where are my keys???!!

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I left my keys on a bureau in Scotland.

I live in London.

My Scottish friend mailed them to me MONDAY MORNING.

They're not here yet.

Where the fuck are my keys.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I've noticed the post in this country has become REALLY FUCKING SHIT recently, and I've no idea why. First class used to essentially guarantee delivery within at least two days, but a friend of mine sent a cheque to me recently and it took about six days to arrive.

(I can post this with impunity knowing that Vicky is thousands of miles away right now)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:29 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.channel4.com/news/2004/04/week_4/19_dispatches_post.html

― robster (robster), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I am thisclose to tossing my checkbook to the wind and getting a locksmith to bust open the door.

For a second I was paranoid that someone at the post office stole them (I've heard many stories about the ways that bored Royal Mail employees kill time) but they'd have to go door to door trying them out.

And before anybody asks me I didn't post them to my own address haha. heh.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:32 (twenty-one years ago)

robster that link is NOT what I need right now.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I rec'd my new passport in the mail this Wedensday. I applied for it last Tuesday.

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I was gonna ask iwhere you posted them to!

I'm really hoping the C4 doc undercover guy was not at Mount Pleasant for his tenure.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Up his trunk

/python

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

dude, use the search function, we've done this before:

if you were my keys where would you be?

unfortunately no conclusion was reached.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

although I seem to remember sam losing hers and finding them under the couch, perhaps you should ask her to look there?

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Tom it's because you're so skinny now, they're like "get that boy out of our country, he's bringing down our bodyfat average single-handedly." Don't worry, I'll return you to the States with plenty of HAGGIS-INDUCED TUMMY CHUBB.

x-post teeny: unfortunately, I don't carry the .000000001p nail around with me!! DAMMIT.

x-x-post: That's a good idea. She could also look in her cowboy boot while she's at it.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I was going to ask Tracer whether he'd arranged the keys to be sent to a different address to stop posties just walking in, but he wouldn't be that foolish, would he?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:40 (twenty-one years ago)

oh wait jess found his in a box of chocolates.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Matt I didn't even think of that!! I was more like, well, what happens once they arrive.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

"i left my keys in Scotland
i've done it all my life
it makes the keys taste funny
but it keeps em on my knife"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 29 April 2004 12:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I broke into my house with a chisel. I had to get into the backyard to do it. I've got a neighbor who loves gardening, and she takes care of my garden when she's got nothing else to do, which is like always. I knocked on her door and she sat me down on the couch to tell her my story of woe. She has a rambling mind, which I think comes from spending all her time by herself. She's about 60, with very long gray hair that she keeps back in a ponytail, and deep yellow lines under her eyes from the constant rollies she smokes. She told me about going to Haight-Ashbury in a VW bus in 1970. It was starting to get dark. Eventually she put a lot of tools in a bucket and asked me if I wanted something to eat. I said no. She made me eat some old cookies anyway. So we went out to her garden, clambered over the wall into the garden that lies between our two gardens, avoided the dog shit, and made our way around the railing into mine. We worked the putty off my kitchen window and finally prised it off! IN!! I have a key for the back door, so I figured at the very least I could run the garden gantlet to come and go. But there was still a problem - my back door doesn't have keyhole on the outside, just on the inside. So what did she do?? Chiseled a hole through the door! And it worked!! Now the key can slip in from the outside. This is the most practical woman I may have ever met.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 2 May 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I just came back home. We watched the foxes for awhile. I can tell she wants me to stay and talk to her but I get antsy immediately and just want to get in to my place.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 2 May 2004 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

do you live in the enchanted forest?

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 2 May 2004 17:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Your life sounds wonderful, Tracer.

― C J (C J), Sunday, 2 May 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

* cries *

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 3 May 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

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