How can I get sacked from the DWP?

Students don't get JSA. You won't get it if you voluntarily quit either.

You can't claim benefits if you are sacked, as far as I'm aware.

If you're sacked you can, I think. Why can't you just stick this job or some temping until your course starts anyway? What's the deal with getting benefits? They're pretty much worthless if you or your family have any savings, the job centre is a humiliating and depressing place, so what gives? Are you just lazy?

Sorry to appear aggressive, but working, yes, sucks. Not working also sucks unless you are independently wealthy.

Post to ilx all day long without googling the name of the dept and never do any work. And call IT and tell them that porn's taking a long time to downnload on your computer and could they do something to speed it up.

You will not get free cash as a student:

http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/cms.asp?Page=/Home/Customers/WorkingAgeBenefits/497#caniget

Why did you think you would?

Liz, it's not laziness, it's a wild crazy scheme to save myself £855 in course fees and also get a few quid a week while doing this course. I'm not certain, but I don't think my family have any savings that matter. I'm planning to stay in work until a week or so before the course starts in September. The course is full-time, 5 days a week so I won't be doing any working then.

xpost, yeah I'm a bit taken aback by the aggro. My query isn't about becoming a full-time dolebum, it's about how to manipulate the DWP into paying for me to do a course in something to further my career.

Personally, I think you should become a dolebum. Good luck!

Liz. When you're on JSA they try to persuade you into taking a whole host of wonderful courses. I think this course, that I want to take, is one of them. I am not certain. But I think it is.

Actually, I just checked the college site and it says:

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STUDENTS AGED 19 OR OVER

Most of our students pay no fees. If you receive a means-tested benefit such as Income Support, the college will waive your tuition and exam fees.

If you do not receive such a benefit you may be liable to pay fees. However, if you are on a low income you can apply for support through our discretionary waiver of fees fund.

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But I'm not sure if JSA is a means-tested benefit or not.

Yeah you'll get your fees paid, but you'll be living on an allowance which is really not sufficient to live on. I wouldn't go back on JSA even if they made me a really fucking top notch cake. It is an awful way to live.

I have no advice for getting sacked, apart from suggesting you burp a lot. At your colleagues.

isnt it best just to resign, get a short term temp job, then when that finishes surely you are eligible?

But this is an allowance which I would not otherwise have. My plan is to move back in with my parents for the 18 week duration and hopefully they will lend me some money to survive on so I don't have to take out a career development loan.

If I didn't apply for JSA I would have to pay the £855 course fees myself and have nothing live on (other than whatever my parents would loan me, and money from the CDL people).

It sounds simple but I dunno, I'm expecting some JSA loophole to emerge which prevents this type of thing from happening.

Burping won't get anyone sacked here. Not-Goodwin and I regularly fart in each other's faces and it's all seen as healthy office banter.

xpost to Gareth, yes! That's what I suggested in my initial post but I'm wondering if anyone has any better ideas or has insider-knowledge that a plan like this won't work.

Sorry to come over all Barry here, but don't you have the self-respect not to get sacked? It'll be on your record, you won't get references (and boy do they come in handy later), oh, and you'll be letting down your employer, dull or otherwise.

If you want to quit, resign. Hanging in there sounds a better move, though, if you can face it.

Burping could almost pass as endearing. The same cannot be said for farting however.

It worries me how much value some people place in negative and soul-destroying jobs. On the other hand, I'm not a model of career stability.

I'm pretty sure that certain kinds of sacking (gross misconduct for example) will mean no benefits for up to 6 months. You might find it hard to get sacked quickly enough to be able to take advantage of this course. How long have you been working? If it's 2 years or more then you can claim contribution-based JSA for 6 months, but again, you have to be made unemployed through something that isn't really your fault. I have some extreme suggestions, but it would depend how far you were willing to go to get out of there.

Good luck in your endeavours not to be destroyed by an unfeeling social organisation dedicated to wasting millions of lives ;)

Ah, never thought about the references thing. Good point. My main idea was to resign and get a temp job but if sacking could do it easier, well hey.

Anyway, a colleague has just explained that you can't receive JSA if you're studying for over 20 hours a week. Which this course would be. And students can't claim Income Support, so it's the kindness of parents or the CDL people for me.

Thus, this thread is now pointless. Thanks to everyone and apologies to Liz x for uh, angering her so.

Oh and Barry, you haven't ever worked for the DWP have you? There is NO self-respect in this job. None. What. So. Ever.

The Dignity of Labour, and Other Fairy Stories.

Noodle, just out of interest what are the extreme suggestions that you mentioned above?

Ultra-erratic behaviour that doesn't fall into the realm of gross misconduct. Sudden inability to correctly perform your work functions whilst appearing to be mystified at this.

Ah, me. I am not up on all the curious twists and crannies of the applicable laws, but I suspect that you must not be sacked 'for cause', as for example consistently knife-fighting in the lunch room or refusal to enter the building until you are handed a two kilogram sack full of money. Therefore, you must concoct a reason for them to reluctantly conclude that a parting of the ways would be better for both parties, but especially them, because keeping you about the place would be significantly more trouble than replacing you with a rotting carp.

May I suggest that you develop flatulence of such a robust nature and all-pervading stench that the merest whiff would set one's latest meal on the move in the wrong direction?

Failing that, you have my permission to develop a sudden penchant for crying jags that go on uncontrollably for weeks at a time, for which you apologize hourly and profusely to your supervisor, while simultaneously smearing your face with tears and snot in heroic amounts.

From what the uni says, it looks as if could be eligible for support because you are on a low income. I suggest that you contact the university and apply for some of that "support through our discretionary waiver of fees fund."

Have a chat with them so that they know that you're serious, and po'. That way you can stay on at your job until the course starts and keep making some money. You may have to pay a little bit for the course, but you'll keep your good references and on the whole probably come out ahead money-wise.

you can't, you're here for life. life life life life life

Invent some ex-girlfriend who has died suddenly (get the name from the notices in the local paper), pretend to be very fucked up about it, stop turning up for work, or turn up drunk. Either they'll give you some compassionate leave while paying you, or they'll come to some sort of arrangement that'll let you leave and claim JSA. Also, when you do got to claim, keep the pretence up & go see your doctor as well and you should be able to get more money in sickness benefit and less hassle to boot. That's what I'd do. But it's up to you, man.

Invent a dead girlfriend, get sacked, then fake sick to get money you don't deserve from everyone else putting up with shit unrewarding jobs.

ILX Career Advice: Second to none.

ILX Career Advice: morally and ethically dubious, more like.

Putting up with shit unrewarding jobs: Pointless or Dud?

Flip coke or die.

Gold medal goes to Eyeball Kicks, that's a fantastic plan.