How many sheets of toilet roll do you use per wipe?

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I've got a fear of my fingers coming through the toilet tissue, so I use about five sheets, folded, per wipe. If I require more wiping I rip off more. Only when I'm in fear of blocking the toilet with paper do I start folding what I have and using the other side.

Do you wipe and wipe with the same piece, or are you a tree-waster like me? And lads - do you wipe your willy after peeing?

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I think we've already done this one...

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:39 (twenty-one years ago)

T/S: Scraping vs. Scooping.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, very similar at least:
Do you fold or do you scrunch? A Bum-Wiping Survey

Why do you want to know this stuff?

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:41 (twenty-one years ago)

FACT: Every messageboard in the entire world has at least 26 occurrences of this thread.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:41 (twenty-one years ago)

FACT: That's not enough.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Again again! (My pc is too slow to search through old threads, and anyway, we like toilety stuff)

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm an advocate of back to front, myself.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:50 (twenty-one years ago)

ladies aren't supposed to do back to front

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:51 (twenty-one years ago)

but then the girls will call you Mr Poopynuts (x-post)

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Girls don't call me much of anything, re. down there.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:54 (twenty-one years ago)

don't be so down on yourself jeremy

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:56 (twenty-one years ago)

What's the advantage of back to front? I don't get it.

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:56 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe they will if you wipe yourself properly. (yeah yeah)

I thought it would be stupid but I really enjoy using the wet bumwipes. Shower fresh!

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Nothing, as far as I know. I just learned that way. (xpost and xxpost)

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, it's substantively less weird than wiping standing up.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 05:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I guess one advantage to the back to front method would be that you would avoid forming a deposit of unwiped poo at the top of your crack that would leave stains on the seat especially if your ass is sweaty. Maybe this only happens to me, though...

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 06:06 (twenty-one years ago)

the advantage of front to back for ladies is less urinary tract and candidiasis type infections.

also bryan can i just say ew

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 06:07 (twenty-one years ago)

B-b-but do you wipe your willies boys?

x-post - I also enjoy the wet-wipes. The Andrex ones are particularly refreshing.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 06:35 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't wipe my willy. no poo comes from it. i wash it a couple of time a day.

― bulbs (bulbs), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 06:57 (twenty-one years ago)

What about drips? We ladies wipe our flower after urinating....

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 07:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I use far too much apparently according to my boy, so I always have to try to reason that he doesn't run the risk of wiping wee with his hands if there isn't enough paper to soak it up!!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 07:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Ew, pee-y hands. That horrible public toilet paper, the shiny stuff? Pee always runs off of that no matter how much you use. The more the better.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 07:29 (twenty-one years ago)

probably not the "politically correct" amount.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:24 (twenty-one years ago)

ha ha, pc tp!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I use four or five sheets, for the same reason as Rumpy Pumpkin. And I often wipe my willy after peeing, though if there's a washbowl nearby, I usually wash it instead. I also pee sitting.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:34 (twenty-one years ago)

no drips run down my penis. unless i am sure i am going to get my dick sucked i shake and forget until next shower.

i use 2-3 sheets per wipe on the bum

― bulbs (bulbs), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I know a few guys who pee sitting down. Don't know any ladies who pee standing up though unless the toilet seat looks a bit dubious.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh yeah, I don't normally drip either, I just want to keep my penis clean.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:37 (twenty-one years ago)

i once came across a woman peeing LIKE A HORSE in a back alley in jakarta. it was a striking image.

how many guys wash their hands after peeing? i don't. my dick is clean! i don't touch the glans at pee time.

― bulbs (bulbs), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely there's always an extra drip after peeing if one doesn't wipe? I sit till my pee is done, then wipe and the tiolet roll ALWAYS comes away wet.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:55 (twenty-one years ago)

You touch the flush handle, right? And the door? Where other dirty bastards have previously placed their hands? Yes?

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:56 (twenty-one years ago)

The thing with washing your hands after a slash is that it is a convenient time to wash your hands of all the other crap you've been in contact with in the last few hours. The average desks or keyboards has something like 10,000 times the amount of bacteria as a tolet seat, your hands have been seating, you've been eating food and the bacteria from the food is multiplying on your hand, etc. etc.

-xpost-

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:00 (twenty-one years ago)

good point! i use the bulbs or the tough and the flush is automatic...but the DOOR!!!!!!!

xpost.

and yes it is a good time to wash i guess.

― bulbs (bulbs), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:01 (twenty-one years ago)

trough that would be.

― bulbs (bulbs), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:02 (twenty-one years ago)

your hands have been sweating

doh!

