Post your favourite football songs here

up there cazaly

spiderbait "footy"

sugargliders "top 40 sculpture"

To the tune of My Old Man's A Dustman:

"Posh Spice is a minger, she wears a wonderbra,
And when she's shagging Beckham, she thinks of Stephen Carr"

HOPKINS TO THREAD!

"You're going home on an organised football coach!"

to the tune of "go west" by villiage people (and i think it's originally some kind of hymn)

you're SHIT and you know you are
you're SHIT and you know you are
you're SHIT and you know you are
you're SHIT and you know you are

you disappoint me Ken

i know i do

eamonn dolan's red and white army
we hate plymouth argyle
eamonn dolan's red and white army
we hate plymouth argyle
eamonn dolan's red and white army
we hate plymouth argyle

etc. repeat for fifteen minutes in a large reverberating shed in the middle of hampshire, surrounded by squaddies...

...who then start singing Telstar

although i suppose that's more of a chant than a song per se:

to que sera:

sean devine devine
he wears number 10 not 9
he scores all the fucking time
sean devien devine

(last season his number was 29, which made this song scan a little better, god knows what we'll do if he gets the number 11 jersey)

one more:

we'll score again
don't know where, don't know when
but i know we'll score again some sunny day
keep smiling through, just like we always do
and i know we'll score again some sunny day (some sunny day)

so will you please say hello to the folks that we know
tell them we won't be long (or we'll be along or something)
and they'll be happy to know while we wait for a GOAL
we'll be singing this song (na na nanana)

we'll score again
don't know where, don't know wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee(keep this going for around a minute)eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
but i know we'll score again some sunny day, some sunny daaaaaay.

i'd forgotten about telstar, what the eff was all that about????

get your mother out my house

Geeeet your mother out my house

get your mother

get your mother

Get your mother out my house

(i could do this all day, btw)

we love you freddie
because you've got red hair
we love you freddie
because you're everywhere
we love you freddie, cos you're arsenal through and through

(the only arse song with *any* invention in it)

Man U fans to Edu, three years ago (to chirpy chirpy cheep cheep):

where's your passport gone, where's your passport gone
where's your passport gone, where's your passport gone

who takes the free kicks around here?

Edu

no, edu

At the QPR/Argyle game the home fans were singing "ooh aar, it's Ambrosia", which is much better than "you're shit and you know you are."

This had mutated to "ooh aar, it's a massacre" by the time the third goal went in.

(chris' edu one only works if you say it in a posh accent)

not sung very loudly, but i heard it, at leyton last year (to the eastenders theme):

you're a bunch of cockney cunts
you're a bunch of cunts, you're cunts and you're cockney

also worst chant ever:

diggerdagger diggerdagger oi oi oi
digger oi
dagger oi
diggerdagger diggerdagger oi oi oi

RUBBISH

What about variations on the Big Ben chimes? I like "sit down, shut up" for its sheer bluntness although Chris' "shit ground, no pies" story from the Valley makes me smile.

He's big, he's red
he's off his fucking head
Erik Maijer Erik Maijer

I was also a fan of

We'd rather have two Bergers
than Wanchope

That's awesome.

You can always rely on the koppites for that sort of thing.

Come on, someone post Cider Nights!

to "you are my sunshine"

You are my Solskjaer my Ole Solskjaer,
You make me happy when skies are grey,
And Alan Shearer's too f*cking dear,
So Please don't take my Solskjaer away.

"there's only two andy Gorams, two andy Gorams, there's only two andy Gorams"

The sh!t ground no pies thing is from Cheltenham, though. Considering how posh they think they are, they have a toilet for a ground

Best ever use of "You're shit and you know you are" = German fans, word perfectly at Keegan in his last game in charge.

And Alan Shearer's too f*cking dearer, darling

There are a few great Chim Chimmeny ones, actually:

"Chim-chimmeny chim-chimmeny chim chim chiroo
Who needs Sol Campbell when we've got Shittu" - Being another great one from Loftus Road.

Also,

"Chim-chimmeny chim-chimmeny chim chim chiroo
He did it to us and he'll do it to you" - fans of any former club of Jermaine Defoe to his current team.

And an altogether less salubrious one sung after Klinsmann first arrived at White Hart Lane, which I'm sure you can work out if you try.

