Do you hate it when your friends are successful?

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A prick I know just got a £50,000 book deal. Prick.

― thing person, Monday, 29 March 2004 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah! fuck that guy!

― the angry cowboy (dick), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

it's really laffable!

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.singlecollector.com/Morrissey/we.jpg

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate it that my friends are NOT successful

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

if you insist on being friends with pricks, then yeah you'd hate it when your prick friends are successful.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Is there a word (preferably German) for this inverse-of-schadenfreude feeling? Aside from envy/jealousy/etc.

― sgs (sgs), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:51 (twenty-two years ago)

yes. "Mensch"

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:52 (twenty-two years ago)

eduerfnedahcs!

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, I just got this stupid freaking PR type email about a former friend of mine about how he's going on tour with another band that another friend of mine manages, and even though I don't even like his band, AARRRRGGGHHHH, still, it just burns me up inside. The long running jealousy/competativeness probably actually boiled over into genuine HATRED quite some time ago, and really, I'm over it and all, but GRRRRRRRR, IT JUST FUCKS ME OFF, CONSIDERING HOW MANY TIMES I ASKED IF THE MUTUAL FRIEND WOULD MANAGE US, AND HE NEVER WOULD, CAUSE HIS WIFE WOULDN'T LET HIM, AAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH AND NOW I'M EVEN MORE PISSED OFF AND FUCKED OFF AND IRRITATED BECAUSE HE'S STILL GOT A BAND AND I DON'T...

So in order to answer the question, erm, yes.

― Super-Kate (kate), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

WeltbittererNeid

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

The idea for the book is lame too. Then again the idea for Eats Shoots and Leaves was lame too, with a title based on an even lamer joke. And look where it got her.

Damn. I need a lame idea for a book deal.

― thing person, Monday, 29 March 2004 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Dummkopf
Steigen Sie mein Rasen dumme Kinder ab
Schließen Sie das fickt auf
Machen Sie mich Weibchen schlage Ihr erbärmlicher Esel nicht!

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Issues, me? No, really. I just don't care. I'm so much better off out of the music industry because it pisses me off so much.

I don't mind so much when it's friends that I actually like...

― Super-Kate (kate), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

write a book about "do you hate it when your friends are successful"

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Lame book idea: Pick an obscure single by a now famous indie band, and just go with it.

eg "My legendary girlfriend", you don't even have to ask permission ...

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Gluckschmerz (with an umlaut on the u?)is the word. It was discussed on the weltenschauung thread last week.

(BTW: SGS - I just sent Mark an email to forward to you, something you might find interesting.)

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I love it. I love it when I read good reviews of friends' bands. I love it that a friend had an article on her dissertation in the New York Times last week. It makes me feel smart by association.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 29 March 2004 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I feel better about my friends with book deals by telling them how many more words per day that I can write than them. Yeah, you may have a deal, but I can churn out 10,000 words per day, beat that, Mr. Smarty Pants "I Have A Deal And No One Likes You" but then he makes fun of you in Time Out. :-(

― Super-Kate (kate), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

When my friends are successful I'm happy for them but I envy the discipline and assertiveness that got them there.

When people I don't like are successful I assume it's because they're either unfairly lucky or they slept their way up there or got where they got by being pushy assholes/psycho stalkers with no regard for social etiquette. This is often the case.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Either I don't have any friends, or none of my friends are successful - either way, I don't care.

― Rob M (Rob M), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I like "gluckschmerz" the word. It's an unpleasant feeling, though.

― sgs (sgs), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I have it a lot, mainly career related. I have been being pissed off about being bald lately, too.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't get it with regard to careers. That's strange. I honestly don't care about that sort of thing. But with regards to creative endeavours? It really burns me up!

― Super-Kate (kate), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I am a mean, nasty, awful, spiteful person and it's no wonder I have so few friends. :-(

― Super-Kate (kate), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Well at least I'm not bald. Thanks for sharing, Markelby, I feel better already.

― thing person, Monday, 29 March 2004 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Only if it's undeserved.....Family is worse though - there's nothing like the rapid success of a niece or nephew half your age to make you feel like you're stuck on the treadmill.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I only mind if they're successful in exactly the same things that I want to be successful in.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

if i'm ever successful i'd like all my friends to assume that i had slept my way up there.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

None of my friends have book deals, but they're pretty much all much wealthier than I am. That's fine, though, cause I'm taller

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

creative endeavours are careers too kate! (but that's when they're really successful)

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:35 (twenty-two years ago)

-are +can be

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:35 (twenty-two years ago)

key - have no successful friends!

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:37 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not jealousy if the person really is an undeserving, schmoozing prick. The same thing has happened to me a few times, although not to people I consider 'friends'. I'm always proud of the people I like & whose abilities I respect when they accomplish something.

If this prick's book gets published, you could do what I know some people have done (I have NOT done this, mind you, I just know it's been done!) : you could get some friends together and fill Amazon with all sorts of nasty, catty reviews of this person's book and give it 1 star, etc.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

but then in a nasty reversal of fortunes, everyone will actually buy the book to read what all the fuss is about!!!!!!!!!

