'Cerebral rock fans will be welcomed at.....'

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'I Love Music (www.ILXor.com) where questions about the best albums to dance to while drunk will be answered by swarms of failed rock journalists '

Johnny Dee, The Guardian Guide 15/09/03

― Ed (dali), Saturday, 15 November 2003 11:33 (twenty-two years ago)

whoa!

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Saturday, 15 November 2003 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Interesting that an ex-NME LP reviews editor reduced to doing the internet page in the Guardian's listings guide has that to say about Chu¢k Eddy, Simon R, Matos etc.

― suzy (suzy), Saturday, 15 November 2003 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

ILXOR in todays Guardian

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 15 November 2003 12:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Who does the internet page? Hahahah... I must admit I've been linking ilx for a few editors as of late. hahaha..

― cool kid of death, Saturday, 15 November 2003 12:13 (twenty-two years ago)

how do you say "suck my cock" in british?

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"I say, would you mind awfully if I were to ask you to gently fellate me?"

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:09 (twenty-two years ago)

how bout i just put my hand on my crotch and motion to the guy? does that mean the same thing around the world?

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:10 (twenty-two years ago)

or will he hail me a cab then?

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Depends if you're Michael Jackson or not.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:23 (twenty-two years ago)

let me check.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Well?!

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm not.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Gutted.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I believe Johnny Dee once gave me Single of the Week in Record Mirror, saying 'If you're looking for the new Morrissey, look no further.' So I will cheerfully be a failed rock journalist if that's what turns him on. (Hi Johnny!)

I also welcome all the Guardian readers, a legion of 'failed George Monbiots', who will assure me with many political victories against Dee and TOMBOT.

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:33 (twenty-two years ago)

~~assure me with~~ assure me of

You can see why I failed as a rock journalist, sloppy sloppy sloppy!

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:34 (twenty-two years ago)

1000 failed Monbiots v. 1 TOMBOT, fite!

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

That and the fact that you're completely fuckiing insane, eh Mr Currie?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes.

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:43 (twenty-two years ago)

is he inplying that all who write at i love music have applied for jobs as rock journalists? we all wish we could be as brilliant, captivating, witty and insightful as the writers of rolling stone. they are like rock stars themselves!

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

What's cerebral? *sticks finger in mouth*

― nathalie (nathalie), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:45 (twenty-two years ago)

stop being so sexy nathalie!

― cool kid, Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Hanle y OTM. 'Successful rock journalist' = oxymoron.

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Cool Kid, I can't help myself! I am unaware of my own actions.

― nathalie (nathalie), Saturday, 15 November 2003 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

of course, I also take issue with any critic of any form of art. it just seems illogical to me. maybe I'm an extremist or something but I never "got" my teachers criticisms of my art or other peoples criticisms of my music. there are just opinons in art, and just facts in science.

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Saturday, 15 November 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

what is 'cerebral rock' anyway? is that like prog or something?

― geeta (geeta), Saturday, 15 November 2003 15:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Rock with your cerebellum out.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 15 November 2003 15:41 (twenty-two years ago)

STRAIGHT OFF THE DOME

― athos magnani (Cozen), Saturday, 15 November 2003 15:42 (twenty-two years ago)

surely some (most?) of these 'failed rock writers' didn't start to be 'successful rock writers' until they found ilxor?

― athos magnani (Cozen), Saturday, 15 November 2003 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm still waiting for the success

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

unless they've greatly lowered the bar

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

If my experience is typical, ILXposure is great for writers, but lousy for artists. For instance, I defended Pitchfork (against the ILswarm) only to get my record trashed by Pitchfork. I defended Vice (again against the ILswarm) and got hundreds of dollars worth of writing commissions from Vice.

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

i post to the ILM but am merely a garbageman.

― thomas de'aguirre (biteylove), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

This ILswarm thing sounds great...is it as good as The Swarm starring Michael Caine?

― DG (D_To_The_G), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Hello, JESS HARVELL:

MONEY MOVER: $149.36
SAVINGS: $50.00

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

perhaps they are right.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Though of course it's arguable that in my case events had more to do with my life and actions offboard than on... In other words, my experience is not typical at all. What are other people's experiences? Stylelabbo Labbington got into print because of this place, didn't he?

One thing I do think is that ILX, like some kind of intellectual gym, has made me much better at defending myself against accusations of insufferability. For instance, I watched a couple of old documentaries about myself last night on a new DVD that's just come out, and was appalled that I left so many chinks in my armour. Possible accusations of insufferability rang loud in my head, and spoke with the unmistakeable voice of ILX.

