What is the deal with all of the drunks?

"Get drunk and be somebody."

I blame the church. And the Norman Conquest. Fancy a pint?

as for posting drunk, well, how ELSE am i gunna entertain myself at work?

Probably the same thing you are.

And do you really think that you will find it on ILX or in a bar?

I think I will find it in the world. ILX & bars are part of the world.

And to those same folks, does posting your alcoholic rants on ILX somehow validate your existence?

It is folly to believe existence can be validated.

Because I must remind you, this is the internet. Not the world.

I'd hate to have such a limited definition of "the world".

Be in the world. There is more there than beer and knowing what's hip.

OTM.

Not teatotal. Just holier than thou. The only thing more hateful than a hipster is a holier than thou anti-hipster.

Rockism = puritanism by another name.

I mean, I'd hate to be judged by the things that my bored mind spews up on ILE while waiting to be released from office drudgery. So do I post about the drudgery of my every day life, or do I post about sex and booze and stalking horny historians?

I worry about anyone who takes the actual depictions on ILX as any kind of accurate representation of life.

so you don't REALLY fancy Nigel Spivey? righto

That said yeah drunk threads are often tiresome but fuck it, so is 90% of the internet, including ILX, get over your fucking self.

You don't? Man.

I was thinking it might factor into knickers purchases.

(DANNED TAGTEAM)

::dons WAAF uniform and starts pedalling bike along the A10::

I suspect as we all get older, wiser, plumper, more rubicund and more prone to 7-day hangovers and the DTs, we'll cut cown, or moan about how we've failed to cut down. But the average age of ILX is pretty much at that point between teenage over-exertion and later-life health concerns, so it's less of an obvious issue than perhaps it should be.

4. Can you stop drinking without difficulty after one or two drinks?

5. Do you ever feel guilty about your drinking?

6. Have you ever attended a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)?

7. Have you ever gotten into physical fights when drinking?

8. Has drinking ever created problems between you and a near relative or close friend?

9. Has any family member or close friend gone to anyone for help about your drinking?

10. Have you ever lost friends because of your drinking?

11. Have you ever gotten into trouble at work because of drinking?

12. Have you ever lost a job because of drinking?

13. Have you ever neglected your obligations, your family, or your work for two or more days in a row because you were drinking?

14. Do you drink before noon fairly often?

15. Have you ever been told you have liver trouble such as cirrhosis?

16. After heavy drinking have you ever had delirium tremens (D.T.'s), severe shaking, visual or auditory (hearing) hallucinations?

17. Have you ever gone to anyone for help about your drinking?

18. Have you ever been hospitalized because of drinking?

19. Has your drinking ever resulted in your being hospitalized in a psychiatric ward?

20. Have you ever gone to any doctor, social worker, clergyman or mental health clinic for help with any emotional problem in which drinking was part of the problem?

21. Have you been arrested more than once for driving under the influence of alcohol?

22. Have you ever been arrested, even for a few hours because of other behavior while drinking?

SCORING
Please score one point if you answered as follows:
1. No
2. Yes
3. Yes
4. No
5. Yes
6. Yes
7 through 22: Yes

Add up the scores and compare to the following score card:
0 - 2: No apparent problem
3 - 5: Early or middle problem drinker
6 or more: Problem drinker

OK this is the stupidest question I've ever seen on an "are you a problem drinker?" test.

1. have you ever fel you should Cut down on your drinking?
2. have people ever Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
3, have you ever felt Guilty about your drinking?
4. have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning as en Eye-opener?

http://www.motherflash.com/graphics/pat/jcpizza.jpg

Like I've said on other threads my social life revolves around my local bar. All of us regulars usually stop in everday, not to drink neccessarily but for the company and to check in. I'll go there and have one or two, visit and go home. for a lot of americans though this is problematic.

Sam is OTM and this is something I was going to say but didn't--I think the "difference" is that a lot of British friends of mine do exactly what Sam just said, having one or two or three and then heading out, just because that's a social scene. A lot of my American friends drink and get fucking blasted, no matter what. I mean it's not like I've never gotten completely wasted, far far from it, but suddenly my maternal instincts have worn thin and I feel very much unlike wanting to babysit my friends anymore, which is now why when I DO get very drunk I feel very, very guilty and horrified about it because I'm putting whomever else is around through the rigours of babysitting ME, even though me getting very drunk only happens once in a blue moon now.

But according to that test I have a problem!! Because I feel bad about it!

In other words, What Ally said, kinda.

*sets stopwatch* Noted, Ally....

And remember, Jesus turned water into wine to keep a party going.

2. Have you ever awakened the morning after some ILXing the night before and found that you could not remember a part of the evening?

