I need jokes

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I need jokes that aren't too dirty to tell people you just met. Please post some. Thanks.

― Steve Jameson, Monday, 1 November 2004 10:33 (twenty years ago)

Q...What is worse then finding a worm in your apple?

― Paul Kelly (kelly), Monday, 1 November 2004 10:36 (twenty years ago)

A... Cancer!

― Paul Kelly (kelly), Monday, 1 November 2004 10:37 (twenty years ago)

why did the girl fall off the swing?
because she had no arms

― lukey (Lukey G), Monday, 1 November 2004 10:38 (twenty years ago)

A piece of string twists itself into a loop, sticks its head through the loop, pulls it tight, then rubs its head against the ground until it the threads begin to separate. A person walking past asks, 'Are you alright?', and the string replies, 'I'm a frayed knot'.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 1 November 2004 10:41 (twenty years ago)

Try this thread - lots of funnies!

Tell me your favourite bad joke

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Monday, 1 November 2004 11:05 (twenty years ago)

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and orders a beer. The
bartender looks at him and says "We don't serve beers to bears in
Billings, Montana". The bear slams his paw down on the bar and demands a beer. The bartender then says, "I said, we don't serve beers to belligerent bears in Billings, Montana." The bear slams his paws down again and says, "If you don't serve me a beer I'm going to kill and eat that woman at the end of the bar". Bartender: "Listen, bear, we don't serve beers to bullying belligerent bears in Billings, Montana!" The bear then goes down to the end of the bar, kills the woman and eats her. He returns to his stool, wipes the blood from his mouth and orders a beer again. Bartender: "I told you, we don't serve beers to bullying belligerent bears in Billings, Montana. Especially to ones on drugs!" The bear says, "what drugs?" Bartender:" Yeah, that was a bar bitch you ate!"

― Charlie Rose (Charlie Rose), Monday, 1 November 2004 11:54 (twenty years ago)

how did the bartender know the bear was from Billings, Montana?

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 1 November 2004 11:57 (twenty years ago)

It doesn't ever say the bartender knew the bear was from Billings. It just says the bar was in Billings. Unless I typed it wrong.

― Charlie Rose (Charlie Rose), Monday, 1 November 2004 11:59 (twenty years ago)

"Have you seen Pamela Anderson's new shoes?"

Neither has she.

THat's the only joke I can remember. Terrible one, I know.

― jesus nathalie (nathalie), Monday, 1 November 2004 12:08 (twenty years ago)

but the bar tender, upon the order of a beer from the bear from Billings, Montana, instead of serving the beer, told the bear from Billings, Montana that he didn't serve bears from Billings, Montana, implying that he wasn't going to serve the bear from Billings, Montana because he was a bear from Billings, Montana. Hence follows that the bar tender must have known that the bear was from Billings, Montana. Unless the bar tender was only saying this as a warning in case the bear from Billings, Montana was from Billings, Montana, in which case the response from the bear from Billings, Montana would have been insensible.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 1 November 2004 12:08 (twenty years ago)

or he could have known from the bear's Billings, Montana accent.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 1 November 2004 12:10 (twenty years ago)

The bartender says we don't serve bears in Billings, Montana (or, at least, that's what it should say), meaning that bears from anywhere would have no luck ordering a beer in that particular city, despite their accent or government issued identification.

― Charlie Rose (Charlie Rose), Monday, 1 November 2004 12:14 (twenty years ago)

i see! i have misread the whole thing then! i somehow read it as bears FROM billings montana. and now i understand thanks!

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 1 November 2004 12:18 (twenty years ago)

It's still a pretty crappy joke even with the explanation, but I like it.

― Charlie Rose (Charlie Rose), Monday, 1 November 2004 12:28 (twenty years ago)

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