Why are things sexy?

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Inspired by a UK Watercooler conversation.

Everyone finds some things particularly sexy - be it looks, clothing, habits, whatever. Why, though?

Is there anything that you find particularly sexy, and you know WHY it turns you on?

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:11 (twenty years ago)

Girls in slightly ill-fitting grey cotton jogging bottoms are sexy specifically because they are easy to take off.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y161/MarkGrout/betho/bethortonsultry.jpg

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:19 (twenty years ago)

it tends to boil down to power issues. either having power or in certain cases a sense of powerlessness.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:20 (twenty years ago)

powerlessness as in giving in to urges, even putting those urges ahead of physical comfort.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:21 (twenty years ago)

Myself, I'm not sure why I find *anything* sexy, but a lot of it is definitely visual-based.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

Things are sexy so that we will want to have sex.
The rest is psychoanalysis.

It's pretty awesome being floored by something sexy though. I don't ask questions when this happens.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:38 (twenty years ago)

there's obv. reasons behind why things are appealing/sexy visually though.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:40 (twenty years ago)

Thinking a bit more, one of the things that I find sexy is realising that someone else is turned on and Interested. And that's an obvious one: it means there's a good chance you're going to Get Some.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:43 (twenty years ago)

Some things I know. Particular accents that can make me melt are usually because I associate them with someone I have Known with the same accent.

Being flirted with is always sexy, but pretty obvious as to why.

And high heels make ME feel sexy because in flats I feel too small and childlike.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:48 (twenty years ago)

Girls wearing male or male-style clothing are always sexy. Not because of the androgyny, but because the superficial masculinity works to emphasise the actual femininity.

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:54 (twenty years ago)

Tight but drive me nuts

― detoxyDancer (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 15:57 (twenty years ago)

it tends to boil down to power issues. either having power or in certain cases a sense of powerlessness.

I don't think I agree. I usually find power games very unsexy: too mannered, too unspontaneous. Unless it went beyond simple playing, but I keep those sorts of thoughts under control. I agree with Forest: your (potential) partner making it clear they want you is about as sexy as it gets. Articulating desire in general, in fact.

― The Wanderers' Wandering Daughter (noodle vague), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:06 (twenty years ago)

And smoking, misbehaving, intelligence.

― The Wanderers' Wandering Daughter (noodle vague), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:09 (twenty years ago)

Sprachen sie SASSY?

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:10 (twenty years ago)

i wasn't talking about 'power games' as such nv.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:13 (twenty years ago)

i mean pretty much everything listed here is ultimately to do with power/control in some way (not necess. power over others).

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:14 (twenty years ago)

I think it's to do with possibility - something is sexy when it makes you start to think you might be in with a chance of Getting Some. Clothed/partially clothed is sexier than nekkid, I think, because you're almost but not quite there (yet).

― Mädchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:17 (twenty years ago)

This thread is a terrible tease.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:32 (twenty years ago)

Sororah, are you saying you find power games/control/imbalance sexy?
Why do u generalise that to others?

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:36 (twenty years ago)

it makes me sound like some kind of Dominator, which would not be apt really.

sex is power, few things sexier than power (not necess. to have as to 'experience' in some form...so symbols associated with power or even lack of tend to be sexy, i have noticed).

i generalise because i recognise it everywhere and in most people that i encounter.

― I'M BIGGER AND BOLDER AND ROUGHER AND TOUGHER (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:40 (twenty years ago)

why is smoking sexy? it isn't.

i live with a smoker.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:42 (twenty years ago)

Because you pucker your lips and suck.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:45 (twenty years ago)

I find smoking sexy. I didn't will it as a universal law. I think it's a combination of suggestion of transgression/smoking after sex/oral fixation/deep contemplation/bad girl chic/lurking death drive. Or sump'n. I don't know. I find most drugs sexy.

― The Wanderers' Wandering Daughter (noodle vague), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:47 (twenty years ago)

self-control is sexy.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:47 (twenty years ago)

Too you, mebbe.

― The Wanderers' Wandering Daughter (noodle vague), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

Control is sexy. Loss of control is also sexy.

