walking into stuff: a miscellany

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my day has not been great but this bit was nice impromptu street slapstick

i was on the bus to work at lunchtime and lookin out the window and i saw a young woman reading a mag (like "heat" or similar) while she was walkin along, and she walked straight into a telephone box

(not very hard, she had a big grin afterwards)

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:16 (twenty years ago)

Is HEAT a porn mag?

― RS £aRue (rockist_scientist), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:17 (twenty years ago)

when i wz walkin home from school as a kid in the dark, i saw a weird moving light in the sky, and thought YAY UFOS and stopped the light stopped moving, so i stepped back and the light moved again

anyway while i wz trying to work out the science of all this while looking up at the weird light, i walked (quite hard) into a lamp post

no one saw me, luckily for my teen sense of self-esteem

the light was the reflect of streetlights off a wet telephone wire (it had just finished raining)

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:18 (twenty years ago)

heat is a kind of celebrity gossip mag

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:19 (twenty years ago)

when i wz at college i looked across the road once and saw a little old guy so drunk he was staggering along doubled up (ie his eyes were pointing at the pavement and his hat was doing the looking ahead): before i could shout anything he walked straight hat-first into a lamp-post and fell on his bum

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:21 (twenty years ago)

YOUR STORIES OF WALKIN INTO STUFF NOW PLZ!!

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:23 (twenty years ago)

I actually had some poems published in a local Philadelphia magazine called HEAT (a loooooooong time ago). The issue I was published in had some sort of ironically captioned photo-collage with pictures of scantilly clad men in it, and I remember my mom saying something like, "Is this a legitimate publication?" and my dad vaguely defending it (the magazine) probably just because he didn't want me to feel bad, or he wanted to feel proud. It was just a photocopied-submissions-stapled-together affair. I'm still not sure if my mom was asking if it was basically a pr0n magazine or if it was a "real" literary magazine (or something else)?

x-post

I hope you will accept a story about a HEAT magazine instead.

― RS £aRue (rockist_scientist), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:24 (twenty years ago)

(This also reminds me of trying to by the music magazine Option at a news-stand many years ago. And the guy pointed to a porm magazine, and I said something like "That wasn't the Option I was looking for," which sounded almost like a one-liner.)

― RS £aRue (rockist_scientist), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:25 (twenty years ago)

A buddy of mine slipped on a banana peel a few years ago and fell on his ass... I never laughed so hard in my life.

― andy --, Friday, 25 February 2005 19:29 (twenty years ago)

("porm" is a grebt signifier in search of a worthy signified!!)

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:29 (twenty years ago)

whilst playing a game of kick the can in 8th grade, I ran headfirst into the metal post of a "STOP AHEAD" sign. 23 stitches and a brief view of my skull.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:32 (twenty years ago)

I once walked into a bar.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:36 (twenty years ago)

About noon-thirty one day I stroll across the street towards my favoritest coffee house. It's sunny and beautiful out. I look up to see a pretty young thing riding her bicycle along. BLAMMO, oh right there was a fire-hydrant there, voila swollen blackened bruised shin.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:40 (twenty years ago)

I once walked into a bar.

Did you ever shoot an elephant in your pyjamas?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:41 (twenty years ago)

There's a scene from Family Guy where Peter busts his shin on something and just sits there holding it going "tsssssss aaaaaaah" over and over again in excruciating, debilitating pain. It lasts like 30 seconds. That scene from Family Guy, OTM.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:42 (twenty years ago)

Did you ever shoot an elephant in your pyjamas?

Now, how would an elephant ever fit in my pyjamas?

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:43 (twenty years ago)

Being tall, I often walk into low doorways, hanging objects, overhead handrails, etc. Not fun.

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:48 (twenty years ago)

Walking down Rue Vavin, making eyes with cute college girl, my groinular region made sudden, violent impact with bollard, dropping me to my knees. Then: Brought tears to my eyes. Now: Brings tears (of mirth) to my eyes. The girl was underwhelmed by my perambulation skills.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:53 (twenty years ago)

in the ica bar there is a giant all-wall mirror, to make it look big instead of tiny. girl i knew — didn't see this but she told the story well — forgot this or didn't realise, walked towards the nicer, less crowded end of the bar as she judged, saw this thinks-she's-so-cute chick walking straight at her, thought "what's this bitch's problem? SHE can step outta MY way" and walked slap into her own reflection

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

I hate it when I'm walking along, and there is a step, which you don't notice. It kinda hurts when you step down the step you didn't notice.

