If ILE was television what bit would you be?

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I am the test pattern and sometimes, an advertisement for milk.

― rainy, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i would be MTV: mindless, loud and trashy

― di, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I would be the self-righteous public access smuggo crit who thinks he's funny.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm the fuzz and static that obscures, scrambles, and destroys the reception.

― Honda, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I would be Tori Spelling in a tv movie of the week about a hooker with amnesia who's searching for her father's killer.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Jerry Glanville or Terry Bradshaw -- because I'd love to trash the West Coast offense and make fun of the San Francisco 49ers.

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

a documentary on PBS

― Mike Hanle y, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I wish I were the Daily Show.... but probably I'm a rerun of Blossom.

― Kim, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Viewer talkback when the elderly and red necks ring up Or Diana from waiting for god

― Menelaus Darcy, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

NewsRadio: shyly funny (funnier than most people would initially realize), cherished by a few folks "in the know", and offering sporadic bits of sci-fi-influenced paranoia. (We all have a bit of Joe Rogan in us, tho, don't we?)

― David Raposa, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The under-budgeted, under-produced automobile wax advertisement.

― RS, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd be David Letterman's boom mike operator.

― turner, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Dr Phil on Oprah would shout at me for forgetting my spirit

― Nancy Drew, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

A telly with an iMAC design. There's only one channel on it, namely a foreign language channel. It has a program called "How To Talk English". You mainly watch the channel to have a laugh at the mistakes the presenter makes.

― helen fordsdale, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i am the wacky neighbor ala Lary from 3's Company

― chaki, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Penfold

― Will, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd be the knob.

― Mark C, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i would be the tawdry and pretentious subtitled film they show on showcase or bravo at 3 am .

― anthony, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ceefax children's pages

― Alan Trewartha, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

cancelled.

― kate, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Open House with Gloria Hunniford. Or the dictionary dell on Countdown. Is that what it's called? I don't watch Countdown. Richard Whitely is too smug, and I never get the conundrum.

― alix, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

wonky donkey!!

― mark s, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Late night programmes with lots of swearing.

― DG, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Fred Dibna

― Ed, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The Two Ronnies.

― Pete, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

adult channel - all filth all hrs...the show that 12 yr olds jack off to.

― geoff, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In 10 years time...presenting an open university programme.

― Bill, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i'd be the show you have to sit through before the cartoons come on.

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

the mclaughlin group, talkin' loud, sayin' nothin'.

― maura, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The interstatials on MTV, circa 1990.

― Sterling Clover, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The talking head who keeps nattering vaguely on until the host says, "I'd love to hear more, but we're going to have to break for this commercial."

― Nitsuh, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The blue screen that the weather forecasters stand in front of.

― james, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The Louie Anderson bit.

― Arthur, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd be the little black and white bit in the top right hand corner of the screen which comes on just before the adverts.

― jamesmichaelward, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Cat Deeley's microphone! hehe!

― james, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

One of those pastel hipster kids in those Cinnaburst commercials.

― Brian MacDonald, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I have just stocked up on caffeine and am currently playing Fun Tourist's marvy Who Needs Alice Anyway? very loud, so in an hour or two I will be a yoof program, all high-speed cutting between bad camera angles and thinking I'm cool and funny when I'm really painfully not. At some point I may fall over as people skateboard past to the sound of a guitar solo and a 160bpm snare rush, there will probably be some ill- advised innuendo, and later on I may exhort hapless teens to drink their own urine in a quest for viewing figures and cult status. Yeah! Can you get down with these rinsin' flavours, daddy-o? Back to the studio!

― Rebecca, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I would turn it off because the television in Britain is crap.

― micheal ree, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The "Planet Earth" video, sometimes played on The Big 80s.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I actually laughed at one of Richard Whiteley's jokes today. Should I seek help?

Contestant 1: Jiving.
Contestant 2: Voting.
Richard Whiteley: So, voting and jiving... both things I do every five years.

Actually at one point I decided the dictionary corner geezer with the pen camera (hur hur hur hmmmmm) was dreamy, so yes, I probably should seek help.

