advice thread! mk. one billion

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Well

I've been with my girlfriend for nearly THREE months now. Which is quite cool. But what isn't cool, is it's going super super slowly. Nothing sexual and we don't talk about feelings or anything much. I think she is really quite shy and still nervous about being in a relationship (her first one EVER!). And even though she lives across the road from me she doesn't actually stay for very long when she comes over because she is always tired, has work to do e.t.c - she does have pressure from her a-levels and such at the moment so i am understanding and never kick up a fuss if she says she can't come over or goes home after half an hour because she is tired. But her living across the road from me also means theres no excuse for her to come and stay the night or anything. Which would probably give us more of a chance to talk or something.

I really really like her and in a way i'm scared of forcing any of these issues because i don't want it to backfire and her decide to just end things (or put her under more pressure that she doesn't need). BUT Its all really frustrating and i'm at my wits end as to what to do.

Any suggestions ILXors?

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:42 (twenty years ago)

I accidentally joined an emo band and went to practise tonight

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:44 (twenty years ago)

Keep on masturbatin'.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:44 (twenty years ago)

Talk to her about it.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:44 (twenty years ago)

Stop pissing in your trousers.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:45 (twenty years ago)

Now i know why people do these things 'logged out'.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:46 (twenty years ago)

the suggestions would've been even worse had you posted anon

― $V£N! (blueski), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:48 (twenty years ago)

Talking to her is a good suggestion i guess. I'm just scared because it'll be the first time we'll have talked about stuff like that and i don't want her to freak out and break up with me or something.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:48 (twenty years ago)

if she breaks up with you just because you want to communicate with her, then you're better off anyways.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:49 (twenty years ago)

You can probably buy Rohypnol online.

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:50 (twenty years ago)

i guess so (xpost)

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:51 (twenty years ago)

Question about losing virginity? [nsfw, gross]

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:51 (twenty years ago)

Results 1 - 10 of about 1,440 for "roofie colada". (0.37 seconds)

I'm so happy that there's so many uses of that phrase online.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:52 (twenty years ago)

i say take her for a slap up feed (and do use the expression 'slap up feed' as it will make any right-minded person giggle imo), ply her with just enough vino to get her to let her hair down (unless it is already down in which case 'tipsy enough to want to indulge in baby talk with a random passing cat' should suffice), be the absolute intergalactic baron of wit you know you can be and then just after making her laugh for the 200th time look into her eyes and infer that you would really love to do her. when you get back to yours whack on some Viktor Dupleix and if that doesn't work she's clearly a lezza.

― $V£N! (blueski), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:54 (twenty years ago)

hstencil otm

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:55 (twenty years ago)

stevem OTM.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:56 (twenty years ago)

No wait, jaymc OTM. Sorry.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:57 (twenty years ago)

yeah stevem thats a great idea. I was going to suggest taking her out as some kind of marking of three months. So that could well work.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:58 (twenty years ago)

Maybe i should ask her how she feels everything is going? would that be a good idea ILX?

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 20:58 (twenty years ago)

no and no.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:00 (twenty years ago)

it's tricky.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:00 (twenty years ago)

yeah but focus on the having fun part if you can - 90% fun, 10% asking awkard questions.

― $V£N! (blueski), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:01 (twenty years ago)

I think some heavy petting may be in order in order before you shove your beef in her oven.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:02 (twenty years ago)

really? xxpost

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:02 (twenty years ago)

Remy is dripping with romance! At least I hope that's romance. Ew.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:03 (twenty years ago)

Three months with no sex doesn't bode well. Maybe she has... issues.

― andy --, Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:05 (twenty years ago)

take her out to a movie and try 'the popcorn trick', only instead of popcorn, use nachos, and instead of your penis, use cheese dip. before long she will be yours, or at the very least, full.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:06 (twenty years ago)

or she's like a 17 year old virgin... but no play at all is a *little* weird

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

have you tried the yawn and drop trick yet?

― Porkpie (porkpie), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

oh theres been a little breast fondling.

I get the impression she isn't against the idea of sex but i'm hardly making any moves or efforts to initiate it (mainly because i dont see her for extended periods of time.)

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

it only takes like half an hour dude.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

Yeah but if she comes around and i start trying to hump her i'll come off as a bit gross, no?

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:10 (twenty years ago)

wow, does indie rock ever have a lot to answer for.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:11 (twenty years ago)

stevem is so classy

― ---- (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:11 (twenty years ago)

If you perform like a superstud, she'll be coming by all the time. At least that's how it works in 50 Cent songs.

― andy --, Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:41 (twenty years ago)

I know everyone has to start somewhere, but Hari, these things are not as tricky as you're making out. Next time you kiss her, take it a step further (however you want to read that) - don't try to fuck her, but maybe more clothes off, or some down below stroking, or something. If she's shy or nervous, that isn't a stop sign - it's just a clue to be gentle, sensitive and not rush, NOT a "don't you dare buster".

