Tuesday Oct 4th Fancy A Kebab? [FAP: Swimmer At The Grafton Arms]

also...

The next day is my birthday and it might be fun to go out in London!

yeah.. whatever. i remember what happened last year.

i'm glad i'm not the only person who holds kebab eating as a significant event!!

this is important.

cor, that's nearly as many as what you use...

it wasn't his fault tho, his train was cancelled.

http://ilx.wh3rd.net/searchresults.php?board=1&mode=questions&q=&titlepart=%21&name=ken+c&email=&username=&dateafter=&datebefore=&catid=all

Shawarmaa wins it for me, followed by Shish, but sometimes only a donor will do. Decisions, decisions...

it's tomorrow, guys, vague plans....

I'm going to get a few drinks in with work folks until about 7 or so.. and then I'm probably going to head to the SWIMMERS (yeah guys!) at the grafton arms, to get drunk drunk drunk.

and then it's off to CRYSTALS KEBAB (there was a thread about this once upon a time!!!)
Chrystals kebab C/D?

to eat kebabs - depending on stomach capacity i might have two on the trot uh huh.

sfxxx I moved in yesterday, minus all my stuff, so by all means drop the local food science (e.g. is that organic fruit n' veg as weird and hippyish as it's rumoured to be?)

some more "facts":

-- many kebabs contain elvis presley's excrement. in fact, look under the radioactive salad and you'll find hitler, in a red london bus, trying to find his way to the moon.

-- oh, fuck it, i can't be arsed.

srsly, dude, where the FUCK did you find that pish?

there's shit on every hand you shake, carlos.

also: a kebab every 4 days for a year = 91.25 kebabs, so I can still fuck until 11/12/2098 before my willy goes limp, that's assuming I'll eat a quarter of a kebab on 11/12 rather than waiting for 4/10/2099.

I'd like to think I can still pull by the time I'm 118.

ken, you need to go to that street in Wolverhampton which is nothing but kebab houses and you get a choice of medium (in a pitta) or large (in a naan). You would love it.

i don't really care about that anymore aldo, what i want to know is which city's population have the cleanest shit because i'm going to be there eating 40% of it on 4/10/2008

doner kebab is shite food whatever

i feel like i'm not doing my part for the kebab community by pooing into the toilet and flushing it down to the sewers, rather than collecting it to the kebabaid charity.

or do they have special machines in the sewers that collect poo into a little rotating spit?

how do they separate out the toilet paper?

Please stop this, I am going to be sick

Hardly surprising, if even a picture of a kebab makes you feel sick.

Tubgirl is obviously the optimum way of kebabbing, cuts out even having to go to the shop.

xpost

well, no doubt your friendly neighbourhood kebab dude will come and scoop it up and turn it into a fast-food delight.

or maybe you could gather it up and turn it into a post on a message board.

Fine - eat dung and be ill - that is your right!

"eat dung, die young"

Before you vomit, i hope you do understand that

- Vomiting can be very dangerous if the gastric content gets into the respiratory tract. The individual may choke and asphyxiate or suffer an aspiration pneumonia.

- Since the stomach secretes acid, vomit contains a high concentration of hydronium ions and is thus strongly acidic. Recent food intake will be reflected in the gastric vomit.

- Fresh blood in the vomit is termed hematemesis ("blood vomiting"). Old blood bears resemblance to coffee grounds (as the iron in the blood is oxidized), and when this matter is identified the term "coffee ground vomiting" is used.

- Fecal vomiting is often a consequence of intestinal obstruction, and is treated as a warning sign of this potentially serious problem ("signum mali ominis"); such vomiting is sometimes called "miserere".

- Bile can enter the vomit during subsequent heaves due to duodenal contraction if the vomiting is severe.

- If food has recently been consumed, then partly digested food may show up in the vomit.

Yes that is true Ken and how Jimi Hendrix met his sad death

Fine - eat dung and be ill - that is your right!

indeed! talk dung and be marked down as a spectacular bell-end: that's yours!

