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...I found this task in my e-mail box today.

"if you are not too busy, will you help me along with some research on Vaseline (plain old) allergies? Someone's penis has apparently turned into a cinnamon bun, and now he won't stop doing it to stun and amaze his friends but wants to know if it's dangerous. I have called Lever and am waiting for the corporate party line."

― Chuck Tatum (Chuck Tatum), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

HYSTERICS

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Someone's penis has apparently turned into a cinnamon bun

I've heard of cinnabutt, but this is ridiculous!!

― bad jode (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

so, um does yr boss want you to turn yr dick into a cinnamon bun?

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

The literalist in my is SCREAMING WITH DELIGHT.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:02 (twenty-two years ago)

who the fuck is alizee?

― johnny fitz (johnny fitz), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:02 (twenty-two years ago)

as I would literally expect him to.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:02 (twenty-two years ago)

who the fuck is alizee?

― johnny fitz (johnny fitz), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

best e-mail EVER, obviously.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

in my hobby as a sex column question asker...

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:12 (twenty-two years ago)

'to amaze his friends'... hey y'all, watch this, swollen penis!

I'm not sure I'd be especially amazed.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:20 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, but does it SMELL like a cinnamon bun?
cuz, like, if your unit smelled like fresh baking, there's NO WAY you could keep up with the demand!

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

"stun?" what, is he smacking them in the face too hard?

― El Santo Claus (Kingfish), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not sure if being told someone's wang smelled like cinnamon buns would disturb or delight me.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:25 (twenty-two years ago)

well, but most people's salivatory glands are triggered by the smell of fresh baking!
though not in a sexy way. not always.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok ok, you're right, I'd be delighted.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

< NWA> "What do you want me to do with it?" "Don't matter, just don't bite it." < /NWA>

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Luna, now's your chance to sell my_penis_will_surprise_you at hotmail.com to someone!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Chris, I kiss you.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:41 (twenty-two years ago)

i want a cinnabon.

― bad jode (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Cinnaboner

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

nice!

― bad jode (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Chuck, important question: w or w/o icing?

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

They have them at the Newark airport!

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

um, Cinnabon, that is.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I could go for one of their mochalattes, but I fear I've already had enough sugar to fly to the moon.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

They have them at the Newark airport!

cinnafap!

― bad jode (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

!!!

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I keep visualizing what it would look like for this guy's dick to transform into a cinnamon bun. I mean, maybe it's long and skinny and just rolls up on itself...?!!!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

You mean...like a snail?

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.cinnabon.com/graphics/making.jpg

― bad jode (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

mmm.. yummmy...

I mean, wait, no! ICK!!!

ARGGGHHH!!! I'm SO CONFUSED!!!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 20:52 (twenty-two years ago)

MAKES YOU THINK...

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 20:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Not Work Safe
Puppetry of the Penis: The Ancient Art of Genital Origami
Not Work Safe

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

pillbug dong

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 21:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Pillsbury Dongboy.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

and now, we must all hear the "*giggle*"

― El Santo Claus (Kingfish), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 21:07 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.bresh.com/Memories/2002/alaska2002/images/misc.cinnabun.jpg

― Chuck Tatum (Chuck Tatum), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

That picture just looks so ...dirty now.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

(thunk) I've just laughed so hard, I fell OFF the chair. My inner mentalist salutes Chuck....and the rest of you.

Perversion is a beautiful thing.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

ahhh, ned, put some pants on (i hope this works)

http://www.puppetryofthepenis.com/images/potp14.gif
http://www.puppetryofthepenis.com/images/potp15.gif
http://www.puppetryofthepenis.com/images/potp24.gif
http://www.puppetryofthepenis.com/images/potp25.gif

― JaXoN (JasonD), Wednesday, 17 December 2003 00:15 (twenty-two years ago)

nutz. didn't work

― JaXoN (JasonD), Wednesday, 17 December 2003 00:15 (twenty-two years ago)

The sad truth:

I had a girlfriend who used to buy the large jars of Vaseline which she used to keep her skin smooth and shiny. One weekend, while fooling around, we got into a big jar of Vaseline, using it on my cock as lubrication during our various sexual endeavours over the weekend. It felt good of course, and there was no pain, but the next day I awoke with my foreskin really swollen. It was quite funny, actually, because the swollen shape it took reminded me of a cinnamon bun. At first I was worried but by the afternoon the swelling went down. Since then I have experimented with Vaseline and sometimes use it to swell my penis (just a bit) for show. My questions are: does this occur with all males, and why? If not, is it possible I have a rare allergy to Vaseline which causes my dick to swell depending on how much is used and for how long? If so am I taking any serious risks using Vaseline too much?
ALWAYS CURIOUS

