I Stabbed Myself In The Fucking Hand

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But how!?

― benrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 09:37 (nineteen years ago)

Is this REM's new single?

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 09:41 (nineteen years ago)

Damn, a better punchline would have been:

YSI?

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 09:44 (nineteen years ago)

Hasn't stopped you being able to type though. Which is good.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:17 (nineteen years ago)

Good??

― teh_kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:18 (nineteen years ago)

oh!

― benrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:18 (nineteen years ago)

left hand. the shift-key hand. i can't type anyway.

― benrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:18 (nineteen years ago)

The Fucking Hand? You into f1st1ng big time then?

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:19 (nineteen years ago)

don't joke.

i stabbed myself in the fucking hand pitting an avacado once. 3 hours of surgery, three months of wearing a brace (with a weird contraption that went through my fingernaial and attached to a rubber band) and six months of theapy and my middle finger on my left hand still only does about 85% of what its supposed to.

― mahalo 4 ur kokua (grady), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:20 (nineteen years ago)

I hope you have washed and bandaged it, like a responsible adult.

― teh_kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:22 (nineteen years ago)

What caused this hand-stabbing to occur? Were you playing that dare-devil game, where you spread your hand out on the desk and rapidly stab at the gaps between your fingers with a letter-opener? (and missed).

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:25 (nineteen years ago)

therein lies the thread conceit

― benrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:26 (nineteen years ago)

the what, now?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:28 (nineteen years ago)

HE MAY BE SYNTHETIC, BUT HE'S NOT STUPID

― teh_kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:28 (nineteen years ago)

If I Stabbed Myself in the Fucking Hand, Here's How it Would Have Happened

― g00blar (gooblar), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:29 (nineteen years ago)

(publication cancelled)

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:31 (nineteen years ago)

my middle finger on my left hand still only does about 85% of what its supposed to.

I've been sitting here for 60 seconds and I still can't think of a second thing

― Feargal Hixxy (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:42 (nineteen years ago)

lol

― g00blar (gooblar), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:50 (nineteen years ago)

grady you must have been using a sharp-ass spoon on that avocado!

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 10:53 (nineteen years ago)

I thwack the avocado stone with the blade of a large sharp knife, then twist it to remove it. It's a wonder I haven't amputated my left hand before now.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:05 (nineteen years ago)

Poor Tracer! What did he ever do to you?

― Breaking Under The Crush (kate), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:07 (nineteen years ago)

look i don't mean to minimize what sounds like a horrific and irritating event, but under what circumstances are KNIVES necessary to remove pit from avocados?? ripe avocado meat is like butter!

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:29 (nineteen years ago)

Some avocadoes are firmer than others, even when ripe. The "fuerte" fr'instance (I think), rather than the more buttery "hass" type.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:34 (nineteen years ago)

I use knife w/butter.

― teh_kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:34 (nineteen years ago)

my thing was an even more gratuitous use of knife than the avocado scenario.

― benrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:34 (nineteen years ago)

g-kit you are clearly a butter novice

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:39 (nineteen years ago)

Noes! I'm a Butternoob.
That's the most scathing insult I've received on ILX, tbh.

BNRQ, can we have a clue or something?

― teh_kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:45 (nineteen years ago)

Yes, clues pls.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:46 (nineteen years ago)

I shall enlist in butter training.

― teh_kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:48 (nineteen years ago)

You have to start with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, and work your way up to the hard stuff.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:52 (nineteen years ago)

Some avocadoes are firmer than others,

and some avocadoes' farmers are firmer than other avocadoes' farmers

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:53 (nineteen years ago)

drink was involved.

― benrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 11:59 (nineteen years ago)

opening a bottle with a knife was just asking for trouble

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 12:01 (nineteen years ago)

Angelina Jolie on knife sex: "You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives, shit happens."

― dommy p is alright WHICH IS A LOT MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT A LOT OF PEOPLE (Dom, Tuesday, 21 November 2006 12:02 (nineteen years ago)

can't say it was like that, holmes.

― benrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 12:06 (nineteen years ago)

Slicing lemons for your pre-prandial Gin & Tonic?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 12:08 (nineteen years ago)

angelina jolie was in supergrass?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 12:09 (nineteen years ago)

Angelina Jolie on knife sex: "You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives, shit happens."

I would rather imagine this being said by Gil from the Simpsons

― Feargal Hixxy (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 12:20 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.igniq.com/reviews/knife230904.jpg

― teh_kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 12:26 (nineteen years ago)

My best hand scar is from the night I came back from the best gig of my life and decided that I would see how many times I could rotate a carving knife in the air before catching it.

