Armed dolphins loose and roaming Gulf of Mexico?

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This would be just plain awesome if it weren't also profoundly sad.

by Mark Townsend Houston
Sunday September 25, 2005
The Observer


It may be the oddest tale to emerge from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.

Experts who have studied the US navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.

Dolphins have been trained in attack-and-kill missions since the Cold War. The US Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea. But those who have studied the controversial use of dolphins in the US defence programme claim it is vital they are caught quickly.

Leo Sheridan, 72, a respected accident investigator who has worked for government and industry, said he had received intelligence from sources close to the US government's marine fisheries service confirming dolphins had escaped.

'My concern is that they have learnt to shoot at divers in wetsuits who have simulated terrorists in exercises. If divers or windsurfers are mistaken for a spy or suicide bomber and if equipped with special harnesses carrying toxic darts, they could fire,' he said. 'The darts are designed to put the target to sleep so they can be interrogated later, but what happens if the victim is not found for hours?'

Usually dolphins were controlled via signals transmitted through a neck harness. 'The question is, were these dolphins made secure before Katrina struck?' said Sheridan.

The mystery surfaced when a separate group of dolphins was washed from a commercial oceanarium on the Mississippi coast during Katrina. Eight were found with the navy's help, but the dolphins were not returned until US navy scientists had examined them.

Sheridan is convinced the scientists were keen to ensure the dolphins were not the navy's, understood to be kept in training ponds in a sound in Louisiana, close to Lake Pontchartrain, whose waters devastated New Orleans.

The navy launched the classified Cetacean Intelligence Mission in San Diego in 1989, where dolphins, fitted with harnesses and small electrodes planted under their skin, were taught to patrol and protect Trident submarines in harbour and stationary warships at sea.

Criticism from animal rights groups ensured the use of dolphins became more secretive. But the project gained impetus after the Yemen terror attack on the USS Cole in 2000. Dolphins have also been used to detect mines near an Iraqi port.

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,6903,1577753,00.html

rogermexico (rogermexico), Monday, 26 September 2005 15:51 (twenty years ago)

WHAT THE FUCK.

Grant Morrison to thread.

Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 26 September 2005 15:55 (twenty years ago)

Or, Life Imitates Onion

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28315

rogermexico (rogermexico), Monday, 26 September 2005 15:55 (twenty years ago)

WHAT THE FUCK

Well, the best scenarios all seem to involve an "if" or "could," but like the lady said, "isn't it pretty to think so..."

Grant Morrison to thread

Shit yeah. So much pathos...

rogermexico (rogermexico), Monday, 26 September 2005 15:58 (twenty years ago)

This is the most amazing story I've ever read. Holy fuck.

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 26 September 2005 15:58 (twenty years ago)

dolphins dont need darts to kill you, they are smart and mean and they can do it on their own if they want to

ponypoop (ponypoop), Monday, 26 September 2005 15:59 (twenty years ago)

eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck-eck!

Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 26 September 2005 16:02 (twenty years ago)

xpost Yes, exactly. They sometimes bully other dolphins. So much so the bullied dolphin swims away from the group (and dies). :-((((

nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Monday, 26 September 2005 16:03 (twenty years ago)

Er. Do the dolphins have the poison darts strapped to them at all times????!!?!!?

The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 26 September 2005 16:09 (twenty years ago)

SCENE:

A SURFER is paddling in the waves. Suddenly he ralfs blood.

A DOLPHIN emerges from the depths, looking not unlike the Terminator, speaking like him as well.

DOLPHIN: "So long -- AND THANKS FOR ALL DA FEESH."

V.O.: "In a world where surfers roam, they have ONE ENEMY."

MAIN TITLE: "Douglas Adams' H2G2 II: JUDGEMENT DAY."

Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 26 September 2005 16:14 (twenty years ago)

dolphins dont need darts to kill you

Yes but these dolphins can kill you with style.

they are smart and mean

So I'm surfing a while back, bobbing on the outside waiting for a wave, and I see a fin... my first thought, of course, is OMG shark, but then I realize it's the wrong shape. phew, dolphin. or actually, hmm... three dolphins, and they're, uh, actually pretty close, come to think... and really big, and I seem to have drifted pretty far from the rest of the puny humans...

They left me alone, but it was a little reminder that these are wild animals, and it's their ocean not ours.

rogermexico (rogermexico), Monday, 26 September 2005 16:15 (twenty years ago)

I, for one, welcome our dart wielding Cetacean overlords.

laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Monday, 26 September 2005 16:45 (twenty years ago)

http://www.spawar.navy.mil/sandiego/technology/mammals/Images/mine_hunters/MK_8_6_030318-N-5319A-002b.jpg

Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 26 September 2005 16:48 (twenty years ago)

That porpoise sacrificed his life to save ours.

Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 26 September 2005 16:53 (twenty years ago)

If dolphins grow thumbs then we're all f*cked.

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 26 September 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

http://img201.echo.cx/img201/3692/batshark9wi.gif

Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 26 September 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news713.jpg

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 26 September 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

they just ripped this off of a sweet magnum p.i. episode i caught a few months ago. these terrorists kidnapped a dolphin and its trainer from the local aquarium and were gonna strap a bomb to the dolphin and send it to assassinate a visiting ambassador. meanwhile, magnum got a call from a high school classmate. it was this chick who'd helped him stay on the football team by tutoring him in math. he took out his yearbook and showed the fellows and they all laughed cuz she was ugly (she wore glasses, gasp!). so he met up with her and, surprise, she had grown up to be a hottie (no glasses). she initially lied to him about why she was in hawaii, but it was soon revealed that she was an animal rights activist out to find the dolphin and rescue it. magnum (uptight conservative) had problems with her agenda (goofy liberal) but they ended up working together to exact justice. AWESOME!

andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Monday, 26 September 2005 18:40 (twenty years ago)

...
anyway, so they taught the dolphins how to shoot darts, but didn't teach them how to swim home?

when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Monday, 26 September 2005 18:44 (twenty years ago)

http://www.lethaldeath.com/Crimson/Images/ResidentDVDvil/Day_of_the_Dolphin.jpg

laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Monday, 26 September 2005 20:05 (twenty years ago)

WTF?
George C. Scott! Mike Nichols!

Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 26 September 2005 20:06 (twenty years ago)

http://www.dalefranks.com/images/20030327_dolphin.jpg

nickn (nickn), Monday, 26 September 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

Snopes doesn't believe it:
http://www.snopes.com/katrina/rumor/dolphins.asp

So I read the Guardian website regularly, but what exactly is the Observer in relation to it?

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 21:37 (twenty years ago)

It's more or less its Sunday companion paper.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 21:48 (twenty years ago)

With a mainly different staff.

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 21:58 (twenty years ago)


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