"Stephen Carr, my Lord, Stephen Carr,
Stephen Carr, my Lord, Stephen Carr,
Stephen Carr, my Lord, Stephen Carr,
Oh, Lo-ord, Stephen Carr"

Man Yoo version:

Chim chiminey, Chim chiminey, Chim chim cher-oo,
We've got Tim Howard and he says "fuck you

i can never remember all of cider nights:

cider night, strongbow night
blackthorn dry, diamond white
dum tiddy dum tiddy ("something and westons", perhaps) so gentle and mild
a pint for a man and a half for a child
drink in devonshire peace, drink in devonshire peace

no Matt, it's

dwayne lee, m'lord, dwayne lee etc ;)

once i went to an AFC-wimbledon match and there were loads of Wagamama fans who kept chanting for "Udon! Udon! Udon!"

my old man said be an argyle fan
i said fuck off, bollocks, you're a cunt

there are more words to this, but i don't know them...

also, i was slightly worried when some city fans started

no surrender, no surrender

but then then finished it off with:

no surrender to the ar-gy-le

Dave, I've already done that TiHo one.

there was another TiHo one that went

we've got tim howard
we've got tim howard
we've got tim howard
we've got tim howard
feck
feck
feck
feck

you get the picture

a lot of the footie songs on here lack a sense of style

I like the one about being Devenport Docks and Jack the Ripper being your Dad.

For all your chanting needs

When Ilx dun chants

When Ilx dun more chants

"Best ever use of "You're shit and you know you are" = German fans, word perfectly at Keegan in his last game in charge."

I seem to remember they sang Football (not fussball) is coming home. Impressive.

"once i went to an AFC-wimbledon match and there were loads of Wagamama fans who kept chanting for "Udon! Udon! Udon!" "

Ken, please explain.

i think it's supposed to be "YOU DON!"

but it sounds like they were hungry for..
http://www.mycal.co.jp/saty/3_shoku/0205/image/udon.jpg

i know i am

[to the tune of 'oh my darling Clementine']
"Build a bonfire, Build a bonfire, Put the scousers on the top.
Put the City in the middle and then burn the fuckin lot"

Tho I am not a follower of either teams this one gets sung in our local a lot and I like to join in.

"You DonS", Ken, there are several of them.

Our new keeper's surname is Standen, so that's opened up a whole new range of chanting possibilities.

(to the tune of "The Pennsylvania Polka")

We're from the town with that great football team,
We cheer the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Chuck Noll and all his friends are all on the field
Go out and get them Steelers.

Bradshaw, and Rocky, and Franco and Lynn,
We love you Pittsburgh Steelers.
It's been many years in coming,
just keep that Steelers machinery humming

Defense, Defense, make them scramble, intercept that ball.
Defense, Defense, keeps the Steelers always best of all!
Mean Joe, Mean Joe, do your thing against the other team,
You start from year to year, we're so glad you play here,
Now join with me, and sing the Steelers cheer-er-ER!

We're from the town with that great football team,
We cheer the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Winning's a habit, not only a dream,
Go out and get them Steelers!

Girella's Gorillas are here for the show,
and so is Franco's Army,
It's been many years in coming,
just keep that Steelers machinery humming.

Offense, Offense, take that football whole way up the field!
Offense, Offense, let's score and score and never ever yield!
Franco, Franco, can you believe we have a running game?

The Steelers are so great, and so hard to overrate,
Good things will come to those who work and wait.

(okay, it's not nearly as good as UK footie songs, but I liked it a lot when I was eight years old)

Uff da, in Minnesota we say 'Skol!'

Skol Vikings
Let's Win This Game,
Skol Vikings
Honor Your Name,
Go Get That First Down,
Then Get A Touchdown,
Rock Em, Sock Em
Fight Fight Fight Fight
Go Vikings,
Run Out The Score,
You'll Hear Us Yell For More
V - I - K - I - N - G - S
Skol, Vikings, Let's Go.

These American football songs confuse me. They're too long, and don't contain any bad puns or slurs on a player's sexuality.

Exter song - am channeling Hopkins as best I can:

My brother's in borstal
My sister's got pox
My auntie's a whore down in Devenport Docks
My mothers all addled
My uncle's gone mad
And Jack the Ripper's my Dad
na na na na-na-na-na-na na-na-na-na

Up til the end of last season there was nothing quite like a rousing chorus of "I love Steffen Freund, Steffen Freund loves me" to the tune of Land of Hope and Glory.