3. Does any near relative or close friend ever worry or complain about your ILXing?

4. Can you stop ILXing without difficulty after one or two threads?

5. Do you ever feel guilty about your ILXing?

6. Have you ever attended a meeting of ILXors Anonymous (IA)?

7. Have you ever gotten into physical fights when ILXing?

8. Has ILXing ever created problems between you and a near relative or close friend?

9. Has any family member or close friend gone to anyone for help about your ILXing?

10. Have you ever lost friends because of your ILXing?

11. Have you ever gotten into trouble at work because of ILXing?

12. Have you ever lost a job because of ILXing?

13. Have you ever neglected your obligations, your family, or your work for two or more days in a row because you were ILXing?

14. Do you ILX before noon fairly often?

15. Have you ever been told you have eye trouble such as eyestrain?

16. After heavy ILXing have you ever had delirium ILXins (D.I.'s), severe shaking, visual or auditory (hearing) hallucinations?

17. Have you ever gone to anyone for help about your ILXing?

18. Have you ever been hospitalized because of ILXing?

19. Has your ILXing ever resulted in your being hospitalized in a psychiatric ward?

20. Have you ever gone to any doctor, social worker, clergyman or mental health clinic for help with any emotional problem in which ILXing was part of the problem?

21. Have you been arrested more than once for driving under the influence of ILX?

22. Have you ever been arrested, even for a few hours because of other behavior while ILXing?

SCORING
Please score one point if you answered as follows:
1. No
2. Yes
3. Yes
4. No
5. Yes
6. Yes
7 through 22: Yes

Add up the scores and compare to the following score card:
0 - 2: No apparent problem
3 - 5: Early or middle problem ILXor
6 or more: Top Ten on the Statscock

!!

"...does whiskey count as beer?"

23. Do you ever wake up after drinking too much and turn to ILX for comfort?

Here's my take: It's not about drinking. It's not about not drinking. It's not about making sense of the world, and it's not about not making sense of the world. And for you AA people, it's not about believing in a higher power, either, not necessarily. It's just about having hope. That's it. It's about believing that somehow, someway, things will be ok for you. It may be God that does that for you, or it may be love, or it may be your own sense of optimism. It doesn't matter. You have to believe -- no, understand -- that everything is going to be alright. If you don't understand that, you're lost.

My oh my
We can't compete
It's only heavy drinking that keeps us on our feet
My oh my
I can't complain
If it weren't for heavy drinking
We'd never play Sweet Jane (Reed)
My my my, oh my
The days go by
I never quite forget her
But goodness how I try
Believe me
Believe me
Falling apart in bars
I like to suffer for my art
Just one more before we part

Don't want to think
About how much I drink
It's a habit that's out of control
Hope I never get dry before I get old.

Don't want to think
About how much I drink
It's a habit that's out of control
Hope I never get dry (before you get)
Hope I never get dry now (before you get)
Hope I never get dry before I get old...

Sometimes I flap my arms like a hummingbird
Just to remind myself I'll never fly.
Sometimes I burn my arms with cigarettes
Just to pretend I won't scream when I die.

If my life was as long as the moon's,
I'd still be jealous of the sun.
If my life lasted only one day,
I'd still be drunk by noon.

Sometimes I can't wait to come down with cancer.
At least then I'll get to watch TV all day.
And on my deathbed I'll get all the answers
Even if all my questions are taken away.

If my like was as long as the moon's,
I'd still be jealous of the sun.
If my life lasted only one day,
I'd still be drunk by noon.

Oh, whisky you're the devil
you're leading me astray
over hills and mountains
and to Amerikay
you're sweetness from the Bleachner
and spunkier than tea
oh whisky you're my darling drunk or sober

The French are fighting boldly
men are dying hot and coldly
give every man his flask of powder
his firelock on his shoulder
so its go, fare thee well
with a too da loo ra loo ra doo de da
a too ra loo ra loo ra doo de da
me rikes fall too ra laddie-o
there's whisky in the jar

Oh, whisky you're the devil
you're leading me astray
over hills and mountains
and to Amerikay
you're sweetness from the Bleachner
and spunkier than tea
oh whisky you're my darling drunk or sober

Says the old wan do not wrong me
don't take me daughter from me
for if you do I will torment you
when I'm dead my ghost will haunt you
so its go, fare thee well
with a too da loo ra loo ra doo de da
a too ra loo ra loo ra doo de da
me rikes fall too ra laddie-o
there's whisky in the jar

Oh, whisky you're the devil
you're leading me astray
over hills and mountains
and to Amerikay
you're sweetness from the Bleachner
and spunkier than tea
oh whisky you're my darling drunk or sober

Oh, whisky you're the devil
you're leading me astray
over hills and mountains
and to Amerikay
you're sweetness from the Bleachner
and spunkier than tea
oh whisky you're my darling drunk or sober

Some friends and I in a public house
Was playin' dominoes one night
When into the pub a fireman ran
His face all a chalky white.
"What's up", says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost,
Or have you seen your Aunt Mariah?"
"Me Aunt Mariah be buggered!", says he,
"The bleedin' pub's on fire!"