Beauty is sexy, but perfection is not sexy. Imperfections are what raises someone from beautiful to sexy.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

or do i mean self-possession? that kind of thing.

xpost

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:51 (twenty years ago)

smoking sexy = rebellion/abandon/recklessness i.e. often against the rules & 'i don't give a fuck about anything, esp. not my or others health!', prioritisation of short-term pleasure i.e. hedonism, involves mouth (as Madchen indicated).

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:51 (twenty years ago)

But self-denial = unsexy. All cold and monastic and dull.

― The Wanderers' Wandering Daughter (noodle vague), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:52 (twenty years ago)

Smoking stinks, therefore is not sexy. Smell has a lot to do with sex appeal, pheremones, boysweat, etc.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:52 (twenty years ago)

No, self-possession I can see. But I would use that to describe someone with total confidence, as in they never do anything they have not chosen to do.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:52 (twenty years ago)

Sometimes self denial can be sexy... ultimate control, passions being held in check (barely) waiting to burst forth, etc.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:53 (twenty years ago)

the smell is outweighed by the other factors.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:53 (twenty years ago)

'i pay a multinational corporation a fiver a day to kill me' = 'i am a REBEL'

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:53 (twenty years ago)

i don't make the rules E

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

haha

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:56 (twenty years ago)

My buttocks are clenched tight with right-on politics = SEXEEEE

― The Wanderers' Wandering Daughter (noodle vague), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:56 (twenty years ago)

you don't have to clench yer arse to have right-on politics.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:57 (twenty years ago)

Having been at university in the 80s, I'd have to disagree.

― The Wanderers' Wandering Daughter (noodle vague), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:58 (twenty years ago)

Well, are we talking universals, or are we talking what *we* personally find sexy?

Because I don't think there are any universals.

And arguing over whether the rebel/sensuality of smoking outweighs the pheremone/smell of smoking is like arguing whether brunettes or blondes are hotter.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:58 (twenty years ago)

Brunettes.

― The Wanderers' Wandering Daughter (noodle vague), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:59 (twenty years ago)

i belong to the heat generation.

maybe if i voted tory nv would understand.

redheads

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 16:59 (twenty years ago)

Lady, everyone knows it's all about redheads.

x-post Come on Enrique!

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:00 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, but what about the boys? I think ginger boys are HOTT but all my ginger friends disagree becuase it's like double mutant recessive genes or something.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:01 (twenty years ago)

And arguing over whether the rebel/sensuality of smoking outweighs the pheremone/smell of smoking is like arguing whether brunettes or blondes are hotter.

Not really, because the popularity of smoking has endured for a long time (even if it may be on the wane now), which for me proves that people weren't as bothered by the smell as they were attracted by...whatever they liked about it. that's as close to a universal as you can get i think.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:02 (twenty years ago)

I miss Marcello not being here to make some comment about Amanda Platell

― ...with Ross Kemp as 'Pixel' (Dada), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:02 (twenty years ago)

I DO NOT FIND SMOKING SEXY.

You have at least one exception, therefore you do not have a universal.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

Loss of control is also sexy.

See, I was thinking this too, in a "...rather than control itself being sexy" way, but then I guess that yeah, you can't lose it unless you have it in the first place, so that means both things are true.

Most girls who fancy me these days seem to be smokers. Which isn't ideal, but then I shouldn't be ungrateful.

are we talking universals, or are we talking what *we* personally find sexy?

I thought we were talking about what we personally find sexy, but then trying to explain it? That's what I was doing anyroad.

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

i hate the smell too but i still acknowledge the association between smoking and sexiness. i've watched films and TV!

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 59 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

... I miss Marcello not being here to post a picture of Derek Bailey or Evan Parker ar this point

― ...with Ross Kemp as 'Pixel' (Dada), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:47 (twenty years ago)

Kate, I dated a musician who got on stage on a regular basis, and the appeal was pretty much lost on me. *shrugs* Maybe it would have helped if I liked the music?