Simple, yet effective.

Matt, they are absolutely unwieldy but at least the UNOFFICIAL Vikings song is good:

Well I saw the thing comin' out of the sky
It had the one long horn and one big eye
I commenced to shakin' and I said "ooh-wee"
It looks like a purple people eater to me

It was a one-eyed, one-horned
Flying purple people eater
One-eyed, one-horned
Flying purple people eater
A one-eyed one-horned
Flying puple people eater
Sure looks stange to me
One eye?

Well he came down to earth and lit in a tree
I said Mr. Purple People Eater don't eat me
I heard him say in a voice so gruff
I wouldn't eat you 'cause you're so tough

It was a one-eyed
One-horned
Flying purple people eater
one-eyed, one-horned
Flying purple people eater
one-eyed, one-horned
Flying purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me
One horn?

(and that's only the half people sing at the games)

I did try to teach my football-mad sister about 'you're going home in a fucking am-bu-lance' but she warn't having any of it.

They really do breed a better class of songsmith Merseyside:

"There's only one Harold Shipman
There's only one Harold Shipman
The Scousers give thanks
He only killed Mancs
Walking in a Shipman wonderland"

In Dublin's fair city
Where the girls are so pretty
I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone
She wheeled her wheelbarrow
Through streets broad and narrow
Singing [clap clap clap-clap-clap clap-clap-clap-clap] wombles!
[clap clap clap-clap-clap clap-clap-clap-clap] wombles!

In Dublin's fair city
Where the girls are so pretty
I first set my eyes on sweet Kylie Minogue
She wheeled her wheelbarrow
Through streets broad and narrow
Singing na na na, na na na-na na
Na na na, na na na-na na.

Once read an interview with the guy who invented most of Man City's songs, including the immortal and actually rather moving 'City Till I Die' that has now been stolen by every other damn club.

The Upton Park entries:

Onwards Christian Dailly, marching off to score.

When's the ball's in the goal, it's not that cunt Defoe, it's Zamora. (That's Amore, natch)

ooh.

He shot he missed, he got a monkey pissed, Edmundo.

There's only Juan Sebastian Veron.

Japp Stam's Grand Slam

back to work now.

When the ball's in the air, And it's not big Pierre It's Di Canio
When the ball's in the net And it's not Jorge Cadete It's Di Canio

As sung by Celts.

When the Ball's in the goal it's not Shearer or Cole, it's Zamora (Brighton fans sang this one which is less foulmouthed than the Westsham version, as one might expect)

I like Stoke fans singing Delilah. And Brizzle Rovers singing Goodnight Irene. My favourite witty one was watching Northampton lose 3-0 to Stoke, opening game of the 1998-99 season; the last big telly football was the World Cup Final, so the Stokies started singing 'Brazil, it's just like playing Brazil' as they scored the third. Very witty I thought.

"There's only one Johnny Hartson
One Johnny Hartson
He's got no hair
but we don't care
We're walking in a Hartson wonderland"

When Celtic got to the UEFA Cup Final last year, the preceding couple of weeks was full of...

"Tell all the Huns you know
That we're going to Seville and they're no'
They'll be watching the Bill
While we're in Seville
We're going to Seville and they're no'"

(alternative middle lines - "we'll be lying on our lilos while they're cashing their giros")

I also know some deeply offensive songs about the Ibrox disaster that I won't post here.

*deeply saddened that I'm not even posting this on the thread I only started yesterday*

Us Metrostars fans had a few Timmy Howard songs.

"Tim Howard
He's the best
Even twitching from Tourettes"

And

"Howard, Howard
Howard, Howard
Born is the King of East Rutherford*"

* (New Jersey town where Metros play)

I'm sure there are more that I can't remember.

Howard's replacement, happily, is named Johnny Walker.

Ben you should SO mail me about a dog jumper. I will do it in Metros colours!

Oh, I almost forgot my favorite-- from Boogie Down Productions:

"THE T, THE I, THE M, THE M, THE Y, THE T, THE I, THE M-- it's Timmy! it's Timmy!"

If you don't know the meter of BDP's "Jimmy," reading the words won't help, but hundreds of people shouting it is a mighty thing.

Okay Sarah! Yesterday was Bunny's birthday. She wanted a Metro kit, which you can sort of provide!

Ben, is that the same as the Gang@ Kru used on Supersharpshooter? if so, that is ace and should be appropriated soon