i'm tired - so tired - so tired of faaaancying (so tired)

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dear abby,

i've gone quite a long time without a serious relationship, and it used to bug me a lot. lately, though, i don't really feel much in the way of sexual desire or lust, never mind desire to get in a relationship - finding someone to throw down with seems only marginally more appealing than washing the floor. in truth, the only thing that bugs me is the fact that i'm sort of content with the situation. is this normal? do others experience periods when they're single of just not really caring about relationships?

-sexless in singapore

― Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 12 September 2003 09:02 (twenty-two years ago)

God Dave I totally relate. I amn't totally content with it, in fact I'd say it is probably one of the parts of life that bugs me most, but then I am quite happy so nothing bugs me that much, or at least most stuff which bugs me makes me happy.

I would ask you though whether you really really deep down don't care? I think I'm very quick to say I don't care because in order to remain confident and myself this is necessary for me. And also the chances of getting in a relationship if you're constantly worrying about not being in one are probably less. So I don't if possible.

I have such a pathetic sex drive, I mean it's always so much easier to get drunk or just chat to friends than go "on the pull" or whatever term you want to dress that up with. That's sort of an escape I guess.

I think what worries me is that I'd reach a point where I was completely clueless about the opposite sex, or more completely clueless. I doubt this will happen though, I have casual enough relationships every now and again, which don't need to last long to just reaffirm my faith a bit.

The main thing is to not let it become a problem I think, or to start going into rationalisation as is often tempting. And definitely avoid self deprecation etc. You don't want to become a parody.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 12 September 2003 09:26 (twenty-two years ago)

The lack of answers make me feel like Dave and I are the only two people who turned up for a mens support group meeting or something.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 12 September 2003 11:52 (twenty-two years ago)

*supportive shoulder squeezes all round*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 12 September 2003 11:58 (twenty-two years ago)

repeat after me guys "I AM A DECISIVE BREADWINNER"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 12 September 2003 11:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I AM A BREADED DECISIONWINNER!

― Ricardo (RickyT), Friday, 12 September 2003 12:02 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't know whether this is true or not!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Friday, 12 September 2003 12:02 (twenty-two years ago)

i was about to post innna self-deprecating stylee, but you're too right about that. the question is, when somebody comes along who is worth actually getting off our asses for, will we notice?

(now let us read from Iron John. where's my hand drum?)

― Dave M. (rotten03), Saturday, 13 September 2003 01:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, I feel this way, too. I'm not sure what to say about it, though. A lot of times it just seems like dating isn't all that worthwhile. I'm also probably too picky. Although on Sunday, I will be going on my first date in two and a half years ... yee haw.

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 13 September 2003 03:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I totally felt this way until I fell in love with and had an incredibly hot affair with someone. Too bad he already has a girlfriend. . .

-Lonely in the EDT

― Texas, Biyatch! (thatgirl), Saturday, 13 September 2003 03:32 (twenty-two years ago)

i go through periods like this, and yeah i get what you mean about feeling like you should care. it might mean exactly the opposite of what you think it means...

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Saturday, 13 September 2003 04:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I am already completely clueless about how to deal with the opposite sex, or rather I have always been, only when you're eighteen and clueless there doesn't seem too much to be done about it. Past my prime already. No point in moping about it though.

― Maria (Maria), Saturday, 13 September 2003 05:23 (twenty-two years ago)

18 year old boys...you ain't missing much so don't worry. you're a smart young woman, the people who will appreciate what you have to offer will be in their early to mid twenties.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Saturday, 13 September 2003 05:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Is it wicked not to care?

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Saturday, 13 September 2003 13:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey I remember when Maria was 16!

If you were single and gagging for it then that would be kinda inconvenient. Prolly some built in mechanism for making u not want it so much when it's not available.

Either that or ur ready 4 luv (the real thing).

I dunno. I find when single I'm not so interested then when I'm not-so-single I want lots!

― toraneko (toraneko), Saturday, 13 September 2003 13:31 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

the title of this thread is brilliant.

― piscesboy, Saturday, 23 October 2004 13:09 (twenty years ago)

you're a smart young woman, the people who will appreciate what you have to offer will be in their early to mid twenties.

i hope youre kidding.

