XXXcelsior: Return of the Mack [an excelsior production]

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What are the 13 before that?

-- Forest Pines (forestpine...), July 30th, 2005 9:26 AM. (ForestPines)

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1. Pressing refresh on the new answers page so frequently that sometimes it doesn't even change
2. Checking your favourite current threads before you have breakfast (me, now).
3. Cancelling shutting down your pc at the last minute just so you can have one quick look at new answers.
4. Emailing friends about ongoing threads even though you know they're reading it anyway.
5. ILX Dreams.
6. Getting annoyed when your idea of a good thread dies.
7. Bumping said tread because you can't accept no-one else is interested.
8. Bookmarking more than three boards (I have music, everything and books so I think I'm ok).
9. Thinking about threads on your way home from work, wondering how they're progressing.
10. Composing messages in your head when you're nowhere near a computer.
11. Using ilxisms in everyday conversation, to the bafflement of your friends and family.
12. Thinking of yourself/introducing yourself as your screenname.
13. KNowing the 14 signs of ilx dependency.
-- Onimo (gerry.wat...), July 30th, 2005 9:34 AM. (GerryNemo)

In a world of lesser carbohydrates, plain bread bestrides the world like a collossus. For those who have never encountered this behemoth, a brief description. Rather than square, plain bread is loosely rectangular around 7" tall by about 4" wide. The top and bottom crusts are around half an inch thick (including the immediately surrounding bread) and most closely resemble masonry painted black. The intervening six inches comprises dough with an atomic weight in five figures. It wasn't so much mixed, as drew the ingredients into the gravitational field it was generating. Eating it requires a spare set of jaws, to take up the chewing when your normal set are tired.

The Pilgrim Fathers took large amounts of plain bread with them to the Americas as temporary accomodation. The Titanic is rumoured to have sunk following an unsuccessful attempt to patch the iceberg hole with plain bread, leading to a weight shift and change in centre of gravity for the hull causing it to tip. A small child once survived in an old fridge in Barlanark for 8 weeks, living on rainwater and half a slice of plain bread.

So why do we love it? Well, it makes great toast (not that it fits in a toaster) especially with lemon curd. But the main reason is surely that most lovely of treats made from leftovers, the PIECE 'n' MINCE.
Name me another bread man enough to carry mince, gravy, carrots and totties without leaking or falling apart.

Exactly.

-- aldo_cowpat (aldo.cowpa...), July 27th, 2005 10:59 AM. (aldo_cowpat)

-- Allyzay (whateve...), October 22nd, 2003 10:17 PM.

-- Rumpy Pumpkin (the24hrsleepe...), March 1st, 2004 5:50 PM.

After Floella Benjamin, 80's kids t.v presenter. I wonder what she's doing nowadays....

-- Rumpy Pumpkin (the24hrsleepe...), March 1st, 2004 5:57 PM.

My friend worked on a programme Floella B was doing for a while and reported that she's a real bitch and hates kids.

-- Archel (dilettant...), March 2nd, 2004 5:00 PM.

right, and when i want to listen to rap i just turn on someone else's record and talk over it.
-- el sabor de gene (yn...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

Very strange man.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), October 28th, 2005 1:17 PM. (trayce) (later)

that's hilarious

-- estela (estelaisale...), October 28th, 2005 1:27 PM. (estela) (later)

He used to be the olympics team head physio at the Moscow ones, I think.

He was insane.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), October 28th, 2005 1:33 PM. (trayce) (later)

Yes indeed. You must be wide awake to play the didgeridoo.

-- moley (dominakto...), October 28th, 2005 2:58 PM. (moley) (later)

hi moley! I didn't know about the didgeridoo alertness rule, I shall from now on think of you as 'protocol s. barrow'.

-- estela (estelaisale...), October 28th, 2005 3:06 PM. (estela) (later)

Except he carries his belongings around in a plastic bag and can't afford shoes.
-- Curt1s Stephens

"hobosexual"
-- Curt1s Stephens

Blount and Trife, if you ever meet him on the UGA campus, please steal his poofy jacket and dumb blue sandals.
-- Curt1s Stephens

Actually, the better question is: what the hell is Avril gonna do in her next video. I mean, this is pretty fucking hard to top. Avril is going to have to do some majorly fucked up shit to top the butter on this angst.

