people (men in particular) who are crap at sports

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did you feel inadequate as a kid?
have you become better?
do/did you hate sports? why?
any embarassing sporting stories?

― thesplooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 29 July 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm better now than when I was a kid. I'm now competent and occasionally good, rather than poor to competent. So I guess I'm not really the ideal poster on this thread.

(I'm good at badminton, and I got 172 last time I bowled)

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 29 July 2004 15:52 (twenty-one years ago)

i hate sports. always have, always will. i guess i just never enjoyed them enough to want to learn them.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 29 July 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh lordy yes. I put all my failings down to never being picked at school, leading to a lcak of confidence/motivation. And with that handy excuse, I can merrily sit on my arse for the rest of my life. Yay!

I'm a good swimmer, though.

― Wooden (Wooden), Thursday, 29 July 2004 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

As a kid, I was decent at some things. I was small and skinny, but fast, so I was pretty good at track-esque things, soccer, badminton, etc. I was too short and uncoordinated for basketball. My dad hates (American) football, so I never really learned to play (I didn't know the rules until college), but since I lived outside of the US most of my childhood, it didn't really matter.
I am really bad at all sports now. I'm just totally out of practice, since I never really do any physical activity.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Thursday, 29 July 2004 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

"I'm a good swimmer, though."

Me too. I'm like a fish!

I'll admit I did try soccer for a season. I didn't like it though.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 29 July 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I was good at track, and football a little.

― Huck, Thursday, 29 July 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

apparently, i'd be great at baseball if i ever had any inclination to do so. i ran cross country my senior year of high school and always came in last.

my bro was always better at sports, whereas i rebelled and went computer geek instead. having athletic parents and siblings as well as a dad who coached football/baseball/softball/golf can do that do ya.

― Kingfish von Bandersnatch (Kingfish), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I was pretty much hopeless at any team sport you could mention , field sports, sprinting, hurdles etc. I was OK at cross country and passable in playground kickabouts. I loved cycling, though not competitively. I steer away from team sports but don't mind playing anything where I'm only letting myself down if I fuck up.

Did I feel inadequate as a kid? No, I wasn't really interested so I didn't care.

― Tag (Tag), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never been a big guy (5'11" 162 or something these days) but I played baseball and football in high school (freshman and sophomore years). I was always really good at sports, but I sort of stopped for the most part after intramural basketball in college.

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I was utter shit at every sport in school, except archery which we did for one week, in 11th grade. I still AM utter shit at any sport, too, unless you count reading as a sport.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Uh no. I lettered in both baseball and hockey in high school. I played some football in my early high school years but quit. The idea of running 2 miles in full pads in 90 degree heat wasn't for me. I still continue to play sports, but not competively in mens leagues anymore due to a chronic hip injury as well as bad knees and a bad back.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I am terrible at pretty much everything. Was once good at hockey for an afternoon and then went back to being shit.

I still think i could be really good at golf, but is that a sport?

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

sure. im playing saturday, followed by hours of poker.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

golf is the sport, adam.

― cºzen (Cozen), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, yes, I think you are probably right.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I was good at everything about basketball except getting the ball into the basket (please note: this is not a metaphor for my bedroom prowess).

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

well, one of them.

― cºzen (Cozen), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

That's a beautiful x-post.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I have two left legs. Favorite sport: Golden Tee.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 29 July 2004 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I was good at sports in terms of ability but never competetive enough to do well. Basically a wuss.

I never felt inadequate as a child, I do a little now though.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

NERDS

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never been a big guy (5'11" 162 or something these days)

Ha - right here is a key difference between US sports and ROW sport. Five-eleven is plenty big enough (possibly too big) for soccer.

Having said that, being a shortarse (five-six now) probably helped my pigeonholing as a school sport nonentity. Last to be picked for football and so on. I found my niche in squash and tennis though playing footy on the top pitch with the big lads would've been nice once in a while (you'd score hat tricks past some tragically uncoordinated kid in goal in the 'B'-match and it would all be rather meaningless).

Excelling in other areas of school life more than made up for small sadness. Pity the scrawny kid with no ball skills who's also at the bottom of the academic heap.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

crap at team sports. never picked for teams (once i was picked second last out of a class of 30 boys, it was the happiest afternoon of my little life)

then i got good at volleyball, turned out that was a "girl" sport which led to much derision.

now im good at synchronised swimming - though noone wants to swim with me so its kind of a lonely performance and the Y has asked me to stop practicing. sigh.

― Anthony (Plato Guy), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

It's weird, I can't imagine it being a problem when I was younger, I did other things, but now I'm older I feel more conscious of it I think, maybe that my dad for example is really into sport and would like if I was playing something probably.

