Top 100 reasons why it's so hard to get over people sometimes

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I'm not going through this now, but just for posterity.

1. So you turn yourself inside out, agree a thousand times that if she doesn't want you then no, she's not right for you, that she's not the person you imagine her to be, that your feelings are faulty, that someone else will be the right one, that it will be better... But then you remember that she's probably going to end up with someone who will fall for pretty much the same things as you fell for, for the things that you're supposed to be denigrating, but that he won't be expected to suffocate those feelings, that in his case they'll be the ones to be trusted, acted upon and cherished. And you're back to square one.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 April 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

'Cause you've revealed almost everything about yourself and it's too painful to think about that person, going off to someone or somewhere else, carrying all that knowledge and essence of you and then realising that in order to ever get that close to someone again, you've to reveal pretty much all of that again. Too damn hard sometimes/everytime.

― penelope_111, Monday, 26 April 2004 22:54 (twenty-one years ago)

n. when did you go all emo?

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 26 April 2004 22:55 (twenty-one years ago)

finding n. emo

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 26 April 2004 22:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I was emo before you were fucking born, jess.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 April 2004 22:56 (twenty-one years ago)

you seem kind of melancholy lately, n.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 26 April 2004 22:57 (twenty-one years ago)

anyway.

3. it's often very difficult to let go of anger.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 26 April 2004 22:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, but I don't want this thread to be about me, or anyone in particular. I liked penelope's. Carry on.

Cross-post.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 April 2004 22:59 (twenty-one years ago)

haha dude you're like two years older than i am

4. because they still have a bunch of your stuff you'd really like back.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 26 April 2004 22:59 (twenty-one years ago)

5. Because they gave you a disease.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:01 (twenty-one years ago)

5. because you don't want to return to just being you.

― cozen (Cozen), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:01 (twenty-one years ago)

6. Because you still have what they gave you.

heheh x-post w/ alex

― martin m. (mushrush), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:01 (twenty-one years ago)

in order to ever get that close to someone again, you've to reveal pretty much all of that again.

oh dear. this thought makes me want to take to my bed, forever.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought it was four years, jess, but it doesn't matter. I was joking.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:02 (twenty-one years ago)

8. if you had activities that you liked to do in tandem with the other person, undertaking those activities without them highlights the loss.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:02 (twenty-one years ago)

6. because you got their name tatooed on you
7. because you really liked their friends/family
8. because the sex was good

damn xposts

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:03 (twenty-one years ago)

(x-post)It still hurts when I throw piss baloons at passing cars alone.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:03 (twenty-one years ago)

naked eyes to thread.

― martin m. (mushrush), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:03 (twenty-one years ago)

You're so much better than this, strongo.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:04 (twenty-one years ago)

i think the last two i posted are perfectly valid!

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:06 (twenty-one years ago)

9. Because it's still so painful to see them walking with Ned instead of you and because the image of what they and Ned must do when alone together still won't leave your head.

― martin m. (mushrush), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Thankfully none of my exes have dated Ned.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Or, 7ii, because you really liked their friends/family, and you have to face the fact that you no longer have any real excuse or reason for seeing those people, and that you don't know know them well enough to consider them friends independently of the other person.

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:09 (twenty-one years ago)

10. because you still love them.

― cozen (Cozen), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Doesn't 7 and 7ii sort of have to do with NOT getting over the FRIENDS or FAMILY and not the ex-significant other?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:11 (twenty-one years ago)

11. Because you can't get their smell out of your clothes. (This is not meant grossly or sarcastically, either)

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:14 (twenty-one years ago)

12. Because, although we do not like to admit and will sometimes go to great lengths to deny it, it is often delicious to us to savor the pain of having lost something you will never get back.

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:16 (twenty-one years ago)

13. Because it is easier to fall into conversation with that person than with anyone ever.
14. Because they work with you and it's really not fun at all watching them flirt with other people on the job. (cough, cough)

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:17 (twenty-one years ago)

15. because your routine doesn't provide enough distraction to keep your mind elsewhere
16. because someone new hasn't entered your life

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:20 (twenty-one years ago)

17. Because they're your first ever girlfriend and you are 18 and overly dramatic and think you will never get laid and/or significant-othered again ever ever ever.

