Jesus wins! Jesus wins!

"huh? huh?! whatsamatta?! too short to take on the Son of God? Ohhhh Yeah!"

You know, like some kid decides to push another kid's wheelchair instead of winning a race

heh. Does he push the kid into traffic? "Fuck this race, I'ma have some fun!"

Jesus & "the Bad Touch".

"Five Minutes in the box to the Son of God for High-Sticking!"

http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/5069/imageuploadimagepj4.jpg

Heaven on a half pipe

"Hey bud! Jesus shreds" exclaimed one of the guys in white. Have you ever heard of the King of the Waves? dude, He created them and He shreds them." By now the Lord made Schneer's "Ho-Ho plant" look wilted and the "Bone-ups" were performed with the greatest of ease. Lopes' eyes started to water from the sheer sensation of seeing the Lord shred. A friend walked over and said: "Joe, Jesus loves you, man! The Lord is here to prove to you that you don't need to "ride into Hell."

http://king-of-the.net/JCsurfs.gif

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/2766/imageuploadimageex3.jpg

There is bud in the air and the bangers have been enjoying the best rock ever. Van Halen was scheduled to play next but, for some strange reason, canceled mysteriously. Instead, this jamming rocker and his group called: "The Rock", showed up. "Insane! Totally rad! Did you see that dude jam? Far out!" "Hey, dude, , , He is the Rock." "What do you mean, he is the Rock? Did you fry your brains or something?" "No way! That's the Lord jamming on a '57 Les Paul, puts Van Halen to shame. Check out his equipment.. No one can do hammer runs and awesome excellent effects like Jesus, dude. "He is the Rock that doesn't roll!" . . . "Radical bra ! . . . Killer dude!

:D :D :D

From the shadow on the half-pipe in the pic a few posts up, we may conclude that the sun is located approximately 40ft above the surface of the earth.

pish its easy to be all xxxtreme sports when youre already dead

what kind of board is that? Mosterotic? Messianic?

"Hey, dude, , , He is the Rock." "What do you mean, he is the Rock? Did you fry your brains or something?"

http://i55.tinypic.com/219e35v.jpg

I'm afeared for Our Lord. That Devil has mean biceps. His triceps, otoh, seem a bit anemic. Hard to tell what kind of guns Our Lord is sporting, due to the robes. Pray He wins!

Uh, Kenny Loggins already wrestled the devil and lost.

one advantage for the devil is that he has the assistance of sauron, lord of the rings

as well as the armies of mordor

But a Flock of Seagulls has Jesus's back.

the devil appears to have an extra biceps

all the better to beat jesus with.

Jesus looks a lot like jjjusten imo!

that's what i thought too

but don't pull a zs and worship jjjusten as your lord and savior for 8 months straight - he never answers prayers, EVER

i thought this would be animated by now ZS, you're slacking.

It's a tough one to call, Jesus sky is winning in the background, but at the same time Mr Devil lava flow has the edge on Jesus waterfall.
Also, volcano v's flying birds of a meadow!

i know who's side i'm on.

waht is the origin of jesus as a long-haired beardo, anyway

Jesus was an olden day woman, before cosmetics and stuff.

stuff = tweezers.

Ive always wondxered that too mookie. Like, he looks like a 70s hippy from "Hair" or something.

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhny78GuxS1qdmmiqo1_500.gif

waht is the origin of jesus as a long-haired beardo, anyway

IIRC it has to do with the classical line of thinking that Jesus was an Essene before he struck it out on his own and before the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered little was known about the Essenes other than they were ascetic scruffy desert dudes. Now that we know more about them its highly unlikely Jesus was an Essene, and thus probably didn't have a big ass beard and unkempt hair.

What I REALLY wanna know is, did Jesus really walk around wearing a purple sash? Cause I mean, c'mon that's a little pretentious. Like yeah dude we know your the king of kings you don't have to show it off with a big purple sash all the time, seriously have a little more modesty!

nice work zs :)

yeah i like the piss glow around Him.

okay but obv this isn't your best work. Satan's 2nd bicep just chillin. maybe its supposed to add tension? like oh this is a draw wait psyce i have this extra bicep that was just waiting to get tagged in and destroy you.

http://theamericanjesus.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Screen-Shot-2013-10-16-at-10.04.18-AM.png

Yes?

forgot about all the great jesus lines in the garden of eden story

Jesus: "Where did you get your razor?"

"So, do you guys swing?"

