what was the last "omg wtf" reaction you had to your body?

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(i predict this thread will not be not lunch safe)

a couple days ago i was in the shower and i found a hair on my ear. not in my ear, or around my ear, but ON my earlobe. just one hair, it was over an inch long too! gross.

m. (mitchlnw), Friday, 8 October 2004 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

That's not that gross, dude. That's just testosterone. Wait 'till you're old.

I thought this thread would lean more toward anal leakage.

Gold Teeth II (kenan), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

when i took off my underwear and looked at my ginormous penis.

Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

As opposed to someone else's, which would have been disquieting.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Especially if it was not attached to the original owner.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously, the same ear hair thing happened to me last weekend except in my ear. my wife had a heart attack. plus they were gray! im pushing 30 not 75. WTF

Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

as I said on some other thread, a few months ago I bent down to tie my lace and a fair amount of slightly green tinged translucent liquid snot poured out of my nose.

Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

When I was peeing blood

tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a bad cough a while ago. I was coughing so hard to clear the phlegm in my throat that a small amount of vomit came flying out.

Joe Kay (feethurt), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I've had a freak hair on an earlobe like that for a long while, but only recently has the actual ear hair started to make an appearance. Odd stuff.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Not to ruin the party, but - a lump in my breast.

aimurchie, Friday, 8 October 2004 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

wonderful have you had it checked?

Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

The bottom-of-the-chip-pan-oil GOO that came out of the IT'S NOT A TUMOUR!!! lump on my wrist.

Danger Whore (kate), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I found a little lump, like a pimple but not, on my hip overnight and when I prodded it yellow gunk came out.
Kate was it a ganglian cyst on your wrist?

jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

A long hair growing out the back of my neck. Very long. It must have been growing for quite some time without my knowledge. I wrapped it round my finger a few times and tugged it out. It stung.

Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

When I took a look at the abscessed cyst on my back. I pulled my shoulder 'round to take a look at it and it exploded all over the bathroom mirror.

lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:10 (twenty-one years ago)

ewwww!

Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

"wonderful have you had it checked?"

Yes it seems benign. Thanks for asking.

aimurchie, Friday, 8 October 2004 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Ew jaysus.

xpost

Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, Jocelyn, it was a ganglion bursa - still is, coz the damned fuX0r is GROWING BACK...

In fact, that is the most recent "OMG, WTF?" reaction I've had, was looking at it the other day in weird light, and not only was it all swollen up again, but you could see my heartbeat throbbing through the lump. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

Danger Whore (kate), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I have currently have a 2-inch wound in the middle of my back with 6 stitches. Frankenstein stylin'. I have photographic evidence, but lucky for you my computer is all packed away and out of use at the moment! Maybe one day I will gross out children by pretending somebody stabbed me in the back.

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

So you're saying the hobo knifed you.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

the round patch of hair growing at my back/neck junction, at the top of the spine. that's where I feel tension when I'm nervous. i'm absolutely convinced it's either something horrible lurking there or it's going to develop teeth.

Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Does it pulse with an uncanny life of it's own?

Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Begs2Differ in The Grudge 2: Basket Case (music by Coil and Los Amigos Invisibles)

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

My body has always been such a source of disappointment mixed with revulsion that most things now just make go, 'meh'.

Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

When I blacked out this morning in the shower for no discernable reason whatsoever and woke up on the bathtub floor with cold water pouring down on me.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Mike, OTM. My reaction toward my body is always one of vague and casual disappointment. But I wear high collars most of the time because I'm convinced I've got a hairy neck.

Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, all that matted hair put me off my food last night (I KID).

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

When I tweezed what I thought was a slightly ingrowing hair on my neck the other day and it turned out to be about an inch long.

beanz (beanz), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, God.

*Runs to bathroom*

Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:29 (twenty-one years ago)

When Bodies Attack

Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

When Good Bodies Turn Bad

Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

My body is like a Play-Doh Factory from hell. I don't want to talk about it.

David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Dammit Remy, TAKE A JOKE!

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a sty recently. usually in the past they'd just go away. this one didn't. It got bigger. and infected. and blocked. and filled with pus. then it healed over. leaving a giant nasty pimple on my eyelid. so 2 weeks ago Dr. Poke yr Eye "lanced" it with a bunch of sharp metal objects. That felt weird.

Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Nicka: two Halloweens ago I passed out while urinating! I had just eaten 17 mini-Snickers and then sprinted up the stairs to the bathroom, but still. Luckily I had already (mostly) finished!

Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

This morning, after a fairly sleepless night, I swear to god the bags under my eyes are made by Louis Vuitton.

