Dealing with workplace food thieves

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We have one. Someone is stealing people's lunches out of the fridge.

What are some ideas for catching and / or teaching them a lesson?

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Mercury sandwiches.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

What types of food are being stolen? That will give better ideas on how to mask the laxatives that should be hidden inside them.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

ALL kinds of food are being stolen. Usually lunches, however - sandwiches, fruit. We think it is one person because the m.o. is the same - someone puts their lunch in the fridge, and by lunchtime, it is gone.

The laxative idea already came up, but some of us want to catch this person.

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Put a non-toxic semi-permanent dye inside the sandwiches and check to see whose mouth has turned funny colors.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Or I was wondering what would give someone really horrible gas. Or give the muffin lady a call.

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha I wouldn't slip a coworker illicit substances!!!!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Pissing In A Flatmate That Has Irritated You's Bottle of Wine: C/D?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Amateurist did something about this on his temping thread and Trayce said that the best way of busting someone was to put an X on the bottom of a drink can likely to be stolen and taken to a desk.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:23 (twenty-one years ago)

You might not catch him, but shit sandwich seems like a good idea.

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, I've given it some thought, and though I hate to suspect people, it could be someone with serious food issues, if you know what I mean. If that's true, anything that would make them shit or vomit would be beside the point.

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Hide inside teh fridge

― The Horse of Babylon (the pirate king), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4276851.stm

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:30 (twenty-one years ago)

We think it is one person because the m.o. is the same - someone puts their lunch in the fridge, and by lunchtime, it is gone

Haha. What other m.o. would they have?

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:33 (twenty-one years ago)

What's gone - the lunch or the fridge?

― The Horse of Babylon (the pirate king), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, what I mean is - the food doesn't disappear overnight, or in the afternoon or whatever, which would point to an intruder.

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:35 (twenty-one years ago)

(people keep food, drink & condiments in there for days at a time.)

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Gather everyone together in the accusing room.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

it's perfectly appropriate to throw a hissy.

― f--gg (gcannon), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Stage a play that deals with this very subject so that the thief will be racked with guilt and confess all.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

haha that movie sucked so bad.

― f--gg (gcannon), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, the more I think about it, the more it seems to be the scenario I hinted at above, which explains why it has been going on for so long, and so predictably. The people who work closest to this person probably know what is going on but feel uncomfortable confronting him/her, so we're having a big passive / aggressive workplace drama about it (lots of e-mails complaining about stolen food, locks installed on the kitchen cabinets) which probably isn't helping matters at all.

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

What would Sherlock Holmes would do?

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

He would smoke a pipe and then have a swordfight while Holmes said, "Oh, good show, old bean!", solving the mystery and wrapping up the whole tale in a lovely gay subtext in one fell swoop.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Do that.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

So he says 'good show old bean' while having a sword fight? (xpost)

― The Horse of Babylon (the pirate king), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Get it done!

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Better do what Buffy would do, of course!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

No no no, what would Emma Peel do? That is the question.

― alix (alix), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

this is a story a friend emailed me awhile back about regarding an incident at a former workplace after i had quit, still one of the best emails i've ever received (names changed etc.):

XXXX, XxXx, et al. had been leaving donuts in their office here overnight, I guess so that they would be there for breakfast the following day. Over the course of a fortnight or so, they noticed that their donut stash was being consistently raided by an unknown assailant. In an attempt to isolate the perpetrator, they first employed crude tracking devices, such as flour poured on the floor of the crime scene in hopes of matching soleprints. When that failed to bring the necessary evidence, more advanced surveillence methods were enacted-- specifically, the use of a webcam set on a motion detector. ( Why, you may ask, did they not simply stop leaving donuts in the office, or, more sensibly, lock the door of said office? Ah, this was a mystery far too compelling to squelch so simply...)

