SAAVIK'S LOG
by Saavant (December 2003)
December 10th
School ended today for the holiday break. This year, the holiday season on Dantria coincides with the holiday season on Earth, and Captain Kirk has come to stay with Spock and me at our house to celebrate.
Spock told me I had to put on shoes and dressy clothes, and I protested, but I did not break anything or scream, because I am not an illogical baby any more. I finally agreed to wear my second-least-comfortable shoes and my embroidered robe in Captain Kirk's presence, in exchange for an extra ration of kreyla biscuits after dinner. I believe that was a logical negotiation.
December 12th
Spock went out to walk in the forest with Captain Kirk all day, and I stayed home and took care of my lizards and insects, and read books. When they came back, we all had dinner together, and then Captain Kirk said to Spock that they should build a fire in the fireplace. That seemed very illogical to me, and I could tell that Spock also thought it was illogical.
I attempted to save Spock the effort of telling Captain Kirk how illogical it was. Before Spock could answer Captain Kirk, I answered him myself and explained that our heating system is much more efficient than a fire in the fireplace. Spock interrupted me, and told Captain Kirk that it would be good to make a fire.
I thought that was very stupid, and I went to my room to think about why Spock would do something so strange. I am still here now and I have not found any answer.
December 12th, late evening
At bedtime, I heard Spock showing Captain Kirk the guest room down the hall from my room, and I heard Captain Kirk getting ready for bed in the guest room, and I heard Spock walking back and forth in his own room for several minutes.
Then Spock came into my room. He brought me a kreyla biscuit, and said in a kind voice, "Saavik, I am sorry if you were confused. But sometimes one must do things that seem illogical, to make a friend happy."
I said, "If he expects you to be illogical to please him, he is not a very good friend."
Spock looked almost angry for a moment, and said, "He is a very good friend, and making him happy brings a pleasure of its own. It is more pleasing than being logical in ways that would make him unhappy."
I thought about it, and I realized Spock had never told me this before. The only similar thing he had ever said to me was about his parents. He had told me that his father married a human, even though it would have made more biological sense to marry a Vulcan. When I had asked why his father did this, Spock had explained to me that his father's feelings for his mother were a kind of logic of their own.
I thought that perhaps this situation was related, and I asked, "Are you going to marry Captain Kirk?"
Spock looked at me very sharply and strangely, and said, "No."
But perhaps if they were not planning to marry, Spock was being made illogical by a wish to marry. I asked him, "Do you want to marry Captain Kirk?"
He walked to the door and said, "Saavik, go to sleep," and went out.
When Spock does not answer a question, it is almost always because he wishes to hide something. Each time I ask him a question with two possible answers, one of which might make him look illogical or stupid, he either chooses the other answer or changes the subject entirely. I realized that Spock had not answered my question just now.
After I realized this, I got out my journal and made this entry. Now I will try to sleep, and tomorrow I will form conclusions about Captain Kirk.
December 15th
I have spent the past two and a half days observing Captain Kirk and how he interacts with Spock. My observations are:
1. He touches Spock. I have seen Spock with some of his other friends, but none of them touch Spock as much as Captain Kirk does. Captain Kirk puts his hand on Spock's shoulder, and pats him on the back, and stands much closer to him than any of his other friends do.
2. He looks at Spock, even when Spock is not looking at him, and even when there is no reason to be looking at Spock.
3. He smiles at Spock much more than other people do.
4. He listens to Spock without interrupting or looking bored, even when Spock is talking about things that seem to bore most humans.
I think that I can conclude from these observations that Captain Kirk is a very close friend to Spock, and likes him very much. I am not sure I can conclude that he is in love with Spock, however. Love is what humans feel when they want to get married, and I have not seen many humans with people they have married or want to marry, so I do not have much to compare Captain Kirk to.
December 17th
Tonight after dinner Spock and Captain Kirk decided to build another fire, and this time Spock offered to go out and collect wood by himself, so I was alone in the living room with Captain Kirk for almost half an hour.
I do not know him as well as I know Spock, and when I had asked Spock about his feelings for Captain Kirk it had seemed to upset him, so I decided not to be so blunt talking to Captain Kirk.
"Are you married?" I asked.
"No," he said. As he said it, he sounded sad, and looked out the window into the forest where Spock had gone.
