"Sweet"

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This came up on some secret mailing list or other. If a girl you fancy says you are "sweet", is it a start or an end? The girls on the list all said END and the boys all said um ah hey come on now and it struck me as a good qn for ILE so I promptly forgot about it for a month.

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

'Some secret mailing list or other'!!??

― the pinefox, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The 'Secret Rulers Of The World' list, I imagine...

― Paul Strange, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Actually no, cos I'm not reading that one at the moment Paul.

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's the Illuminati!

I think "sweet" falls somewhere in the middle (at the point where the trajectory has already been plotted, and you're destined for failure or success, regardless of your actions).

"Nice" is the deathknell, though. And if "sweet" is used in describing you to another party, fergit aboot it.

― David Raposa, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sweet = I will not fuck you

― Mike Hanle y, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"but am i the kind of sweet that you suck on?"

― kevan, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sweet is definitely END. Cute is harder to call. Nice is kind of in the middle too. Could be a guarded come-on. But usually I would doubt it. Only sure way to tell is to be so sweet / nice / cute that they eventually have to throw themselves at you, or turn into a complete bastard and see if it has any effect.

― alex thomson, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I used to assume that 'sweet' was a death knell, and said as much to a girl when I found out that a friend of hers had described me as such. She said that 'sweet' was good and I shouldn't take it as a bad sign. I ended up going out with said girl, so her friend was right. But I'm sure this is unusual. Only a good sign with girls who like going out with sweet men. And they're freaks, obviously.

I've just realised the word in question might well have been 'cute', not 'sweet', which renders this whole heartwarming tale irrelevant. Sorry.

― Nick, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

As I am the only one round here who knows both the girl and the boy involved: death knell. I would not describe someone I fancy as sweet.

― Emma, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well I deliberately did not try and mention any specific cases Emma.

I think by the way that it works differently for certain types of (poor quality) men, where "sweet" and "nice" mean Somebody I Would Marry as opposed to take as a mistress say - there's an assumed pliable quality to female sweetness which attracts patriarch-style men.

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

depends if it's Cartman-like Sweet

― Geoff, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

lol Nick. I'm glad you didnt just delete and start over. You really share your stream of conscoiussnesswithuss. Its too bad that some men are destined to always be the "lil brother" and get a tear soaked shoulder but not a cum soaked bed. Errrr. .well, no going back and deleting. FO r you Nick

― Mike Hanle y, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The other question of course is WHY sweetness is so unsexy?

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think sweetness is incredibly sexy, but maybe I'm just odd.

― Paul Strange, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I didn't name names either Tom. And sweetness is not a universal given, I mean a boy I think is sweet might be the epitome of bootylicious to someone else whereas I may go all swoony over someone my girl friends think is sweet. I don't think I know any sweet men. Are there any?

― Emma, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Who cares why it's unsexy. It just is and badgering girls to explain why is a route to tedium. Badgering girls at all is not good. No, the other question is really 'How do you stop being sweet?'. Is it enough just to be a bit nasty every do often? I try being unfriendly and aloof, but I'm not sure if that works, really. I'm too aloof to find out.

― Nick, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm often described as sweet. Hmmmmmmm...

― Paul Strange, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think Phil Mitchell is a good role model for men wanting to be less sweet. But then one woman's sweet is another woman's poison. Ahem.

― Emma, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ah yes Nick but I am not single and thus can bore and badger girls as complacently as I like. So there.

I know some men *I* think are sweet. You know some of them too.

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think Phil Mitchell's sweet.

― Nick, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tom, I demand you name names.

― Nick, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Naming names got us all into trouble last time so I'm not going to.

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sweet men are men who doormat around and do exactly what I want them to do = boring. Who are you thinking of Tom? I suppose it is quite sweet of Pete to drag me home when I am drunk rather than leaving me in a gutter but this is the exception rather than the rule. I think: doing sweet things = great; being full-time sweet = dull.

What about Grant Mitchell?

― Emma, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I dare say that "sweet" = quaint = BORING. Hence, turn-off.

