Offering to carry way heavy boxes for chix0rz -- classic or patriarchy?

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get you!

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 24 November 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

and they say chivalry is dead

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:01 (twenty years ago)

classic, unless they are actually stronger than you are.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:01 (twenty years ago)

it's not THE BOX what's heavy. It's what's inside the box. Chew on that.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

no, the box was heavy. it was made of lead. wise guy.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:05 (twenty years ago)

i approve

― 'you' vs. 'city hall' FITE (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

Hmmph, we went to get curry the other night and I was carrying the bag with the poppadoms. Mr R asked "Are you okay with that?"

I didn't know quite how to take it.

― Rumpie, Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

How on earth could this be perceived as patriarchy?

― Lisa FR, Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:09 (twenty years ago)

the look she shot me said 'patriarch'. or maybe 'daddy'. shit, i can never read the signs!

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:14 (twenty years ago)

wait a minute you weren't trying to carry her "box" were you?

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)

Offering to help, when help is needed, is always ultra-classic. If she shot you a look that's probably her own mistrusting problem.

― Aimless (Aimless), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:17 (twenty years ago)

i'm lazy, so i say it's a total classic.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:19 (twenty years ago)

I think maybe you should only offer help if it appears that the person is struggling with the box.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:21 (twenty years ago)

If it's heavier than a purse, carry the damn thing for her. Not every gesture in life need be a cautiously analyzed transaction.

― M. V. (M.V.), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:27 (twenty years ago)

Oh god, no, I really hate it when guys carry stuff for me. http://justjustin.nsync.nu/emoticonsforjjb/ohboy.gif

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:30 (twenty years ago)

Let her carry the damn thing herself.

― M. V. (M.V.), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:40 (twenty years ago)

HOLD THE DOOR FOR YOU DONT HOLD THE DOOR FOR YOU MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:41 (twenty years ago)

What if it's only 1 gram heavier than a purse? And what kind of purse ar we talking about here? If it's leather then you have to factor in (*tails off*)

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:42 (twenty years ago)

Holding doors is different though - I do that for everybody (unless they're gay)

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:43 (twenty years ago)

i always do it too. if they dont at least acknowledge it, i puncture their tires

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:43 (twenty years ago)

Could we just make up everyone else's mind for them ahead of time? It's simpler that way.

― Aimless (Aimless), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:44 (twenty years ago)

I like having doors held for me. I also like holding doors for other people.

But if any stranger offers to carry my heavy stuff, I think they're trying to steal it. Too many years living in NY.

― -Stroke-Model (kate), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:45 (twenty years ago)

I think maybe you should only offer help if it appears that the person is struggling with the box.
-- Sororah T Massacre (stevem7...), November 24th, 2005.

well, she'd come to get the box from me, but in between her boss sending her over and telling me to get the box, i found out that the box was helltime heavy. so when she rocked up, i said, 'this is a heavy box, shall i bring it over?'. it was a deceptively small box, maybe, but i think she shot me the look even before picking it up herself. and then she said, accusingly, 'but u could open the door' like i wouldn't have anyway.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:50 (twenty years ago)

Think outside the box!

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Thursday, 24 November 2005 15:51 (twenty years ago)

... but we want to get inside the box! http://www.coolclarity.com/forums/html/emoticons/cheer.gif

― StanM (StanM), Thursday, 24 November 2005 17:04 (twenty years ago)

Don't forget to bend your knees.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 24 November 2005 18:42 (twenty years ago)

I've said almost the same thing on 'holding the door open' threads a couple of times, but I am frequently offering people help of this sort and I never get glared at or anything. I have seen men get snapped at for offering help/holding a door, but it's always because they do it in some way that conveys either 'look how gallant and gentlemanly I am being, little lady' or 'obviously you are only a gurl so need my manly help'.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 November 2005 19:21 (twenty years ago)

i helped an old lady cross the street the other day but it was weird coz i was totally paranoid that when she asked me it was some setup for pickpocketing or somthing and i was checking my wallet obessively as i helped her.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 24 November 2005 19:41 (twenty years ago)

its just silly if you're struggling with this real heavy thing and there's a guy around who could lift it no sweat but you don't let him cos you don't want to feel patronised or whatever. there is such a thing as being too proud.

