Celebrity Big Brother 2007 - no painful show-offs here

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Right, lots of posts on the Sandbox already. (http://ilx.thehold.net/thread.php?msgid=63205#unread)

Your housemates thus far are:

Jermaine Jackson. No-one knows who he is. He seemed a bit miffed by this.
Danielle Lloyd. Girlfriend of Woah Teddy Teddy, Teddy Teddy Teddy Teddy Sheringham. Beauty queen. Model. Likes shopping.
Ken Russell. Bonkers.
Jo O'Meara. The one that no-one fancies out of S Club 7. She seems very pleasant and friendly.
Leo Sayer. Seems to be friends with everyone in the world. He's very chirpy.
Shilpa Shetty. Big in Bollywood.
Carole Malone. She slags off z-list reality celebrities in the Daily Mirror. Now she is one. She thinks she'll be subversive. She probably won't.
Donny Tourette. He's a punk like Preston was a mod (i.e. bought a couple of appropriate outfits and read a beginner's guide to cartoon punkery, I reckon). He's also pals with Leo Sayer, so not as cool as he thinks he is.
H from Steps. He's gay. And Welsh. Most likely to do a Les Dennis.
Cleo Rocos. She has breasts. And impossible hair.
Dirk Benedict. It's Templeton Peck, nostalgia fans. He's trying too hard to be liked. He talks A LOT.

Nothing much has happened thus far. Danielle has seen Ken Russell's genitalia. She wasn't impressed.

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 4 January 2007 00:38 (eighteen years ago)

I was touched by how wonky Jo's teeth were.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 4 January 2007 00:41 (eighteen years ago)

When I mean that no-one knows who Jermaine Jackson, I don't mean that the world has been taken over by Lexbots. I just mean that he had an air of "I AM A STAR" about him and all the housemates were all just "oh, hi, I'm Danielle, what's your name" and I think he was expecting everyone to walk in and go "OH MY GOD YOU'RE THE IMMENSELY FAMOUS JERMAINE JACKSON" before falling prostrate at his feet.

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 4 January 2007 00:50 (eighteen years ago)

Better than falling footlong at his prostate, I guess.

― emil.y (emil.y), Thursday, 4 January 2007 01:00 (eighteen years ago)

jermaine jackson is one of the few people in there that i HAVE heard of!

― lex pretend (lex pretend), Thursday, 4 January 2007 07:45 (eighteen years ago)

Donny Tourette's 'schtick' to be the first to leave the house.

in 2 days, he'll be everyone's pussycat.

Wasn't it him who used to wait outside Noel's house? Got his guitar signed anda few words of encouragement didn't he?

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 January 2007 08:44 (eighteen years ago)

I used to insist that Jo was S-Club's mum. Cleo ftw, possibly.

― Physics of a Bisexual (noodle vague), Thursday, 4 January 2007 08:49 (eighteen years ago)

I was half expecting Rachel S Club to be on there.

I note that a bowler-hatted Tito Jackson is currently one of the "celebrity" judges on Just The Two Of Us.

No doubt they'll get Randy to host The Friday Night Project for the benefit of cheap gags from Justin Lee Travis.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 January 2007 08:52 (eighteen years ago)

Wasn't it him who used to wait outside Noel's house?

Maybe he's a big fan of Deal or No Deal.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 4 January 2007 09:16 (eighteen years ago)

Just now on the live feed:

KEN: some anecdote about Stanley Kubrick
LEO: "Yah, that would be Kubrick"

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 4 January 2007 09:17 (eighteen years ago)

i have now worked out who twatty rock guy reminds me of, other than rhys ifans -- there was a terrible english rock star in the dire julianne moore-pierce brosnan comedy 'laws of attraction'. him.

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 4 January 2007 09:18 (eighteen years ago)

haha who the hell ARE all these people? apart from leo

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 4 January 2007 09:20 (eighteen years ago)

it is definitely less starry than the last two years.

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 4 January 2007 09:21 (eighteen years ago)

I only seen it with the sound turned down last night. I guess Donny Twatbag is as big a twatbag as he looks? Also, love Leo Sayer's music, hate Leo Sayer.