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:10 (twenty-two years ago)

That voice was my deep jolly voice in particular, right? Need me to read your press releases?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

fiddo was in "print" long before he ilx.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I watched a couple of old documentaries about myself last night on a new DVD that's just come out

you don't make it easy for yourself old boy ;-)

― DG (D_To_The_G), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

he was just never foolish enough to give up his dayjob.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

you don't make it easy for yourself old boy ;-)

Is it inherently insufferable to have a DVD release? I suppose it is. I shouldn't mention such things. I have learned nothing!

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:16 (twenty-two years ago)

also, when i got into the voice for the first time, i don't think chuck was reading at that point.

but i certainly would not have persued it if not for the support of various ilx'ers. (damn you all.)

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:16 (twenty-two years ago)

We heart you, sir.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Stylo Labbington!

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:20 (twenty-two years ago)

you already did that one

― athos magnani (Cozen), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

well that about sums that up, doesnt it

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

why, jess is positively glamorous by ilx standards!

― cool kid of death, Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

No, I did Stylabbo Labbington. This one is better, because stylo is pen in french.

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Decliningo Albumsalesington

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 15 November 2003 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 50 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

if I had a digital camera

Mummy bought me mine, of course. It would be rockist to say otherwise.

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder why Doomie comes back every few weeks to have a lamex0r pop at someone, get roundly dissed, made to look a complete loser, then goes away again.

― Markelby (Mark C), Saturday, 15 November 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

ther best album to dance to is Poison's greatest hits.

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 15 November 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't let Perry hear you say that

(by "hear" I mean "read" but you get the pictcher)

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

oh my god momus what is that thing? i want one!! is that a geodesic sleeping bag? is it from apple's new i-pod houseware collection. oh, jeez, why do i wanna live in a momus womb-fort? cuz it looks cool!

― scott seward, Saturday, 15 November 2003 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder why Doomie comes back every few weeks to have a lamex0r pop at someone, get roundly dissed, made to look a complete loser, then goes away again.

He loves it. SAYS he doesn't, but.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 15 November 2003 18:37 (twenty-two years ago)

It's an inflatable igloo, Scott, and bloody comfortable. That's why I am so equanimous and poised in all my posts.

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Momus it pains me to admit but that thing all by itself really does make you cool

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Is there a US distributor?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Saturday, 15 November 2003 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.moremoneythansense.com

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 19:19 (twenty-two years ago)

That thing would be well worth fasting for a month.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Saturday, 15 November 2003 19:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Why is Bam Margera claiming his name's Simon?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 15 November 2003 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Momus it pains me to admit but that thing all by itself really does make you cool

I'm only as cool as my last politically (in)sensitive posting, though, wherever I'm reclining, surely? Don't give me no 'Get Out Of ~~Jail~~Igloo Free' cards!

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

no, your cool directly correlates with your ability to squelch your I'm-being-persecuted-for-my-outre-beliefs generator

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

cerebral rocks fans will be [insert] at...

― athos magnani (Cozen), Saturday, 15 November 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

"fucked soundly"

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 15 November 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

i'd rather be soundly fucked.

― nathalie (nathalie), Saturday, 15 November 2003 19:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Cerebral rock fans will be welcomed in Momus' igloo.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 15 November 2003 19:59 (twenty-two years ago)

No, I'm holding this site for nothing less than the Newport Folk Festival, 2046.

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 15 November 2003 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

when will someone mak e an inflatable lifestyle?

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Sunday, 16 November 2003 10:40 (twenty-two years ago)

'I Love Music (www.ILXor.com) where questions about the best albums to dance to while drunk will be answered by swarms of failed rock journalists '

hahaha! that quote is classic (c'mon you have to be able to laugh at yourselves!)

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 16 November 2003 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"best albums to fail to while swarming will be drunk by answers of dancing rock journalists"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 16 November 2003 19:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I also welcome all the Guardian readers, a legion of 'failed George Monbiots', who will assure me with many political victories against Dee and TOMBOT.

Hah! That's because I haven't completely turned up my personal political volume yet, hon. You really haven't encountered me at my most blustery and passionate. But never mind that, ILX is slowly succeeding in making me more and more politically moderate with each passing day, and I'm already at a point where I'm more open-minded than I was when I was 20. Aw, you missed all the fun. *wink*

But if you want more members of your offbeat little personal army, feel free to welcome the "legion of 'failed George Monbiots'". HI YOU PEOPLE! The Momusinator has automatically deemed you worthy enough to join in his crusade for the common good of inscrutability, verbosity, and the GLOBAL WAY. Hurrah!