I've not walked into anything out of the ordinary of late, I'll let you know if I do. Though, I might just end up walking into something so I can post it here.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:39 (twenty years ago)

xxpost:
Once I was hanging out with three Americans in Paris, two ladies and a guy who was dating one of them. The guy was supposed to be an old Paris hand, having spent the semester abroad there a few years before. As I rode up the escalator to exit the Metro, I watched with pleasure -a shiver of Schadenfreude- as he walked into the turnstile, neglected to insert his ticket, and was, as anticipated, painfully denied egress. (That is how it works, isn't it Michael?)

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:43 (twenty years ago)

That reminds me of one time I was taking the subway to work (my usual weekday morning routine) and I must have been spacing out or something, because I just walked straight into the turnstile as though I was exiting the subway - completely forgetting to take out my MetroCard, swipe it, etc. There was a moment of bewilderment as I bounced off the turnstile, and then a moment of sheepish looking around to see if anyone in the busy rush hour crowd had noticed, before swiping my card and passing through in the usual way.

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:59 (twenty years ago)

I'm not even going to try to justify the mechanics of this but once in 1996 I walked a quarter-turn through a revolving door and then tried to exit toward my right. It took me the whole rest of the door's revolution to figure out what had happened, so I wound up falling right back out on the side where I'd entered (where my friend T was standing, finishing a cigarette and pointing and laughing at me).

― nabiscothingy, Friday, 25 February 2005 21:59 (twenty years ago)

I shut my finger in the door today. Hard. I think I might have broken it.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Friday, 25 February 2005 22:07 (twenty years ago)

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 25 February 2005 22:10 (twenty years ago)

I walk into skinny low-hanging leafless branches all the time.

― 57 7th (calstars), Friday, 25 February 2005 22:13 (twenty years ago)

Ken. Yes.

Jeremy. Ouch.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 25 February 2005 22:13 (twenty years ago)

Someone i used to associate with walked into a lampost after a heavy night's drinking, convinced himself that it was trying to start a fight with him, lunged, walked into the lampost again, picked himself off the ground and did it AGAIN!

― Ben Dot (1977), Saturday, 26 February 2005 00:47 (twenty years ago)

Ow Jer hope yr ok!

Once, I was perving on cuet boy when I was on a high school day trip in the city... so busy looking at him I walked into a light pole. He saw me do this, giggled and walked off.

Anoher time I was chasing my brother around my grandparents yard. They had one of those green, fold-down clothes hoists, and it must have somehow blended in with the grass and trees in my peripheral vision because I ran headfirst into it, so hard I knocked myself out. Man tjhat hurt.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 26 February 2005 01:36 (twenty years ago)

nabisco that happened to me in the sears tower once! except I *kept* walking into the glass sidebit for like a good four tries before I understood what was going on. i was rilly tired that day.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 26 February 2005 02:05 (twenty years ago)

the lovely Emma B laughs harder at this class of thing than at anything else, ever.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 26 February 2005 04:57 (twenty years ago)

coming home late one night from the bus in winter, i slipped on a perfect thin sheet of black ice on the sidewalk. it was like a comedy fall, both feet waaay in the air before my back hit the pavement. between having my feet leave the ground and my ass finding it again i yelled JESUS FUCKING CHRIST and then just laid on the ground for a second to take in the beauty of it — until i heard a dude across the street ask sheepishly "uh, are you ok?" and i had to chuckle and get up and move along.

― f--gg (gcannon), Saturday, 26 February 2005 09:30 (twenty years ago)

i haven't fallen down on snow/ice in front of other people yet this winter!

― f--gg (gcannon), Saturday, 26 February 2005 09:31 (twenty years ago)

oh shit i just jinxed it didn't i.

― f--gg (gcannon), Saturday, 26 February 2005 09:35 (twenty years ago)

My brother and I were at another brother's apartment while he was gone for a few days. We were on the balcony drinking lots of beers and listening to tunes. I finished a beer, grabbed the empties, got up and walked straight through the closed screen door. (subthread: walking *through* stuff)

― weath'D, Saturday, 26 February 2005 09:45 (twenty years ago)

When I was at school I went running along a corridor with a door halfway along it, thinking I could just push it as I approached it and go through. Uh, no. Result = broken wrist, broken nose and broken sense of dignity.

I have utterly no sense of spatial awareness and am rarely without bruises as I can't walk past a table, through a doorframe or similar without banging into it. This causes much hilarity for my husband, colleagues and random passers-by.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 26 February 2005 13:53 (twenty years ago)

in a lit course last year we had the option of writing the final in class or doing it at home & turning it in during the scheduled final so i chose the latter. went up to the room in the middle of it, opened the door, & suddenly 8 people are looking up staring at me all WTF? (cuz theyd been writing the final, see) & the prof is not there. "i am err looking for the prof..." i say, suddenly v awkward, blushing probably thinking ESCAPE ESCAPE ESCAPE. some girl gives me the room number. "OK THANKS!" & i turn really quickly to speed walk off --- right into a giant column in the hallway, hit it so hard i reeled backwards & saw stars, right on my head. some girl yells "are you OK?" but i am sprinting away toward the elevator by now!!

