word.

and "Sunny D - because no child's like Max Wild" - what the hell does this mean?

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 20 July 2003 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

And you could recognise the woman as Julia Foster, a minor TV star of decades ago

She's also Ben Fogle from Castaway's mum.

That Spafe advert is so far beyond irritating it makes me want to break my TV. The Doritos Friendchips ones have a similar effect. And the Yakult(sp?) good bacteria one. The woman in that advert is in adverts for everything. She must have one hell of an agent.

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 20 July 2003 13:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Particularly annoying aspect of most recent friendchips ad: cleaning up of porn-star name meme to extent that the whole thing makes no sense at all.

― RickyT (RickyT), Sunday, 20 July 2003 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

otm ricky t, i think i moaned about that on a previous 'sucky ads' thread too

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 20 July 2003 15:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 6 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I don't think it's supposed to be in trouble, more that the ads are meant to be unsentimentally realistic about relationships or something. In fact it goes much too far. AND they can't act, of course.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 21 July 2003 12:14 (twenty-three years ago)

But they're young people struggling with relationships in a modern world! I like to think of those adverts as a handy replacement for This Life

I'm not talking about the greasy spoon / petrol station one either - I've been told that there's a new one and I want to see it. I have no idea what the plot is as I don't like spoilers

― j0e (j0e), Monday, 21 July 2003 12:31 (twenty-three years ago)

well it turns out she comes home to find him jacking off to animal porn but its okay cos they were both covered.

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 21 July 2003 12:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Covered in what?

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 21 July 2003 12:53 (twenty-three years ago)

heh heh heh.

they need names really. She looks like a Carol. Or an Annette - he looks like a Toby or a Dave

― j0e (j0e), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:29 (twenty-three years ago)

I think that is unfair to the Tobys and Daves on ILX. He is more of a Stewart.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Stuart and Claire?

― j0e (j0e), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:41 (twenty-three years ago)

He's definitely a Toby. Or a Tom. She's obviously a Helen, or a Joanne.

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:49 (twenty-three years ago)

yes - Joanne - never "Jo".

― j0e (j0e), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

she'd sneer and correct people and everything.

― j0e (j0e), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

i also don't get the 'it's not cricket' thing. i mean, yeah. it isn't cricket. does that mean that i'm enjoying watching the ad more than i would watching cricket? maybe that's it...

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 21 July 2003 14:10 (twenty-three years ago)

That's just a colloquialism. "It's not cricket" = "you are failing to accede to the corinthian mores and old-fashioned decency of yesteryear"

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 21 July 2003 14:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes but in the context of the adverts...?

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 21 July 2003 14:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I always thought "it's just not cricket" meant something that was unfair or somehow biased, or with cheating involved. I can't see how it makes sense in the context of the ads either.

― caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 21 July 2003 14:48 (twenty-three years ago)

the cricket thing: the way i see it is that it's a bunch of blokes having to do things they can't get out of (graduation, wedding etc) when they'd rather be watching cricket. so it's both 'not cricket' in that it's something else and it's 'not cricket' in the 'unfair' sense of the phrase.

nope, not the clearest adverts in the world.

>and "Sunny D - because no child's like Max Wild" -
>what the hell does this mean?

well, max is shown at the beginning prefering healthy things like sprouts and spinach to chips. most kids are not like this so need to get their vitamins from some other place. like 'healthy', 'wholesome' sunny delight.

> Entertainment from the Michael Winner ads is gained by assuming that he directed them.

further entertainment came from the leaked fact that esure won't insure actors because it deems them too much of a risk. big hoohah about it in sunday papers a couple of weeks ago.

andy

― koogs (koogs), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 16:44 (twenty-three years ago)

that Max Wild thing is so insulting. why is his name Max Wild if he's such an obedient square? and if he's so good why does he say 'i heard that!' when the narrator says no kid's as good as him, as if it was an insult to him. and what about all the good kids out there who think Sunny D is spunk from the devil's own schlong?

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 17:06 (twenty-three years ago)

NO children out there think that. It's kiddy crack.

― j0e (j0e), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:09 (twenty-three years ago)

i thought crack was kiddy crack

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:13 (twenty-three years ago)

yep most ads are shite. but I like this.

― j0e (j0e), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 09:28 (twenty-three years ago)

pretty funny! has it been on TV yet?

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 10:05 (twenty-three years ago)

esp. cheeky considering Honda were threatened with legal acton as their 'Cog' ad was ripping off a short film from around ten years ago with a very similar concept.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 10:06 (twenty-three years ago)

The biggest question in the ad world is: When will they release follow up advert to the one that uses The Human League song - Don't You Want Me.

The song has a two part vocal so I think its the Girls turn next.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 13:50 (twenty-three years ago)

The First Plus one with Carol Vordermaths makes me mad, "you can choose a term that suits", "just 300 months" that's 25 fucking years! That's a mortgage!

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 14:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I got stopped by a guy canvassing for an ambulance chasing insurance firm yesterday. He said: "have you had any accidents recently?"