Vaseline, first off, is not a suitable lubricant to use for vaginal penetration. Because it’s not water soluble, it can stick in the folds and crevices of a vagina, and then bacteria and other items can stick to it. The next thing you know, your girlfriend’s got some whoop-ass vaginal infection. Try something water soluble for that business, preferably with no glycerin. My personal favourite is Slippery Stuff. I haven’t had a sex-related yeast infection since I started using it.
Your foreskin is another matter altogether. I will confess, I had a good laugh when I read this letter. Most people I know, if they discovered a product caused their genitals to swell like a pastry, would not be inclined to continue applying it to stun and amaze their lovers. As my friend Paul Petro said, “You have one penis. Don’t you kind of want it to last?”
Judging by the reaction I got from a health-care worker in dermatology, a Vaseline allergy is rare. In fact, from what I understand from this gruff, unamused and obviously overworked nurse at the dermatology clinic at Sunnybrook, white Vaseline is used in dermal allergy testing as a base.
A product development chemist for Unilever, which makes Vaseline Petroleum Jelly, also confirmed the rarity. He looked through their consumer complaint data and didn’t find one case that caused an allergy, but says he cannot speak for cheaper, dollar-store brands, which “might not be properly purified.”
What I found online was entirely different. There are many pages dedicated to petroleum-based product allergies, ones that include the brand name Vaseline. Dermal allergies from products can be localized, which is possibly why your hands did not swell up but your foreskin did. Roger Lewis, at Thuna Herbals (298 Danforth, 416-465-3366) said, “It’s the nature of the tissue being thinner and more sensitive and therefore more susceptible to transdermal absorption.” Lewis also said that petroleum allergies are not that rare, and in fact, Thuna carries a product made by Avalon Natural Products called Un-petroleum Jelly, which has the same consistency but contains plant oils and natural waxes and is petroleum-free.

― Chuck Tatum (Chuck Tatum), Friday, 19 December 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

This has gone from funny to desperately wrong in no time flat. Urgh.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 19 December 2003 16:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I once got some Vicks on it by accident.

mmmm... Added sensitivity, I'll say that much....

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 19 December 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

mustn't have tasted pleasant tho.

― dyson (dyson), Friday, 19 December 2003 21:21 (twenty-two years ago)

There was a mention regarding that, yes...

― mark grout (mark grout), Saturday, 20 December 2003 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

by all means let's try curry and tabasco while we're being TOTAL MENTALISTS!

― teeny (teeny), Saturday, 20 December 2003 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

the Karma Sutra recommends ghee (i.e. clear butter made from buffalo milk) for increasing the size of the "lingam".

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 21 December 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

The German stuff - Bodyglide I think it's called. It's the best. Cream your buns with it.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Sunday, 21 December 2003 15:04 (twenty-two years ago)

No, wait, it's called Ultraglide.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Sunday, 21 December 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

three months pass...

REVIVE!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 25 March 2004 23:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Is this where Blount's old nickname comes from?

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 25 March 2004 23:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Cinnabutt came up in an AIM chat and I think it grew from there...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 25 March 2004 23:57 (twenty-one years ago)

wasn't it cause we were talking about cinnabon, too?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 25 March 2004 23:59 (twenty-one years ago)

That and the precarious end results that comes of consuming such a thing.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 26 March 2004 00:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I was hoping for just a "yes, that's what happened with Blount's Vaseline allergy".

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 26 March 2004 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, that's what happened with Blount's Vaseline allergy.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 26 March 2004 00:06 (twenty-one years ago)

she aims to please

― oops (Oops), Friday, 26 March 2004 00:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I was the originator of cinniblount, it's probably my proudest moment.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 26 March 2004 01:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't get it.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 26 March 2004 01:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I just ate a plateful of freshly baked cinnamon rolls

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 26 March 2004 01:16 (twenty-one years ago)

"Someone's penis" - I'm imaging the original emailer writing quietly at her desk, and suddenly looking up, eyes narrowing, sniffing the air Spidey-sense style

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 26 March 2004 01:22 (twenty-one years ago)

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In my job as a sex column researcher...

ARGGGHHH!!! I'm SO CONFUSED!!!