How? Is it possible?

I'm going to have a similar situation soon, although it'll (hopefully) only be from January to May, with a visit in March. Tempus dicet.

I've never known a relationship to survive very long through the high school -> college transition even if it wasn't long-distance, and in a lot of cases I think the college-specific factors have more influence than the distance ones.

He went to work in Arran, which is about 40 mins ferry from where I stay. He went here for only a week. He was phoning and saying how homesick he was. I said "well how do you think you will handle going down south if you get homesick just across the water?"

A few weeks later he went to Aberlour to work for a week. But before he went I selfishly told him how I didn't want him to go. He said he would go to Aberlour and sort his head out, think things through. When he came back he told me he wasn't going. Of course I was happy but asked him why he decided not to. He said that things had changed, that he was getting on better with his dad and that he met me also.

About a month later it was his birthday party and I saw how he wasn't getting on with his dad. The next day he told me what happened and I told him that maybe he should go down south. The next day he decided he would go.

I took a drive up to see him. Lying in bed we talked. I asked him what he wanted because I knew it needed to be talked about. I said that either A- I could go with him. B- We just decide to finish it. It won't work, we've been lucky to have known each other and we should just forget about it. C- Try the distance thing and just see how it goes. That it was worth trying. Or finally D- just be friends.

I knew A was out of the question. He said that we had been through too much and cared for each other too much to just finish it completely. He said he couldn't handle it if we stayed friends and I moved on and met someone else. Vice Versa. I felt the same about this. The only other option of course was to try the distance thing and see how it worked, see what happens.

On the Sunday afterwards he was down and I comforted him. He was upset a little because his mum was upset. I wasn't very nice to him afterwards because I wanted to talk but it just wasn't coming out. I didn't know what to say cause I didn't know how he would react. I wanted to know why I shouldn't go down. He said he didn't think the relationship was strong enough for us to move away together. He said that maybe something would happen if he went down there, maybe he wouldn't be able to be faithful, who knows what can happen. So I asked him if he wanted to break up. He said he guessed so.

So we decided to call it a day and just be friends. On the Monday we went around the shopping mall and talk and chatted just as friends. Everything was fine. When I was leaving his house he told me not to leave yet. I said I might come up on Wednesday and see him, depending on what I was doing and I would call him and let him know.

I was out with a friend on the Tuesday. He messaged me. And hr l8r he phoned me sounding a little different, a little nervous.

I went up Wednesday and he asked me to go down south with him. I'm like "why? Why now? What are you saying?" He said he felt really sad on the Tuesday when he woke up, he felt awful and missed me so much. He said he didn't want to take me away from my family because he knows how close we are and how much I mean to them. I said I'd have to see dad first and I'll think about it.

I decided to go but then changed my mind. I think maybe he was a little confused and didn't know exactly what he wanted. He knows I'm going down in May to go to Uni down there.

He said he was sorry for "fucking my head up". Which he didn't. Yeah maybe he thought that but I think it was just more his own head than anyone else's.

Just seems silly throwing something away when we were and are so close to each other and so attached. Why fling something away when there are no real problems and we are both happy? Anyway, hopefully it will work. I'm going down in a couple of weeks for a few days then a couple of weeks later. Then we can spend some quality time together Christmas. Obviously it will be difficult. Just wait and see what happens I guess.

God, take a breather. Sorry about that guys.

If you have your own life that keeps you really busy, and you have rock-solid trust in each other, I think you can probably make it. Boy & I mail each other mix cds & letters & talk on the phone a lot, but it's hard anyways. I don't think I would do this never-seeing-my-boy thing with anyone else, but he's the one person I've ever met who I would walk away from anyone to be with, and I know that it was absolutely the right thing for me. I'd say you need to sit down & promise yourself that whatever decision you make, you won't regret it.

Having a dog helps, too- someone to talk to around the house so you don't go nuts. ;-)

In that light, what lyra says about having things that keep you busy is pretty key -- and preferably, I think, having them in such a way that you'd have them no matter what the shape of the relationship was, so that those things aren't just a surrogate SO.

[1] If the program I'd originally intended to go into hadn't been cancelled, or I hadn't applied to IU in time, the girlfriend and I would have faced the long-distance thing, and fidelity was never one of my concerns. (I think this is the first relationship I can say that so strongly about.) I just wasn't sure how well I could deal with the stress and emotional distraction of her not being around.

Well, you know sailors.
And an Irish sailor at that- if it's not the women, it's going to be all the drinking... ;-)