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Probably not - I don't know if the reviews have that much impact.

I do know that narcissistic 'first book' pricks read their reviews on Amazon, tho.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Almost everyone reads their Amazon reviews!

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 29 March 2004 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm usually always happy for my friends, but there's still always a small part of me that feels terrible because it just reinforces what a miserable failure I am.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 29 March 2004 16:03 (twenty-two years ago)

when people who portray themselves as friends just cant seem to summon up any sincere pleasure or join in your happiness over a situation

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 29 March 2004 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

If a friend gets success from something that I notice as not all that great, and I think I could do something better, I still think it's great. it's like they are tricking the System. Success is way overrated anyway. Unless the friend is a prick and then it's because they are a prick that they are hated.

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Besides, I hate the equating of getting rich, famous, having a family, a good job, whatever - with being 'successful', because I can also think of a few college buddies who got what they wanted and are really disillusioned and unhappy. One person I know has everything she wanted to have, but is so miserable that I can't bear to be around her anymore.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

This inspired me to look up an ex-friend's book on Amazon and see all her negativish reviews (apparently it's well-written, but nobody liked the content).

I kind of take pleasure in that but it's mostly because I don't much like her.

A close friend of mine is very very successful, and I'm happy for her.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Is it that the effort was not worth the reward, or that they turned their personal dream into something so dull and workaday they can't escape, or...?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Or some people are fundamentally not happy with themselves no matter what they accomplish.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned - I think her expectations were all wrong : 'if I just have x, y and z, I will be happy'. Now she's like, 'My husband gets on my nerves and my job has things I don't like, I am a failure because I'm not happy'.

This person grew up in a religion that is notoriously judgmental about its members' status. I suspect that is a big part of the problem, but I don't want to offend her by suggesting it.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I dunno - sometimes I get a proud mother feeling when my friends do something great... like when I watch a good friend of mine perform in his band I totally feel like his proud aunt looking on with tears in her eyes.

― mandee, Monday, 29 March 2004 17:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I get that feeling too, it is nice when that happens.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

It's a grand feeling! Because you know they are doing well. :-)

This person grew up in a religion that is notoriously judgmental about its members' status. I suspect that is a big part of the problem, but I don't want to offend her by suggesting it.

Yeah, that would do it. Anything where a particular role is proscribed and expected to be followed -- assuming I'm reading her situation correctly -- is bound to create problems as much as provide focus.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

One of my friends has been touring the world with his video mashups. (stevem might know who I'm talking about). He played the Sundance festival and now has a gig at The Lincoln Center. Good luck to him.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't hate it at all. Usually. It means a better launch party for a start. However, I've had friends who got either a lot of attention or money or both when too immature to deal with it properly, and went a bit asshat as a result (oddly this happened to the person who got least cash and most attention). Mmmm, cocaine.

However a few pals have got the Killer Book Deal: a college friend, a colleague or three - and the only thing that's changed for the most part (as one was stinking posh already) is that they can pay their bills on time from a house that they own. That kind of security is a nice thing for an artist to have, and the people I know in that position worked pretty hard to earn their lifestyles, even if deals of that size are so fluke that they get in the papers and prove kind of embarrassing to them amidst the pride of accomplishment.

Oi Ned - off to Mr. Sutherland's book launch!

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Bring back a spare promo copy or three. ;-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 29 March 2004 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not the success which seems to be bothering people on this thread, but when it happens to people that you feel don't deserve it. In which case, it's probably better to stop calling them friends, and change the title of the thread to "do you hate it when your enemies are successful" which is the story of my life, really.

― Super-Kate (kate), Monday, 29 March 2004 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, exactly. If you think they're a 'prick' they must be an ex-friend, or an acquaintance you were friendly with. In any case, none of the 'pricks' I know are creative people or fiction writers. We're talking bad non-fiction here.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Monday, 29 March 2004 18:44 (twenty-two years ago)

My ex just had her solo art show written up in the L.A. Times. I'm ecstatic for her.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 29 March 2004 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

naaa, just cause someone's a prick doesn't mean I wouldn't be their friend

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 29 March 2004 18:53 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, lets re-rail if you like.

Someone I know but don't hate (and never had issues with so does that count as 'friend?)had a 'hit' single, so I was happy for him. Then I heared it and was so not jealous. And then I read the sleeve note for the follow up single which had "Hey, and if you see me on the street, come up with this single and I'll sign it for you" which was a jaw dropping moment, as I know him well enough to know he was not kidding! (said follow up flopped anyhow).

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 08:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw my friend sing on Friday. I'd never heard her before (in fact she'd never sung solo in public before) and she played it down massively. But she was brilliant! Matt and I both had a wee tear in our eye...

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 08:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I have had friends successful with things I like and friends successful with things I don't like. In the former case, I am always happy - inspired, even. In the latter case, I am quite peeved. The more cheesy and meretricious the product, the more its success annoys me. It seems there is something to this theory.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 08:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Gore Vidal to thread, I used to always get Gore Vidal and Vidal Sassoon mixed up.

― Nellie (nellskies), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 12:55 (twenty-two years ago)

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