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1. captain spends 8 hours typing out reports

2. the results of science officer's three week experiment comes to nought, science officer shrugs, publishes anyway, and moves on

3. officer plays catch with dog

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:36 (nineteen years ago)

4. Medical officer has to perform surgery without aid of beepy thing

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:38 (nineteen years ago)

4. Spock spills coffee all over his computer

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:39 (nineteen years ago)

5. Officer shines their shoes.

― Rufus 3000 (Mr Noodles), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:39 (nineteen years ago)

One officer is a gaping careerist asshole who lies, manipulates, and takes credit for the accomplishments of others to get promotion.

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:40 (nineteen years ago)

6. rap music

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:41 (nineteen years ago)

7. Khan finding a home for some stray puppies

― Orgy of Pragmatism (Charles McCain), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:41 (nineteen years ago)

6. Kirk disciplined for sexually harassing alien

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:42 (nineteen years ago)

8. M-class planets used entirely for the purposes of weed-farming

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:42 (nineteen years ago)

9. Red-shirts get drunk, take shuttle out for joyride around Phobos 4

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:44 (nineteen years ago)

Rightwing nutter conspiracy theorist equates Federation of Planets with "One-Galaxy Z-O-Gists."

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:44 (nineteen years ago)

11. The one crew member who always burst out laughing every time he sees a Klingon.

― chap who would dare to contain two ingredients. Tea and bags. (chap), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:44 (nineteen years ago)

10. Crewmember expresses shock at meeting yet another alien race indistinguishable from humans apart from odd forehead ridges

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:45 (nineteen years ago)

Maf54: so what are you wearing
w_crush: you know, star fleet cadet uniform, the usual
Maf54: i obtain much hard one

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:45 (nineteen years ago)

Away team beams down, collects some rocks and nothing bad happens.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:47 (nineteen years ago)

13. security officer gets bored with random scannings, spends rest of on-duty shift IMing the hot guy in medical and playing minesweeper

14. low-level officer gets bored watching prisoners in brig, starts shooting dice with them

15. captain bursts out laughing at obvious bullshit spewed by either science officer or admiral not having any idea what the fuck they're talking about

16. crew watches Star Wars, plays 23rd-Century version of MMORPG

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:47 (nineteen years ago)

17. secret junky crew members who have hacked their replicators to get smack

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:49 (nineteen years ago)

17. Wesley Crusher falls out of an airlock and his head explodes as he freezes and boils to death simultaneously.

― chap who would dare to contain two ingredients. Tea and bags. (chap), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:49 (nineteen years ago)

18. Wesley Crusher gets some.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:52 (nineteen years ago)

19. Riker and Jordie get ahold of wicked alien shroomz, go on best holodeck adventure ever.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:52 (nineteen years ago)

18. Spock not invited to ship Christmas party

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:53 (nineteen years ago)

20. Handling of defecation and other body functions in an outer space, potentially Zero G environment.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:53 (nineteen years ago)

19. Picard tells Wesley Crusher to fuck off

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:53 (nineteen years ago)

(I mean, not even an ensign coming out of the little sliding doors, zipping their trousers up!)

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:54 (nineteen years ago)

22. Wesley crusher uses Q powers to travel back in time, encounters 4 boys journeying along railroad train to view dead body

24. Quark holds station-wide XBox tourney

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:54 (nineteen years ago)

23. space football

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:54 (nineteen years ago)

25. Kirk and co land on a planet not inhabited by beings of godlike power playing a deadly game with mortal pawns.

― chap who would dare to contain two ingredients. Tea and bags. (chap), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:54 (nineteen years ago)

20. Data HAXORED, programmed to incessantly repeat obnoxious crude "jokes"

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:54 (nineteen years ago)

26. Mexicans

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:55 (nineteen years ago)

27. Bootie calls and other shennanigans in the Jeffries tubes.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:55 (nineteen years ago)

28. It is revealed that Geordie can see women's bras and panties with that funky visor thing.

― chap who would dare to contain two ingredients. Tea and bags. (chap), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:56 (nineteen years ago)

JLP: Data, get me a full sensor aray on that quasar.
Data: TOO MANY CONNECTIONS ON SQL 127, TURN BACK YOU POXY FULE

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:56 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, why do they never, ever get a...

Captain: Computer, do X, Y or Z?
Computer: Syntax error!

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:58 (nineteen years ago)

Hang on guys, I know the Romulans are attacking, but I've just got to reboot the engine room's server...

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:58 (nineteen years ago)

I always wanted the computer voice to malfunction and take on a Brooklyn accent or something.

JLP: Computer, lock in coordinates for that star cluster!
Computer: Why don't youz come ovah heah and do its yaself!

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:59 (nineteen years ago)

In space, not only is there no kind bud, there ain't even tobacco!

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:02 (nineteen years ago)

30-something: Wounds that take more than a quick swipe of the tricorder/beepy thing to heal. It's like, you're out of bed in a few minutes, or you die. No recuperation time whatsoever.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:03 (nineteen years ago)

26. Mexicans

Yeah, who were the space-Mexicans? There were space-Jews, space-Africans, etc.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:05 (nineteen years ago)

I always wanted the computer voice to malfunction and take on a Brooklyn accent or something.