Oh yeah, at 3am when the caffeine runs out and wears off I will be a program of bad self-pitying third-form poetry by people who really should be old enough to know better, accompanied by laughably inappropriate imagery. Like the spoof in the Cluub Zarathustra pilot show, except, er, not a spoof. Actually, it's such a pointlessly easy and potentially unfunny (in a very year-6-drama-lesson way) target that maybe I would be a spoof.

― Rebecca, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I used to like one of the girls on dictionary corner!

― james, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

two years pass...

The Simple Life

― Allyzay, Thursday, 4 December 2003 20:14 (twenty-one years ago)

An infomercial at 4 AM, encouraging much chocolate and shagging to while away the night hours. Failing that, hot chocolate and a bulky book.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 4 December 2003 22:34 (twenty-one years ago)

introducing all of Kitchen Stadium to my IRON CHEFS! Those invincible men of culinary skills!

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Thursday, 4 December 2003 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd be the production company identification bit after the credits are over ("Sit, Ubu, sit!", etc.), because I've always friggin wanted one of those of my own, but don't want to make television. I just want a second and a half of airtime devoted to my whimsy and quirkiness. Someday I'll make a great Crazy Bus Guy.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 4 December 2003 22:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I would be Bobby Flay

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 4 December 2003 22:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Grrr Arrgh

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 4 December 2003 22:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah Flay--you tried hard
but lost in my Stadium!
Less whining, next time! (< /kaga>)

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Friday, 5 December 2003 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Sadly I think I'd be one of those really annoying loud and repetetive ads for shitty car lots that get played WAY TOO OFTEN and get bad jingles stuck in everyones branes.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 5 December 2003 01:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Quiz show pannelist they got on at short notice because someone actually funny dropped out.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 5 December 2003 01:13 (twenty-one years ago)

the hinterland who's who!!!

me: "the leatherback turtle weighs MORE THAN FIVE REFRIDGERATORS!!!!!!"
you: "ehhh fuck off"

― jones (actual), Friday, 5 December 2003 01:20 (twenty-one years ago)

the irritating musical interlude

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 5 December 2003 01:22 (twenty-one years ago)

"i got 68 pie..."

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 5 December 2003 01:22 (twenty-one years ago)

The intro to "Anslagstavlan" on Swedish TV.

― Øystein H-O (Øystein H-O), Friday, 5 December 2003 01:38 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.math.chalmers.se/~ivar/anslagstavlan.jpg

― Øystein H-O (Øystein H-O), Friday, 5 December 2003 01:39 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.game-revolution.com/download/goodies/triumph-starwars.jpg

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 5 December 2003 01:46 (twenty-one years ago)

"J-Lo's butt is like the Holy Grail-o!"

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 5 December 2003 01:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Big Brother

― man, Friday, 5 December 2003 02:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I would be one of the talking head "experts" on PBS Frontline, blithering about how The Man stuck it to the Powerless. Of course, that's when I'm not being Edina from AbFab. Life is full of contradictions like that.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 5 December 2003 02:55 (twenty-one years ago)

The local news reporter who covers medical issues.

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 5 December 2003 03:34 (twenty-one years ago)

an extra

― g--ff (gcannon), Friday, 5 December 2003 04:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Some days I feel like Brian Krakow.

― bnw (bnw), Friday, 5 December 2003 04:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I have the sneaking suspicion that I am Saturday Night Live.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 5 December 2003 06:36 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.akdreamer.com/botp/picts/misc/botplogo.gif

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 5 December 2003 06:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I would be one of the British Airmen in Allo Allo.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Friday, 5 December 2003 08:22 (twenty-one years ago)

the NASA channel. do they still have that?

― geeta (geeta), Friday, 5 December 2003 08:22 (twenty-one years ago)

A dodgy history programme on Channel 5 with lots of whackadoo conspiracy theories and silly and inaccurate historical reenactments! Hah!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 5 December 2003 08:56 (twenty-one years ago)

A no-brainer: I'd be 'Media Watch'.

― Fred Nerk (Fred Nerk), Friday, 5 December 2003 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd be Jamie Oliver (with a northern accent obv)

― chris (chris), Friday, 5 December 2003 09:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm the little blurb ticker running across the bottom of the screen.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 5 December 2003 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

TERRY CHRISTIAN

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Friday, 5 December 2003 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I would be a Shoe City commercial.