Matt (Matt), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

(phew. Nicka: two Halloweens ago I passed out while urinating! I had just eaten 17 mini-Snickers and then sprinted up the stairs to the bathroom, but still. Luckily I had already (mostly) finished!

I DID THIS IN COLLEGE! It wasn't anything to do with alcohol, I just flopped over while peeing. I got carted (against my will) to the ER, and the doctors thought I was messed up on drugs. Did a whole bunch of tox. screenings, made me stay for observation overnight. Eventually they told me they'd only ever seen this happen to very, very old patients.

Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

oh man my ears/nose/eyebrows/toes are OVERRUN with extraneous hair, it's like i'm some sort of old giffer or summat...

but yes, most OMG WTF moments involve the morning after 6 pints of guinness the night before...

CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Eddie murphy: when I piss a burst of flame shoot out my dick
mugger came up to me in an ally, I turned around, burned him up in the street.
Doctor: Your having a burning sensation when you urinate?
eddie murphy: no a burst of flame shoot out my dick

lukey (Lukey G), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

My goddamned eye

dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Last week I found a spot on my scrotum. Just an ordinary spot, not a big deal, but there?? Dude. It was a first. And hopefully a last. It's gone now.

JimD (JimD), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Luckily I had already (mostly) finished!

The peeing or the mini-Snickers?

beanz (beanz), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

When I weighed myself on Wednesday and I was still 12 and a half stone! Whoot!

Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

A couple of years ago I had a sty in my eye that never really went away. It stopped being sensitive to the touch, but there's still a visible bump in the corner of my eye.

n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

The very long *silver* hair in the middle of my head. It's like chrome. I hope all my hair is like that one day.

Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I love my gray hairs.

n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Felt a sloshing in the sinuses while out bike-riding the other day, then tipped my head forward and clear, thin fluid ran out in sizable drips. Felt like about half a cup!

briania (briania), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I've got one grey hair which weirds me out. I dye my hair, but this one seems to always escape any attempt to make it not grey.

ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

we all know already

Roxymuzak, Mrs. Carbohydrate (roxymuzak), Thursday, 29 December 2005 15:44 (twenty years ago)

It was just the one, last time I checked...But it affirmed my mortality in a way I hadn't been prepared for...

Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Thursday, 29 December 2005 15:45 (twenty years ago)

i wrote 'merry xmas' across my belly when i was drunk and full of xmas cookies and then a cuple days later when i woke up and took a shower i was all WTF is that, oh its faded pen.

kephm (kephm), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:38 (twenty years ago)

i had a really nasty intestinal infection a few weeks ago. my stomach bloated up [like, it was visibly larger], painful to touch, etc. never happened to me before, so i was like "OMG WTF IS GOING ON?", logged onto webMD and was paranoid that it might be my appendix.

maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:42 (twenty years ago)

truck-patch pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:44 (twenty years ago)

yesterday when the doctor told me i was genetically predisposed to have lower back/joint problems and i may as well get used to them. THANKS MOM.

jody, Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:46 (twenty years ago)

xxxxxxxxxpost - me 2!!!!!11!!!!1!1oneone!!

DR. O. RLY? (eman), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:48 (twenty years ago)

logged onto webMD and was paranoid that it might be my appendix.

This is why I have stopped reading WebMD.

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:49 (twenty years ago)

When my wife dug a whitehead out of my back the size and hardness of a grain of rice.

truck-patch pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:52 (twenty years ago)

haha
http://jupiter.walagata.com/w/mookieproof/dsotm.jpg

mookieproof (mookieproof), Thursday, 29 December 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

Do we want to know how you got that?

Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 29 December 2005 20:49 (twenty years ago)

TENNY DID YOU MAKE PLACENTA TACOS?

GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Thursday, 29 December 2005 21:29 (twenty years ago)

When did Pravda become the Weekly World News?

Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Thursday, 29 December 2005 21:33 (twenty years ago)

Pravda is full of paranormal shite. Search ufo stories in it....

GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Thursday, 29 December 2005 21:35 (twenty years ago)

had to've been that 10-inch tapeworm that came out of my ass

tnt, Thursday, 29 December 2005 22:27 (twenty years ago)

I had to sign a release before I went in that said I gave up rights to keep my placenta! I mean, I could have not signed it (like I didn't sign the circumcision release), but I thought it was funny that I had to declare that I had no interest in keeping it.

teeny (teeny), Thursday, 29 December 2005 23:05 (twenty years ago)

http://ebaumsworld.com/videos/buttpimple.html

jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Thursday, 29 December 2005 23:28 (twenty years ago)


Why does crap like the 'thorn lady' and the 'hairy boy' always happen in provincial China or Russia? Why can't it happen down the road from me?