― Boom Dershowitz (noodle vague), Thursday, 4 January 2007 09:24 (eighteen years ago)

they all seem so nice. except indie boy.

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Thursday, 4 January 2007 09:48 (eighteen years ago)

I was just looking at Ken Russell's imdb entry. The last film of his I was aware of was Whore in 1991, but he seems to have made about 20 things since then, most recently in his garage with a cast of friends and neighbours.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 4 January 2007 10:25 (eighteen years ago)

'lady chatterley's lover' (for tv) was quite successful.

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 4 January 2007 10:41 (eighteen years ago)

I could never be a film director, as my garage is too full of junk.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 4 January 2007 10:42 (eighteen years ago)

but basically yeah, a vanished, erm, talent, like a kind of less cool nic roeg.

xpost

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 4 January 2007 10:42 (eighteen years ago)

Lady Chatterley's Lover for TVs???

― Boom Dershowitz (noodle vague), Thursday, 4 January 2007 10:43 (eighteen years ago)

Starring Diarmuid Gavin in the flower-weaving scene.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 4 January 2007 10:45 (eighteen years ago)

I don't know that it's less starry than before. Most of them are washed-up has-beens, though. It has a Jackson, a film director who is genuinely legendary, Leo Sayer, a couple of poppets whose careers weren't so long ago that everyone's completely forgotten them, a dude from the A Team, and Cleo was very famous in this country. The footballer's girlfriend is as famous as Preston (more so to Sun readers), and Donny Tourette as famous as Maggot. Actually, he's probably more famous, as people who know the band know him, whereas GLC never really struck me as having distinguishable individuals. People like Pete Burns only seem more famous because they were in it and got a boost to their career/column inches.

I'm not really trying to say that this lot are proper celebrities, mind you. It's more the case that they've NEVER had proper celebrities.

― emil.y (emil.y), Thursday, 4 January 2007 13:17 (eighteen years ago)

But would CBB necessarily be any better if they did have proper celebrities on there?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 January 2007 13:22 (eighteen years ago)

WTF is a proper celebrity anyway? (question not specifically directed at Marcello)

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 4 January 2007 13:23 (eighteen years ago)

Everyone seems to know Cleo Rocco, but I didn't have a clue! I recognised her in the sense "oh yes, didn't Kenny Everett have a bird sometimes", but to be honest he was a bit before my time! Has she done anything ever since? I agree with whoever said upthread egads yes - those "characters" are awful - let's hope that like Bonnie's loudness that they stay outside the house!

Carol Malone is just awful!

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Thursday, 4 January 2007 13:24 (eighteen years ago)

wait, *checks imdb*, "Face" is in there? why didn't you say so, i've never heard him being called 'templeton peck' ever.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 4 January 2007 13:29 (eighteen years ago)

I could've called him Starbuck and *really* confused you.

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 4 January 2007 13:31 (eighteen years ago)

Starbuck is a woman now. AND ALWAYS WILL BE.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 4 January 2007 13:31 (eighteen years ago)

He didn't look like one when he had to drop out of Strictly Come Dancing oho.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 January 2007 13:49 (eighteen years ago)

maybe it isn't much less starry -- i guess i'm missing the wtf-ness of having galloway or greer there.

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 4 January 2007 13:52 (eighteen years ago)

Welllll...

the games/twists had better be blummin brilliant!

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 January 2007 13:55 (eighteen years ago)

C4 should branch out and do a Scottish Celebrity Big Brother.

Suggested contestants: Frank McAvennie, Deek out of River City, Jackie Bird, Sydney Devine, Paul Haig, Dougie Donnelly, Glen Michael and Martin Kemp since all you ever see the latter in these days are SCS sale adverts.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 January 2007 13:55 (eighteen years ago)

Don out of Don and George.

George out of Don and George..

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 January 2007 14:03 (eighteen years ago)

Justin out of Colin and Justin, Aly Bain, Sheena McDonald...

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 January 2007 14:10 (eighteen years ago)

I missed Tourette jumping into the hot tub in his leathers. Hope they're fucking ruined.