Or start talking like a teenage Londoner: "Nah blood, 'low dat, I'm just cotching, bred."

― chap who would dare to contain two ingredients. Tea and bags. (chap), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:05 (nineteen years ago)

Wesley Crusher starts listening to emo. Paints his nails black.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:06 (nineteen years ago)

31. Office contracts space-VD

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:07 (nineteen years ago)

32. Team building session in space!

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:08 (nineteen years ago)

33. Green-skinned alien lady lezzes up with Uhura.

― Doctor Jaggernathy (noodle vague), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:09 (nineteen years ago)

34. Riker puts Dr. Crusher's medical tricorder in jell-o

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:09 (nineteen years ago)

35. The Borg get sued for plagarism by the Cybermen.

― chap who would dare to contain two ingredients. Tea and bags. (chap), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:09 (nineteen years ago)

36. shuttlecraft anal

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:10 (nineteen years ago)

Leaving Data stranded on a planet, for kicks.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:10 (nineteen years ago)

I always wanted the Enterprise to find Cybertron.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:11 (nineteen years ago)

Picard and Optimus Prime would get into some deep convo about free will and shit while Riker and Hot Rod bro down.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:12 (nineteen years ago)

27. Q & dr who get drunk in 10 Forward, swap stories, jam out on space bass

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:12 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 28 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

63. Fisting

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:53 (nineteen years ago)

64. C on Ts, presumably.

― Doctor Jaggernathy (noodle vague), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:54 (nineteen years ago)

63a. space fisting

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:55 (nineteen years ago)

I would ask what the difference between "fisting" and "space fisting" is but you would tell me.

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:56 (nineteen years ago)

65. Enterprise is pimped.

― chap who would dare to contain two ingredients. Tea and bags. (chap), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:57 (nineteen years ago)

I would ask what the difference between "fisting" and "space fisting" is but you would tell me.

oh it's what they do in the future, since regular fisting was deemed passe.

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 17:00 (nineteen years ago)

It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Friday, 6 October 2006 17:00 (nineteen years ago)

on a related note:

Some of you are guilty of conduct unbecoming a Starfleet officer...

http://www.mala.bc.ca/~soules/media112/zine2001/ta/trekkies.jpg

http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/3094/200604110033473ko.jpg

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 17:02 (nineteen years ago)

66. Slo-mo closeups of Tribble sex.

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 6 October 2006 17:41 (nineteen years ago)

66. Slo-mo closeups of Tribble sex

How do you know?

― Doctor Jaggernathy (noodle vague), Friday, 6 October 2006 17:44 (nineteen years ago)

67. riker smugly proclaims self best hacky sack player on board

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Sunday, 8 October 2006 10:18 (nineteen years ago)

68. mr spock expresses annoyance at ppl constantly confusing him with dr spock

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Sunday, 8 October 2006 10:18 (nineteen years ago)

69. crew make fun of kirk yelling "khaaaaaaaaaan!"

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Sunday, 8 October 2006 10:19 (nineteen years ago)

69a. Crew member asks Kirk if he 'khaaaaaaaaan' get the day off for his pal's wedding.

― scotstvo (scotstvo), Sunday, 8 October 2006 19:14 (nineteen years ago)

70. Chekhov reverses the Enterprise into a skip after a night on the vodka.

― scotstvo (scotstvo), Sunday, 8 October 2006 19:15 (nineteen years ago)

71. Zodiac Mindwarp joins crew of Enterprise. Holodeck cleaners go on strike.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Sunday, 8 October 2006 22:06 (nineteen years ago)

72. geordi's cell phone totally goes off during one of those important Q-picard fights

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Sunday, 8 October 2006 22:15 (nineteen years ago)

73. riker takes time off to go back to earth and watch 72 hour "mama's family" marathon

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Sunday, 8 October 2006 22:24 (nineteen years ago)

74. Q rips one.

― Eppy (Eppy), Sunday, 8 October 2006 22:38 (nineteen years ago)

75. Drunken Turkish comedians. Trust me on this.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 October 2006 02:23 (nineteen years ago)

76. Spock calls Chekov "Bester" by accident.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 9 October 2006 02:43 (nineteen years ago)

77. Holodeck recreations of HR Pufnstuff

― latebloomer: just raw dead fucking, babies! (latebloomer), Monday, 9 October 2006 04:09 (nineteen years ago)

78. disco dancing

― electric sound of jim [and why not] (electricsound), Monday, 9 October 2006 04:12 (nineteen years ago)

79. Ship moving in non-horizontal direction.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Monday, 9 October 2006 04:15 (nineteen years ago)

80. Training session showing of "How Fast it Burns"

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 9 October 2006 04:16 (nineteen years ago)

81. homosexuals

― latebloomer: just raw dead fucking, babies! (latebloomer), Monday, 9 October 2006 04:18 (nineteen years ago)

82. Picard's high school yearbook found, photo features skinny tie and Flock of Seagulls hairdo. Xeroxed and taped all over bridge.