I don't have any first-hand accounts of really weird shit, except for the time my sister woke up with purple bruises all around her eyes. Her doctor later said she had lupus, but the weird shit went away and never came back. The weirdest thing I get are flashing lights in my eyes.

patrick bateman (mickeygraft), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:03 (twenty years ago)

That buttpimple video is the most horrifying thing I've seen in a long time. It's like his ass is a tube of toothpaste!

truck-patch pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:12 (twenty years ago)

i recently noticed that one of my ankle bones sticks out way further than on the other foot. when i showed my roommate she screamed, 'gross!'
i think it's a leftover from when i hurt my ankle in middle school and the doctor told me it was "not broken." i always hated that dude.

tres letraj (tehresa), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:17 (twenty years ago)

i did an ear wax candle thing, and holy shit there was tons of it

phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

Hahahaha, the butt pimple thing is from a Pantera DVD. I watched it with my friends in college and we were all wasted -- freaked us the fuck out.

Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:30 (twenty years ago)

When my wife dug a whitehead out of my back the size and hardness of a grain of rice.

Seriously? -- this is my idea of a good time.

Laurel (Laurel), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:54 (twenty years ago)

I just sneezed and had swimmy dots in my vision for about ten seconds. I don't think that usually happens.

Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 30 December 2005 19:27 (twenty years ago)

That happened to me, too! It was kooooooooooooooooooool.

I spent this morning hawking up bits of phlegm that resembled pieces of food. I don't mind my brown-yellow bits of sick coming out in magma form, but when the stuff SCRATCHES MY THROAT coming up, I get worried.

David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 30 December 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

grossness.

This past summer, one day I noticed that one of my toenails was totally blue. You'd think I would've known how this had happened. But, no. So I left it alone for a couple of days and then, in the process of checking it out (with numerous scary scenarios running through my head, including that kids in the hall sketch), found that most of the toenail lifted off and there was a new toenail growing away underneath! It was the feeling of lifting something that should not be lifted that made me say holyshitwtf though.

rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Friday, 30 December 2005 19:56 (twenty years ago)

I love those swimmy dots.

jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 30 December 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

rrrobyn, when I read your poem this morning containing the phrase "tiny blue toes," this is not what I was imagining.

jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:00 (twenty years ago)

I get the swimmy dots all the time!
They are my friends!

Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

When my wife dug a whitehead out of my back the size and hardness of a grain of rice.
Seriously? -- this is my idea of a good time.

Oh definitely! I have a small orgasm whenever I do it. ;-)

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:08 (twenty years ago)

eek

cutty (mcutt), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

My enjoyment is more clinical, I think. Like...it must have taken AGES for that thing to build up, and every clogged pore or ingrown hair is unique in the history of blemishes, so really, you're extracting something rare & all-its-own. Also, the lovely satisfaction of having won the battle and removed some weird corruption that your body couldn't fight on its own.

Laurel (Laurel), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:13 (twenty years ago)

reading that just made me a bit dizzy with grossness, but I do understand it. haha - "won the battle."

(haha, jaymc, that was written way before the toenail thing. i am now going to forget that the two were ever conflated.)

rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:41 (twenty years ago)

When my wife dug a whitehead out of my back the size and hardness of a grain of rice.

Seriously? -- this is my idea of a good time.

It did feel good when she finally got the tip of my penknife under it and got it out. The "omg wtf" was when I got a look at the thing.

truck-patch pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:02 (twenty years ago)

It did feel good when she finally got the tip of my penknife under it and got it out.

god, sounds like some James Herriot "lance a boil" thing

kingfish holiday travesty (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

aaaaaigggggghhhhhh!!!!!! I need a unicorn image!!!!!!

Mike Hanle y (mike), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:56 (twenty years ago)

....I may have to rethink this whole "medical school" thing.

gbx (skowly), Friday, 30 December 2005 23:02 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...
STOP READING NOW

I've had a sebaceous cyst on my back for a while, it's just a lump of "stuff" under the skin, about the size of the top half of my thumb. I showed it to a doctor about 5 years ago, because one had recently appeared on the back of my neck as well. That one went nova and drained itself over a week of ruined shirts. He said the one on my back was no problem, so we've been living peacefully since. Going back to the doctor about something else a few weeks ago, I mentioned that it has started turning irritable, making it difficult to sleep on my back. He set an appointment for surgical removal, and gave me some antibiotics, which I took for 5 days and then lost (blast!).

