Liverpool won't win the Champions League or UEFA Cup 2006/07

It won't work. One thread will throw a hissy fit and then get farmed off to Charlton on loan.

(I will be like this all season.)

What does Pleat have against Liverpool? He seems to be willing Haifa to win. I also noted he, of all the Guardian's pundits, predicted Liverpool to finish lowest. Only 4th, but still.

Not a vintage LFC performance but I suppose it will do. The Haifa keepa is the best player on the pitch so far.

An unnecessarily anxious last 20 minutes, not helped by Garcia's complete inability to hold up the ball (I'm astonished Rafa didn't sub Bellamy for him at 75 mins), but a job... done, just about.

Hearing the list of teams they could meet being reeled off, I can confidently predict that Celtic won't win the Champions League or UEFA Cup either. *quakes in fear*

I didn't think you were having a go, Jerry, I was covering my back for future reference to this thread in years to come.

Absolutely right, Garcia is so frustrating. Also once Momo left we really didn't look great in central midfield. This tender start to the season by Xabi (admittedly he wasn't awful last night) and Stevie G could be a real problem, especially if Momo is now injured. Gerrard looked like a man who'd just had a stomach bug when he came on.

Lex isn't Swedish!

"Fort William will win one game all season in the Highland League 2006/7"

Incidentally I'm buying at a spread of 110-115 goals conceded by the mighty Fort this season..

Give us Real Madrid! Give us Real Madrid! Give us Real Madrid! Give us Real Madrid! Give us Real Madrid! Give us Real Madrid! Give us Real Madrid! Give us Real Madrid! Give us Real Madrid! Give us Real Madrid! Give us Real Madrid!

(Bet we get Man U)

(this says more about us than Fletcher, but hey-ho)

"Master Tactician" subs Mascherano, Kaka opens 'em up a la 2005. Game over.

Also 2-0 down with 10 minutes to go, substitute a full back for.... another full back.... duh Rafa!

Best fans in the werld, la... fuck off, losers

I had no idea wtf was going on with that substitution either. Did he do it deliberately to snub Craig Bellamy?

(Actually was Bellamy even on the bench? I missed the first half due to transport horror).

"It is very easy to say it is not a suitable stadium, coming from the man that invented the poll tax."

haha that's brilliant

I wish Rafa was managing a more likeable club

We laughed at crying Liverpool fans because we're mean like that. Also, Gerrard and Carragher being interviewed together pre-match = some weird humming drone noise punctuating with tons of "erm, well, la, y'know, erm, la" a lot.

Aye, the full-back-for-a-full-back sub was baffling, as was removal of Mascherano who was easily the best midfielder there that wasn't Jermaine Pennant (and I can't believe I just typed that).

We decided at the time he made the sub at 2-0 so he could push Riise further forward, or something.

To leave Bellamy on the bench at 2-0 is a huge "fuck you and fuck off" message to him. Such a waste, he could have been starring for Celtic but now we have Scott McDonald and Kenny Miller (no laughing at the back there!).

Liverpool players did gracious defeat pretty well I think - Carragher, Gerrard and Crouch anyway.

I chuckled at Harry Kewell crying though. Perhaps he knew it was his last chance to win the Champions League with a 20min cameo in the final after doing nadge all all season.

That's another one that flummoxed me - that anyone could think Harry Kewell, and in particular a Harry Kewell who's played exactly two games all season (a defeat to Fulham and a draw with Chartlon!) can come off the bench and win a European Cup.

Kewell was crying with the simple joy of not being noticably injured

he did win the bowling the night before tho. perhaps he was reminiscing.

Aye, I said that at the time. You have Peter Crouch and Craig Bellamy on the bench, why why WHY put Harry Kewell on?

Has Robbie Fowler left now, btw?

Has Robbie Fowler left now, btw?

I never liked him in Eastenders much anyway

Strange sort of anticlimax about this, considering how keen I was to see Milan win. The Kuyt goal got me involved briefly in a Christ-not-again kinda way, but it was all a bit meh. Liverpool were certainly diddled out of a good minute of stoppage time (if the board was correct) but, hey, same thing happened in the Anfield derby in 2005 when Everton were pushing for an equaliser so there you go.

The news channels post-match seemed to focus on the American owners and how shedloads of cash would be spent in the summer to ensure this sort of thing Never Happened Again. Lots of interviews with Reds stranded in airports, shambling around Athens, etc while I played Spot The Scouse Accent - hmm, more Norfolk than Norris Green, that one - until Pam told me to Drop It.

(To be fair, Kewell did come off the bench the weekend before last to win 3rd place in the Prem.)

Lots of interviews with Reds stranded in airports, shambling around Athens, etc while I played Spot The Scouse Accent

Not really fair that, I'd say you hear far more hometown accents among Liverpool fans than any of the other leading English clubs, far more

funny how rampant corruption and incompetence in Italian football administration has really given their national team and one of their top clubs that extra spark needed to win the World Cup and the CL respectively.