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:02 (twenty-one years ago)

ew the thought of not washing my hands after toileting gives me the creeps

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Regardless, washing your hands after going to the toilet is just good social ettiquette. Whether it makes sense or not, it's a ritual that must be performed!

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:03 (twenty-one years ago)

my strategy may work at home...but i have some thinking to do about work it seems

― bulbs (bulbs), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:04 (twenty-one years ago)

its also a good time to chat with peple. confident in the thought that you are doing the right thing.

― bulbs (bulbs), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Washing of the hands is automatic after toileting, my work puts out skanky hand towels and drying your hands on them just makes you want to wash them again. I normally come out of the toilet with wet hands as re-entering the cubicle to dry your hands on toilet roll kind of defeats the purpose.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:06 (twenty-one years ago)

*wakes*
*yawns*
*farts*
*gets up*
*farts*
*enters toilet**does stuff**does other stuff**spits on palm**palms privates**spits on other plam**palms arse**wipes palms on undies*
*exits toilet*
*unenters bathroom*
*opens 'puter*
*waits*
*sucks thumb*
*sees thread*
*opens thread*

"OH SHIT!!!!"

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:13 (twenty-one years ago)

blech and the thought of having to shake hands with other folk who are "palming their privates" and not washing their hands also makes me a little queasy

i think i must be a bit paranoid

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:18 (twenty-one years ago)

no shit, gem!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Regardless, washing your hands after going to the toilet is just good social ettiquette.

At least 50% of the guys in the company I work at don't seem to wash their hands after a piss.

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Are the piss-unwashers mostly from Oxford or from Cambridge?

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll conduct a survey and get back to you.

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:32 (twenty-one years ago)

This is why I don't touch other people.

― Cathy (Cathy), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you touch animals, then?

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:38 (twenty-one years ago)

No.

― Cathy (Cathy), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:39 (twenty-one years ago)

That's a whole lotta untouchiness, yo.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Are the piss-unwashers mostly from Oxford or from Cambridge?
Oi!!!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:53 (twenty-one years ago)

PinXor -- that "Oi!!!"-inspiring *question* originates in a rather old anecdote.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:56 (twenty-one years ago)

half a roll.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 10:08 (twenty-one years ago)

PinXor -- that "Oi!!!"-inspiring *question* originates in a rather old anecdote
Whatever dude!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 10:53 (twenty-one years ago)

What is this anecdote?

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 10:58 (twenty-one years ago)

My boyfriend's fingers always smell of soap. You can sniff them to check if you want.

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 11:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I only piss sitting down if I'm too drunk to stand.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

My boyfriend's fingers always smell of soap

Hopefully not the vile, disgusting Harrogate Spa soap that my dad insists on using, with a horribly strong smell of rotten eggs.

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 11:17 (twenty-one years ago)

(Okeh, due to popular request = Rumpy's)

Two gentlemen urinating.
Mission accomplished, one of them proceeds to wash hands. As opposed to the other who doesn't.
The handwasher eyes the unwasher with utter contempt, uttering - "We at Oxford were taught to wash our hands after urinating, sir!"
To which the unwasher retorts, "Sir, we at Cambridge were taught to not urinate on our hands!"

(Must be a v.v.very ol' tale, I believe)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 11:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh yes. THAT anecdote.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 12:09 (twenty-one years ago)

That reminds me of another anedote, in which a friend of mine witnessed a man come out of a toilet cubicle and, without washing his hands, go straight to the hand-dryer.

― Cathy (Cathy), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 12:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe he'd already washed his hands in the bowl?

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 12:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe he'd pissed on his hands & wanted to dry them off!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 12:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Ewww

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay, 'nother 'nectodal yet real-life scene from a men's room. This one I happened to witnessed myself bacstage at a rock festival a dozen years ago...

Two chaps pissing, profusely, side by side at adjacent urinals.
One of the chaps is sorta oldish and conspicuously bald-headed, the other more like in his mid-thirties and conspicuously drunk.
The drunk pisser, hicucupping, to the bald one: "Hyak!.. Where you from, man? ...Hyakk!"
The bald pisser: "I'm from Jethro Tull".
The hiccuping chap: "Okey ...hyakk!! ...I'm from Finland!"

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

...Btw, I don't think either of them washed hands before leaving the toilet.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

hahaha!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Okeh, might as well tell a(nother) truth then. Though my first post on this thread does implicate otherwise, I am actually a multiple-sheet wasting (& thumb-non-sucking) toileteer myself.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

2 cottonelle sheets.