(Baltimore/DC footwear chain with horribly cheesy low-budget hip-videos-as-adverts)

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 5 December 2003 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

four years pass...

I would be Huell Howser

― Elvis Telecom, Tuesday, 30 September 2008 22:40 (seventeen years ago)

The 2am show that usually convinces you it's finally time to go bed, but is occasionally funny if you're hammered.

― Z S, Tuesday, 30 September 2008 22:46 (seventeen years ago)

I'd be one of those science experts who says one spacey out-there thing in a two hour interview and a clip of that is all they use in the show.

― Viceroy, Tuesday, 30 September 2008 22:52 (seventeen years ago)

duh

http://lucytheblog.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/mclaughlin.jpg

― gabbneb, Tuesday, 30 September 2008 22:53 (seventeen years ago)

I'd be some show on QVC about foodstuffs

― homosexual II, Tuesday, 30 September 2008 22:57 (seventeen years ago)

my city
your city
shoe city

― mookieproof, Tuesday, 30 September 2008 22:59 (seventeen years ago)

A PSA earnestly urging the audience to take an embarrassing medical condition/symptom/test seriously.

― not a Georgia peach but a Maryland crab (j.lu), Wednesday, 1 October 2008 01:08 (seventeen years ago)

a minor recurring character on The OC

― sad man in him room (milo z), Wednesday, 1 October 2008 01:16 (seventeen years ago)

louis would be poochie

― Barack HUSSEIN Obama (max), Wednesday, 1 October 2008 01:17 (seventeen years ago)

Dirty Jobs

― Kerm, Wednesday, 1 October 2008 01:33 (seventeen years ago)

http://sctvguide.ca/programs/images/williamb_sammy.jpg

That's me on the left, William B. Williams.

― Radiant Flowering Crab (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 1 October 2008 02:05 (seventeen years ago)

i would be a late-night infomercial offering enhancement for "that CERTAIN part of the male body"

― my burberry tights (get bent), Wednesday, 1 October 2008 02:09 (seventeen years ago)

I'd be reruns of The French Chef and The Galloping Gourmet.

― Jaq, Wednesday, 1 October 2008 02:11 (seventeen years ago)

(xpost) either that or the 4 a.m. patriotic signoff/station ID that hasn't been updated since 1968.

― my burberry tights (get bent), Wednesday, 1 October 2008 02:15 (seventeen years ago)

not '68 but close enough:

― my burberry tights (get bent), Wednesday, 1 October 2008 02:31 (seventeen years ago)

I'd be a Simpsons re-run. I keep telling the same story over and over and hoping theres *someone* who hasnt heard it yet...

― Trayce, Wednesday, 1 October 2008 04:15 (seventeen years ago)

Germaine Greer appearing randomly on commentary shows and ranting on bizarre tangents about sex, art and lusting after young boys.

― Kate And The King (Masonic Boom), Wednesday, 1 October 2008 07:55 (seventeen years ago)

I'd be the random British tourist in Central Perk.

― Autobot Lover (jel --), Wednesday, 1 October 2008 07:58 (seventeen years ago)

late night 'some-obscure-unheard-of-sport' on Five

― Ste, Wednesday, 1 October 2008 08:15 (seventeen years ago)

Some dude in the audience of a TV show where the audience is hardly ever shown.

― Jibe, Wednesday, 1 October 2008 09:15 (seventeen years ago)

Bitter alcoholic ex-football pro providing post-match analysis

― Carrie Bradshaw Layfield (The stickman from the hilarious 'xkcd' comics), Wednesday, 1 October 2008 09:17 (seventeen years ago)

Bloke being arrested on Cops/Booze Britain

― I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO (Colonel Poo), Wednesday, 1 October 2008 09:19 (seventeen years ago)

I'd be that bloke who seems to be on every damn show, for 30 seconds.

― Mark G, Wednesday, 1 October 2008 09:22 (seventeen years ago)

Woody Woodpecker

― dog latin, Wednesday, 1 October 2008 10:34 (seventeen years ago)

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