(to be fair he was pissed as a newt last night and might turn out to be not as twatty as first impressions suggest)

lolz at H Panto Steps trying to have a chat with a fucking JACKSON about making music.

Jo's album was "poorly marketed", poor thing...

― Onimo has bone for the pink overload! (GerryNemo), Thursday, 4 January 2007 14:12 (eighteen years ago)

"C4 should branch out and do a Scottish Celebrity Big Brother"

Oh yes! Scottie McClue, please. And Les McKeown, Andrew Neil, Fran and Anna...

― Hazey Jane (SongsWereLines), Thursday, 4 January 2007 14:19 (eighteen years ago)

Thomas Gravesen's pornstar girlfriend!

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 4 January 2007 14:21 (eighteen years ago)

Isn't she Danish?

― onimo (onimo), Thursday, 4 January 2007 14:21 (eighteen years ago)

She lives in Scotland though. You need one foreign one for teh glamour.

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 4 January 2007 14:23 (eighteen years ago)

Betting so far:

Jo O'Meara 4 - 1
Dirk Benedict 4 - 1
Leo Sayer 9 - 2
Ian 'H' Watkins 11 - 2
Cleo Rochus 8 - 1
Shilpa Shetty 12 - 1
Danielle Lloyd 16 - 1
Donny Tourette 18 - 1
Ken Russell 20 - 1
Carol Malone 40 - 1
Jermaine Jackson 40 - 1

Cleo seems good value...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 January 2007 14:47 (eighteen years ago)

Marcello, those Martin Kemp ads are nationwide, the store's got a different name in different regions. It's DFS round here, I think.

― Boom Dershowitz (noodle vague), Thursday, 4 January 2007 15:16 (eighteen years ago)

But we have a whole separate loads of DfS ads up here too. And DfS stores as well, come to think of it.

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 4 January 2007 15:17 (eighteen years ago)

Oops, Martin Kemp pwned in furniture store beef shockah.

― Boom Dershowitz (noodle vague), Thursday, 4 January 2007 15:18 (eighteen years ago)

Yep, quick google shows two separate companies.

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 4 January 2007 15:19 (eighteen years ago)

I sincerely hope to see you all in Courts.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 4 January 2007 15:23 (eighteen years ago)

Jo's album was "poorly marketed", poor thing...
In my last job we set up an interview/ filmed acoustic session with her. "Great great!" say management. Then a request comes in: could someone else play the guitar? Oh, alright we say, do you have a prefered session musician etc. Second request: would it be okay if Jo performed with a backing tape? Erm, what do you think acoustic means we say.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 4 January 2007 15:24 (eighteen years ago)

That DfS ad with the Stuart Maconie voiceover ("we've been thinking about you this season") - nuclear holocaust ten minutes ago.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 January 2007 15:25 (eighteen years ago)

Oh yes.

("we've been thinking about you this season, licking our lips at the thought of your money,.....")

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 January 2007 15:30 (eighteen years ago)

Anyway, back to the Showaddywaddy discussion...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 January 2007 15:31 (eighteen years ago)

Beeb reporting that Ken Russell is "the oldest contestant to ever enter the Big Brother house."

Er, yes, since Jackie Stallone last year.

Does the jauntiness-of-head-in-promo-photo correlation work for CBB? Because Jo, Shilpa and Johnny are going to be toast in about five minutes if they are. Dirk's a bit tilty, H less so but still not facing straight on. The rest of them = HEAD ON DEATH STARE.

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 4 January 2007 16:47 (eighteen years ago)

Skipping 913 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

and Nikki from BB last year

― acrobat (elwisty), Thursday, 18 January 2007 13:34 (eighteen years ago)

Jackiey has never revealed who Jade's bilogical father is.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 18 January 2007 13:35 (eighteen years ago)

Bradley was on GMTV, frowning. (I didn;t catch what he said, was busy with my trousers then)

I am still chortling at this.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 18 January 2007 13:36 (eighteen years ago)

Jade's father :

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005390138,00.html

― C J (C J), Thursday, 18 January 2007 13:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dom if you're implying that I think there is such a harmonious history between Asian and black people in the UK, I don't. I don't know one way or the other.