Oh dear - maybe grimly fiendish's parents ran a kebab shop, LOL

Yes that is true Ken and how Jimi Hendrix met his sad death

and you want to vomit???????? belch and die young innit.

xpost

oh! oh, ow. i am cut to the quick, sir, by your rapier wit. my, my. ouch.

actually, no, you've got me bang to rights. i run a kebab shop. every day i gather up dog turds and cigarette butts, then glue them together with tramps' semen. and you know what? i pass every environmental-health test going. it's absolutely incredible. you couldn't make it up ...

... oh, hang on, you already did.

sub-calum at best

LOL, you are very grumpy today

Carlos you can do better than this! Maybe you should start by telling me other things that involve poo to keep this thread going

xpost

yes, it's kebab poisoning.

i'm trying to find the suitable foodstuffs to DNFTT because kebab isn't going down so well.

I got my login name from my job supplying poo to kebab shops.

No, I am not saying anymore on this thread, it is not my hope to upset people, just a warning for health benefits

it's ... too late ... can't breathe ... have swollen up like a mouldy pitta ...help me, carlos, you are my only hope ...

It is a well know fact that imbibing large quantities of alcohol before consumption of a donner kebab protects you from all known kebab related health problems.

Carlos you can't just leave like this! You need to tell me at least something shit-free that I can eat otherwise I'll starve to death?

OH MY GOD I HAVE DIED but luckily my ghost is able to access ILX by the power of its mind.

ken: you could probably survive for a bit by drinking your own piss. that shouldn't have shit in it. unless you've been eating kebabs.

ken? ken? are you there? don't say the kebab poison has got you too! oh, ken!

i gave up due to lack of information and just ended up cutting out the middle man and eating my shit directly. it wasn't very nice but at least this time i wrapped it inside a naan bread as opposed to having my shit on a plate

Ew, I wish I'd never asked for a report back now :(

I know :( kebab on a PLATE!!! :((((((

indeed! talk dung and be marked down as a spectacular bell-end: that's yours!

-- grimly fiendish, Friday, October 5, 2007 2:01 PM

What the - ?

CARLOS SHOULD HAVE YOUR FUCKING HIDE FOR THIS

IT IS ABOUT TIME YOU (GRIMLY FIENDISH) APOLOGISED FOR THIS, FUCKER, OR GET THE FUCK OFF THIS FORUM YOU RACIST LITTLE SHITE!

CARLOS - don't worry mate. I have it on good authority that THAT TAPEWORM "Ken C" spent the weekend shitting his indie pants after eating the kebab. He had such bad diarroea that he had to buy a pack of baby's nappies and sat wallowing in his own shit on the shit stained carpet, until the mess irritated his tiny penis and unformed balls and he cried.

:)

"i hear you're a racist now, Father"

see here for details :(
http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=tubgirl&meta=

hi,

i'm going to ingest human shit in a pitta again, wanna join me? (probably going to gigs near goodge street)

4th oct is a saturday this year, btw/

:-( no sorry, having a potluck dinner party. I may make kebabs though!

the hand washing/faeces thread reminded me to update this thread with photos from kebab day 2008
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3296/2944708254_a3e1fea9d9_m.jpg
UMNOMNOMNOMNOM

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3222/2944708244_ce62e4de5b_m.jpg
digestion

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3244/2944708236_8964e32089_m.jpg
post-coitus

FUCK i didn't know someone made a VIDEO out of this

omg this is happening again on sunday.

show me where your fap is

8 years ago

when i lived on, camden road

we went to the swimmer, when i came home from work
then we went for a doner, with two other boys in the room
we opened the wrapper and ate it, alright

and that was alright, for a while
but soon i wanted more
i want it for breakfast as well as dinner so i
i had kebab at midnight
after drinking for hours before
and after eating one at crystals
which was just 5 minutes up the road
i asked for one in a wrapper and kept it, alright

i wanna take you home
i wanna put you next to refrigerant
and you might be my breakfast
yeah yeahyeah yeah yeah yeah

One day I will come for an ILX kebab on my birthday-eve

yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :) :@