TS: salad cream v mayonnaise

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right, i know that many of us here are quite into cooking/eating/all things culinary. i could even be said to have certain epicurean pretensions, myself. however, thanks to my works canteen, i've just made quite an astounding discovery. after years of poncing about with mayonnaise, aioli and various other dressings, i've just realised that you can shove the lot of them - simply put, salad cream is just a lot, lot nicer. many of you are probably going to say that salad cream is like the jordan to good mayonnaise's catherine deneuve, but, tucking into a pile of chips covered i heinz's finest, i wholeheartedly disagree. discuss.

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:16 (twenty-two years ago)

OTM.

Jacket potato, cheese, onion and salad cream. Mmmm. Salad cream butties are brilliant too. Salad cream is a very good thing.

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

yes, salad cream and tomato on pappy white bread spread with marge = numlicious.

also on chips or a jacket spud = oh yes!

They all have their place

― chris (chris), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:22 (twenty-two years ago)

they are both mawkish in their own way. i like salad cream with cheese on crackers as a desperate predinner stopgap but that doesn't count. mayo is nice in a burger but I can't think of any other time I'd want it.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:25 (twenty-two years ago)

there is nothing custard does that salad cream cannot do just as well

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:25 (twenty-two years ago)

be in egg custards?

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:27 (twenty-two years ago)

tarts, that is...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:27 (twenty-two years ago)

once I was making a cheese sauce for some pasta, and I used custard instead of cornflour, because they were kept in similar containers in the press. It still tasted fine, I only noticed when making custard a short while later.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Most British thread ever?

And anyway, ew. Is a jacket potato a potato cooked until it has exactly the consistency of tweed?

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:33 (twenty-two years ago)

is salad cream the same as salad dressing?

― Maria (Maria), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm guessing so, Maria, but it's more British because it sounds much nastier. "Is this the acne cream or the salad cream?"

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Egg Custard. Mmm. God I'm hungry.

Jacket potatoes have sports jackets.

Salad cream is not salad dressing. It must be Heinz IMO. And not low fat.

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:38 (twenty-two years ago)

They are not even comparable but great in their own respects for different things.

― Ed (dali), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

their dirty jackets make them look like bald charlie nicholases

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:40 (twenty-two years ago)

From the saladcream website:
Have you
discovered your own
way of using Heinz Salad
Cream?

they really are setting themselves up for a fall aren't they...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Salad cream is wrong just by the fact that it's name includes the word 'salad'. Mayo is much betetr because it doesn't encourage you to eat salad with it.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Salad cream is far superior for "mixing with ketchup to form that stuff you get served with prawns" than mayo.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

in the old days, the difference between heinz salad cream and heinz mayonnaise was negligeable (same bottle, same colour, samne consistency, same taste, difft ingredients slightly)

but is this still the case (in the era of Hellmann's Hegemony)?

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

A friend at school once told me he saw a hard (fnar!) lad in the smokers corner getting a blow job, and gave a commentary to the small gathered throng of impressionable 11 year olds. He used the words 'salad cream' to describe his jizz. Since then, I have been unable to eat the stuff without that thought entering (fnar fnar!) my head. The fact that I do not let it spoil my enjoyment is proof of the nummishness of the stuff.

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Oooh salad cream sandwiches, on white bread. Just the salad cream, none of this tomato and margarine business.

(Hey America! You can talk baseball, we can talk salad cream.)

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

in rural chippers in Ireland they call that prawn cocktail stuff pink sauce. they're fucking nuts though in fairness.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

dom otm

(it's called "thousand island dressing")

(more polynesian cuisine yay!)

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Have you
discovered your own
way of using Heinz Salad
Cream?

dear heinz i have used salad cream to annoy americans...
signed anna fielding

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I always used to have salad cream, but then i discovered mayo & hence, didn't kind of go back to salad cream. But it is really nice esp cucumber & salad cream sandwiches. Not sure if it is better than mayo tho!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Mark did you ever go to the polynesian restaurant Josephines on Charlotte Street. It closed down about five months ago, but did used to do a great sausage wrapped in chicked wrapped in ham wrapped in beef loaf type thing.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:49 (twenty-two years ago)

in rural chippers in Ireland they call that prawn cocktail stuff pink sauce.

i would say this is considerabley less nuts than calling it 1,000 island dressing ronan

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Trading up to mayonnaise = delusions of being middle-class by students brought up on salad cream.