Soon enough, the donut thief was caught in the act, revealed to be none other than ______, dead wringer for the bastard love child of Captain Kangaroo and Roger Ebert, also employed as _______'s Chief night security officer. Keeping the peace never tasted so good: the dithered, low-res image files showed the anatomy of a pastry theft, in all its wide-girthed, ass-scratching glory. With the video leaving the criminal clearly without a leg to stand on, defense-wise, our clever detectives in the end chose further mischief over justice, and simply continued leaving fastnachts in the expected territory, camera on, booby traps set. The ensuing files were straight out of Bob Saget's personal cache; our corrupt official's look of astonishment when, after tugging on a decoy bag, he was attacked from above by a vicious rubber python... his considerable bewilderment when the booming voice of the almighty broadcast through Bose speakers bellowed, "LOOKING FOR FOOD, LOOKING FOR WATER!!!!!!" This very eve, a taxidermied penguin lies in wait on a flimsy shelf above the clear tripwire...

― eman (eman), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Tiny balls of tin foil will stop a food larson in his tracks... put them in the pudding instead of raisins.

― andy --, Friday, 18 February 2005 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Leave a note on the bag containing the sandwich saying, "Sometimes I spit in my sandwiches. Do think today's one of those days?"

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey! The laxative thing was an idea I had on a thread about 3 weeks ago... Dan.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel bad now, though. I think about things that happened over the past couple of years, and it seems someone needs a therapist, not Sherlock Holmes.

I'm gonna at least (privately) tell some of my co-workers what I think, because they're more angry about it than I am (I don't keep food in the fridge). At least this person won't be shamed and stigmatized.

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

But shame and stigma are EXACTLY what they need. At the very least, and maybe some stigmata too.

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

curious george otm. if you cave in like the rest of your co-workers, you allow that person to continue unabated.

― eman (eman), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

(I don't keep food in the fridge)

eh? then why the thread?

― eman (eman), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Leave a note on the bag containing the sandwich saying, "Sometimes I spit in my sandwiches. Do think today's one of those days?"

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...), February 18th, 2005 5:14 PM. (Hereward)

But then you might discover another note saying, "Sometimes I spit in your sandwiches too."

― beanz (beanz), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, someone who has an eating disorder probably feels enough shame, and having to listen to people rant about stolen food probably only makes things worse. If this is what is going on, it sounds like a cry for help.

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:34 (twenty-one years ago)

(I don't keep food in the fridge)
eh? then why the thread?

'cos petty theft baffles me and is a pet peeve of mine. I wish it didn't annoy me so much. Besides, this has happened in every workplace I've been in, and sometimes people have stolen food just out of sheer pettiness.

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not sure what you mean by "serious food issues" - but the way I see these things there's no reason to not out this person. He/she has stolen from from coworkers, repeatedly, causing an increasingly hostile workplace & undermining the trust you should have with the people you work with. I don't see why this person is anything but an asshole (maybe if i got what you meant by "issues" I'd change my tune tho).

Anyhow - if you do the laxative thing all you have to do is wait by the can and you be relatively sure of who your culprit is within a few hours!

xpost ... umm.. how is stealing an eating disorder? I guess that kinda answers my question about issues. i guess.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

But then you might discover another note saying, "Sometimes I spit in your sandwiches too."

That's when (a) you stop putting anything in the fridge, and (b) you call in Mr. Holmes and his handwriting analysis acumen.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:37 (twenty-one years ago)

And start analysing saliva dna mixed with tuna mayo.

― beanz (beanz), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

The laxative idea already came up, but some of us want to catch this person.

i would imagine that with the laxative approach, it to be pretty easy to tell who stole the food. i mean when the shit comes down.. they better be ready.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Yr3k is just posting this thread as an elaborate alibi

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Interoffice Memo.

― Aaron A., Friday, 18 February 2005 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Hang an "Out Of Order" sign on the bathroom door too. Just to add to their misery!

xpost

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

The Thieving of Roger Ackroyd's Lunch

xxpost

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Thermo, people with eating disorders are compulsive about food - they think about it all the time. I don't want to go into detail, but there are indications that this is what might be going on.