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Even though I was invoked indirectly, I will add nothing to this thread, as based on past experience I will sink for the entire evening and beyond into a pit of psychological self-laceration that I DON'T want to be in.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:21 (twenty-one years ago)

18 Because they've put up with all your nasty habits and you feel comfortable enough to fart/belch/leave dirty knickers on the floor and the thought that you'll once again have to suffer from excrutiating wind pains with someone new makes you wanna clutch on to the out going model's ankles in a pitiful display of desperation.

― penelope_111, Monday, 26 April 2004 23:22 (twenty-one years ago)

18. Because you felt like a different and better person when they were around and it sucks to realize that, nope, you're the same person you were to start with (only you've had the honor of shagging your ex silly on the regular for awhile there).

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:22 (twenty-one years ago)

15. because even though you know that it's just not going to happen, and you should move on, your heart leaps every time she's around.

x-post (heh Ned, I'm an hour into that already, so I've got nothing to lose...)

― carson dial (carson dial), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:22 (twenty-one years ago)

21. Becuase the balance of power shifted over the course of the relationship--at first, they were extremely fragile and liked you more than you liked them; This you got used to. By the time of the final breakup, though, they're not fragile at all anymore, and their getting over you like *snaps* that is unnerving as fuck, especially since you now like them a lot more than they do you.

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:28 (twenty-one years ago)

22. Or they lied/cheated/stole/did bad things and your sense of cosmic justice has been violated and you hate them.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 26 April 2004 23:31 (twenty-one years ago)

23. Because you still fucking live with them

― hgyf, Monday, 26 April 2004 23:33 (twenty-one years ago)

24. because you can't stop listening to sad, self-pitying music around the clock as you lie there staring at the ceiling.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

25. because you don't know if it's just that they moved too far away, or if it's really that they don't love you anymore.

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 00:45 (twenty-one years ago)

do you guys find that one sex tends to have a harder time getting over relationships than another? i'm just wondering because it's always been fairly smooth for me (i'm female) and my female friends to get over their exes...

however for my male friends and acquaintences it seems to have been far more traumatizing. their relationships end, they become total man-whores, waiver between extreme disdain and total nostalgia, then fall back into having ex-girlfriend sex, then later discover their exes are seeing someone new and these guys either become severely depressed or angry over that.

anyone else notice this......i don't know. maybe i've been cursed with having such melodramatic male friends.

― waxyjax (waxyjax), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 00:59 (twenty-one years ago)

"...that in his case they'll be the ones to be trusted, acted upon and cherished."

don't know about that in actuality, though i understand feeling that way. maybe acted upon, but (totally and completely?) trusted and cherished seem ambitious for anyone in any relationship ever. . .and are concepts which i think generally spring from the kind of "delicious" romanticism of loss which john darnielle spoke of. a relationship can be alternately like stockholm syndrome, or quietly rewarded hard work, but it's never so consummately realised as you would have it be in your mind, particularly when in this state. though i do understand seeing even relationship problems as problems you'd like to have, rather than ones pertaining to being strictly on your own. but here it just would come down to whether there is any integrity to your unrequited's new situation. i've personally both seen them run off to arms of chumps, and i've seen them (or at least one) leave the chumps for me. and now i think we are all just ants basically. and "success" always comes down to honest decisions and integrity, which typically involve going through very real fear and sometimes loathing, more than it ever does a grandiloquent notion of (fully) trusting or cherishing (well maybe a little cherishing). and a sidebar: certainly some people could be accurately said to possess little real integrity too, and they walk among us, fairly unannounced, you know?

― duke cherish, Tuesday, 27 April 2004 01:03 (twenty-one years ago)

what?

― Orbit (Orbit), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 01:07 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah that was too much, but that scene where you get to overplaying their experience, when you coulda been a contender basically

― duke sooorrrrryyy, Tuesday, 27 April 2004 01:12 (twenty-one years ago)

it's no good.

― duke wha'happen, Tuesday, 27 April 2004 01:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Women like money.

― CRW (CRW), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 01:15 (twenty-one years ago)

oh please.