Yes, I said, several

"Were they somebody's fault?" he asked

I was so happy.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 01:29 (twenty-three years ago)

the evian ad makes me violent. it's only water so why does it make people behave like they're on smack? bastards.

on the other hand, the new london transport ad is a thing of beauty.

andy

― koogs (koogs), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 13:42 (twenty-three years ago)

shoot like you've never o.d.'ed!

kill like you'll never get caught!

― cameron, Wednesday, 30 July 2003 13:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Two hated lines from my most hated advert:

"Juice! I need juice!" (woman shrieking at her minions in some strange underground alcopops laboratory...)

And:

"This is where we add the vodka..."

God I hate that one - it's both annoying and disgusting. Why would I want to drink orange juice that's just been crushed out by some greasy guy's biceps and stirred around by women in black lipstick? Reef is disgusting anyhow - I had one (off a free bar, I hasten to add) ages ago and couldn't touch it after one sip.

― elisabeth k, Wednesday, 30 July 2003 14:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Not to sound melodramatic, but...

THE NEW MADONNA/MISSY GAP VIDEO IS THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.

EVER.

GIGLI WILL PROBABLY BE BETTER THAN THIS, IT HAS SAPPED MY WILL TO LIVE.

― Larcole (Nicole), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 22:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Ah, lovely TV of mine with no cable box.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 22:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Ah, lovely TV of mine with no cable box or antenna.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Wednesday, 30 July 2003 23:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Even better!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 23:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Yup. If I didn't buy it or rent it, I can't watch it.

That being said, I watch one to two movies a day on average. So it's not like I'm a complete non-couch potato(e).

― Girolamo Savonarola, Wednesday, 30 July 2003 23:10 (twenty-three years ago)

joe yr 'hello mum' post made me laugh so much.

― piscesboy, Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:12 (twenty-three years ago)

:-)

I'm a little concerned about the way our adverts are treating cows these days. The friendly Clover heffer / Laughing Cow type is a dying breed. Nowadays cows in ads all seem to break into peoples houses to spike their mash with dairylea / rough up some poor sod who had to buy his milk from the Texaco garage etc. Although I'm never sure why the Laughing Cow laughed - either she knew what the real, disgusting ingredients of her cheese spread were (making her evil) or it was some kind of bovine delerium

― j0e (j0e), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 14:43 (twenty-three years ago)

the all-singin' all-dancin' Anchor cows seemed pretty happy

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 14:54 (twenty-three years ago)

But stevem. They were lucky cows. They chewed the cud and browsed.

― j0e (j0e), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

i was out of the room this morning and heard something that sounded like an esure advert that consisted of people acting out the MW esure advert. how very meta. saves them having to pay MW himself i guess.

that kaleidescopic Smart Car advert is good although i'm sure i've seen it somewhere before... 8) like the other car ad with the turtoises too.

― koogs (koogs), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:00 (twenty-two years ago)

have they ditched Winner now in favour of the mouse which becomes a saw?

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:09 (twenty-two years ago)

pi helpline insurance, on all the time during the cricket, featuring a fat man with terrifying eyebrows trying to be sincere. At one point someone throws him a phone number scrawled in black marker on an inflatable ball. Cheapest advert ever, all boxes ticked (rock vocal singing the companys name, hand gesture to go with terrifying punchline "let us take the pain from your claim" he says sincerely whilst looking like he's PLOTTING OUR DEATHS, and of course the punchline sort of rhymes). I love it. Even more than Winner's bemusing call and response with the girl who's definitely not his sister.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:14 (twenty-two years ago)

jesus, those ads were on for A WHOLE YEAR.

― ENRG, Friday, 6 August 2004 10:14 (twenty-two years ago)

it's my new sister-company
i told you i'm not your
[pause]
Calm down dear, it's only a commercial.

i love/hate the way he's supposed to be interrupting her yet they get the timing completely wrong so that there is a pause before the "interruption".

― jed (jed_e_3), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:17 (twenty-two years ago)

oh yes I'd forgotten about that one.

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:19 (twenty-two years ago)

It's the weird and unprompted intrusion of "who are you?" "an insurance salesman" that gets me

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:23 (twenty-two years ago)

that girl is terrible - why does she think Winner is saying she's his sister?

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:28 (twenty-two years ago)

that gets you, to buy insurance from them?

crosspost

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:28 (twenty-two years ago)

that girl is terrible - why does she think Winner is saying she's his sister?
-- the neurotic awakening of s (stevem7...), August 6th, 2004 11:28 AM. (later)

cos he called her "sister" i think.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:36 (twenty-two years ago)

no he says 'our sister company'

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:44 (twenty-two years ago)

oh right there you go then, she thought he said "our sister's company" and she was obv the company's owner, and thus "i'm NOT your sister" and she knew her mum was watching, and thus "HI MUM!"

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

she was dumb like that cos she's a wimmin.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:51 (twenty-two years ago)

more the strange way it's dropped in

x-post

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 6 August 2004 13:12 (twenty-two years ago)

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