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:51 (twenty-two years ago)

this is my entire secret point ... shhhhh dave

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:51 (twenty-two years ago)

sandwich spread!!

http://www.hatads.org.uk/images/thumbs/62%20copy.JPG

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:58 (twenty-two years ago)

sandwich spread!!

Salad cream thread!!

― Harry Hill (daveb), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:59 (twenty-two years ago)

my researches are not conclusive re the mayonnaise/salad cream divide within the heinz empire

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:00 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.hatads.org.uk/images/thumbs/66%20copy.JPG

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:02 (twenty-two years ago)

sandwich spread is the closest thing to vomit ever sold as a food product (apart from that rainforest alcoholic porridge that's chewed up and regurgitated by the tribe's womenfolk and therefore technically is vomit)

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Remember Mattessons beef paste? Yea Gods. BSE in a small far.

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:04 (twenty-two years ago)

yes yes but nevertheless it is delicious dave!!

also heinz vegetable salad has diced carrots in (see pic) so is sdurely closer (by science)

plus it is horrible

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I would place money on the fact that Toby has never eaten salad cream in his entire life, as until about a month ago he had never eaten brown sauce or tomato ketchup.

(He's never eaten a Big Mac either, but this is perhaps more understandable.)

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:05 (twenty-two years ago)

x-post i wz talking to stelfox not boyle, mattessons beef paste i have no experience with

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:06 (twenty-two years ago)

so you're teaching him to be more adventurous in his eating habits then?

― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:07 (twenty-two years ago)

a life without brown sauce is a life wasted. you must tell him this from me, anna

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:07 (twenty-two years ago)

ts: HP sauce vs other brown sauce

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:08 (twenty-two years ago)

ts: heinz tomato ketchup vs other ketchup

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:08 (twenty-two years ago)

HP all the way. Heinz all the way. Daddies is OK, but it's well, not the daddy. Same is true of tomato sauce.

Egg butty with brown sauce. Washed down by hot tea. The stinging sensation is the nearest I get to S/M.

Calling Tomato Sauce 'Red sauce': C/D??

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:10 (twenty-two years ago)

hp = classic but so does hammond's chop sauce

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:12 (twenty-two years ago)

McDonalds' bacon breakfast rolls are meant to come with either brown sauce or ketchup. However, north of Brum you get no chice; they automatically coemw ith brown sauce! As a southerner abroad I was most put out.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:12 (twenty-two years ago)

heinz cleasr winner in the tomato ketchup arena... red sauce = dud
here endeth totay's lesson

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:13 (twenty-two years ago)

bacon sandwiches MUST be eaten with brown sauce
sausage sandwiches with brown sauce or tomato ketchup

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:14 (twenty-two years ago)

(the Gee household now contains a bottle of brown sauce, but it was bought just for me and now I feel a bit common. See also Dave's student mayonaise thing, although that was more to do with my mum never buying it because it's very fattening. My dad is big into mayo.)

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Some of the worst days of my life involved mayo.

I don't agree with the bacon/brown sauce dictatorship.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I would place money on the fact that Toby has never eaten salad cream in his entire life, as until about a month ago he had never eaten brown sauce or tomato ketchup.

this is indeed true. i will have to rectify this, i think...

― toby (tsg20), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:17 (twenty-two years ago)

No no no no. No.

Bacon - either
sausage - either
Egg - Brown.

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

re: the stinging sensation

the stuff they put on the franks you got in the foyer at the cinema in the old days

later they used in the alien movies, to burn through the hull

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

furthermore my officemate would like to point out that he's never had salad cream either

(he wishes me to add "orally" to the end of that sentence)

also i like the brown sauce!

― toby (tsg20), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I dislike salad cream. I especially dislike the crustose residue that forms around the screw top of old bottles of salad cream. I tend to be a vinigrette person myself, but if there's none around then mayo will do.

― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:23 (twenty-two years ago)

bacon sandwiches w.custard and salad cream = the marmite-and-nutella of the 50s

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I am about to be initiated into Pickapeppa sauce, a favourite of Matt's which is stocked by ONE shop in Brighton (but happily we now live about 2 minutes walk from this shop.) Will I like it?