― j c (j c), Saturday, 26 February 2005 14:51 (twenty years ago)

Clumsiness

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 26 February 2005 15:11 (twenty years ago)

ok this may just be because I'm high, but I read this: coming home late one night from the bus in winter, i slipped on a perfect thin sheet of black ice on the sidewalk. it was like a comedy fall, both feet waaay in the air before my back hit the pavement. between having my feet leave the ground and my ass finding it again i yelled JESUS FUCKING CHRIST and then just laid on the ground for a second to take in the beauty of it — until i heard a dude across the street ask sheepishly "uh, are you ok?" and i had to chuckle and get up and move along, and thought that you know, that's precisely the type of person I need to fall in love with.

― luna's eeeee, Saturday, 26 February 2005 19:41 (twenty years ago)

what prescription drugs are most fun?

― j.lu (j.lu), Saturday, 26 February 2005 19:53 (twenty years ago)

Damn. I was hoping that wasn't it.

― luna's eeeee, Saturday, 26 February 2005 20:12 (twenty years ago)

Two years ago, a friend and I stopped at a Mexican restaurant just west of St. Louis, off of I-70. We were walking toward the front door, across this porch/patio space covered with tiles. I was behind, looking down at the tiles, and banged the top of my head into an iron light post. It hurt, a lot. She heard the impact, looked back and saw me bent double, holding my head in my hands, and burst into laughter. To this day I just have to ask her if she remembers when I walked into that light to provoke uncontrollable fits of laughter that almost make her pee on herself.

― mte22 (mte22), Saturday, 26 February 2005 21:51 (twenty years ago)

i walk into parked cars every few years. fall to the street usually. ive also been run over by a chinese man riding an old 10 speed

― kephm, Sunday, 27 February 2005 00:06 (twenty years ago)

why it's called a HAHA

ok my mum and dad live in the country and have quite a big garden: and not long after they moved into this house we had a big party, for my gran, her 70th birthday i think

ok so the way the garden was styled at that time — not uncommon in that part of the country in those days — was that it had a sharp invisible dip instead of a border fence, so it looked as if it swept out into the field beyond and that we had a vast baronial estate or something (w.flowers up this end and cows down that end)

my smallest male cousin — then three — gazed out at this expanse of grass, became mesmerised w.prairie fever, and RAN towards the cows. we were all sittin and drinkin and chattin, and i guess assumed he wd see the dip, the haha, as he got nearer

he didn't: he ran, and then he vanished, and then he wailed

haha

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 28 February 2005 09:42 (twenty years ago)

i walked into a tree (branch) once on a walk. i was staring at the sidewalk.

― youn, Monday, 28 February 2005 10:19 (twenty years ago)

I hate it when I'm walking along, and there is a step, which you don't notice. It kinda hurts when you step down the step you didn't notice.

I once dislocated my left ankle doing that, ouch ouch.

― C J (C J), Monday, 28 February 2005 11:26 (twenty years ago)

The traditional glass door. Cracked it but didn't go through it, phew.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 28 February 2005 13:27 (twenty years ago)

This doesn't quite count but I once accidentally rode a bike off a bridge in France. I was riding across a wooden bridge and the front wheel got stuck between two of the wooden planks, spinning upwards and throwing me forward into the lake. The first think I saw when I emerged from the green ooze was two French fishermen pissing themselves laughing.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 28 February 2005 14:03 (twenty years ago)

when i was really little and playing football. my even littler baby brother was running around as well and got hit in the nappy by the ball (or walked into the ball with his nappy). we laughed so hard - the ball hit him in the nappy! the noise - like a ruffling plastic bag.

― bn, Monday, 28 February 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

I did this last Thursday night. I'd just brought my shopping out to my car. It was dark. I opened the boot, bent down to pick up the shopping to put in the boot, the boot lid had lowered itself to half mast and bang, straight into the sodding thing with my nut.

I went to a wedding on Friday with a nice bulbous lump on me forehead.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Monday, 28 February 2005 14:19 (twenty years ago)

The traditional glass door. Cracked it but didn't go through it, phew.