― :|, Saturday, 23 October 2004 13:21 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

Let's revive this, i'm in that sort of mood.

― Emma'shouseisempty (piscesx), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:21 (nineteen years ago)

Great, now I've got Bauhaus stuck in my head.

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:29 (nineteen years ago)

i thought this would be a kaet thread.

― teh_kit has 21 friends (g-kit), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:30 (nineteen years ago)

I'm quite up on fancying at the minute, after a weekend of it (to no great avail, unsurprisingly, but it's nice to have your spider-sense go off, like "hey, I'm pretty certain something's happening here")

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:35 (nineteen years ago)

it even 'sounds' like one. xpost

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:39 (nineteen years ago)

.. short of adding "dronerock remix" to the title...

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:40 (nineteen years ago)

What are you trying to say? I never get tired of fancying! I could fancy, I could fancy, I could fancy all the doo dah day.

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:42 (nineteen years ago)

haw

― RoxyMuzak© (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:46 (nineteen years ago)

if you're tired of fancying just fancing instead.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:47 (nineteen years ago)

haha this is me in most of my life. it doesn't bother me really because every so often i do notice someone, so i don't think my hottdar is bust.

― emsk ( emsk), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:51 (nineteen years ago)

How about a V-wah WUBWUBWUB guitar solo right about now?

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:51 (nineteen years ago)

Fancying's great, but it's got nothing on being fancied...oh it is a lovely and heavenly feeling... ;-)

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:51 (nineteen years ago)

But when the fancied doesn't fancy the fancier - awkward!

― indolent girl (indolent girl), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:55 (nineteen years ago)

WHO WILL FANCY THE FANCIERS?

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:56 (nineteen years ago)

You're tellin' me. Sigh.

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:57 (nineteen years ago)

Thankfully, that is not the case with me... :-)

(indolentgirl xpost)

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:57 (nineteen years ago)

Aw, you lucky thing!

― indolent girl (indolent girl), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 12:58 (nineteen years ago)

ditto here :))

fanciee and fancier are so like minded too.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:00 (nineteen years ago)

in fact, same person

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:01 (nineteen years ago)

time for a fop fap?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:01 (nineteen years ago)

Mutually fancieds are SO SODDING DULL. Find another thread, smuggy smuggy married lands.

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:01 (nineteen years ago)

yeah someone fancying you when you don't fancy them is nearly as crap as the other way around.

― emsk ( emsk), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:03 (nineteen years ago)

I'm sure there was an old Elsie and Doris Waters sketch which went exactly like this.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:05 (nineteen years ago)

THIS IS WHY I PREFER AUTOLOVE WITH MY AUTOWAH, IT WILL NEVER LET ME DOWN!!!

Unless it runs out of batteries.

But that's what daisy chained power supplies are for! Hurrah! Win-win, eternal love!

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:06 (nineteen years ago)

Would that be Roger's 'rents?

(And do the kids actually say 'rents?)

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:07 (nineteen years ago)

I wondered what happened to Daisy Chainsaw...

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:09 (nineteen years ago)

Now I've stopped fancying who I've fancied for while (after a most tortured brain-wringing) the floodgates seem to have been opened - I seem to be fancying EVERYBODY at the moment. It's most inconvenient.

― Johnny B Was Quizzical (Johnney B), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:10 (nineteen years ago)

I am back to only fancying utterly unattainable DDB pop stars. Which is as it should be.

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:13 (nineteen years ago)

yeah someone fancying you when you don't fancy them is nearly as crap as the other way around.

I thought it was lovely, up to a point. Though your experiences may vary, etc.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:20 (nineteen years ago)

No no, esp bad if you like them tho. Hoping against hope they won't declare so that you'll have to have the 'I don't feel that way about you' awkward conversation.....

I'm not sayin this is a problem I suffer from often mind.....

― indolent girl (indolent girl), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:26 (nineteen years ago)

just have sex with them to satisfy their urges, then they might think you suck in bed anyway and lose interest! :-D

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:29 (nineteen years ago)

Haha I am remorselessly oblivious, so I'm not likely to spot something like that before, ahem, declaration.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

From something going on on another thread... when oh when will some enterprising soul come up with the idea of the Dirty Dronerock Gigalo? There is a hole in the prostitution market here.