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry i mean bacon sandwiches w.custard and sandwich spread

(custard and salad cream are interchangeable, as noted upthread)

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I have e-mailed Heinz with my/ Dave's suguestion for the uses of salad cream and included a link to this thread.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:26 (twenty-two years ago)

you haven't?!!???!!?

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Salad cream is far superior for "mixing with ketchup to form that stuff you get served with prawns" than mayo.
No WAY, I love mixing mayo, yoghurt, catsup (o how i prefer that name over ketchup), lemon juice, some chili and tuna (or prawns).

― nathalie (nathalie), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Dave give up this writing lark and open a greasy spoon for gods sake. No more arguing about Dizzee for the rest of your life, plus you'll earn more in tips than you would writing for 3 years.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

catsup makes me think of my food being licked by cats, ergo not a good spelling of anything i want to eat...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I have.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, actually I said "confuse and perplex americans on internet message boards: TS: salad cream v mayonnaise"

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Friends of mine were thinking of opening a cafe that only serves sausages. By day. And cocktails by night. Knowing Brighton, it would probably work.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:42 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.infoperson.com/w000a004.jpghttp://www.infoperson.com/w000a004.jpg">

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:42 (twenty-two years ago)

i have already forgotten how to abuse my mod privileges :(

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Friends of mine were thinking of opening a cafe that only serves sausages. By day. And cocktails by night. Knowing Brighton, it would probably work.

this would be the perfect place for the debut of my leatest cocktail: the "meatini"

2 parts vodka, 1 part HP Sauce, 1 Part Gravy served in martini glass with chipolata

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Ready salted crisps + salad cream as a dip = loveliness

I recently tried substituting the crisps for American-made chilli-seasoned tortilla chips - it was alright, but I think I prefer good old ready salted.

Making thousand-island dressing with ketchup and salad cream is far easier than messing around with blummin' yougurt and lemon juice and tuna and that!

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh wait, you don't acutally mix up tuna to make the dressing, do you? Curse this place's lack of an edit option.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:53 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah fuck that shit (as they say on easter island)

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:57 (twenty-two years ago)

allow me to be the first to say ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

― jones (actual), Monday, 15 September 2003 14:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Salad cream is an invention of the devil, a mess generated from the Horned One's own hairy, pustulent bollocks, spewed out via his rotting phallus to corrupt the holy and innocent nature of a lovely fresh salad.

Mayonaise I admit I like. Hm.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 15 September 2003 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

In this as in all things, I am with Ned. But what of Pickapeppa Sauce? Nobody has anything to say about that? Like what exactly I'm meant to eat it with/on?

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 15 September 2003 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

ask Peter Piper.

― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 15 September 2003 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 15 September 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

In this as in all things, I am with Ned.

Allies! Rah! :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 15 September 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned is on point. I also like various mustards. But tomato ketchup is right out. HP is good though.

― Alex K (Alex K), Monday, 15 September 2003 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

a mess generated from the Horned One's own hairy, pustulent bollocks, spewed out via his rotting phallus

I don't want to eat salad cream ever again.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Monday, 15 September 2003 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

GOOD.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 15 September 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

is this the thread that will tear ile asunder?!?!

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 15 September 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

no, that would be "butter on sandwiches, classic or dud"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 15 September 2003 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

although that thread, were it ever to appear, would - SHOULD - unite all us Americans with fervent purpose

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 15 September 2003 18:22 (twenty-two years ago)

oh i could only hope to be the great destroyer of ilm...

it would fulfil all my private nietzschean fantasies

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

ilx, should i say...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 19:52 (twenty-two years ago)

dave's most privatest fantasy of all: pretending he is made of sandwich spread

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 15 September 2003 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.discmakers.com/bands/bigsix/cream.gif

― Dada, Monday, 15 September 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

rumbled by mr sinkah...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 15 September 2003 21:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I bought some salad cream for the first time earlier this evening and I love it. It's pretty much runny Miracle Whip with a bit more egg taste. I had some on a piece of bread and it was very egg salad-ey, so I say YUMMO.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 07:44 (twenty-two years ago)

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