― di, Friday, 25 November 2005 01:14 (twenty years ago)

I always help people out with heavy things and opening doors and stuff. I don't really pay a lot of attention to their gender, though.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 25 November 2005 01:27 (twenty years ago)

Likewise. This seems to come up most for me when people are carrying things up or down stairs to the subway. It's pretty routine to just offer to grab a side of whatever it is (suitcases, boxes, strollers, etc.). Also, as someone often out and about with a baby stroller, I've come to rely on and appreciate others' willingness to help with opening or holding doors.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 25 November 2005 01:31 (twenty years ago)

if they're having any trouble carrying it (or getting through the door or up the escalator or down the stairs or whatever) then offer to help. if they're not, don't.

― emsk ( emsk), Friday, 25 November 2005 01:46 (twenty years ago)

Oh, come on, if I can't get something, I'll ask! Otherwise I like a challenge. You know what DOES annoy me, though, is when I'm the first person to approach a door and I hold it for whoever's behind me and the man REFUSES to walk through. That's just silly.

― Laurel (Laurel), Friday, 25 November 2005 01:47 (twenty years ago)

this is only classic if you flirt mercilessly with the girl, otherwise it is much funnier to watch someone struggle mightily, candid-camera style. i hide near doorways on cold nights in the hopes of seeing someone let topple a comedically large stack of boxes.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 25 November 2005 07:40 (twenty years ago)

i don't mind maneuvering around the city with heavy boxes/luggage/whatever. i have my own system for how to handle everything. also (*breaks out world's smallest violin*) i'm used to people not helping me, and it's a little disconcerting once i'm in that package-maneuvering zen headspace and someone else wants to butt in.

― the jews (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 25 November 2005 07:50 (twenty years ago)

Actually, even now that I'm pregnant, I don't tend to ask for help nor accept it easily. Stupid I know.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:15 (twenty years ago)

you can't eat you cake and have it too.

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:23 (twenty years ago)

i don't think helping people who need it should have anything to do with gender. it is a physical reality that many men are stronger than women. i'm little and clumsy. a man helped me load my crappy ikea bookcase bits into my car last week and i was really grateful (and not patronised) because it was too hard for me to do on my own.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:27 (twenty years ago)

it is also a physical reality that some men are weaker than some women, which is why i sometimes resent being asked to lift things, because really folks, i'm not that strong, let's be honest.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:29 (twenty years ago)

So the man weaker than his girl is wrong when showing her chivalry?

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:30 (twenty years ago)

yep. don't write cheques your ass can't cash

― jim p. irrelevant (electricsound), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:32 (twenty years ago)

plus he makes a twat of himself when he can't do it and has to ask for her help. why can't they just help each other in the first place, i don't know. i promise i'll never ask jaymc to lift anything though.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:34 (twenty years ago)

haha ok.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:34 (twenty years ago)

i'm not sure why, but i get privately and pointlessly irked with women (and men) with baby strollers in the subway. they take their young child out in a stroller, knowing there is no possible way to get it up and down the stairs themselves, so they wheel up to the base or top of the stairway and look up, plaintively, waiting for someone to offer their help. it's no bother to anyone, so i suspect something unpleasant lies behind my irritation. it just seems like bad planning. now i feel like a jerk.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:34 (twenty years ago)

can we get some more ladies opinions?

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:35 (twenty years ago)

i don't mind if someone offers to carry something for me. the one thing i always hated, though, was when teachers would say, 'ok i need some boys to help me with bla bla bla' like they were the only ones possibly capable of assisting in the laborious task of wheeling over a projector or turning on the vcr.

― tres letraj (tehresa), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:41 (twenty years ago)

really folks, i'm not that strong, let's be honest.

Me neither. And I live in fear and expectation of the day when I stupidly try to lift something and get laid up in bed for a week with doctor's orders not to lift anything above waist level for six months.

i'm not sure why, but i get privately and pointlessly irked with women (and men) with baby strollers in the subway.

I know. This is why I only plan subway rides to and from stations with elevators, if it's just me and the kid (although the elevators smell so bad, and only work half the time anyway, that I mostly just try to avoid the whole thing).

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 25 November 2005 08:41 (twenty years ago)

good for you, martin.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Friday, 25 November 2005 09:02 (twenty years ago)

we've had a more general thread about this kind of thing
women: don't expect any help on a Thursday

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 25 November 2005 09:37 (twenty years ago)

Holding doors open and carrying boxes for women is kind of like like offering Westerners forks at Asian resturants.