Then he made a happy face and looked at me, as if it suddenly occurred to him that he should be making funny conversation instead of looking sad. "How about you? Do you have a boyfriend here on Dantria?"
"No. The only boys I know are the boys at school, and the boys who live nearby with their mother and a baby. All those boys are very stupid and I do not like them."
"That's too bad." He smiled. "I suppose they are all very... illogical."
"They are. Spock is the only logical person I know."
He laughed and said, "I don't know if I should take that as a compliment."
I answered, "You are not logical but Spock says you are a very good friend, and he says that sometimes your friendship is more important to him than being logical."
"Spock said that?" There was suddenly a strange, surprised, happy look on his face and he seemed to be thinking for a while.
Then he put the false happy look on his face again, and said in his making-funny-conversation voice, "Does Spock have a... girlfriend here?"
"No, he does not. There are some people here who talk with him occasionally, but he is never as comfortable with them as he is with you. I think you are closest to him, of all the people he knows."
Captain Kirk stared into the air for a moment with a small smile on his face, and then seemed about to ask me another question, but Spock came in with the firewood and they both forgot about me for a while.
December 18th
After my conversation yesterday, and the observations I have made before and since then, I have concluded that both Captain Kirk and Spock are in love with each other. I have also concluded that neither of them realizes that the other is in love, and that they are both very unhappy because of this.
I am trying to think of a way to help them. I considered telling each of them that the other loved him, but that would be too blunt, and if my conclusions turned out to be wrong, their friendship might be damaged and they would be very disappointed and I would be blamed.
I will have to think more about this.
December 20th
Today it occurred to me that they might be forced to talk about their problem eventually if they were trapped together in a small place for a long time. I figured out a way to arrange this. It was a somewhat deceitful idea, but it was not dangerous, and the possible result would outweigh the unpleasantness.
I opened the toilet tank in the downstairs bathroom and unhooked the part that makes the toilet flush. The bathroom has two doors, and I made sure that one of them was locked and that the key was hanging from its hook in the kitchen. Then I unscrewed the handle on the other door almost to the point where it would fall off. I called to Spock to say that the toilet was not working. He went into the bathroom to fix it, and as I expected, Captain Kirk followed him in to help.
As they both settled down to work, I announced that I was going into the forest to look for insects, and said that I would be back in three hours. I closed the bathroom door as I left. I had sabotaged the door handle in such a way that it would fall off when they tried to open the door, and they would be stuck in the room together until I came back. I knew that, when I came back, I could unlock the other door with the key in the kitchen, so they would not be trapped there for too long.
However, when I came back three hours later, Spock was working on the computer in the study, and Captain Kirk was reading a book in the living room.
"The problem with the toilet wasn't anything bad," Captain Kirk said. "Just a little chain that had come unhooked. Looks like the door was in worse shape-- when we tried to open it, the handle fell off!"
He laughed, and I was glad he did not suspect me, but I was still puzzled.
"It was Captain Kirk's resourceful idea to dismantle the door's hinges," Spock explained. "Otherwise we might have had to stay in the room for some time."
Apparently Captain Kirk is more difficult to trap than I had thought. I shall have to try another tactic.
December 22nd
I tried another tactic today. I had learned, from Spock's stories of Enterprise missions, that pity can be a large part of love. When two people are in love, and one of them is hurt, the other becomes even more loving in an attempt to make his loved one feel better.
I did not want to hurt either Spock or Captain Kirk physically, so I decided to make one of them think he had lost an item he liked very much. I settled on Spock because I know what his favorite items are. One of them is his Vulcan harp. He is extremely careful with it, and does not let me touch it. He practices on it most mornings for a few minutes, and would surely notice if it disappeared.
Last night, while Spock was asleep, I hid it on the highest shelf in the cupboard by his bed. I felt uncomfortable moving something that Spock had told me to leave alone, but the cause was sufficient. I was certain that Spock would be unhappy when he noticed it was missing, and that Captain Kirk would spend the day comforting him.
When I woke up, however, what I heard was an argument. Spock was accusing Captain Kirk of moving his harp.
I came out of my room and found Spock holding the harp, on which a tuning peg was bent and a string was missing. When I heard more of the argument, I realized that I must have placed the harp on the shelf too precariously. In the night it had fallen off the shelf and out of the cabinet, landing on the floor.
