This is the thread where we will roast one another

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Come on, ILXors, hit each other with your best shots, albeit ultimately good-natured ones.

You can start with me, but I'll give it right back assholes. Hahaha! Just kidding!

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Nice trucker hat.

― Which Describes How You're Feeling All the Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:38 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is a stupid fucking idea. Can't say I'm really surprised, given the stinkers you've started in the past. WTF is your main malfunction? Please go away. When come back, shove pie up your crusty, mold-covered ass.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey Oops, wipe the cum stains and feces off your walls and talk to me when you leave your house!

hahaha, man you're all right

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU PEOPLE

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Just kidding, Gear!* You're a great human being. You can be my wingman anytime

*Actually I wasn't, you feeb. I just know you're too fragile are person to take this shit.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:50 (twenty-one years ago)

haha don't flirt with me like that Adam, I wouldn't santorum you with Calum's dick. Hahaha just kidding!

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Oops you know I love you but cut it out with the tranny hookers 24/7*

*just kidding**

**no I'm not

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:52 (twenty-one years ago)

God you're a fucking poobag Gear. When you talk it's all we can do to dodge the veritable torrent of bumshite that erupts from that thing you call a mouth, but in actual fact is an arsehole strapped to your face. Nah, you're a good kid, I like ya.

― Which Describes How You're Feeling All the Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:53 (twenty-one years ago)

ILX footballers to thread

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck off Madchen. Nah, just kidding.

― Which Describes How You're Feeling All the Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:54 (twenty-one years ago)

haha you'd like an arsehole strapped to your face, am I right ya fop? haha just kiddin' buddy

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:55 (twenty-one years ago)

ILX "roasting"* eachother = Build Your Own Hell

*in the Keiron Dyer sense

― Bumfluff, Thursday, 5 August 2004 04:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Who are you calling a fop, you big fucking fop? I've seen you wearing cardigans and talking to men called Tyson. I've seen you watching Oprah and reading the magazine. I've seen you purchase a packet of Werther's Originals. I've seen you goin' round and round like a little na-na-na. I've seen you wrappin' presents when it's nobody's birthday. Heh, nah, actually you're cute and I want to have sex with you.

― Which Describes How You're Feeling All the Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 5 August 2004 05:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I've seen you watching Oprah and reading the magazine.

LOCK THREAD

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 5 August 2004 05:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I've seen you watching Oprah and reading the magazine.

yeah while I've seen you masturbating while watching me watch Oprah, ya twisted fruit. haha just kiddin you're all right

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 5 August 2004 05:05 (twenty-one years ago)

but dude, it's really fucking sexy when you do that. that roast attempt falls flat.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 5 August 2004 05:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah while I've seen you push Fishermans Friends up your arse while watching me masturbating while watching you watch Oprah, ya sick fuck. Might I add that you're excitingly deft with the Fishermans Friends.

― Which Describes How You're Feeling All the Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 5 August 2004 05:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd be defter if you'd stop begging to watch your battered VHS copy of Hanson's Mmmm Bop on an endless loop instead of Oprah, you paed.

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 5 August 2004 05:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh don't tell me you haven't fantastised about a Hanson four-way. You just want to get your rude bits into that big ugly guy with the Muppet mouth and scream MMM BOP!!!!! until you choke him to death with your love juice. Nah not really.

― Which Describes How You're Feeling All the Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 5 August 2004 05:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, I need help.

― Which Describes How You're Feeling All the Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 5 August 2004 05:22 (twenty-one years ago)

This must be what happened at the end of all those roasts where Dean Martin and Don Rickles were the only ones left in the room.

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 5 August 2004 05:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Rickles did always have fat cheeks, didn't he?

― Which Describes How You're Feeling All the Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 5 August 2004 05:27 (twenty-one years ago)

This has the potential to be a good thread, but apparently no one on ILX has ever seen a roast or grasps how the jokes are supposed to be structured. I'm going to give it a shot.