I feel even worse about my inability to perform simple "man tasks" like changing a fucking lightbulb or whatever.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:28 (twenty-one years ago)

i bought a book to help with "man tasks" and i can now fix a toilet, rewire light fixture (full disclosure: i got a lesbian friend to supervise that one) and change oil in a car. enormously satisfying.

though i did feel a bit "special needs" with a lesbian cheering me on. "good! that's good! you're doing really really well"

― Anthony (Plato Guy), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, all I got out of that was "lesbian cheerleaders."

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I meant to say 'that small sadness'. Oh yeah, can't swim or ride a bike either but that probably goes beyond merely being unsporty into some realm of contrarian ascetic fun-denial.

I think I use to some medical excuse for my appalling lack of stamina in track or cross-country running (I'd fade 300m into a 1500m race and have to walk the last lap; cross-country was all about finding short cuts). Low renal threshold or something. It might've been bollocks, like that time I saw a documentary on epilepsy and told everyone in class I was epileptic.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Always terrible at sport. I can play tennis okay and that's it. I cycle everywhere though.

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Nope, I'm terrible. In fact, I'm not very competent in the world of things, period. Folding chairs confuse me.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

http://members.cruzio.com/~quanta/atlas.gif

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I've always been absolutely horrible at any sports involving a ball or throwing, because I'm left-handed but learned to do everything right-handed. Yep.

I'm slightly better at swimming and soccer, but still not anywhere near good.

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:47 (twenty-one years ago)

folding chairs confuse me

me too!!

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I am in posession of mad skills. yo.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Man, being bad at sports practically made me a folk hero in high school.

For some reason, the only game we ever played in gym was volleyball (I think because it was a cheap game to provide equipment for - I went to a high school with 4000 students). Unlike baseball or football, which I could fake my way through, I could not for the life of me play volleyball. Every time I'd go to serve the ball, it'd fly backwards, hit a window, etc. Kids laughed, poked fun, etc. So, since I was failing every subject but english anyway, I said screw it, I'm not changing for gym anymore. Nobody called me 'faggot' or anything because i was known for having punched a few kids out in the past, but it was kinda well-established to the gym teacher and his immediate circle of winged monkey jock 'letterman' types that I was some sort of sissy and was told that I had to spend each gym period on the bleachers. Oh, you mean the bleachers where I can watch all the pretty cheerleaders run the track?

Eventually, the misfits / punkers / geeks and wastoids found themselves attarcted to the bleachers. I sat there reading zines, drinking soda, making sarcastic comments - just generally having a good time. Other kids began not changing for gym. Loners began asking me about my Black Flag T shirt, girls became interested because I was the only boy in the class not dressed in gay grey short-shorts, and I soon found myself a group of apostles who hung on my every word. It was great.

I'd like to think that this revolutionary step was the seed that would grow a flower known as the Tottenville High School punk rock scene. Within a year, there were basement shows! More zines than you'd ever want to read! 'bands!'

So the moral is, no matter how huge and insurmountable the pressure, don't play sports, kids. Be punk and get laid instead.

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I like the idea that a punk rock scene sprouted from bad volleyball serves!

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 29 July 2004 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

That's an awesome story, Roger!!

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 29 July 2004 18:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Michael - I can't ride a bike, and I know three other adults who can't either. You're not alone.

― Wooden (Wooden), Thursday, 29 July 2004 18:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Correction, you know four other adults.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 29 July 2004 18:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Apparently I know a lot about baseball, since I was posted on The best things said on I Love Baseball..

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Thursday, 29 July 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Sports never held an interest. I could do the bare minimum that school required and I was relatively good at the track and field events, but like everyone else punk was better.

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Thursday, 29 July 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I played basketball in high school, basketball and soccer in jr high, baseball, and I was ok at hockey when I was younger. I was a pretty good tennis player as a teenager, capable of beating adult club players, and I was a halfway decent badminton player. Like Chris V the thought of playing football, being out there in the heat like that, never did anything for me and our school's team sucked anyway. The one sport I've always sucked at is volleyball. I just don't have the coordination for it, plus it just seems way too fruity for me. I've been meaning to try ultimate frisbee (even though it also seems kinda fruity, and I have a general hate for anything where the participants shorten the name, in this case to just "ultimate"), and I should probably be playing rugby and making some use out of this rugby player body.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)

One can be "punk" AND like/excel at sports. I call bullshit on this tired either/or.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Skateboarders are some of the biggest jocks you'll ever find.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean what's more punk than getting high and trespassing on school grounds at 2AM to play a pick-up basketball game?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Now, maybe if you said participants in *organized* sports couldn't be punks, you'd be a bit closer to the truth. But I still would call bullshit because it doesn't hold true for everybody.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Haven't you people ever seen Dazed and Confused?!?!??