It was the first thing Spock saw when he awakened. It had not been there when he had gone to bed, and he believed that I had been asleep at the time. So it was only logical to think Captain Kirk must have come into his room and meddled with his personal effects before he awoke. I knew Spock did not want to believe that, but it seemed to him like the only logical explanation.
I did not want Spock and Captain Kirk to keep arguing, so I confessed that I had gotten up in the night and moved the harp. I did not explain why, and Spock assumed that I must have wanted to play with it. He scolded me for disobeying him, for being careless with the harp, and for not putting it back where I found it.
Afterwards, Spock tried to apologize to Captain Kirk, but the captain was still angry that Spock had trusted me more than him. They are still not on very friendly terms.
I am disappointed that I have made them less happy with each other, when I have been trying to improve their relationship. I am not sure I should try any more tactics, and yet I feel I have the duty to make things better for them.
December 24th
Today is Christmas Eve on Earth, and tomorrow is Christmas. I am determined to make Spock and Captain Kirk happy. It would be the best Christmas gift they could receive, and I think I have found a way to do it without risking any more disasters.
Last night I went through my collection of leaves, bark, roots, and other plant parts. In one of those boxes is a bunch of small leaves with a ribbon around it. It is called "mistletoe," and it is imported from Earth to many planets as a holiday decoration.
Last year, I was invited to a holiday party at the house where the stupid boys and the mother and the baby live. The party was very boring, and I spent most of the time leaning against a door-frame reading a chemistry journal. After I has stood there for an hour, one of the boys suddenly came up to me and put his slimy mouth on my face.
I shouted and hit him with the journal, and his mother came running. When I explained what had happened, she pointed out that mistletoe had been hanging in the door-frame above where I was standing. Then she explained to me what mistletoe meant. According to the tradition, which began on Earth and spread to all the planets that use mistletoe for their holidays, standing underneath it is an invitation to be kissed.
This made me so angry, at the time, that I tore down the mistletoe from the doorway and ran home. I put it in my plant collection, where I reasoned that it was safe from being used for such a stupid tradition, and people were safe from its influence.
Now, however, I think that tradition might be helpful in bringing Spock together with Captain Kirk. Early tomorrow morning I will hang the mistletoe over the door into the living room. They will both go through that door in the morning, and perhaps it will be the last bit of encouragement they need to kiss each other.
December 25th
As planned, I woke early this morning and hung the mistletoe above the living room door. Spock and Captain Kirk had put some presents in the living room for me and for each other last night. They were wrapped, and I had been told that the captain wanted us all to watch each other unwrap them, according to Earth tradition. So I passed the time guessing what each present might be, until Spock and Captain Kirk arrived.
Captain Kirk stopped in the doorway, and Spock stopped beside him. Both looked up, at the same moment.
"Spock..." said Captain Kirk hesitantly. "That's mistletoe."
"Indeed it is," said Spock.
"You are... aware of what mistletoe signifies, aren't you?" Kirk asked.
Spock swallowed and said, "Indeed I am. You, I presume, are equally aware of its significance?"
"Certainly." Captain Kirk licked his lips in a very nervous way.
They looked at each other for a moment.
And then all of a sudden they had their arms around each other, and they were kissing on the lips with their mouths wide open, and I think they were even putting their *tongues* inside each other's mouths. It was the most incredibly illogical thing I had ever seen, but I could not look away.
They finally pulled apart to breathe, and Captain Kirk gasped out, "Spock, I love you." Spock wanted to say it back, I could tell, but he could not make himself say something so emotional, so he just stroked two fingers across Captain Kirk's face.
"How did you know?" Captain Kirk murmured.
Spock looked at him curiously. "Know...?"
"That I would want to kiss you."
"I did not know until... until you kissed me."
"Then why did you put up the mistletoe?" said the captain.
"I did not put up the mistletoe. There has not been mistletoe in this house since Saavik and I moved in. I thought *you* put up the mistletoe."
And that was when they turned and saw me sitting in the living room.
"Saavik..."
I do not have time this evening to say all the things that happened after that. I will just say... it was a wonderful Christmas. The best I have ever had.
END
― A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME (ex machina), Monday, 26 June 2006 20:13 (nineteen years ago)