Jesus is convincing Adam and that Adam should stop messing around with that tiger and give Eve a chance instead

er, strike that extra and

Jesus is planting the seed that will eventually blossom into Free Love

wait

i just realized the giraffe is god

omg you're right, whoah

well that, arguably, changes everything

damn, I just got religion

adam looks like greg louganis. good luck with that, jesus.

yeah I don't think I"m imposing a queer reading on this image, but it really seems like a depiction of what Adrienne Rich termed "mandatory heterosexuality" all those years ago- Adam's self-touching as he caresses his abs and his sensual, langourous pose just drips with autoerotic self-satisfaction, while Jesus' ostensive gesture pointing out Eve seems to be prodding Adam, like, "No, dummy, over here- you're supposed to be interested in HER". It seems like the artist is just way more into dudes, or too repressed to let himself give us much of Eve because that would be prurient.

(It's like Milton's paradise lost w a gender switch; in PL Eve initially has this great narcissistic moment in which she's way more attracted to her own reflection in a pool than she is in that rando crepe Adam)

http://25.media.tumblr.com/3f098e92ec6da9ab84c996de062141c8/tumblr_mv4zxcz0KW1qzrdsyo1_400.jpg

ha, that giraffe's neck is at a very suggestive angle

xp !!!!!

yeah that is bonkers

I just start laughing every time I look at it.

In a horrified way.

is she ripping a branch off of a tree so that jesus can beat her with it? and if so, why isn't he using it in the spanking illustration?

oh wait, sorry, didn't see that she was harassing bees. don't MESS with the BEES, Lisa, or JESUS will mess with YOU

She is using the stick to play pinata with a beehive, apparently? Why anyone would even contemplate that is like...also, lol at bee stings being God's punishment--I think the bees have that one covered, dude.

Not to even mention that Daddy Jesus is about to move that hand down to a bad place in a second, and little Sally knows it's not right but sh--I can't finish this sentence, even in jest.

sometimes you just have to push through that uncomfortable zone and finish the sentence

He's slapping the beejesus out of her

lolllll

"when we're sick, we should pray and ask the lord why"

^don't do this btw, it's impertinent

i don't know, what's the harm, you could get a good tip

our reactions to these drawings seem a lot like the reactions to the Noah movie that Aronofsky is making- like, it's hard for the Old Testament to be rendered into visual form now without immediately and directly descending into camp / ludicrous territory. I think people can still feel devotional power in, say, Cranach or Durer paintings of Adam and Eve- but contemporary rendering (cf the hairstayles above) just curdles and shrivels the whole thing. Since question: Wouldn't these images be laughable even to devout people?

As for the other cartoon upthread, seems like the fantasies of being spanked by Jesus generated by such an image would take years of therapy to undo in those exposed to this stuff at an impressionable age.

sincere question, rather

Wouldn't these images be laughable even to devout people?

Devout people know that it is not permitted to mock at Our Lord, so they would repress any desire to laugh and do their utmost to feel nothing but reverence.

I think some people have an easier time slipping into the symbolic mindset where representations of the divine are imbued w specialness even if it's ridiculous; they don't critique it the same way. When I say that though it mostly makes me think of like old ppl and Southern Baptists, which, ymmv there.

god I must be posting too fast/excitedly upthread, my spelling is atrocious.

I guess there may also be a tacit cultural bias here, insofar as different religious cultures have different relationships to the status of images of the divine as such- in the context of, say, the protestant vs catholic divide in the reformation, it's a very old and prejudiced stance to deride images of the divine as such on behalf of a supposedly purer, more interior, more inward understanding- and it presumes that people who do worship via images are somehow caught upon a bad worship *of* images (the old "Catholicism as idolatry" charge that Calivinists would lob at Mary grottoes and gory crucifixes is an example of this, as is the Puritan iconoclastic tradition destroying rood screens and stained glass windows and housing animals in deconsecrated cathedrals as an index of their resistance to popish image-worship)

Yeah I mean for me one avenue is, if something is to function as an icon, what quality/ies of the subject is it portraying and do they arguably have significance or resonance for a person in their, like, spiritual life/work? I guess everything could be an icon to someone? but that "Adam + tiger" painting is reeeeally stretching my disbelief.

Or Liv Tyler in the Garden of Eden or whatever.

what if that's not jesus?

he could be a server. "hello, could i interest you in a beverage or appetizer?"

"today we are serving giraffe neckbites, stuffed tigers, and roasted flamingo wings"

is jesus left-handed y/n

waht is the origin of jesus as a long-haired beardo, anyway

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/96/Cesareborgia.jpg/220px-Cesareborgia.jpg