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

skateboarding is not a "sport".

― gygax! (gygax!), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Is figure skating?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm horrible at sports. I even hated kickball.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:16 (twenty-one years ago)

No? I don't see how it's any less a sport than ice skating or skiing, especially where tricks are involved. (x-post)

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

is rolling cigarettes a sport? if so, i am the MVP

― kephm, Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

shirts vs. skins football in 8th grade gym. I, shirtless, open and in the endzone. Nice, safe, simple pass. Bounces off my gut. "BOOM-ba-da" as one short little shit nicely put it.

shirts vs. skins soccer in 7th grade gym. Shirts had just scored and punt it over to our side. Shirtless, I jump to hit it with my head. Having jumped too quickly, the ball rolls down my back and into our goal. "BOOM-ba-da" went my gut, as that little shit nicely put it.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I beat every obese kid and half the asthmatics in the mile run though.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:29 (twenty-one years ago)

My height has made me a great rebounder but I can't shoot for shit. Usually after five shots and rebounds the ball bounces far enough away that I can't grab it and try again.

I have never done a pull-up in my life. I couldn't get one inch up the rope in gym.

My bowling game has improved considerably though. I used to average a 6 and last time I played I think I broke 100. At least 50.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:34 (twenty-one years ago)

oh man anthony i had weak hands too - HORRIBLE receiver, weak fielder in baseball. i was good at the plate though in junior high i always slung the bat which was an automatic out (which was and is bullshit btw), and a good blocker or tailback in football - "run thru that fucker" i could handle. basketball was the only 'organized' team sport i played - small forward, ok shot, tenacious d, good rebounder, ok handles. i was a helluva shot blocker too somehow. pullups prevented me from getting the 'presidential achievment' doodad thing too - i was strong enough, aced pushups easy, i just didn't have the mechanics down somehow or something.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:38 (twenty-one years ago)

i am/used to be very good at sports, except for bowling and, indeed, pull-ups. oh, and i have a very wild arm.

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Thursday, 29 July 2004 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I hated sports as a kid. I didn't really have an interest in them, moreover my athletic skills were largely non-existant. The combination of these two factors made the entire concept of sports (which are supposed to be 'fun", right?) a bit of an anethema. Moreover, I had nothing but palpable disdain for the jocks at my school (who seemed to be, invariably, utter meatheads).

It wasn't until later on when I started a job after college that I joined the company softball team. While I'd never harbored any fascination with the game prior to this, it was at least (a) easy to understand and (b) reasonably easy to pick up and improve at. I'd initially joined the team as a means to meet my colleagues and get to know them outside of the office (and, of course, to drink like irresponsible fish afterwards), but I gradually developed both (arguable) softball skills and a real appreciation for the game (I'm now the pitcher).

So yay. Happy ending.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 29 July 2004 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

AnAthema.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 29 July 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Did they make you do pull-ups overhand or underhand? We had to do them overhand, which was much more difficult. I could only do a couple, but then I have never had much muscle.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 29 July 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

no. I'm good at endurance things and racket sports, but activities involving a higher degree of hand / eye coordination aren't to my strengths.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 29 July 2004 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Re: me not ever having much muscle, I was an All-Star pitcher in Little League but I didn't have much velocity on my pitches. Everyone else was ripping their arms out of their sockets trying to throw as hard as possible. Consequently, they would walk a lot of people and throw many wild pitches. I realized I could never overpower anyone with my speed, so I threw this arcing slow pitch, a poor man's breaking ball. All the batters were so accustomed to fastballs that they were confounded by my style, and all I had to do was get the ball near them to strike them out.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 29 July 2004 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

oops = Jamie Moyer!

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 29 July 2004 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude! A kid on my team was Jamie Moyer's cousin!

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 29 July 2004 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

There's at least one good sports story to my name. THE IU marching band practiced at the elementary school I went to in Bloomington, so the black-top had all the marking of a football field in actual size. 10 yards WAS 10 yards. I was rarely guarded because I was such a shit catcher, and finally one day the QB threw it to me. Since nobody was paying attention to me, I ran an 80 yard touch down (moonwalking the last 10 yards of course). Of course, I dropped every other pass that game.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 29 July 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

haha i was a pitcher one year in little league and *all* i could do was throw hard. and not to a target, but to this vague area in front of a right-handed hitter. i threw behind left-handed hitters with some frequency (not on purpose). in the championship game i threw a one-hitter with 10 strikeouts and 9 walks (in six innings). we won 2-1, and their run was unearned because i threw the ball over the first baseman's head on a grounder.