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 15:13 (nineteen years ago)

Where there is a hole, someone will use it.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 15:23 (nineteen years ago)

DDR gigolos are widespread! no job + band + lanky = seeks employed, doting girlfriend to support until she can't stand it anymore (and/or he gets chubby.)

weird that this thread got revived today. after what seems like eight billion first dates that don't lead to anything (thanks L@V#L!F3) i wish i had this problem again. apathy >>>> ridiculous emotional rollercoaster.

― yuengling participle (rotten03), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 15:28 (nineteen years ago)

WEEZER

― city of gyros (chaki), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 15:34 (nineteen years ago)

Maybe I should take out an ad or something. I've never had much luck, even with those sorts of situations.

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 15:36 (nineteen years ago)

Hrrrrmmmm. What's the address for Craigslist again?

"Fat, ugly, minging, middle aged yet independently wealthy rock chick seeks pointy-nosed dirty dronerock boy to live in her house, leech off her and service her Big Muff. Please provide photos of Nose, Hair, Ass and Shoes."

Heh heh heh. What kind of replies do you think I'd get?

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 15:43 (nineteen years ago)

Including or excluding DJ Martian?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 15:45 (nineteen years ago)

I'm actually tempted to do it with a fake email address, just to post the replies to ILX. Heh heh heh, is that evil?

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 15:46 (nineteen years ago)

apathy >>>> ridiculous emotional rollercoaster.

OTM
and yet..?

― sleep (sleep), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 15:57 (nineteen years ago)

exactly.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 16:44 (nineteen years ago)

DDR gigolos are widespread! no job + band + lanky = seeks employed, doting girlfriend to support until she can't stand it anymore (and/or he gets chubby.)

well one pound every 3 songs is expensive hobby you know.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 17:52 (nineteen years ago)

"rock crit bore seeks gold digger (i ain't sayin etc) to suffer endless pazz'n'jop-related diatribes, pretend to know what rockism is. send photo with S.A.S.E., replies within 2-6 weeks. no asshats."

― yuengling participle (rotten03), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 18:24 (nineteen years ago)

But rock crits never have any money, either!

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Thursday, 18 May 2006 08:54 (nineteen years ago)

Dylan Hicks would beg to differ:

ihttp://home.uchicago.edu/~jniimi/dylan.jpg

― yuengling participle (rotten03), Thursday, 18 May 2006 15:27 (nineteen years ago)

Those are one dollar bills. Those are worth, what? 50p?

― The Minimal Criminal (kate), Thursday, 18 May 2006 15:30 (nineteen years ago)

i'll have you know that at least three of them are $20s. and you know what that means. that's right. surf *AAAAAND* turf.

― yuengling participle (rotten03), Friday, 19 May 2006 04:35 (nineteen years ago)

eight months pass...

Ha ha, random function strikes again.

Got there in the end - I'm in the mind of the original poster. And I think it is a Wrong state of being for me.

― Shoes and Shoegazeability (kate), Friday, 19 January 2007 14:39 (eighteen years ago)

Don't sweat it. Been there and from personal experience, sooner or later horniness and meeting someone good will lead you out of the state.

In the mean time enjoy it.

There's a lot of people out there who seem to go out with people for the sake of it - putting up with shitty relationships. Now that's a wrong state of being...

― Treblekicker (treblekicker), Friday, 19 January 2007 14:59 (eighteen years ago)

meeting someone good will lead you out of the state.

Unfortunately, yes. Because that leads me back into the horrible world of unrequited fancying.

I suppose I should enjoy the equilibrium while I have it. But I can't help but think so much of my ... me-ness is fuelled by libido. Or at least has been.

― Shoes and Shoegazeability (kate), Friday, 19 January 2007 15:01 (eighteen years ago)

It's not always unrequited y'know. And if it is, then that's their problem and you shouldn't worry about it.

― Treblekicker (treblekicker), Friday, 19 January 2007 15:02 (eighteen years ago)

seven years pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7ckx61zIUk

― Little Saint Hugh of Lincoln (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 13:55 (eleven years ago)

― avicii usque ad arse (imago), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 13:58 (eleven years ago)

It's a lovely day out...

― avicii usque ad arse (imago), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 13:58 (eleven years ago)

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