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 25 November 2005 15:03 (twenty years ago)

in the same way that snow is like potatoes.

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Friday, 25 November 2005 15:05 (twenty years ago)

you can eat both

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Friday, 25 November 2005 15:08 (twenty years ago)

i think forks at 'asian' restaurants is a-ok.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Friday, 25 November 2005 15:09 (twenty years ago)

i haet u

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Friday, 25 November 2005 15:09 (twenty years ago)

oh noes

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Friday, 25 November 2005 15:12 (twenty years ago)

not u lol

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Friday, 25 November 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)

koritfw

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Friday, 25 November 2005 15:32 (twenty years ago)

actually maybe it is more like offering chopsticks to westerners at thai restaurants?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 25 November 2005 19:38 (twenty years ago)

Once you're in a long term relationship you realize that the main talents of the male are being taller, having bigger muscles and occasionally serving as an electric blanket, so it's not really patronizing at all, I don't think. It's one of the few displays of male prowess that DOESN'T come with the baggage of millenia of cultural pretense to protect our fragile ego in the face of our near-complete expendability. I say go for it whenever possible. We're not actually that good for much else, after all.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 25 November 2005 22:04 (twenty years ago)

In fact I'll just go ahead and say: Boys, we're stupid. Deal with it. Keep up on your pushups and situps and scissor kicks because otherwise you're going to have to face one day that the only reason you even have a paying desk job is because the women can't cooperate with one another well enough to take over.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 25 November 2005 22:09 (twenty years ago)

most of the time i see the woman or man carry the stroller up the stairs by themselves. otherwise uh... how are people with kids supposed to get around, exactly?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 25 November 2005 22:10 (twenty years ago)

UHHHH however they got around before subways existed - the bus, or carrying their child when the child got too tired to walk, or doing shopping/whatever when the child's at school, or using the elevator. now i don't feel like a jerk anymore, i just want to go UH.... UH at people a lot to make them feel small.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 25 November 2005 22:20 (twenty years ago)

If the child's old enough for school, s/he's probably too big for a stroller!

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Friday, 25 November 2005 23:42 (twenty years ago)

What about midgets and dwarfs and such?

― M. V. (M.V.), Saturday, 26 November 2005 14:50 (twenty years ago)

in strollers or carrying boxes?

― A Nairn (moretap), Sunday, 27 November 2005 02:20 (twenty years ago)

This is classic as long as you play it cool and don't appear to be a) obviously trying to get into her pants b) incredibly pleased with yourself for rendering your assistance.

― Laura H. (laurah), Sunday, 27 November 2005 03:35 (twenty years ago)

Here, let me help you with that heavy bo– o no my hands have slipped and ended up in your pants! How fruity!

― Alba (Alba), Sunday, 27 November 2005 11:58 (twenty years ago)

I should also have mentioned that being really hot negates the creep factor.

― Laura H. (laurah), Sunday, 27 November 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

I'm moving into a new apartment at the moment and I say classic! Don't know what I'd do without my team of malepower to help out with moving boxes. I mean, I'm pretty strong on my own but I'm also only 5"1. There are simply too many large boxes/pieces of furniture that I can't carry without completely obscuring my face.

― Roz (Roz), Sunday, 27 November 2005 15:20 (twenty years ago)

Genuine help is classic. Chivalry (with assoc. cultural baggage) is teh ewul.

― Zora (Zora), Sunday, 27 November 2005 23:43 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

I just carried 18kg (40lbs) of cat litter for three long snow-covered blocks. (am leaving this aft for a couple weeks - need supply for petsitters - somehow this made sense, I don't know.) I had to stop a couple of times. During this, I seriously wished I had a guy around or some random guy would've offered to carry it (or I had a car). I think my forearms are going to fall off.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 18:20 (twenty years ago)

What if it's only 1 gram heavier than a purse?

Ha, ha.

― m-ry-nn (m-ry-nn), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 21:50 (twenty years ago)

Women with strollers irritate me too, and I know it is so wrong!! Blocking aisles in the dairy ... in the cafe ... pushing me off the footpath ... coming up to me when I'm stopped at the top of a driveway and angrily saying, 'Can you reverse your car? I need to get past' ... I think that I think they think they're superior to me cause they've got children. When perhaps they're not thinking they're superior at all, they're just having such a terrible time they've lost their patience.

― m-ry-nn (m-ry-nn), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 21:54 (twenty years ago)

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