Kinky masochism vs. self-harming

Possibly that did actually lead into 20-something experiments with mild kinky sex.

I think there is something to the endorphin rush, but also to the sense of control/power. A lot of self-harm was this kind of "you can't hurt me anywhere near as much as I can hurt myself" type pseudo-logic.

Thankfully I grew out of the self harm thing. I'm not sure if I've grown out of kinky sex. (I'm not going to get into details at work.) Though I seem to have grown out of sex, fullstop.

A lot of Joe's "perversions" (having mild to quite severe pain inflicted on him) seemed to stem from extreme teenage masturbation fantasies/techniques - I wonder if that was his version of "self-harm". He really talked about his teenage years - AT. ALL. - so I never really found out if there was a connection.

OK, outside the occasional mild frisson that SATC style chat about mild kinkiness provokes, and the occasional "bondage chic" fashion.

Is it because lots of things are more acceptible to do with a partner? That somehow it's less "sad" or "worrying" if done in tandem.

Also, because typical S&M pain doesn't usually involve blood letting in a way that self harm usually does. (Unless it's questionable goff "vampire sex".)

because there are humorous implications? at least in the satc/soft-porn world of mild kink. i mean what's not funny about "naughty schoolgirl receiving a spanking!" (when the "schoolgirl" is a consenting adult?

No offense intended. I'm asking as someone who used to do it myself - and spent a lot of time trying to rationalise why I did it. My excuse was "it hurts but it distracts me from the pain in my mind" or some kind of teenage goth nonsense. But it was more than a distraction.

I'm not sure I can see the "self-harm = solo, kinky sex = group" thing. This is partly because being permanently single, all the pervy sex stuff I do is a form of masturbation anyway.

because typical S&M pain doesn't usually involve blood letting in a way that self harm usually does

This might be a thing - blood is one of the common limits, one of the things that most people into BDSM Just Won't Do.

(or maybe I just read the wrong personal ad websites)

((I suppose the difference is really, if there is a difference, that one is done with a specific sexual release intended, while the other is a more general release. Which I suppose is what Pink was saying back there.))

I guess the difference is that if I've hurt myself in the past, it's been more out of frustration that a sense of emotional release.

that's been my experience. when i was in fourth grade i would get kind of upset when one of my 'friends' was ganging up with another kid to make fun of me. to relieve the stress i would start carving my arm with scissors or a ruler blade. i didnt know how else to cope with my anger. eventually my parents and teacher saw this and i was sent to counseling. my rulers and scissors were replaced with plastic ones. so i stopped doing that.

i still pinch myself when i'm angry or upset sometimes. not that its a good thing, but it does take the brain off extreme emotional strss, so i can see why people cut themselves or whatnot.