I can think of a ton of reasons that rockstars are "sexy": 1. Because they're (presumably) good at what they do, notable enough to BE on stage (not necessarily the case, of course) 2. Because people who are willing to be in the public eye & project themselves out there quite often have a bit too much personality to begin with, which often seems strong & vital from that distance 3. Because stars are widely desired, so to be desired in RETURN by one of them is a greater-than-average affirmation of your own powerz.

Those are only the top three that come to mind.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

Maybe it would have helped if I liked the music?

Ha ha, it would!

― ...with Ross Kemp as 'Pixel' (Dada), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

I don't know - I have resolved NEVER to date/get involved with another musician ever again, but I still acknowledge the sexypower of being onstage. (And kind of thrive on it myself - I'd have never had a boyfriend if I hadn't been in a band.)

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

Oh, I'd be happy to date a musician, in fact I don't know how I'd relate to someone who didn't "do" music, but no more rockstars, pls.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

It is kinda appaling to me how much stuff I thought was rlly sexy that actually turned out to be just sexual tourism :(

I don't really think there are any close-to-universal answers to this except maybe "novelty".

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:29 (twenty years ago)

chicks coming on message boards talking about how much they hate themselves and then everyone else saying "oh no you're not awful!" = so so sexy

― howell huser (chaki), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:39 (twenty years ago)

what is some stuff that people didn't use to find sexy but now do? I find this weirdly way harder to think of than stuff I used to find sexy but now don't at all, I wonder why.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

Posh Birds = Sexy
... this is often true

-- ...with Ross Kemp as 'Pixel' (dadaismu...), December 20th, 2005.

SENSE REARS ITS INBRED HEAD

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 20:02 (twenty years ago)

My best guess, G: because some of what what think IS sexy is defined in opposition to what's NOT, and we usually kind of recoil when faced with sexually-oriented thinking about things in our personal "NOT" column. So our poor brains start fidgeting all over the place, trying to get out of having to ponder why full, bushy beards are or aren't sexy right now -- or at least this is true of my brain since full beards kind of creep me out in that context. Much easier to dwell on things you previously liked and have maybe now outgrown than those that you actually find repellent.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

Sorry, actually that whole post is more applicable if the question is: how come it's harder to think about stuff that people USED to find attractive and now DON'T? Which it wasn't. But you get my thoughts on the matter anyway.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 20:11 (twenty years ago)

remember ed anser's character on freakazoid

― howell huser (chaki), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 20:12 (twenty years ago)

http://www.retrobug.com/freakazoid/pictures/006.jpg
sex

― howell huser (chaki), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 20:14 (twenty years ago)

Once in a while I'll find something sexy precisely because I don't usually find it sexy -- the idea of a certain thing or type of person being sexy suddenly becomes this new and interesting idea.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 20:15 (twenty years ago)

ie: jewish men

― howell huser (chaki), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 20:27 (twenty years ago)

Phil Two to thread!

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 20:30 (twenty years ago)

people who get on stage.

That's a universal sexy-maker, I think. Don't know why, though.

This is simple, and structural, and explains why students get teacher crushes as easily as it explains groupie love: when people are on stage, we get to look at them.

In most other contexts, prolonged looking is taboo. Too aggressive. Makes both the looker and the lookee uncomfortable.

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:03 (twenty years ago)

I don't think any of you have any idea how to answer this question

― cozen (Cozen), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:06 (twenty years ago)

(Psst roger: also a good reason to ask people complicated questions -- you get to stare at them while they lecture! Just look sort of perplexed/attentive, it works a treat.)

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

Including me (xpost)

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

really, cozen?

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:08 (twenty years ago)

excuse me; I forgot myself again

― cozen (Cozen), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:08 (twenty years ago)

intriguing as always!

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:12 (twenty years ago)

(Psst roger: ...)

And just like that, the lady has my attention.

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:14 (twenty years ago)

this reminds me of the "why are things funny" thread. in both cases, there aren't definitions. you're never going to get a hard-and-fast rule for this sort of thing, just a huge list with people arguing back and forth.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:17 (twenty years ago)

Please, coz, enlighten us.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:18 (twenty years ago)

I missed the "why are things funny" thread!