― Pancakes For Breakfast! (Dee the Lurker), Sunday, 16 November 2003 21:30 (twenty-two years ago)

B-b-but Dee, you too could be a failed George Monbiot, in the sense that you have failed so far to make liberal causes work for you ;).

― suzy (suzy), Sunday, 16 November 2003 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

it takes alot to make me feel Momus is otm.

― Ronan (Ronan), Sunday, 16 November 2003 22:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Or an igloo.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 16 November 2003 22:31 (twenty-two years ago)

to entice Guardian reading cerebral rock fans further I propose this thread now becomes a discussion on the etymology of 'asshat'

― DG (D_To_The_G), Sunday, 16 November 2003 22:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Asshat backlash
Is "Asshat" the American version of "Cockfarmer"?
I'm am an Asshat, I am the Motherfuckin' Star Hustler!!!

― Ed (dali), Sunday, 16 November 2003 23:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Asshat: 2 meanings; 1.From Arsehate, a word applied to homophobic christians with a terror of being shafted whilst walking down the street. 2.This became Arsehat after the sombrero these terrified puritans would strap to their backsides to prevent anal entry.
An Asshat backlash would occur if the wearer would refuse to take it off for many years.

― Pete S, Sunday, 16 November 2003 23:12 (twenty-two years ago)

haha momus that photo is like someone taking every vague assumption i've made about you based on your posts and occassionally reading your website and moulding them into a perfect stereotype...

― robin (robin), Monday, 17 November 2003 01:55 (twenty-two years ago)

That igloo thing is genuinely cool.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Monday, 17 November 2003 07:51 (twenty-two years ago)

"Momus: living in the future, so you don't have to."

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 17 November 2003 11:08 (twenty-two years ago)

That igloo thing is genuinely cool until you have to deflate it, store it, reinflate it, etc. etc. etc. Style defeats content with a first round knockout and leaves everyone unsatisfied.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 17 November 2003 11:30 (twenty-two years ago)

failed =! unpublished

― enrique (Enrique), Monday, 17 November 2003 11:36 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, this has nothing to do with most of this thread, so please no one take it personally.

But I'm suspecting that the second biggest influence on my "creeping rot" inability to deal with music right now, is ILM and its preponderance on the "craft" of music journalism, rather than the love of and joy of music.

Which sucks, because really, I love ILM. But it does just make my fingers twitch at the moment.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Monday, 17 November 2003 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Bleedin' obvious question, but who/what is the biggest influence?

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 17 November 2003 11:48 (twenty-two years ago)

My failed career as a pop star and its accompanying overexposure to the lease attractive mechanical aspects of the Music Business.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Monday, 17 November 2003 11:50 (twenty-two years ago)

simon reynolds, you, and ewing i'd've thought.

― enrique (Enrique), Monday, 17 November 2003 11:51 (twenty-two years ago)

aw kate, i would ask you to come and join my free jazz dadaist bubblegum band, but fear that the strong injection of improv input would not be to your tastes. could do with a bit more dronerock input at the moment, though, mind you.

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 17 November 2003 11:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Dee says: ILX is slowly succeeding in making me more and more politically moderate with each passing day.

rather strange, this, as the place makes me see the benefits of genocide more and more each passing day

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 17 November 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, if that's bringing you more centre from the far left, then you are also becoming more moderate, Dave!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Monday, 17 November 2003 12:28 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm also seeing the complete and entire point of eugenics, too

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 17 November 2003 12:32 (twenty-two years ago)

you know what genocide is, right?

― athos magnani (Cozen), Monday, 17 November 2003 12:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah. "Kill all music critics".

― Citizen Kate (kate), Monday, 17 November 2003 12:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Bobby Gillespie should have called the song that instead.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 November 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Kill aaaallll critics! Destroy!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Monday, 17 November 2003 16:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Nur nur nur nur-nur.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 November 2003 16:20 (twenty-two years ago)

no Ned you're thinking of 'Movin On Up'

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 17 November 2003 16:21 (twenty-two years ago)

That opening line made me drool on myself.

― Spinktor the Unmerciful (mawill5), Monday, 17 November 2003 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I love me some high-level discourse the type of which I can only get here, on this thread.

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 17 November 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

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