When I was twelve I went to Irish college in Donegal. I went down to one of the other houses to chat to some friends of mine. On the way out of the house I walked straight through a glass door, cutting my hand and my leg really badly. Now, this was a very small village in Donegal, and it turned out that the local doctor (who was three miles away, and one of the boys in the house had to run the three miles to try and get him) was gone on holiday and the locum wasn't arriving till the next morning, so they had to get the vet to come and stitch up my leg. The vet's bedside manner left a bit to be desired. All he said was "You can scream all you want, but don't move."

The stitches fell out two days later. Man, I have some ugly scars on that leg.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 28 February 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

haha "you can scream all you want"! WHY THANK YOU!!!

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 28 February 2005 14:26 (twenty years ago)

Not too sure if I walked into this, or it into me, anyway...

Walking to work over camden lock bridge early morning a few years ago , hungover and pretty oblivious to anything going on. Next thing I know I come to in a heap on the pavement with concerned locals (and drunks) gathered around me.

A pidgeon had been flying full pelt along the canal, and exploded against the side of my head, knocking me out, and killing itself in a explosion of feathers.

― MattR (MattR), Monday, 28 February 2005 14:31 (twenty years ago)

from Try Glasgow More

haha i actually missed the coach! some bastard told me the wrong way to get to victoria coach station from the tube, and i slipped in the rain fell on my arse whilst running back! haha. some guy behind me went "OOOOHHHHHHHHSHHHHHH" in a shocked painful way.
going to get the train at noon from kings cross, i should get there before the actual coach arrives!! That'll show them!
-- ken c (pykachu10...), September 10th, 2004 9:45 AM. (ken c)

it was a very good fall, i really took off from the ground after stepping on the wet metal plate. that guy really sounded concerned with my welfare/impressed with the dramatic fall.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 28 February 2005 14:38 (twenty years ago)

I ran into a pole in kindergarten. I was running and looking behind me, turned my head back around and there it was.

It was the only time I've ever passed out/knocked unconscious. It happened to be the day we got our first PC, so I got to go home and play my first home computer game (something involving Mickey Mouse and Pluto planet-jumping through the solar system to find space-treasure, I think it was a multiple-choice based game).

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 28 February 2005 14:53 (twenty years ago)

en route to the bank, i walked into a small tin sign on a traffic light that advertised a golf sale. after paying my cheques in at the bank i went to the supermarket and, while queueing to pay for my goods, realised that i had blood pouring down my face from the gash.

at SXSW last year, i was at some disused church out in Austin, waiting for a Comets On Fire show and, as i walked up the gangway to the church, comeone called my name so I turned to say hello. as I turned back to look where I was walking, I walked straight into a head-level air-conditioning vent. i fell to the ground, got up and walked into the church, but as i ran my hands through my hair a few minutes later, watching Ali Roberts, I again realised that I was pouring blood from a large gash on the top of my head.

when I was 6 years old I ran through the glass door that opened to my best-friend's back garden. we had been playing 'spies', hiding from his mum, and when she walked into the kitchen I bolted for the garden, not knowing the day was shut. It shattered, but I didn't catch a scratch.

― stevie (stevie), Monday, 28 February 2005 15:30 (twenty years ago)

Our Edward rand backwards into a metal pole in the school yard once and burst his tongue.

He also got hit in the eye with a pencil when he was seven, and went head first through the bottom glass panel of our front door when he was about eleven.

He should have worn a mac and a beret.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 28 February 2005 15:38 (twenty years ago)

I'm notorious for doing this at the most awkward times.

When I was a nervous 15 year old, I had just finished eating dinner with my girlfriend's parents for the first time and was about to go home. I was doing well, too! Shook dad's hand, thanked mom for meal, then proceeded to walk straight through the screen of the sliding glass door.

A few months later I was proving how great I was with kid's by tossing around a football for her little cousin. I threw it too far and it bounced off the wall of the house and made this big arc, so I was going to be the stud and run to catch it, only I ran straight into the cast iron pole that held up their bird feeders and fell flat on my ass.

Also, when I'm by myself I usually just walked into the corner of walls rather than exert the effort to make the full turn around them. I have bruises on strange places because of this.

― stephen morris (stephen morris), Monday, 28 February 2005 15:46 (twenty years ago)

I was riding bikes with a friend of mine in high school late one night. He was busy talking about Dream Theater, not really paying attention to where he was going and rode right into a tetherball pole. I guess I could have warned him but I really don't like Dream Theater.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 28 February 2005 17:41 (twenty years ago)

yes but it hit him on his nappy!

― bn, Monday, 28 February 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

thirteen years pass...

looking in wallet for travel card and oops

https://i.imgur.com/j8BNOVs.jpg

― dele alli my bookmarks (darraghmac), Tuesday, 17 July 2018 17:23 (seven years ago)

Oh heck

― devops mom (silby), Tuesday, 17 July 2018 17:50 (seven years ago)

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