Let's Publish A Book Of 500 Funny ILXOR Posts, What Are Your Picks?

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Oh yeah, no posts dated after this one are eligible.
Don't want anyone specifically trying to make it into
the hall of fame.

1.
[tuomas-underwear-ridingcrop.jpg]
Allow me to be frank at the commencement. You will not like me. The gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. You will not like me now and you will like me a good deal less as we go on. Ladies, an announcement: I am up for it, all the time. That is not a boast or an opinion, it is bone hard medical fact. I put it round you know. And you will watch me putting it round and sigh for it. Don't. It is a deal of trouble for you and you are better off watching and drawing your conclusions from a distance than you would be if I got my tarse up your petticoats. Gentlemen. Do not despair, I am up for that as well. And the same warning applies. Still your cheesy erections till I have had my say. But later when you shag - and later you will shag, I shall expect it of you and I will know if you have let me down - I wish you to shag with my homuncular image rattling in your gonads. Feel how it was for me, how it is for me and ponder. 'Was that shudder the same shudder he sensed? Did he know something more profound? Or is there some wall of wretchedness that we all batter with our heads at that shining, livelong moment. That is it. That is my prologue, nothing in rhyme, no protestations of modesty, you were not expecting that I hope. I am John Wilmot, Second Earl of Rochester and I do not want you to like me.

-- Zwan (anthonyisrigh...), July 29th, 2006.

Squirrel_Police (Squirrel_Police), Saturday, 26 August 2006 01:35 (nineteen years ago)

Stipulation 2: They all have to be that length or longer (in words).

Squirrel_Police (Squirrel_Police), Saturday, 26 August 2006 01:36 (nineteen years ago)

Okay, so I googled it and it's a quote from the libertine.
Whatev. Let the thread go on!

Squirrel_Police (Squirrel_Police), Saturday, 26 August 2006 01:38 (nineteen years ago)

good idea for a thread [/RJG]

jed_ (jed), Saturday, 26 August 2006 01:46 (nineteen years ago)

2.
Just a bit of fun, so lets be cool.

I put together a number of threads and made a product out of it.

-- mark grout (mark.grou...) (webmail), June 23rd, 2004 8:10 AM. (mark grout) (11 trackbacks) (link)

mr. brojangles (sanskrit), Saturday, 26 August 2006 01:50 (nineteen years ago)

You don't want me on this thread. I laugh too hard at my own jokes.

Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 26 August 2006 02:54 (nineteen years ago)

OK. I'll play nicely. Here... this was posted to Urgent and Key: the great Lost Threads of I Love Everything on Ask A Drunk.

Someone explain *ahem* Momus to me
Fuck it - what characteristics do you display to the sixth sense?
duncan norvelle is my nu god
wh47 7h3 s0dding h311 is 7h3 purp0s3 0f h4x0r???
FAP - Broadmoor
when come back, bring neppa (or, failing that, fremme)
Aw, bestiality
What's the most unacceptable thing ever to come out of your colostomy, scurry about for a minute and then pop back in again?
RFI - finding my arse with both hands
FAP - Gobi Desert
Spending all day on ILX vs doing some work - FITE!
hip hooray for my mother-in-law on her magical deathing day
Let's put the GREBT back in Britain!
Men who shave their kittens' pubic hair - S/D
FAP - Spiral Nebula
oh no! THIS THING! oh no!
Should rockists lez up (do not read if you venette me, do you see)
This is the thread where you SHIT ON THE MODERATOR!
Intricate self-referentiality - C/D?

-- Rex (re...) (webmail), November 4th, 2002.

Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 26 August 2006 02:57 (nineteen years ago)

i'm dying here.

s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 26 August 2006 04:19 (nineteen years ago)

Every little bit helps.

Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 26 August 2006 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

C'mon peeps. This is a celebration of ourselves!

Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 26 August 2006 16:46 (nineteen years ago)

The entire poetry commissions thread is worthy of publishing on its own, Aimless!

Scourage (Haberdager), Saturday, 26 August 2006 16:49 (nineteen years ago)

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b214/joux/devious/guy_rolling_on_floor_laughing_hg_cl.gif

gear (gear), Saturday, 26 August 2006 16:50 (nineteen years ago)

Isn't it enough to have our own narcissistic circle jerk without inflicting it on the world.

Ed (dali), Saturday, 26 August 2006 17:35 (nineteen years ago)

Was that a question?

Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 26 August 2006 21:21 (nineteen years ago)

Yes,It was a test,This is why:Upon being abused over the last few days, a day after 'joining' There was *absolutely* too MUCH insulting and questioning of gender that was more *childish* than anything.
Being that this is the net, You could POSSIBLY question ALOT of things,the persons gender, their race, their age, their morals, etc.etc. But then again, We do not expect people to be *liars* on a board,because then *everybody* can and may be a LIAR.Fair enough.
I was being attacked over my questions in the SEX category, Now, what the fuck qualifies as a 'good' sex question as oppose to a 'bad' one?
I was merely being honest, and besides my question just being more or less a very descriptive question, I didn't expect it to be a *problem* What sex question 'isn't' going to be somewhat intimate, descriptive or SEXUAL for fuck sake......
I found out that the Dick man (RJG) is just your typical nob, a bell end, a prick,a cheesey helmet, a bastard, a jerk, a disrespectful common idiot,a fuckwit,that You can and will find on most boards or chat rooms...and as we found out in *here* as well.When my gender was questioned,At first, I was trying to be as polite as possible, I even gave out my Yahoo! username for anyone to send me an IM to hear my voice on mic,if they wanted to.But as no one bothered to take me on my offer,and things got a little bit out of touch here, especially if in the *hair* CATEGORY (not a forum, not a 'hair' board, but a *category* no less), I was going to be to replied with something like "No 28 inch waist size man would ever fuck you..blah...blah" by the DICK headed twat-face AKA 'RJG'...that was uncalled for, maybe even so far as hostile of him to be attacking me when I was just posting my update on here about my hair,to the kind examples of human-beings who were kind enough to help me sort out that issue,There was no reason for that jerk to carry on his selfish idiotic tyrades to hassle me.Anywhere else on my other threads I was encountering this maniac AKA 'RJG' with his nonstop constant assaults,and uncalled for replies of idiodicy, mind You, they were not *civilized* OPINIONS nor something of that nature for anyone to consider like 'everyone has their own opinion, or choice or preference' this was an all in all attack of the internet kind on me, and of course, that just isn't fair (not like if LIFE is fair, cause it ISN'T)but however old this DICK is, And I bet you he is somewhere between 20-30, he certainly DOESN'T act like it.Yeah, I know many of You are going to say something like "But You went at him too" and Yes, I have, and I have done it on this message too, but that is AFTER the fact, after about 3 days of his constant crap, and to be honest, where am I wrong on calling him what he really is? (jerk, bastard, idiot, etc)The fact that Martin Skidmore at first questioned him about his attack on me, but then totally did a 180 turn, is just fine,because as soon as I gave RJG my 2 cents about what I really think about him,is ALL that really matters,It doesn't matter what this 'Skidmore' thinks of me, simply because I gave RJG a verbal lashing, after ALL the abuse I was put through by him? He deserved it,case closed.
Martin,If You expected me to stand idly by, You thought *wrong*....There are about 4 other threads of his nonsense before I gave him that one. Think about it.
Anyways, I am glad some people didn't want to see me go,even though I wasn't going to..But it was nice reading everyones support, I even got one e-mail asking me to reconsider,and it was a very nice gesture.Thankyou very much.
As for Kate, If you read along that thread, where you thought I 'had a go at You' You would understand why, and You did go a bit beside the point of the original question,and I am sure You can understand that.
I never had a problem as far as opinions go, it's the repetitive insults and name calling that is a bit far off the integrity of this whole site, I am sure many of You can agree,What is the point in asking questions, No question is a bad question, as it were; a question ends with a '?' right? It's just bad sportsmanship for someone to start hasseling someone over their gender of all things? Jesus Christ, then what? their eye colour? or better yet, the brand of toilet paper they use?
I came in here being nice and I intend to be nice,and be this an 'internet' board or not (where many people think it's 'okay' to be abusive and what not)I didn't come on here with any intention but just that of participating and looking foward to having some of my own questions answered, and I really don't think that is such a hard thing to understand, Is it?
So as for RJG-As much as I would of liked to have been your 'friend' You made it so that it wasn't possible for me to think but very VERY negatively of You, and for everyone else out there who likes this poor excuse of a human;You just need to understand and accept it.
It was never my intention,but RJG is just a sad jerk.
Alright.....Let's hear those replies now!

-- becky lucas (beckylovesni...), January 28th, 2003.