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Thursday, 18 January 2007 13:38 (eighteen years ago)

Sorry, I forgot you're not of this nation born. Try and avoid Davina McCall, she may harsh you in the street.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 18 January 2007 13:39 (eighteen years ago)

Jackiey has never revealed who Jade's bilogical father is.

Hughie Green: 11/4
Cliff Richard: 15/1
The New Schmoo: 33/1
Frank Bruno: 50/1
God: CALL

― vita susicivus (blueski), Thursday, 18 January 2007 13:40 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.johnnoelmanagement.com/

Leigh Francis, Chantelle, small-faced Trevor the non-rapist from TMWRNJ... all Britain's finest celebs.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 18 January 2007 13:40 (eighteen years ago)

Joe Mace! Pritchard from Dirty Sanchez! Matthew Wright! Karl Pilkington!

― acrobat (elwisty), Thursday, 18 January 2007 13:46 (eighteen years ago)

Lex I think it's totally fair to chastise Jade for her general ignorance and lack of general knowledge because she has a choice between 'learn about stuff' and 'don't learn about stuff' and she's chosen the latter. Which is fair enough as long as you don't then start making it into a virtue to win a popularity contest.

Not to mention it's actually a tad disrespectful to the thousands of people who grow up in very similar circumstances to Jade who actually make an effort to be, y'know, informed about stuff. If you're arguing that her upbringing explains or even excuses her general ignorance then, well, isn't there a different strain of snobbery at work there?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 18 January 2007 13:59 (eighteen years ago)

Former England batsman, Geoff Boycott, a friend of Shetty, told the BBC Asian Network that he was not impressed by what he had seen so far.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:00 (eighteen years ago)

Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rq8eLKwhTkU

How times have etc.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:02 (eighteen years ago)

http://vote.sparklit.com/poll.spark/1026031

Who do you want evicted on Friday?

Jade 91%
Shilpa 9%

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:02 (eighteen years ago)

Former England batsman, Geoff Boycott, a friend of Shetty, told the BBC Asian Network that he was not impressed by what he had seen so far.

"If it had been me she was talking to like that, I'd have hit her".

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:04 (eighteen years ago)

Jade's perfume is being withdrawn from sale.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:22 (eighteen years ago)

i guess it's cos she's more famous than jo and dannielle, but it's all three really, who are nasty. it would be unfair if she was made the escaped goat for it.

― the original hauntology blogging crew (Enrique), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:23 (eighteen years ago)

Carphone Warehouse has pulled it's sponsorship "with immediate effect".

― The Ultimate Conclusion (lokar), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:31 (eighteen years ago)

woah

― the original hauntology blogging crew (Enrique), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:32 (eighteen years ago)

hope this is only the end of jade, not of big brother

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:32 (eighteen years ago)

I'm just sad to hear that Chalky is dead.

― leigh (leigh), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:32 (eighteen years ago)

let go

― vita susicivus (blueski), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:32 (eighteen years ago)

campaign to get louis jagger on hoi-polloi big brother began last night

― vita susicivus (blueski), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:33 (eighteen years ago)

Crumbs: he's not wrong there.

"The Carphone Warehouse Group today announces that it is suspending its sponsorship of Channel 4’s Celebrity Big Brother programme," the company said in a statement.

"Our concern has rapidly mounted about the broadcast behaviour of individuals within the Big Brother house," said CEO Charles Dunstone. "We are totally against all forms of racism and bullying and indeed this behaviour is entirely at odds with the brand values of The Carphone Warehouse. As a result we feel that as long as this continues we are unable to associate our brand with the programme.

"We had already made it clear to Channel 4 that were this to continue, we would have to consider our position. Nothing we saw last night gave us any comfort. Accordingly we have instructed Channel 4 to remove our sponsorship name and branding with immediate effect."

DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE FREE OF MOWBLI? I sort of don't know whether I should change my opinion on the house (kidding, sorta).

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:34 (eighteen years ago)

"Brand Values"?

― you win again, gravity! (tissp), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:35 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, rapping and aerobics, or something.

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:36 (eighteen years ago)

i think this is good because right or wrong i like corporate hullabaloo.

so will we not see the 'cute' mobile phone things between ad breaks on tonight's show now?