Don't talk to her about it - shy and inexperienced people find that even harder, and you could drive a wedge between you. Just have fun together, make out, and take it as it comes.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:42 (twenty years ago)

Alternatively, show her your plonker and go "THE MILKMAN'S HERE!!"

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:44 (twenty years ago)

she doesn't actually stay for very long when she comes over because she is always tired, has work to do e.t.c - she does have pressure from her a-levels

Worth waiting until her A levels are over? If she doesn't increase her presence after that, she's not interested.

Seriously I'd go out and find someone who's less inhibited and makes you feel more comfortable within yourself and within a relationship.

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:45 (twenty years ago)

Nobody, but nobody, says no to a fiber optic dildo.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:46 (twenty years ago)

As always communication is the key. Tell her what you've just told us. She might have no idea how you feel in this regard [apologies if you've already done this].

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:47 (twenty years ago)

e.g.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:47 (twenty years ago)

Whimpering and pointing at my zipper has done wonders for me.

― andy --, Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:48 (twenty years ago)

good ideas, markelby.

i am going to have to do something or i'll go mad. Or break up with her. Something we probably both don't want.
(xpost)

Adam, i haven't told her anything yet. But i think she's definately interested. To her even being my girlfriend was a big big step, one she wouldn't have taken unless she liked me a lot. But she is kind of odd. Likes her own time. But i think if the relationship were to progress the time issue would sort itself out (ala 50 cent as someone said upthread). Talking would be really hard.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:49 (twenty years ago)

i'm gonna go to bed now. but thanks for the words of advice everybody. Even being able to just say how i feel has helped clarify things in my head.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 21:51 (twenty years ago)

I feel sorry for young girls today if the prevailing attitude is "3 months and no sex is weird". Jesus. Can't girls enjoy innocent first loves anymore?

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 22:38 (twenty years ago)

(nb not dissing you Hari - just some of the other comments here)

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 22:38 (twenty years ago)

yeah I thought the same thing Trayce. I'm sexually adventurous but it always took some time for me to feel comfortable enough with someone that I'd take that plunge.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 23:25 (twenty years ago)

She may very well be expecting you to make the moves, Hari.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 23:33 (twenty years ago)

I feel sorry for young girls today if the prevailing attitude is "3 months and no sex is weird". Jesus. Can't girls enjoy innocent first loves anymore?

I think they usually get that out of the way at 14 or so, now.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 00:00 (twenty years ago)

(not to sound icky, it's just that the group of girls I was friends with in high school were dating creepy 20+ yr olds when they were 15)

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 00:01 (twenty years ago)

Some young girls have a way of appearing worldly when they're not.

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 00:14 (twenty years ago)

I think some heavy petting may be in order in order before you shove your beef in her oven.

-- Remy (...@...), April 12th, 2005. (x Jeremy) (later)

Remy is dripping with romance! At least I hope that's romance. Ew.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (...@...), April 12th, 2005. (Dan Perry) (later)

He's dripping with dripping!

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 06:40 (twenty years ago)

She may very well be expecting you to make the moves, Hari.

Quite so. Just let your hands wander a little next time you're kissing, and see how receptive she is to that.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 07:48 (twenty years ago)

Yeah i've done that before a bit (no below the waist). She doesn't seem to mind it but she does seem kind of nervous whenever that happens.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 07:53 (twenty years ago)

If she doesn't stop you, then keep going:)

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 07:57 (twenty years ago)

But then when she goes home it seems abrupt and i get guilty that she didn't even wanna do any of that stuff.

She's kind of timid about showing affection.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 07:59 (twenty years ago)

As other people have said: if she's just timid, that doesn't mean you should stop; just be gentle, and try to move things slowly but surely. If she seems to be actively saying "no", though, stop right away.

(NB: I am definitely not the right person to be taking this sort of advice from, though)

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 08:08 (twenty years ago)

You all seem to be right. This relationship is really weird. Maybe she actually likes just coming round for 45 minutes and holding hands and kissing a couple of times.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 08:11 (twenty years ago)

Wait til the weather is better then take her to a lovely scenic park, get her drunk on Pimms and then do some sex. She'll thank you for it in years to come when people ask where she lost her virginity. She can say 'in a lovely scenic park, mind-addled on Pimms' rather than 'behind the sports centre, after a bottle of White Lightning' or 'at my nans whilst on K'.
Neither of these apply to me, btw.

― Alix with an i? (alix), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 08:22 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

this is just about where i am right now in my relationship. right down to the 'living across the road' problem, it's quite uncanny. except i think the roles are more reversed than not. it's probably been covered since, i don't usually pay much attention to ilx relationshipland, but how did this turn out (or 'how is this turning out' maybe), Hari?

― jermaine (jnoble), Friday, 20 May 2005 19:07 (twenty years ago)

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