― peter smith (plsmith), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

twelve years pass...

blech and the thought of having to shake hands with other folk who are "palming their privates" and not washing their hands also makes me a little queasy
i think i must be a bit paranoid

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, October 20, 2004 2:18 AM (twelve years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no shit, gem!
― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, October 20, 2004 2:20 AM (twelve years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Regardless, washing your hands after going to the toilet is just good social ettiquette.
At least 50% of the guys in the company I work at don't seem to wash their hands after a piss.

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Wednesday, October 20, 2004 2:29 AM (twelve years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a long time ago i went to get my hair cut as i usually do. i enter and the place was empty and i was quite content

the lady asked for my name and said okay i'll be right back. i had been into this locale before so i knew where everything was

she headed to the restroom (this was in the usa). i recall her taking a while and hoping she wasn't stinking it up right before rubbing her hands all over my head

she came back and i sat down and as she started to touch my hair, what invaded my nostrils was a scent of human privates

i sat frightened and nearly speechless for a good 45 minutes

― F♯ A♯ (∞), Wednesday, 22 February 2017 22:35 (eight years ago)

she flicked the bean prior to giving you a haircut?

― waht, I am true black metal worrior (Neanderthal), Thursday, 23 February 2017 00:15 (eight years ago)

What type of haircut?

― how's life, Thursday, 23 February 2017 00:26 (eight years ago)

This is one alternate reality i have considered

I had longish hair at the time so she seemed to have derived a lot of pleasure out of running her fingers through it

My inner face was making a face of disgust

― F♯ A♯ (∞), Thursday, 23 February 2017 02:04 (eight years ago)

you didn't tell her "get your funky fingers out my fro"?

― waht, I am true black metal worrior (Neanderthal), Thursday, 23 February 2017 02:06 (eight years ago)

who even counts?

― a but (brimstead), Thursday, 23 February 2017 02:23 (eight years ago)

one ply, ah ah ah

― waht, I am true black metal worrior (Neanderthal), Thursday, 23 February 2017 02:27 (eight years ago)

I used to be a three sheet man but since moving to a place with clingy concrete drains you beat believe I make every sheet count and flush every push awriiiiight

― The Perks of Being a Wall St R (darraghmac), Thursday, 23 February 2017 02:33 (eight years ago)

three sheet man was my fav doors song

― waht, I am true black metal worrior (Neanderthal), Thursday, 23 February 2017 02:40 (eight years ago)

There's a sister thread that asks if you fold or scrunch which could be relevant here

― F♯ A♯ (∞), Thursday, 23 February 2017 03:23 (eight years ago)

I was inspired by the episode of A Different World where Ron Johnson indiscriminately wrapped about half a roll around his hand before doing the deed. I thought, now there's a guy who has a thing or two figured out.

― Hurry Up And Eat Your Face! (Old Lunch), Thursday, 23 February 2017 04:47 (eight years ago)

I have, by a long and curious experience found out a means to wipe my bum. The most lordly, the most excellent, the most convenient that was ever seen. I have wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf's skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney's bag, with a Montero, with a falconer's lure. But to conclude, I say and maintain that of all the torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.

― for sale: steve bannon waifu pillow (heavily soiled) (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 23 February 2017 07:54 (eight years ago)

Not sticking a goose up my nockhole

Sticking with washlet

― F♯ A♯ (∞), Thursday, 23 February 2017 08:18 (eight years ago)

don't nock it 'til you've tried it

― for sale: steve bannon waifu pillow (heavily soiled) (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 23 February 2017 08:24 (eight years ago)

three years pass...

bumping this thread to remind y'all that there's never been a better time to maximize your butt wiping efficiency

https://i.imgur.com/sgS2qzl.png

(p.c.: dragon103 from furaffinity.net)

― nothing in the dialog (unregistered), Monday, 16 March 2020 23:42 (five years ago)

It's taken this crisis for me to realize that it's maybe not okay to use an entire roll (unspooled, natch) and then cram it into the toilet for someone else to deal with. I apologize for all those times I did that (which tbh was most times).

― Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 00:02 (five years ago)

I used to be a three sheet man but since moving to a place with clingy concrete drains you beat believe I make every sheet count and flush every push awriiiiight

― The Perks of Being a Wall St R (darraghmac), Thursday, 23 February 2017 02:33 (three years ago) bookmarkflaglink

jesus this was like only the fourth-worst thing about that place

― BSC Joan Baez (darraghmac), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 00:26 (five years ago)

wipe once, deal with the aftermath like a man

― sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 03:08 (five years ago)

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