Liverpool were certainly diddled out of a good minute of stoppage time (if the board was correct)

Aye, Onimo was putting forward the theory in the pub last night that Rafa's master tactics were all based on something that should have happened if they'd been allowed to play the last 18 seconds of the game.

I thought Kewell was pretending to cry because he knew it would get him on the telly, like that Spanish goalie whoe name I havwe erased from my memory.

, I'd say you hear far more hometown accents among Liverpool fans than any of the other leading English clubs, far more

leeds?

oh wait, you said leading

It helps to be in one of the top two divisions

"It is very easy to say it is not a suitable stadium, coming from the man that invented the poll tax."

haha Onimo i only opened up this thread to post that too

Not really fair that, I'd say you hear far more hometown accents among Liverpool fans than any of the other leading English clubs, far more

Oh, I know, it's just knee-jerk idiocy by me. And it merely reflects the huge cosmopolitan appeal of Der Mighty Reds. Does wind 'em up though.

(Hometown accents though - are we distinguishing Norf Landen from a more generic Greater London/SE England accent? Cos I've never met a Scouse/Manc/Brum/Scottish Arsenal fan, for example. I'm sure they exist. Perhaps there were more of them in 2002/2004.)

Anyway - close-season resolution #1: not mentioning H3ys3l (not that I ever do, directly), not mentioning nonScouseness of Liverpool fanbase anymore. It's been done to death. And it annoys the missus. All Evertonians are Welsh anyway.

Tell the missus to stop reading ILX football threads and get it all out here. You know you want to (also it makes me laugh).

True, nobody much like London clubs outside of London (xp)

The Herald match report includes the fantastic word "scudded"!

http://www.theherald.co.uk/sport/headlines/display.var.1421409.0.0.php

as Pirlo cushioned the kick around the wall, it scudded into the irrepressible Inzaghi

Haha, they also refer to Bellamy as "the former Celtic forward".

sorry but

http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j171/mdanielwalter/kewell_wideweb__470x2190.jpg

what a dork

yeah, and Kaka and Gerrard are kinda crap as well, haha

Does that photo mean Kaka is owned by a third-party consortium? Does Jesus hold his registration? All very dodgy.

might photoshop a kitten onto the tip of kaka's nose in a bit.

So Kaka belongs to Jesus but God belongs to Liverpool?

http://www.mentalacrobatics.com/think/blogimages/fowler1.jpg

Fancy not giving God a new contract.

I didn't know God was a wee Orange bastard

Well he's hardly going to be a papist idolator.

Fowler looks like one of those cartoons they used to have in Fast Forward magazine.

In that photo. Not in real life, taht'd be stupid.

We all belong to Jesus, mate.

http://www.teamtalk.com//Images/115684.jpg

good prep

It's not domestic.

theyre getting rid of mark gonzalez, didnt do enought for a 2nd year. kinda surprised, south american, young, normally enough to write off a first year, and decide in the 2nd

The news channels post-match seemed to focus on the American owners and how shedloads of cash would be spent in the summer to ensure this sort of thing Never Happened Again

The Weetabix will rule the world! (see Marina Hyde)

Not really fair that, I'd say you hear far more hometown accents among Liverpool fans than any of the other leading English clubs, far more

I'd have to disagree with that 100%. I'd say only Manchester United rival Liverpool in terms of how much of their supporter is from out of town.

^^^ uh, stenhousemuir?

Plenty of Stenhousemuir fans don't have Larbert accents, some of them have Alva accents

I remember a conversation on Brookside where Ricky Tomlinson (can't tremember his character's name but know his name - how times change) was going on to his daughter (KAREN GRANT)'s Man Utd supporting boyfriend du jour about how he ought to be a Liverpool or Everton supporter and young fella said "oh, right, cracker, la, Man Utd have supporters from all over the country, scheeeeeeeeeechghhhhgh" as if this was somehow remarkable. All of which just goes to prove my point. Which I haven't made yet. Because I haven't decided what it is.

some of them have oslo accents as well tom

or is it bergen, i forget

On the WSC Board, there's a guy who does parody match reports after big games - this was his post-CL final effort:

In this time of total national grief I take comfort in the Alternative Book Of Scouse Jokes. That's all the usual ones, right, but with alternative endings written by a true Scouser who understands Scouse, ie me, so it's The Truth. It'll have you in fits.
Q: What do you call a Liverpudlian in a suit?
A: Degsy Hatton. A man who stood proud and walked tall for the people of Liverpool only to be betrayed by Southerners who were prejudiced against all Liverpudlians just because of the way they talk and the colour of their skin. But he will return and so will we, hope in our hearts.
Q: Why do all Liverpudlians wear shellsuits?
A: They don't. They don't, right. I mean, some do. I do and all my mates do. But some don't, I suppose. Not always. Because we're all different. And Scousers are more different from anybody than anybody. You'd understand if you were a Scouser. But you're not. We are.