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Thursday, 29 July 2004 22:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I was okay at baseball, but not good enough to start on the high school team. When the coach found out I knew how to keep the scorebook, that was my job from then on. After about half a season of that, I turned in my uniform and told him "I came to play, not keep score." That turned me off playing team sports, but I played a lot of racquetball and table tennis during college. Now it's all golf. (Broke 80 for the 1st time last year.)

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 29 July 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I figure I'll get into golf once I'm too old and decrepit to play other sports.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 29 July 2004 22:42 (twenty-one years ago)

PE brought my grade point average down!

Also, I have a near phobia about getting hit by a soccer/foot/baseball.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 29 July 2004 23:35 (twenty-one years ago)

PE wasn't factored into our GPA.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 29 July 2004 23:36 (twenty-one years ago)

A lot of my friends have trouble running a mile, and I run a few times a week, so i'm getting more fit on the comparative scale as I get older, but I'm still crap at actual sports that have rules and balls and coordination. Coordination = bad, I'll just go run somewhere, thanks.

― Maria (Maria), Thursday, 29 July 2004 23:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I was good at baseball--good hands. Mediocre at basketball, I'm 5'11". Quite good at tennis, racquetball. Awesome at frisbee...I run and can do, like, 4 miles. So I'm in reasonably good shape and I get outdoors a good bit these days too. I like canoeing and go fishing once in a while up in West Tennessee, catch me some bass and bluegill. I grew up around people who were fanatical about things like deer hunting, but I never did it...did go duck-hunting a few cold-ass times back when I was a teenager.

I played football when I was in the ninth grade. I think football in America is a fucking disease, actually, and it was a waste of time. I got smart and got in the jazz band, and did much better with girls. I still like playing tennis and watching it. I can change the oil in a car, operate machinery and so forth...the opiates and alcohol help in this!

― eddie hurt (ddduncan), Thursday, 29 July 2004 23:48 (twenty-one years ago)

i play everything pretty well. i played hockey and baseball on through to high school. alexi lalas was on my hockey team. state champs four years in a row. then they got busted for recruiting canadians and playing tournaments more than 500 miles from school.

― keith m (keithmcl), Thursday, 29 July 2004 23:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Did they make you do pull-ups overhand or underhand? We had to do them overhand, which was much more difficult.

Uses more muscles, obv, and is therefore a superior workout. I'd have LOVED to have a gym class that encouraged a smarter workout, rather than just the workouts jocks do, which are designed for the already physically fit. Making a fat kid run laps is VERY counterproductive.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 30 July 2004 00:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Then again, my solution to this problem is better teachers and not just off-time football coaches, which requires more money, which then gets into a whole other issue.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 30 July 2004 00:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I was good enough to pitch on a state championship baseball team. But these days, due to injuries and what not, I am lucky if I can toss a snack to my dog. People, do not get old, I'm warning ya.

― jim wentworth (wench), Friday, 30 July 2004 02:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I think football in America is a fucking disease, actually, and it was a waste of time.

It's a shame that football coaches seem to be total assholes, almost without exception. And that the whole culture around football is suffocatingly hyper-macho. A shame because it's really a great, exciting, complex, and, most of all, FUN game.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 30 July 2004 02:33 (twenty-one years ago)

People, do not get old, I'm warning ya.

I keep planning on this, and yet there's always another grey hair!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 30 July 2004 02:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, football is fun, can be. I just intensely dislike the spectacle of the damned thing. Seeing it on TV gives me a headache and has been known to plunge me into one of my famous Sunday depressive alcohol binges. Which I guess makes me a typical football fan after all.

― eddie hurt (ddduncan), Friday, 30 July 2004 03:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I wasn't a jock by any means, I skated too. But I liked sports, does that make me a bad mang?

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 30 July 2004 09:53 (twenty-one years ago)

yes.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 30 July 2004 10:30 (twenty-one years ago)

(not really).

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 30 July 2004 10:31 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread really makes me want to play softball for some reason.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Friday, 30 July 2004 13:51 (twenty-one years ago)

i never figured out how to throw a curve with a wiffleball.

― kephm, Friday, 30 July 2004 13:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I never figured out how NOT to throw a curve with a wiffleball.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Friday, 30 July 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

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people (men in particular) who are crap at sports - are you one?