But I believe the comedic community has pretty much determined beyond any further question that Jews, sex, and words with "k" sounds are teh rofflemax.

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:22 (twenty years ago)

Can one pass judgement on why we or others find things sexy? I don't mean that rhetorically really - something that comes up on loads of threads is that the deepdown reasons for fancying eg bigger girls are probably more quite a bit more likable than the deepdown reasons for fancying smaller skinnier ones but is it fair to think differently of someone on grounds of? (My instinctive answer is no but then I think of eg "I only fancy bastards" as a bad reason, which totally contradicts that impulse)

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:30 (twenty years ago)

Men's belts are sexy

― POOP BITCH (Mandee), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:49 (twenty years ago)

Theorry and Anna OTM back there. Confidence is very, very sexy.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:53 (twenty years ago)

http://www.discover.de/img/interviews/danzig.jpg

― howell huser (chaki), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:54 (twenty years ago)

My girlfriend's catchphrase is "reading is sexy".

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:58 (twenty years ago)

But Slough isn't.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 22:27 (twenty years ago)

confident redheads.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 22:28 (twenty years ago)

Mick Hucknall again?

― The Wanderers' Wandering Daughter (noodle vague), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 22:43 (twenty years ago)

Gravel that was a great comment back there. I just wanted to pass judgement on that ;)

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 00:15 (twenty years ago)

Myself I like really trashy hos.

Dunno why, the human mind is so mysterious.

― [jailhouse tattoo] (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 00:20 (twenty years ago)

Things are sexy for a very simple reason: it beats the alternative.

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 01:22 (twenty years ago)

things are sexy cos they're things you ain't got. no?

― emsk ( emsk), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 03:16 (twenty years ago)

Hey, hey! I didn't say I only *fancy* bastards (except for, well, Captain Anderson, but that's because it's the taboo thing, that I'm doing anger management and not supposed to blow up at people, and yet he's a ship's captain and gets to be emporer of his own little world and blow up at people when he pleases, SIR, and has people flogged at the yardarm if he chooses, SIR, like I would really like to be but know I mustn't) erm... wait, what was I talking about?

I didn't say I *fancy* bastards. Just that I always seem to end up with them. There's a difference.

― The Hills Are Alive With Celibate Cries (kate), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 11:02 (twenty years ago)

Not a single mention of glasses! I guess it's the spurious connection with intelligence, something like bookishness, that does it for me, and obviously there are hideous glasses, but by and large I think they make women sexier.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 12:42 (twenty years ago)

Ever so slightly barking mad is sexy.
Slightly dizzy is also sexy.
I'm not sure why.

xpost
Spectacles on pretty women are personally devastating to me; it's most definitely the bookish/intelligent thing. Two of the most physically beautiful women I've ever known wore glasses.

On "people who get on stage" thing. Those people have status which = power and people (women in particular) are genetically programmed to find that attractive.

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 12:47 (twenty years ago)

determinist

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 12:48 (twenty years ago)

Ever so slightly barking mad is sexy.

Oxymoron?

― The Hills Are Alive With Celibate Cries (kate), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 12:49 (twenty years ago)

I need a photo of a bear with a candle up it's ass. Photoshopped or not.

― Dan (Is This Sexy?) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 13:01 (twenty years ago)

Not a single mention of glasses! I guess it's the spurious connection with intelligence, something like bookishness, that does it for me

'Intelligence as sexy' I think comes down to the idea that smart people being dirty/doing dirty things is somehow 'wrong' and implies that carnal urges will ultimately overpower 'logic'. It's extraordinary how just something as simple as a pair of specs could represent that.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 13:03 (twenty years ago)

Obv. specs alone doesn't work otherwise there'd be pages of slash fic about short-sighted grandmothers...

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 13:05 (twenty years ago)

to me specs represent "MOTHERFUCKER CAN'T SEE"

― bob abernethy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 13:45 (twenty years ago)

On the loss of control front: I am a very very ticklish person. Tickling my sides usually results in me collapsing (literally) in a giggling heap. And sometimes, this can be very erotic.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

that girl in 'ghost squad' is sexy. i'm just saying.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 14:35 (twenty years ago)

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