-- iDonut B4 x86 (do...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

Abortion, yo.
-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

lysol douche
-- jagged little filly (theundergroundhom...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

werewolf rape
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

final stages of aids
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

aids wolf
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

-- beanz (beanzil...), October 31st, 2005 12:33 PM. (beanz) (later)

-- Cunga (visionsofjohann...), October 31st, 2005 7:10 AM. (Cunga) (later)

-- Dan (Excruciating Back Pain) Perry (djperry@gmail.com), October 31st, 2005. (later)

start with ilx

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), October 31st, 2005. (later)

---

I know how to write features. Which I assume will save me once rock writing turns into nothing but referencing an obscure line from a popular rap song followed by talking about yourself for five paragraphs.

-- Whiney G. Weingarten (cweingarte...), October 31st, 2005. (later)

you're acting like it's not already

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), October 31st, 2005. (later)

-- Josh in Chicago (Vitesse9...) (webmail), October 31st, 2005. (link)

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wah wahhh

-- _ (...) (webmail), October 31st, 2005. (link)

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...) (webmail), October 31st, 2005 5:13 PM. (jaymc) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

xpost

!!!!!

-- ken c (pykachu10...), October 31st, 2005 10:21 PM. (ken c) (later)

why would you blow someone off but not fuck them?

-- ken c (pykachu10...), October 31st, 2005 10:22 PM. (ken c) (later)

maybe the towel dispenser couldn't hold her weight

-- gem (gemilyinterrupte...), October 31st, 2005 10:25 PM. (trisk) (later)

-- Cat (lsj...), November 1st, 2005.

Answers

The Knack.

-- mark grout (mark.grou...), November 1st, 2005.

Oh, all right. Devo.

-- mark grout (mark.grou...), November 1st, 2005.

Sugar, of course! Devo it was. Thanking you.

-- Cat (dfjkd...), November 1st, 2005.

is this some sort of bizarro-ilx?

-- splates (mikeysawye...), November 1st, 2005.

Who was that band who did "My Best Friend's a Girl"? Their name sounded like The Carts or something.

-- Patchouli Clark (noodle_vagu...), November 1st, 2005.

Jerry Newman, I think.

-- when something smacks of something (right.knewi...), November 1st, 2005.

-- jdubz (dr_...) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 10:44 AM. (ex machina) (later) (link)

-- ken c (pykachu10...), November 1st, 2005. (later)

-- g-kit (kittenslikemil...), November 1st, 2005. (g-kit) (later) (link)

smokers in pettily defensive of their disgusting little habits shockah!

-- We might force K8 to change her name to Marie. (masonicboo...), November 1st, 2005. (kate) (later) (link)

g-kit in pwned shockah

-- g-kit (kittenslikemil...), November 1st, 2005. (g-kit) (later) (link)

I like the idea that my solicitor Pwns all.

-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 2:30 PM. (Nick A.) (later) (link)

They're all hopped up on halloween candy!

-- luna (lunace...) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 2:34 PM. (luna.c) (later) (link)

Maybe everybody's getting their Sports Illustrated renewal football phones today and they're breaking them in.

-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 2:44 PM. (Nick A.) (later) (link)

-- Dan (Handsome Picture In The Attic) Perry (djperry@gmail.com) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 4:17 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

He sucked, that's what.

-- David R. (quoteidio...) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 4:18 PM. (popshots75`) (later) (link)

it was not a high point in my life, trust me.

ha ha. Or was it?? j/k Get it? High??

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), April 5th, 2005.

-- Dom Passantino (juror...), November 2nd, 2005.

Already shaping up to be a classic.

How can we sleep when Benzino's burning

-- Zwan (anthonyisrigh...), January 11th, 2006. (later)

-- Dom iNut (do...), January 11th, 2006.

He's probably had his taste of humpa-hump already...
What things make you feel old?

-- Tuomas (lixnix...), January 11th, 2006 2:11 PM. (Tuomas) (later) (link)

Answers

do you want to masturbate in front of him?
-- cancer prone fat guy (wt...), January 11th, 2006 2:15 PM. (dubplatestyle) (later) (link)

Then I go on, like, the Mac thread and tear some losers a new one about their faggy crap and feel better.

-- Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyza...), January 11th, 2006.

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I keep a "to do" list.

-- Tuomas (lixnix...), January 11th, 2006. (Tuomas) (later)

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You're thinking of someone else.
-- Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyza...), January 11th, 2006.

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as long as someone met him
-- RJG (RJ...), January 11th, 2006.

-- Dan (UHHHHHHHHHHN! UHHHHHHHN! UHHHHHHHHHHN!) Perry (djperry@gmail.com), January 11th, 2006 7:40 PM. (Dan Perry) (link) (admin) (userip)

"my muff has tusks"

-- cancer prone fat guy (wt...), January 11th, 2006 7:40 PM. (dubplatestyle) (link) (admin) (userip)

Why did I get out of bed today, I wonder.

-- Dan (Shit On A Cracker) Perry (djperry@gmail.com), January 11th, 2006 7:41 PM. (Dan Perry) (link) (admin) (userip)

if you stayed in bed, you could have banged your wife

-- cancer prone fat guy (wt...), January 11th, 2006 7:41 PM. (dubplatestyle) (link) (admin) (userip)

UHHHHHHHHHHN! UHHHHHHHN! UHHHHHHHHHHN!

-- cancer prone fat guy (wt...), January 11th, 2006 7:42 PM. (dubplatestyle) (link) (admin) (userip)

I agree.

-- Ally C (allycook9...), January 11th, 2006 7:52 PM. (Ally C) (link) (admin) (userip)

What just happened again?

-- Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyza...), January 11th, 2006 7:52 PM. (allyzay) (link) (admin) (userip)

-- GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (dr_...) (webmail), Friday 9:06 PM. (ex machina) (later) (link)

yeah, we're trying to talk about BUBBLE BOBBLE here!

-- s1ocki (slytus...) (webmail), Friday 9:23 PM. (slutsky) (later) (link

http://www.rdg.ac.uk/StUnion/Anime/document/image4.jpg
Why don't you tell us some more about how much you love Popolocrois, Jon?

-- Laura H. (elemenopa...) (webmail), Friday 9:51 PM. (laurah) (later) (link)

haaa

(that looks great though!)

-- sleep (enemy.airshi...) (webmail), Friday 10:54 PM. (sleep) (later) (link)

If you played the game you'd know that lineup is logically impossible.

-- GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (dr_...) (webmail), Saturday 6:58 PM. (ex machina) (later) (link)

Sorry, I guess I lack the otaku cred to understand that. Is it also not a predator ship?

-- Laura H. (elemenopa...) (webmail), Saturday 7:15 PM. (laurah) (later) (link)

I don't want to give away a plot point.

-- GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (dr_...) (webmail), Saturday 7:36 PM. (ex machina)

the journey to Mecca is a once in a lifetime event

For 345 people this is truer than it was meant to be.

-- Aimless (aimles...), Today 5:34 PM. (Aimless) (later)

Predictable casting or bad stereotype?

-- mike h. (m...), January 12th, 2006 6:09 PM. (mike h.) (1 trackback) (later)

Answers

Fuck this was meant to be posted to ILE, sorry about that...
-- mike h. (m...), January 12th, 2006 6:10 PM. (mike h.) (later)

fuckin Einstein
-- senseiDancer (evi...), January 12th, 2006 6:12 PM. (sexyDancer) (later)

-- Cathy (cathyleec...) (webmail), January 12th, 2006 6:30 PM. (Cathy) (later) (link)

you could sell it for $$$$ on ebay, I bet

-- RJG (RJ...) (webmail), January 12th, 2006 6:31 PM. (RJG) (later) (link)

These cakes [gestures to display of Entemann's snack cakes] are a hot selling item! These cakes right here. But you always have these cakes [gestures to display of similar non-Entemann's snack cakes] right here in the front. That's not what the people want. These cakes are where the action is! You have to understand the customer -- you're ignoring the customer and you're going to go out of business ... FAGGOTS! [storms out without purchasing either cake]

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), January 12th, 2006. (link)

[245745.jpg]

-- the most mysterious regular ilxor (curtis.stephen...), November 22nd, 2005 9:32 AM. (Curtis Stephens)

Ugh. Tripod.