"So, Gear! is here. Great guy, that Gear! The ladies love him. He's got more wacky dating stories than Eddie Murphy and Hugh Grant combined. Whoo ah! Oh, and hey, look, there's that loveable rapscallion Oops. Now I'm not saying that Oops smokes a lot of pot, but he thought Fantasia was a documentary. I kid, I kid. I love these guys."

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Thursday, 5 August 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

See, the jokes are supposed to be dumb.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Thursday, 5 August 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

OTM.

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 5 August 2004 13:31 (twenty-one years ago)

"And say hello to celebrated jazz musician Jordan, everyone. He's blown more horns than Phyllis Diller. Hey, Phyllis, who loves ya, baby?"

(It helps to work in a Phyllis Diller reference)

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Thursday, 5 August 2004 13:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to keep bumping this up until someone else recognizes the beautiful potential of this thread and helps me save it from going to waste.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Thursday, 5 August 2004 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

St. Nicholas, what a guy. You know, not many people know this, but back in the old neighbourhood, we used call him Nick the Trick, not because he spent all his money on hookers, but because he spent all MY money on hookers!

― Huck, Thursday, 5 August 2004 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha 'roasting' means something entirely different in Britain...

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 5 August 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

"Nick, Nick, what can you say about Nick...I was supposed to come up here and give him a hard time, but really, he's from Chicago, hasn't he been through enough? Oy!"

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 5 August 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Nick's a great guy, and way too humble! He's sticking around ILX because he thinks people would forget him when he leaves, but don't worry! There are a million reasons why you'd be remembered. You wouldn't like any of 'em, but you'd be remembered! hahaha!

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I wouldn't bet on St Nicholas in a CHICKEN FIGHT!

I mean, you know what I mean?

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha 'roasting' means something entirely different in Britain...
-- Matt DC (runmd...), August 5th, 2004.

hopefully cooking.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, how about that AdamL? You know, he used to be called NordicSkillz, but then the Swiss threatened to stop being neutral. He's living proof that British people and humor are like a baby and a blender - you bring 'em together, you get a big mess. But I kid, I kid. He's got a bright future, that one.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

far far far from it

― Porkpie (porkpie), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I hope that was an xpost! :(

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Nicholas is one of the most colorful guys I know! Sure, the color is yellow, but...hahaha...am I right? I kid!

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry Adam, yes it was.

to clarify - Roasting, along with cooking has become a bit of a buzzword for something else lately

― Porkpie (porkpie), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

"cooking" means something completely different in micronesia¡

― dyson (dyson), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

ahh that Porkpie, let me tell you. I told him it was time for his roasting, he shows up with a bib on and his mouth wide open, and I says to him "dinner ain't ready yet, pal!" He says to me, "dinner?"

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

i worded that very badly, basically roasting = gang bang taken part in by footballers

― Porkpie (porkpie), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

it's not exclusive to footballers actually. you fuckwad

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

OH TAHT JONRTOHN WILLAMS HE A DOUCHE HE A GOD KID

― Amazing Randy (Amazing Randy), Thursday, 5 August 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

when footballers do it, it's a celebrity roast

― Huck, Thursday, 5 August 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

hey Ken, come up to me and say that in real life next time, you lame streak of $hite

― Porkpie (porkpie), Friday, 6 August 2004 07:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Sadly I am unable to participate in this thread as I have yet to take delivery of my specially ordered SIMON REYNOLDS ROASTER.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 6 August 2004 08:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha, you now that brat "Amazing Randy"? There sure ain't anything amazing with him, but I bet you ten dollars he *is* randy... for Jon Williams! Why else would he keep trying to stick his dick in Jon's mouth again and again? Nah, just jokin', he has his moments... That is, the moments when he keeps his bloody mouth shut!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 6 August 2004 08:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Everyone loves Tuomas -- am I right? am I right? Some people say he's finish, I say 'If only' -- just messing, you can have all the time you want -- here thake the mic. Taxi!

― ENRG, Friday, 6 August 2004 08:37 (twenty-one years ago)

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