"Oh well," says Brown, "What a bit of luck.
Everybody follow me.
And it's down to the cellar
If the fire's not there
Then we'll have a grand old spree."
So we went on down after good old Brown
The booze we could not miss
And we hadn't been there ten minutes or more
Till we were quite like this...

Chorus...
And there was Brown upside down
Moppin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knockin' on the door (clap clap)
Oh don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
And somebody shouted MacIntyre! MACINTYRE!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.

Then, Smith walked over to the port wine tub
And gave it just a few hard knocks (clap clap)
Started takin' off his pantaloons
Likewise his shoes and socks.
"Hold on, " says Brown, "that ain't allowed
Ya cannot do that thing here.
Don't go washin' trousers in the port wine tub
When we got Guinness beer."

Chorus...

And then there came a mighty crash
Half the bloody roof caved in.
We were almost drowned in the firemen's hose
Though we were almost happy
So we got some tacks and some old wet sacks
And we tacked ourselves inside
And we sat there getting bleary-eyed drunk
While the Old Dun Cow caught fire...

Chorus...

Listen to me, Butterfly,
there's only so much wine
you can drink in one life
and it will never be enough
to save you from the bottom of your glass.

Where the state highway starts I stopped my car.
I got out and stared up at the stars.
As meteors died and shot cross the sky,
I thought about your sad, shining eyes.
I came back for my clothes
when the sun finally rose
but you were still passed out on the floor.

Listen to me, Butterfly,
there's only so much wine
you can drink in one life
and it will never be enough
to save you from the bottom of your glass.

Hi the dithery idle loo, ditheri oodle idle loo
dithery oo di dithery i day
Hi the dither idlo loo, ditheri oodle idle loo
Dithery oo di dithery i day

At the top of the hill there's a neat little still,
Where the smoke curls up in the sky;
By the smoke and the smell you can plainly tell
That there's poteen brewing nearby;
It fills the air with an odor rare
And betwixt both me and you,
When home we roll we'll take a bowl
Or a bucket of the Mountain Dew.

Hi the dithery idle loo, ditheri oodle idle loo
dithery oo di dithery i day
Hi the dither idlo loo, ditheri oodle idle loo
Dithery oo di dithery i day

Now learned men who use the pen
They sing your praises high
That sweet poteen from Ireland green
Distilled from wheat and rye;
Throw away your pills, it will cure all ills
Pagan or Christian or Jew
Take off your coat and grease your throat
With the rare ould Mountain Dew

Chorus (after each verse):
I'll fathom the bowl I'll fathom the bowl
Give me the punch ladle I'll fathom the bowl
From France we do get brandy from Jamaica comes rum
Sweet oranges and apples from Portugal come
But stout and strong cider are England's control
Give me the punch ladle I'll fathom the bowl

My wife she do disturb me when I'm laid at my ease
For she does as she likes and she says as she please
My wife she's a devil she's black as the coal
Give me the punch ladle I'll fathom the bowl

My father he do lie in the depths of the sea
With no stone at his head by what matters for he
There's a clear crystal fountain near England shall roll
Give me the punch ladle I'll fathom the bowl

I don't like lemonade
I think milk should not be made
I don't like coffee and I don't like tea
These are the things that mystify me

I don't care for sport or swimming
I don't care for all those nasty old bogies
I don't care what's on TV
I just want to drink til I can't see

I wish I'd been born a tree
Someone'd come and make a barrel out of me
I get in a fury when I'm not in a brewery

Whiskey Vodka Special Brew
All of this is good for you
Gin sling, Cointreau, brandy sour...
Blot right out! Soul happy hour!

I'd liiiiiike to think
i'll be returnin' when i can
to the greatest little boozer
and to Sally Maclenanne

(from memory, a word or two might be off)

Oh they call it that ole mountain dew and them that refuse it are few.
I'll shut up my mug if you fill up my jug with some good ole mountain dew.

Now my uncle Nort, he's sawed off and short, he measures about four
foot two, but he thinks he's a giant when you give him a pint of that
good ole mountain dew.

Well my ole aunt Jill bought some brand new perfume. It had such a
sweet smellin' pew, but to her surprise, when she had it analyzed, it
was nothin but good ole mountain dew.

Instrumental... dum dee dum dum dee dum dee dum

Well the preacher rolled by with his head heisted high, said his wife
had been down with the flu, and he thought that I ought just uh sell him
a quart of that good ole mountain dew.

Instrumental

Well my brother Bill's got a still on the hill where he runs of a gallon
or two. Now the buzzards in the sky get so drunk they can't fly from
smellin' the good ole mountain dew.

Oh they call it that ole mountain dew and them that refuse it are few.
I'll shut up my mug if you fill up my jug with some good ole mountain dew.

wow. This Bogart/Faulkner contest is killer.