― vita susicivus (blueski), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:37 (eighteen years ago)

How awful.

― you win again, gravity! (tissp), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:38 (eighteen years ago)

It's the remix.

http://electrosheep.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/Your%20claim%20to%20fame%20is%20this.mp3

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:39 (eighteen years ago)

presumably somebody has already cut up Sayer's f-word tirades and spliced them with 'Thunder In My Heatr Agane' already? (I was tempted)

― vita susicivus (blueski), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:41 (eighteen years ago)

dance expert people what is the tune with the CBB quotes over it? is it famous or an original?

― acrobat (elwisty), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:43 (eighteen years ago)

some Indian media reaction - good stuff here.

― vita susicivus (blueski), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:51 (eighteen years ago)

there, you mean

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:52 (eighteen years ago)

No, the link's full of shit.

― you win again, gravity! (tissp), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:58 (eighteen years ago)

thanks RJG

tissp?

― vita susicivus (blueski), Thursday, 18 January 2007 14:59 (eighteen years ago)

Was a continuation of joke

― you win again, gravity! (tissp), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:00 (eighteen years ago)

huh

― vita susicivus (blueski), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:02 (eighteen years ago)

It's official!

Jade, Shilpa up for eviction
Day 16, 14:54 UTC - by James Welsh

Jade and Shilpa will face the public vote tomorrow, Channel 4 CEO Andy Duncan has confirmed.

"Tomorrow night Jade and Shilpa will face the public vote," said Duncan. "The British public has the opportunity to cut through the claim and counter-claim and pass its judgement on the events of the last week."

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:23 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, BUT...

Day 16, 14:46: Dirk has made a sock puppet and is entertaining Cleo and Jermaine with it at the kitchen table.

....

Day 16, 14:42: Dirk is playing the spoons for Cleo at the kitchen table while the housemates wait for the garden blinds to be lifted.

HE MUST WIN

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:26 (eighteen years ago)

dirk is like the one non-choad in there. he should maybe weigh in a little more with the arse triplets.

― the original hauntology blogging crew (Enrique), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:27 (eighteen years ago)

channel 4's statement in full is kinda like "look aren't we clever showing how prevelant not actual racism eh cultural differences are in modern britian" then trying to boost the shilpa / jade vote as some kind of ali vs foreman match of the century thing.

― acrobat (elwisty), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:29 (eighteen years ago)

When Dirk gets evicted an old skool Cylon must be allowed to pass by him en route to Davina.

― vita susicivus (blueski), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:30 (eighteen years ago)

DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE FREE OF MOWBLI? I sort of don't know whether I should change my opinion on the house (kidding, sorta).

Hey! Leave little Mowbli alone. Family, innit?

When Dirk gets evicted an old skool Cylon must be allowed to pass by him en route to Davina.

That would SO RULE!

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:31 (eighteen years ago)

Jade's eviction should be like in the Doctor Who "Bad Wolf" version of Big brother complete with a Davina-droid, and getting disintegrated

― C J (C J), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:38 (eighteen years ago)

Seriously, they should let us do Big Brother. We would be GRATE. Of course, we would be even worse at holding in our laughter than the people who are actually running Big Brother, but still...

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:39 (eighteen years ago)

Don't worry, Steve

(xhurdle)

― you win again, gravity! (tissp), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:39 (eighteen years ago)

this 'louis jagger for bb' thing is golden.

― the original hauntology blogging crew (Enrique), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:40 (eighteen years ago)

I tried to persuade Calum to go for it, back in the day.

I do get the feeling Leo was how it would have gone like.
(Convinced he's a funny guy, eventually descends into abuse/swearing/irritation factor)

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:45 (eighteen years ago)

Also, according to Danielle, Leo suggested she should do the cleaning up topless one day.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:45 (eighteen years ago)

i bet she was terribly offended.

― the original hauntology blogging crew (Enrique), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:51 (eighteen years ago)

Right, thread two coming up!

Celebrity Big Brother 2007 Thread Two - Severance or Reparation of East/West relations - it's up to you!

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:54 (eighteen years ago)

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