-- the most mysterious regular ilxor (curtis.stephen...), November 22nd, 2005 9:32 AM. (Curtis Stephens)

HEY!
HOW DARE YOU.
I THINK U R ALL WRONG.
KINGDOM HEARTS IS GOOD.
EVERYTHIN ABOUT IT WAS GREAT. (TO ME)

BUT WAT ON EARTH IS "TRIPOD" IVE NEVER HERD OF IT SO THAT "TRIPOD"
THING MUST BE CRAP.

SO YEA
I LIKED KH

-- **//** FaRmEr Fi **//** (judymagic_900...), January 10th, 2006 9:19 AM. (later)

-- Øystein (abus...), January 13th, 2006.

-- DJ Martian (altmartinu...), Today 1:34 AM. (later)

-- RJG (RJ...), Yesterday 11:00 PM. (RJG) (later)

-- Tuomas (lixnix...), January 13th, 2006.

must...not make baby masturbation joke...
-- Jordan (jordan...), January 13th, 2006.

-- gabbneb (gabbne...) (webmail), January 13th, 2006. (link)

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the one where he's whipping a slave?

-- cancer prone fat guy (wt...) (webmail), January 13th, 2006. (link)

-- Nemo (jdevereux...) (webmail), January 13th, 2006. (link)

-- jel -- (freeduni...), January 13th, 2006 1:07 PM.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), January 13th, 2006. (later)

no wonder he is such an uptight motherfucker - he has wankless limbs.

is that comment worth a jihad I wonder.

-- Lovelace (futilecrime...), Today 6:42 PM. (Lovelace) (later)

xoxo
(>")>

-- c(''c) (_@_) (webmail), Yesterday 6:31 PM. (Leee) (later)

and pray

-- killy (babyleni...), January 13th, 2006 10:04 PM. (baby lenin pin) (later) (link)

-- Forest Pines (il...), January 13th, 2006.

a small dog

-- cancer prone fat guy (wt...), January 13th, 2006.

like a terrier but with no fur

-- cancer prone fat guy (wt...), January 13th, 2006.

Martin: "No, that's good. You've obviously done this before, so gentle."

Momus: "You know, historically it was perfectly acceptable for four men to share a flat and shave each other's testicles. The socio-economic revolution that resulted in everyone and their balls needing a flat was seen beneficial to most, but it had it's downsides, for example the death of homosocial rituals such as communal pubic hair removal..."

Kenan: "Fuck's sake, I'm eating here!"

But what were they supposed to do when Jesus Christ was playing QB for the other team.

-- dar1a g (dar1a_...) (webmail), January 14th, 2006 11:32 PM. (daria g) (later) (link)

what is the purpose of this??
-- rick wankman (dickwee...) (webmail), January 15th, 2006. (later)

Answers
so start another thread and post on it!
-- yvette yreka (theundergroundhom...) (webmail), January 15th, 2006. (Jody Beth Rosen) (later)

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To keep out people named "rick wankman."
-- JAM UR HYPES (curtis.stephen...) (webmail), January 15th, 2006. (Curtis Stephens) (later)

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-- RJG (RJ...), January 15th, 2006 4:33 PM. (RJG)

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), January 16th, 2006.

Regrets, I've Had a Few

-- abdulrahman mohammed al tabsh (marico31...) (webmail), January 16th, 2006 4:31 PM. (later) (link)

consider it done.

-- s1ocki (slytus...) (webmail), January 16th, 2006 5:35 PM. (slutsky) (later) (link)

You know, I think there's definitely a segment of folks at Rockstar who'd jump at the chance to do a GTA: Beirut.

Not sure how they'd handle the radio bits, but...

-- kingfish kuribo's shoe (jdsalmo...) (webmail), January 16th, 2006 5:41 PM. (kingfish 2.0) (later) (link)

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...) (webmail), January 16th, 2006 8:50 PM. (jaymc) (later) (link)

-- Mike W (mik...), January 17th, 2006.

here

I have work in four hours, and yet the lure of re-reading the Czech Blastcore thread persists.

Guess it's on me:

Excelsior? I Hardly Knew Her (In Truth, I Knew Her Well) AKA The Funnyhaha Korner