The Dolph Lundgren/Jean Claude Van Damme/Steven Seagal Smackdown!

They have been intentionally left out, as was Willis.

Anyway, what is the mystical Seagal film where he beheads the rasta kingpin?

Also, what about Roadhouse? Best line ever = "I used to fuck guys like you in prison!"

Van Damme is basically a champion of perseverated gestures, and you've gotta admit that getting your shelf in the UHF stock programming vault cleared out to make room for the likes of Tony Little and the "Ding-King" guy (whose own perseverated gestures are way more fascinating than Van Damme's anyway) is not very manly at all. Bloodsport IS awesome though.

Seagal could probably put together a hell of a dinner party, what between the Dalai Lama, DMX, and the assorted Gambinos and German(!) mafiosos he's done "business" with. The guy also put together a movie championing ecoterrorism (On Deadly Ground, wherein he falls in love with an Inupiak girl (played by Joan Chen!) and blows up an Alaskan oil refinery), which he must really believe in because it's not exactly like supporting the homeless or world peace or something. The best scene in the movie, though, is the perfect illustration of Seagal's "tough-love" philosophy (which perhaps the Tibetans would do well to heed) -- right after he kicks the shit out of some guy in a bar, he asks the question, "What does it take to change the essence of a man?" The guy he just fucked up correctly answers "Time", leading to their embrace as new pals. Also, as Ally (I think) once said, Seagal is a fat guy with chains, so he wins.

The opening scene, with credits flashing, has Seagal shopping at the supermarket when a robbery occurs. Of course, he makes lemonade out of the offenders and then the film freezes frame with Steven in a You'll-never-whup-me type of pose with the film's title also on screen.

As luck would have it, this badly mangled piece of the acetate (about 6 minutes) had to be edited out. So if you saw the movie when it played Newport, VT about 1992, the opening was the still frame with title. It looked hideous,and it played this way for 2 or 3 weeks.

It always cracked me and the staffers up to watch the new opening scene - and the audience. Movie goers, to their credit, never complained.

They must have thought they were seeing the director's cut if they later rented the video or saw it on TV.

Not true. Silent Trigger, I Come in Peace, The Punisher and Men of War are decent entertainment. Johnny Mnemonic is one of the best B-league-allstar-cast movies out there - second only to Mad Dog Time - and Dolph is brilliant in it.

Steven Seagal is the coolest of the bunch, as Kris pointed out correctly (he also plays elephant polo!). However, he has only starred in one completely awesome movie (Out for Justice) and the attempts to cover up his obesity in recent films have been v annoying, so I'll have to go with...

Van Damme! Bloodsport! Hard Target! Knock Off! Who cares if he's a boring twat? Who cares if all his other movies suck? He could play the funny sidekick in Walker, Texas Ranger for the rest of his life and would still be an icon for those three films alone.

Wake me up for the Jackie Chan / Jet Li / Mark Dacascos smackdown....

The pony-tailed whales more recent straight to video releases have been simply astonishing. The hilariously incoherent mess that is Out for a Kill has to be seen to be believed.

Sample quote: "Your daughter, my wife - both dead. I came here to make you a promise. Within one week, I will avenge their deaths - before the funeral of my wife."

for an excellant summary of his much neglected later work follow this link: http://www.chud.com/reviews/payingseagal.php3

also Under Siege 3 coming soon. Casey fucking Reiback's on this ... plane?

Poetry.

So he really is a Master of the Universe?

I saw a movie where he investigates the murder of his brother. In the last third of the movie he fucks his late brother's wife. And he really slut-fucks her. Throws her off the bed and onto the floor, presses her face down, rips her skirt and rape-froggy-fucks her in 45 seconds.

And his acting was brilliant. So was the movie. He wins.

I am catching up on Van Damme's filmography for my podcast. Anyone who hasn't seen Double Impact should - it's simultaneously hilarious and proof that Van Damme has a little more range as an actor than his counterparts, even if the dialogue is laughable, which it is.

And then there's JCVD...

Also, Van Damme's directorial debut is supposed to come out this year...

He directed The Quest

I WAS AT BLOCKBUSTER THE OTHER DAY AND NOTED THAT THERE'S A SEAGAL VAMPIRE FILM NOW OUT. APPARENTLY HE IS A KATANA MASTER IN IT TOO

he is barely in it. (I watched it at work so I know this.)

I didn't know Van Damme had already directed something though!

:/

also Bloodsport has a young Forrest Whitaker appearing in useless bits with his usual vocal cadences, so...classic.

So my friend Tom is given to cheapo joke gifts when it comes to my birthday (which I highly appreciate, he has an eye for cultural trash). Thus last week I received this, released in 1996 or so:

http://www.movietrimmer.com/content/default/english/images/movies/45918_3.jpg

PAINFUL stuff. The Wikipedia plot description says it all. Se7en meets flecks of Pulp Fiction in one of the brownest movies I have ever seen -- seriously, the color scheme is almost all shades of brown. Plus they filmed it during one of the rainiest winters in LA so everything seems like a lightly moist version of the Blade Runner sets, not helped at all by the fact that they went ahead and had the chief villain's home be the Ennis House.

Enjoy the master at work:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STGPSvUr3dI

(The dumpy Southern CIA guy with the mustache was originally supposed to be Tommy Lee Jones, which given an extremely horrific pool scene later in the movie called to mind JFK all too easily.)

william forsythe:

Out For Justice (1991)—“Richie Madano”
AVC: How was Steven Seagal to work with?

WF: [Hesitates.] You know, in the beginning, when I first met him, he was, like, “I want to make a movie that’s not a martial arts movie.” And I’ve got to tell you, Out For Justice was a great script. It was almost… it reminded me of, like, Mean Streets or something. It had this real quality to it. But, you know, once we started shooting, the nunchucks came out and the world went… [Trails off.]

I didn’t mind Seagal. Actually, there’s a part of me that really liked him. But then there’s that other side. I felt like he was mad at me because I was doing a good job, if that makes any sense. He walked up to me one day and said, “You know, you really need to work on your Brooklyn accent.” I said, “Trust me, you do.” And I don’t think he liked that. [Laughs.]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kv2SYHhdwuM

hot thread title

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJSEwKdac98

write in vote for bolo yeung

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNagP95khvA