I was just thinking about why people who are paid decently would steal a crummy sandwich or something - it made no sense, unless they were expressing some hostility OR had an eating disorder. Then I thought of some other circumstances from the past couple of years and it seems to fit. I'm sorry I can't go into more detail than that.

Tracer - ha ha. Everyone knows I'd be the last person to steal someone's food - I'm such a picky eater! Unless the fridge were filled with Balance bars and soy milk, I wouldn't even be tempted.

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:47 (twenty-one years ago)

is there some sort of powder you could dust the bag with that appears only under blacklight?

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"everyone in the office please proceed to the basement disco"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:53 (twenty-one years ago)

the one that looks like the video for "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See" is the villain.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, I've never experienced a situation involving what you're describing - so forgive me if I seem a little insensitive - but if this person has a disorder why wouldn't they just bring more of their own food or buy some food when they feel the compulsion to eat instead of stealing?

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 18 February 2005 18:06 (twenty-one years ago)

kleptomania & bulimia together! Yikes.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 18 February 2005 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Thermo, if what I think is happening is happening, this person is probably grappling with their problem, and having relapses. You can control what *you* buy or bring with you, but you can't control what other people put in front of you. Some people have gotten their own fridges now, too - probably because of this.

Also, the stealing of 'forbidden food' is probably a part of the cycle of degradation and exhilaration.

I couldn't resist peeking in the fridge this morning to see what might be stolen, and two co-workers walked in on me. I hope I'm not a suspect! Probably not, since we have our on fridge on my floor.

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

hook a webcam up already!

― eman (eman), Friday, 18 February 2005 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

In college we used to put I HAVE MONO on food in the fridge to keep others from eating it. And since mono was almost always in constant rotation in the dorms, it seemed to work quite well. You could then see if anyone asks how you are feeling with a suspicious look on their face.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 18 February 2005 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

There's a lot of denial that goes on when people have this or another obsessive / compulsive tendency. It's harder to maintain that when you're going to the supermarket and filling up the cart, or hauling several bags of food with you to work. It's much easier to sneak into the kitchen and grab someone else's food when the urge strikes - people go into a sort of dissociated state, and when it's over, they can tell themselves it never happened. Or, as I said, it could be a cry for help.

― Yr3k (dymaxia), Friday, 18 February 2005 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Jesus, this is just a little too dramatic. I'd just put up a big sign on the fridge that says, "VOMITERS BE THIEVIN'... VOMITERS BETTER STICK TO JUST VOMITIN'."

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Friday, 18 February 2005 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

ipecac!!!

― Fat Anarchy on Airtube (ex machina), Friday, 18 February 2005 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm guessing obesity rather than bulimia.

― nickn (nickn), Friday, 18 February 2005 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah seriously, sounds like you just need some kind of surveilance system. not even a secret one! if the theif knows there's a camera, even if they're tempted to take, they *can't*. it sounds like it may even help them.

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, 19 February 2005 02:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought this was going to be a Roger Fidelity/Adultery thread.

― Ken L (Ken L), Saturday, 19 February 2005 02:43 (twenty-one years ago)

If you don't want people to eat your food don't leave it out for them to take.

― lucas (lucas), Saturday, 19 February 2005 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Sounds like you think everybody else's stuff is just your stuff, you just haven't gotten around to picking it up yet.

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 19 February 2005 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought this was going to be a Roger Fidelity/Adultery thread.

Roger's co-workers just steal from the prison vending machines. Come to think of it, he would probably get mad about that one, too.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Saturday, 19 February 2005 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

btw, i know someone who once dealt with a similar problem by placing a decoy sandwich in the fridge. the sandwich had moist dog food as filling, but surely enough was eaten by lunchtime anyway. later in the day she announced this fact to the entire office, and in front of the rest, the culprit reacted rather badly to the news and was duly caught.

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, 19 February 2005 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd just give the sandwich some kind of pulse, a telltale 'wich.

― Nellie (nellskies), Sunday, 20 February 2005 02:35 (twenty-one years ago)

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