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 12:29 (nineteen years ago)

look i don't mean to minimize what sounds like a horrific and irritating event, but under what circumstances are KNIVES necessary to remove pit from avocados?? ripe avocado meat is like butter!

it was a serious lack of judgement. i was also young and a bit unexperienced with avacados at the time.

the good part is that it happened four days into a school year after taking a year off, thus just barely being covered by health insurance. were it to have happened one week earlier that avacado would have cost me about $20,000.

― mahalo 4 ur kokua (grady), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 17:30 (nineteen years ago)

My best hand scar is from the night I came back from the best gig of my life and decided that I would see how many times I could rotate a carving knife in the air before catching it.

how many mark?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 17:34 (nineteen years ago)

That reminds me of the time when a good friend of mine who some of you may have met attempted to impress some passing women by JUGGLING LIT SPARKLERS.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 17:36 (nineteen years ago)

My friend put his hand through the top of his cymbal stand while playing a show. It was horrible.

― molly d (mollyd), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 17:38 (nineteen years ago)

I am sorry to change subject but what game is that, kit?

― Through a twenty deep screen of humourists (noodle vague), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 17:41 (nineteen years ago)

It's Counterstrike: Source

― teh_kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 17:57 (nineteen years ago)

Thank you.

Anyway, my guess is accidentally stuck self with improvised shiv whilst blind drunk on bedstead hooch.

― Through a twenty deep screen of humourists (noodle vague), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 17:58 (nineteen years ago)

I don't think he's ever going to tell us, so I'm gonna go with that mental image.

― teh_kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 18:00 (nineteen years ago)

Ken, three I think but with a higher ceiling I could have managed 5 or even 6. I used to practice at length with a badminton racquet which is, admittedly, less lethal (I managed 7 with the racquet)

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 18:05 (nineteen years ago)

Enrique is taking the whole male "admire my terrible injury" schtick to a ridiculous level with this thread. Just tell us already and it had better be good :)

(I will go for tripping over and impaling hand on a spike used for keeping notes, receipts etc. There's one on my colleagues desk and every time I walk past I imagine falling onto it and it penetrating my eye, brain)

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 18:08 (nineteen years ago)

I stabbed myself in the right index finger pitting an avocado. I could've done it another way but I used to do it this way because I thought I was fucking hardcore. Big scar on my finger is hardcore.

I put the avocado on the cutting board now before I attempt to pit w/ knife.

― stoked for the madness (nickalicious), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 18:13 (nineteen years ago)

LOL MARKLEBY

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 19:09 (nineteen years ago)

My friend stabbed me in between the knuckles of my left hand when I was 12. It didn't really hurt at all but it sure was weird--I could see right in.

― Eppy (Eppy), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 20:46 (nineteen years ago)

I stabbed myself in the right index finger pitting an avocado. I could've done it another way but I used to do it this way because I thought I was fucking hardcore. Big scar on my finger is hardcore.

nicka - did you cut through any tendons? that was my problem. sliced the fucker to the bone, through two tendons and a nevre. they got a plastic surgeon to stitch me back up because the work was so detailed that most ortho's were underqualified. it was pretty funny when i'd have to go to follow up appointments at his office. i'd be in the waiting room looking like a total dirtbag beardo with my arm in a sling reading TIME magazine next to all these people waiting to see the doc for nose and boob jobs giving me weird looks.

― mahalo 4 ur kokua (grady), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 21:08 (nineteen years ago)

This time of year the avocados are all watery. Not worth shedding blood for.

I cut open my knuckle washing a glass once. The ER nurse took one look and said "Washing a glass, right?"

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 22 November 2006 01:10 (nineteen years ago)

a couple of years ago i ripped my hand to shit by accidentally punching a mirror. (don't ask.) hospital dudes refused to believe i hadn't done it by punching someone in the face.

"mmm. you did this on a mirror?"
"ya, rly."
"you know people's teeth are covered in tetanus and shit, and your hand will swell up and you'll die unless you tell us the truth?"
"IT WAS A MIRROR!"
"your pants appear to be on fire."
"look, do you want me to go home and get the fucking thing?"

i do now have a fantastic little scar on the pinkie knuckle of my right hand. and, luckily, it seems to be as strong as it ever was.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 22 November 2006 01:23 (nineteen years ago)

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