― Orbit (Orbit), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 01:15 (twenty-one years ago)

see chris rock HBO special he expresses it better i think

― duke nevermind, Tuesday, 27 April 2004 01:20 (twenty-one years ago)

It's true - men have a hard time getting over their exes but girls just tend to go out, bat their eyelids and look for someone with a bit more cash.

Doesn't work the other way around.

― CRW (CRW), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 01:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Why, men use biceps instead of eyelids?

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 01:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I suppose it's comforting for you to think that Calum.
"Yeah, that's why no-one's going with me, I just don't have the cash yet.
But one day, mwuhaahaa, one day I will...."

― de, Tuesday, 27 April 2004 01:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 141 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

83. cause now you have to find a new drug dealer, forsaking your sick discount.

― Ian Johnson (orion), Friday, 21 May 2004 05:29 (twenty-one years ago)

84. Because you still can't figure out what you even liked about them in the first place.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Friday, 21 May 2004 05:31 (twenty-one years ago)

85. because you have mental problems.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 21 May 2004 07:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Sterling's first one otm.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:10 (twenty-one years ago)

86. because they're now shagging their housemate, who is in your group of friends, who you introduced.

(this also had the cold-water effect of speeding up the getting over process, but means it's a bit in my face)

― colette (a2lette), Friday, 21 May 2004 09:14 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

87. Because even when you think you're getting over them, people unaware of the history see the two of you together and suggest you go out.

― Alba (Alba), Sunday, 3 July 2005 17:06 (twenty years ago)

Aiiiieee... too many bad memories... why did I click this again?

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Sunday, 3 July 2005 17:13 (twenty years ago)

88. Because even though it's eight years since you split up, you still sometimes dream about them, and when you do the dreams haunt you for days afterwards.

― RickyT (RickyT), Sunday, 3 July 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

because you're a scary stalker still reading her emails

― lo, Sunday, 3 July 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

40. because you took the plunge even though relationships freak you out and you gave 100% to someone who now doesn't seem to give a shit.
*sniff*

90. Because it hurts your pride to be dumped for a teenager
91. You get those rose-colored glasses on making you think that you were really happy then and haven't been since

― Candicissima (candicissima), Sunday, 3 July 2005 19:21 (twenty years ago)

92. The love was unrequited. And you just can't stop hoping.

― Orange (Orange), Sunday, 3 July 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

93. Because they start seeking your company again and giving you crazy mixed signals.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 3 July 2005 21:33 (twenty years ago)

...Such that you don't know, if you were to kiss them, if they would take you home or slap you.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 3 July 2005 21:34 (twenty years ago)

94. Big-ass titties

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Monday, 4 July 2005 00:26 (twenty years ago)

95. tons and tons of songs, about love or heartbreak or just songs that remind you of that person for whatever reason, playing in an endless feedback loop in your head, whatever else you might try to listen to.

dammit, i've got great tits and he still got over me quickly enough...

― juliaaa, Monday, 4 July 2005 00:36 (twenty years ago)

96. He died. It's hard to get over someone when they die.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 4 July 2005 00:54 (twenty years ago)

97. Because they married someone who really isn't that different from you, and in fact looks remarkably like you.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Monday, 4 July 2005 01:38 (twenty years ago)

98. because youve got to prove youre better than the person they left you for
99. because they know the guy with the drugzz

― sunny successor (when the lunch bell rings why dont you eat me) (katharine), Monday, 4 July 2005 02:07 (twenty years ago)

100. You believed them when they told you they loved you, and that they wanted to grow old with you.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 4 July 2005 02:17 (twenty years ago)

mixed signals include:

1. telling me about seeing a movie with dude she previously described as a lech
2. touching my arm tenderly, several times
3. sitting far across from me at dinner w/friends
4. telling me that i was ever lonely/upset late at night, i should call her

wtf?!

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 4 July 2005 04:22 (twenty years ago)

when you like someone you tend to see as signals things that aren't signals.

― orthodox, Monday, 4 July 2005 04:36 (twenty years ago)

i know

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 4 July 2005 05:21 (twenty years ago)

can't you just ask?

― orthodox, Monday, 4 July 2005 05:28 (twenty years ago)

101. They dropped off the face of the earth with a 1 sentance excuse, and left all your hopes crushed, in the worst possible way, because you have no relationship experience and didn't have a clue it was going to happen.