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 27 August 2006 04:07 (nineteen years ago)

Do you think she was in the movie "The Aristocrats"?

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 27 August 2006 04:09 (nineteen years ago)

This is basically one of my 5 favorite things ever found on ilx:

HI ITS CHESTER...WOW CHUCK NORRIS MAN he ROCKS AND FUCKS ASS OVER ANY Of the kung fu-tang fighter/actor's in of of cinematic history...his high kicks and spin kicks through glass and hitting people in the head...using what ever he can...he could kick somebody's ass with a blade of grass if he had to..he could make a milkshake out of worm guts and weed killer thats how cool chucks always doing things like that he's my hero..im acturally writting a screenplay which im going to get chuck to try star in...ive going too find his electronic mail and send him my offer and the copy of the scrip..FOR these of you who are curious as to the content and story of my movie scrip/screenplay i will give some of the highlights in the MOVIE... it starts out as chuck the wondering man..he wonders the world searching for truth..hope...justice...he is a sad and very lonley man..his family where drowned by his enemy the doaple gonger..an evil man who onley gives rats ass about 1.money 2.loose woman 3.gold 4.taking photos to blackmail people..i mean this guy is probebley the most evil villian in cinematic history..because i added in the extra element of evil by making his charecter kill his mother to a shark he keeps in a tank in his headquarters...i mean he's a real evil git..Well chuck gets onto where this guys at the dople gonger...he goes to his home kills has shark to feed some poor kids..when he see's the his evil nemesis's mother in the sharks stomoch thats the last staw the end is a fight to death..lots of blood high kicks fly kicks through SOLID GLASS WINDOWS...THATS RIGHT STUNTS AND DAREING AS THAT...thats what you will see in my movie...well peace out...and chuck if you read this please e mail me for a copy of the scrip and we will trade phone numbers..do lunch..ok i gotta go ok mum wants to use the net...
-- CHESTER (beware100...), February 23rd, 2002.

captain reverend gandalf jesus (nickalicious), Monday, 28 August 2006 20:47 (nineteen years ago)

Awesome. Is that where 'doaple gonger' got his handle from?

this was an all in all attack of the internet kind on me, and of course, that just isn't fair (not like if LIFE is fair, cause it ISN'T)

the best 29 words on the Internet

Zeno Piston's Cruel Cartoon (Haberdager), Monday, 28 August 2006 20:56 (nineteen years ago)

You people need help.

Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 28 August 2006 22:29 (nineteen years ago)

For a small monetary consideration I would more than happy to help them.

Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 28 August 2006 22:35 (nineteen years ago)

How is this thread any different from the several other "funniest ILX posts of all time" threads or the six bajillion excelsior threads?

Trayce (trayce), Monday, 28 August 2006 22:58 (nineteen years ago)

There were at least 20 posts before you showed up?

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 28 August 2006 23:01 (nineteen years ago)

putting even the funniest ilx post in a book would be like putting the most delicious grilled cheese you've ever drunkenly made at 3 a.m. under a glass display case.

J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Tuesday, 29 August 2006 04:40 (nineteen years ago)

Trayce, they have to be 1 long paragraph long, or longer,
and their SUPPOSED to be numbered. Next one will be

4.


Squirrel_Police (Squirrel_Police), Tuesday, 29 August 2006 22:55 (nineteen years ago)

so what does the first asshole to ironically nominate one of the posts in this thread win?

like murderinging (modestmickey), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 00:54 (nineteen years ago)

Some pirated CDs?

jimnaseum - formalist rigour! (jimnaseum), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 00:58 (nineteen years ago)

Jimnaseum, ironically enough you've just fulfilled the thread requirements... ;-)

Obvious Ninja (Haberdager), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 01:10 (nineteen years ago)

dude I was doaple gonger, settings show login, engage

captain reverend gandalf jesus (nickalicious), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 04:14 (nineteen years ago)

The list of overlooked songs by undisputed artists over on ILM seems to be progressing much faster than this one.

My Little Ruud Book (Ken L), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 04:33 (nineteen years ago)

putting even the funniest ilx post in a book would be like putting the most delicious grilled cheese you've ever drunkenly made at 3 a.m. under a glass display case.
-- J.D. (aubade8...), August 29th, 2006.

mickey called me an asshole!

a rapper singing about hos and bitches and money (Enrique), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 07:11 (nineteen years ago)


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