83. Hawaiian shirt Fridays.

84. Banning of surprise birthday parties due to what in hindsight should have been the predictable Klingon over-response to being surprised like that.

― slugbuggy (slugbuggy), Monday, 9 October 2006 04:55 (nineteen years ago)

85. riker stands just next to view screen making comical faces and trying to make Picard laugh while Picard talks to important alien ambassador dude.

86. Janeway relieves loneliness of being trapped in wrong sector with her trusty space-vibrator.

― Mark Co (Markco), Monday, 9 October 2006 09:26 (nineteen years ago)

87. guinan removes hat

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Monday, 9 October 2006 09:36 (nineteen years ago)

88. w_crush: captain, Firefly class transport coming up on starboard

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Monday, 9 October 2006 16:12 (nineteen years ago)

89. EIM (Enterprise Instant Messenger shenanigens)

w_crush: omg wtf w/ riker's beard?
d8uh: explain "wtf"
w_crush: What The Fuck
d8uh: indeed, it seems he doesn't realize he is breaking starfleet dresscode protocol
w_crush: what do you think deanna thinks of it?
d8uh: I imagine she might find it masculine
d8uh: although this is more of a human female personality quirk
d8uh: whereas she is betazoid
w_crush: lol I bet it itches her cooch when he cunnies that lingus
d8uh: please define "cunnies that lingus"
w_crush: god damnit data
w_crush: oh shit, he's standing right behind me {alt+tab)

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Monday, 9 October 2006 16:16 (nineteen years ago)

d8uh: also, please define "cooch"
helenkeller has entered chat
helenkeller: waddup guys I got EIM installed in my visor

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Monday, 9 October 2006 16:17 (nineteen years ago)

EntRef: can I help you?
rikedawg: yeah i need everything you got on borg mating rituals
EntRef: no articles found, possibly because the Borg do not mate
rikedawg: okay then can you get me 7 of 9 nudez!?!
EntRef: Cmdr, are you drunk?

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Monday, 9 October 2006 16:24 (nineteen years ago)

78. disco dancing

78a - Khan, being from the 20th century, shows the crew of the Enterprise how to boogie.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 9 October 2006 16:27 (nineteen years ago)

4. Spock spills coffee all over his computer

Which is the more hilarious reaction?

1. Typical reserved Spock?

Kirk: "You better clean that up quick before it fries the mother board!"

Spock: "All in due time, Captain. Accidents do happen, but we mustn't lose our heads."

2. Spazzy Spock, jumping up and knocking over even more shit while attempting to get the coffee out of his keyboard?

― Butt Dickass (Dick Butkus), Monday, 9 October 2006 16:30 (nineteen years ago)

79. Wesley Crusher posts a chain letter about Starfleet Academy giving you cooties on his Myspace bulletins.

― mei (mei), Monday, 9 October 2006 17:45 (nineteen years ago)

i'm pretty sure i've had at least one of those IM conversations

― shabba ranks (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 October 2006 18:00 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, who were the space-Mexicans?

eh, the Ferengi?

― DV (dirtyvicar), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 09:08 (nineteen years ago)

80. Spock taking pictures of himself for his Myspace profile (emo hair!)

― teh_kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 09:11 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

In one episode of TNG you see kids on Enterprise playing with real, living bunnies. But I can't remember any other episode before or after that one with animals on board the Enterprise. What happened to the bunnies?!

― Tuomas, Monday, 6 October 2008 10:45 (seventeen years ago)

raw material for replicators.

― shoving leopard (ledge), Monday, 6 October 2008 10:56 (seventeen years ago)

Replicator don't need raw material! They synthesise food out of PURE ENERGY. Because it's, like, SCIENCE.

(Though in Star Trek they are always having to stop at various difficult planets in order to refuel/get supplies/dilithium crystals/whathaveyou)

― Cat Concern Charity Shop (Masonic Boom), Monday, 6 October 2008 10:58 (seventeen years ago)

raw material for rabbit stew.

― Mark G, Monday, 6 October 2008 11:02 (seventeen years ago)

But I can't remember any other episode before or after that one with animals on board the Enterprise.

not TNG, but the one where spock is strangely drawn to a cat!

― original bgm, Monday, 6 October 2008 13:31 (seventeen years ago)

isn't there one where there are space-amish on the enterprise, with all these animals? and data has a cat.

― Jordan, Monday, 6 October 2008 16:28 (seventeen years ago)

Archer had a dog.

― Gukbe, Monday, 6 October 2008 16:43 (seventeen years ago)

Casual Fridays

― henry s, Monday, 6 October 2008 19:03 (seventeen years ago)

No way, Troi and Riker were all about those.

― I'm the wire monkey, not the soft monkey (Rock Hardy), Monday, 6 October 2008 19:05 (seventeen years ago)

Prayer Breakfasts

― henry s, Monday, 6 October 2008 19:06 (seventeen years ago)

Star Wars cosplay

― snoball, Monday, 6 October 2008 19:07 (seventeen years ago)

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