See, that's real humour that. From a true comedian, ie me. That's why people laugh at me. Laugh their bollocks off every time I open my mouth. Because we're all comedians up here, eh? One on every street corner, in every doorway, in every bus shelter. All forged from the same adversity and passion and sense of community that forges a Tom O' Connor. But tonight wasn't about laughter. Tonight was about the pride, the passion, the glory and the pride. Who could believe it, eh? 2005. Liverpool meet Milan in the Champions League final in Istanbul. Two years later, same two teams, same final. And the same city. It's called DESTINY. Spell it out, D-E-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-H-H-H-H-H-H-S-S-S-S-S-S-T-I-N-Y. For one long year the European Cup has been missing from its true home. This is a national tragedy. As the banner I made to take on my long trek to the final read; Pray For Maddie. Pray For Liverpool.

Of course, it costs money, like, to get to a place like Istanbul. But y'know, there's always a way. A bit of jibbing, ducking and diving. But it's also about working together. Like me and my mates. We raised the money by burgling each other's houses. Left our doors open for one another. That's community. That's cooperation. That's passion. That's heart. You don't get that in a city like Everton.

Anyway, it's the big day and here we were in Istanbul. Looked in at the bar and you could see on the telly Liverpool supporters all gathered as far away as Athens, chanting the chant, never walking alone. That's how it is on nights like this. Liverpool IS Europe. But when we got to Istanbul stadium we hardly noticed any fellow reds. So the media stories of UEFA quite literally withdrawing tickets from ALL true Liverpool fans because they hate our passion and our pride were dead true. We get to the stadium, we're the only ones there. No tickets but loads of Scouse charm. "Lerrus in, mate", I says to the moustached feller on the door. "Fookin' lerrus in, like. I've left me ticket back at the hotel but I'll go fetch it and show you it after the game, like, honest." Actually that was just a bit of brilliant Scouse cunning but still I was dead offended when this woolyback looks at me like he half doesn't believe me! Tarring us all with the same brush, like.

"You want to see reserve game here, you need ticket," he says. Come 'ed? Anyway, we tried to force the door open for 25 minutes till finally it dawned on us - those UEFA bastards had switched the venue at the last minute. We burst into tears - we must have been teargassed by the Turks - and go and watched in the bar. Come on, Liverpool! Stevie, Jamie! Stevie! The game started and Stevie Gerrard, I tell you, what a man. What a man. every time he got the ball he was blasting it high and wide, deliberately aiming it into the stands. He knew how much them balls would be worth to a Liverpool fan on e-Bay the next day, to sell on, to put food on their tables, hope in their hearts and Kestrel lager in their bellies. Putting the fans first, that's Stevie. For my money that alone gave us a moral one goal lead, to add to the one Liverpool fans are worth every game which should have had us 2-0 up but then Inter Milan got one and Jamie Carragher tackled and tackled, the way he does all night for fun and then Inter Madrid got another and Stevie Gerrard gave us hope and pride and we got one back. But then the ref got scared and blew the whistle and once again, just like in the Eighties, Liverpool were the victims of a footballing tragedy that will touch the hearts and minds of all peoples, Liverpudlians and Evertonians alike, but from which Liverpool will emerge taller, strengthened as a community, reborn in a valley of tears, Christlike and Godlike.

But now was the time to think of suing some bastard. Get on the phone to one of them daytime telly lawyer firms and sue. Sue UEFA for moving the fixture to Athens, not Istanbul like last time. Sue Inter Milan for deliberately sabotaging our offside trap with their cynical tactics. You don't do that to a man like Jamie Carragher. Sue Rafa Benitez for not putting on Robbie Fowler, at least for the last 89 minutes. Sue that Clive Tyldesley for deliberately building up our hopes - some of us put our life savings on at Paddypower at half time on account of the way he was going on. It's not right. Sue The Beatles for abandoning Liverpool in its hour of need. Sue Man Utd for not tiring Milan out enough in the semi final. Sue the Government for the whole Degsy Hatton scandal. Sue Starbucks for taking a significant part of their name from Liverpool's finest golfer and comedian, Jimmy T himself, the man known to one and all quite simply as "The Joke".

But this is no joke. Come the first weekend of the new season, there should be a minute's silence at every football ground in the United Kingdom for Liverpool's lost trophy. Who knows where it is now? In swarthy, foreign hands, I dunno, Spain, Italy, wherever Inter Madrid or Milan is, asking over and over when it can come home to Anfield and get to see it's true Da' again, Stevie Gerrard. It's heartbreaking. But no one loses like Liverpool. We will return to Istanbul, for another That Night. We will be back. And this time, we'll lose by more.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2031397547

I stopped reading when I got to the Maddie bit.

http://morethanmindgames.co.uk/

Brilliant four-piece Clough analysis.