― -rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Monday, 4 July 2005 06:35 (twenty years ago)

102. Because they send you (and not just you but all your friends that they have stopped talking to since the breakup, just in case you didn't get the message yourself) invites to their lamer stupid art installation thing that YOU'VE ALREADY HAD TO SIT THROUGH TEN TIMES WHEN YOU WERE DATING THEM.

― MIS Information (kate), Monday, 4 July 2005 10:44 (twenty years ago)

because you don't want to get over them.

― s merritt (ken c), Monday, 4 July 2005 10:53 (twenty years ago)

This thread makes me want to curl up and die.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Monday, 4 July 2005 11:02 (twenty years ago)

103. Because their arm is caught in your transmission.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 17:17 (twenty years ago)

104. Because even though you haven't spoken in months, they suddenly email you transcripts of their "hilarious" online dating chitchat. Just to let you know they've moved on...

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

104. Because even though you haven't spoken in months, they suddenly email you transcripts of their "hilarious" online dating chitchat. Just to let you know they've moved on...

That's horrible.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 18:03 (twenty years ago)

105. Because you really don't think you'll meet someone who'll make you feel so safe (in a way that you didn't think you'd want to feel it and never had before).

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 18:30 (twenty years ago)

106. Because it's really hard to look after yourself, all by yourself, even during the good times.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 18:31 (twenty years ago)

107. It's hard to admit that you might not really be 'special' after all...

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 18:32 (twenty years ago)

108. It's hard to admit that he/she might not really be 'special' after all...

― Orange (Orange), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 19:05 (twenty years ago)

109. because when you met, you were 22 and now you're 40.

― The Landlord's Daughter (The Landlord's Daughter), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 19:08 (twenty years ago)

or 60.

― The Landlord's Daughter (The Landlord's Daughter), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 19:09 (twenty years ago)

110. Because they come back.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 19:40 (twenty years ago)

111. Because theyre a horse and OMG YOU NEED HORSE COCK SO BAD

― Marcia, Tuesday, 5 July 2005 20:18 (twenty years ago)

Please move that last one over to the "Top 100 reasons why it's so hard to get over horses sometimes" thread.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

re: reason #111, see Ways you don't want to die #33829: Accidentally ass fucked to death and plastered all over the news

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Thursday, 21 July 2005 22:13 (twenty years ago)

112. Because a propos of nothing in particular, they wonder aloud "is it too late to have a baby together? because you've got really good genes."

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Thursday, 21 July 2005 22:15 (twenty years ago)

-- MIS Information (masonicboo...), July 4th, 2005.

104. Because even though you haven't spoken in months, they suddenly email you transcripts of their "hilarious" online dating chitchat. Just to let you know they've moved on...

Perfect!

― lo, Thursday, 21 July 2005 23:45 (twenty years ago)

105. Because their new significant other works at Barnes and Noble and now you can't shop there anymore so you have to drive ALL THE WAY to Borders, and you are lazy.

― Laura H. (laurah), Friday, 22 July 2005 00:18 (twenty years ago)

oops, 113.

― Laura H. (laurah), Friday, 22 July 2005 00:19 (twenty years ago)

Because you read old e-mails, which is obviously stupid to do, and remember that between being strangers and being strangers again there was a time when you meant something to each other... and you know you'll never be more than strangers again.

― scout (scout), Friday, 22 July 2005 01:11 (twenty years ago)

oh yeah that's so true. i have to make myself permanently delete every email/text message that exists or i read them over and over. torture.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 22 July 2005 01:15 (twenty years ago)

114. Because maybe you've changed a bit and maybe they've changed a bit and maybe you're truly totally perfect for each other now.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Friday, 22 July 2005 01:41 (twenty years ago)

that line of thinking is tailor-made to bring one down.

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Friday, 22 July 2005 01:42 (twenty years ago)

Why did I read this thread?! Must go read P0wer of N0w, er, now. fack.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Friday, 22 July 2005 01:44 (twenty years ago)

Oh, it sure is, it sure is. Not going to fall into it.
xpost

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Friday, 22 July 2005 01:46 (twenty years ago)

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