So last weekend it really started acting up, so that I couldn't sit back in my armchair, or twist my back more than a certain degree (EG have to raise my leg to tie my shoe) without sharp pain from the pressure building up. I was curious, so I tried taking a photo of it, and after a lot of bother got one, which revealed spots of yellow among the red, like pimples forming on it. Sunday night was lousy, but I finally got to sleep, and when I got up I could tell that the pressure had eased off a little. So I get ready for the shower, and I take off the shirt and realise in a slowmotion horror style why it's eased off, because a lot of the pimples have actually burst. So I grimace a bit and put the shirt back on, head down to the nearest chemist to get some big gauze plasters, which I've been reapplying after every shower.

The problem with applying the plasters, or even clearing the area, is that it's right in that bit of my back where I can't easily reach from any angle. Also I can't find large plasters, most of the ones I've found are for example 8cm x 10cm except that's almost all adhesive, and it's actually 4cm x 5cm of gauze, which is about wide enough but nowhere near as long. But I have some which are about the right size, and I apply them, and they come off with yellow gunk on them. And last time the gunk is a bit red as well, because I fucked up the placement and there was a bit of adhesive (IE the bit any pressure is distributed to) on a red patch. So I shower, then head back into the bathroom to remove from my body as much nefarious stuff as possible before reapplying. I can't really bring a lot of pressure on the site by the standard chicken-wings method of putting both arms behind me and pressing, in fact the easiest way seems to be to bend over forwards and apply some tension with a comic muscleman flexing of the arms. This today has an effect which is subtly but indescribably different to how it's worked the last few times, and I gain the insight that maybe one of the pimples has actually hit the motherlode half a second before I look over at the mirror and see/feel about a tablespoon of gunk (some yellow/green, some red, all smelling like absolute death) pop out of my back and start heading determinedly south.

COMMENCE READING NOW

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:10 (nineteen years ago)

i still hold that the skin is probably the most disgusting organ we have

kingfish has gene rayburn's mic (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:15 (nineteen years ago)

Good god, Andrew!!!

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:23 (nineteen years ago)

I know!

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:28 (nineteen years ago)

Aw man Andrew, I can TOTALLY relate (did I post about mine upthread? havent time to check). I had one in the exact same unreachable bit of my back and had to do the constant gauze changing mess dance. And oh god, the smell. How is it our own skin can make such a godawful sick death smell?!?! Mine did what yrs did - went nova, and drained over the course of a few days (with a lot of mess). Good thing too, I was about 5 days off going in for day surgery to cut it out. I cancelled that, and the cyst hasnt resurfaced since thank god.

Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:30 (nineteen years ago)

right fucking now. 130+ packages shipped today (mostly new belle and sebastian cds - hope you twee fuckers enjoy!). back feels like collapsing.

hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:31 (nineteen years ago)

Drunk the weekend before last, I'm convinced I cracked a rib but I have no idea how... it still hurts, but not as bad. I might have drunk/sleep walked and ate shit in the bathroom, I have no fucking idea but it hurt really, really bad.

andy --, Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:36 (nineteen years ago)

Bruising a rib can feel that way. If it were cracked you wouldn't be able to stand up, I don't think. I bruised a rib one time, stone drunk at a friend's house. This friend had carpeted stairs.

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:42 (nineteen years ago)

But yeah, basically, every time I breathed in -- which I do a lot, it turns out -- I felt a sharp pain in my side, and it lasted about three or four days.

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:42 (nineteen years ago)

I think a hairline crack and a bruise can be quite similar in type, though the crack is just more painful. When I did in one of mine go-karting, the doctor basically said "We can't tell, and we don't treat them any differently anyway. Here's painkillers, let us know when you run out".

I had this nasty experience (common with a friend of mine who'd cracked his) that it got better for a while then suddenly worse, we think because of liquid building up around the area.

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:48 (nineteen years ago)

Well there's not much you can do for ribs, right? Maybe an Ace bandage, that's about it. It felt like Evel Kneivel beat me with a baseball bat, especially trying to get out of bed.

andy --, Thursday, 2 February 2006 00:07 (nineteen years ago)

my last wtf reaction was by back awaking me with a spasmodic jerk - i sensed the posture of my body and i felt for all the world like a character in a comic book who's just swallowed the poison pill, whose body has contorted into gruesome rigidity, hands frozen just at the moment they've begun to claw the air - my back and neck hurt for three days; i was unable to twist; falling to sleep, i realized if i tried to lift my head up from my pillow in any direction i would have been incapable of it. no health insurance. frightening.

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 2 February 2006 00:08 (nineteen years ago)

(Warning: Gross)

Worst wtf: I accidentally popped a blister on my finger at work, and the blister splooge sort of jumped about three feet out of my finger and hit the computer screen of the guy sitting next to me. I managed to wipe it off without him noticing.

Apart from that, my neck makes loud noises when I type to much, kind of like someone's shaking lots of dice inside me. I hate that.

Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 2 February 2006 00:43 (nineteen years ago)


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