― David Raposa, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

As neither of you named names how do you know you are talking about the same people. I know everyone that you two know and I haven't got the vaguest idea who you are talking about. So therefore someone has obviously described me as sweet and you are trying to decided whether to tell me or not.

Sweet, like nice, cute and rancid as descriptions = no chance boyo.

― Pete, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nick -- being aloof is not the right way to do it, because then the girl may asume that you're SHY, which is a short-cut to SWEET. Being rude is easier, but generally counter-productive so I wouldn't recommend it. Trying to exude confidence without arrogance is closer to the mark, as far as I understand things. Asking lots of questions and being generally interested in the answers is also an attractive option, but if you simper too much you're back to SWEET, whereas if you challenge or debate with the object of your affections they will think that you take them seriously. This is also good.

― alex thomson, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I was described as sweet by a girl at college who used to tell me about all her boyfriends and I was a bit of a shoulder to cry on. Used to go clothes shopping with her too. I think it just meant I was friend material rather than boyfriend material. Which was fine by me... hearing about all these boys she slept with made me think she was a slapper.

― Paul Strange, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's all a load of bollocks, isn't it?

― Nick, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Could we just turn this into a 'please tell us indie boys how to pull girls' thread, which was what the Low Self Esteem thread also threatened to become?

― alex thomson, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wasnt thinking of you Pete. You're not at all sweet.

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Alex's request is URGENT AND KEY.

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I dunno Alex, being rude always works on me, it's some kind of hangover from primary school when boys are supposed to stick a girl's plaits in the inkwell to let her know they fancy her.

What about girls being sweet? I don't think anyone ever said I was sweet except my dad who looks at photos of me aged 2 (= surprisingly cute) and chunters on about what a nice little girl I was, what went wrong etc. etc.

― Emma, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

slapper? as in the ass cheeks slapping against pelvis?

― Mike Hanle y, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well Emma you can sod off then. Never liked you. ;-)

― alex thomson, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ass cheeks and pelvis indeed, yes.

― Paul Strange, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Girls being sweet is also an END. Cute is better than Hot, since I would try my luck with Cute but steer clear off Hot.

― alex thomson, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Teasing rude not proper rude i.e. shouting at a girl You are a fat ugly slapper (= slag, Mike) and I hate you and everything you say and do is a bad idea. Like you might talk to your boy mates.

― Emma, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Paul - yes once you reach 'confidante' stage you are in king no-hoper dud territory, but merely being called 'sweet' isn't quite there yet except it seems reading this thread that it is.

Devotees of the ILE soap should note that Pete is rude to Emma ALL THE TIME.

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I do think that if you remain 'confidente' for over two years there's a danger of becoming 'boyfriend' though, I have to say. Usually with the aid of alcohol.

― Paul Strange, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Might another way to test the situation be to start a conversation about kinky sex. Can you still be sweet if you are known to have a taste for spanking?

― alex thomson, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Almost certainly - it's quite easy (if somewhat cloying) to imagine someone going about spanking in a sweet, caring, fashion.

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Alcohol is the philosopher's stone of relationships and should be left out of this discussion. Admittedly a discussion of relationships without discussing alcohol puts it on the level of abstract economics.

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

1. Spanking is not sweet. 2. Stop stirring Tom. 3. I have serious doubts about the good-friend-turning-into-boyf thing: I mean either I fancy you or I don't and if I do I don't wanna sit round being your mate for 2 years. I am sure that in the 2 years of mateyness I would find some drunken opportunity to make a move.

― Emma, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I bet that's what Elizabeth and her creepy boyfriend do.

My last word on this subject is that people are confusing being cutesy-wutesy with not being selfish.

― Nick, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I disagree with Emma about the fancying friends thing. I find that I tend to like and therefore become friends with anyone I fancy (rather than trying to pull them, i.e. cowards way out) and almost inevitably will come to fancy anyone I am friends with. Either way pure fancy is diluted by friendship; leading inexorably to dismay.

― alex thomson, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think the sweet becoming boyfriend is just a symptom of having crap luck with men and starting to date friends syndrome... which usually ends in tears.

― Paul Strange, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like people who are sweet...it wouldn't be a death knell for me to call someone that. Then again, this is me I'm talking about, so feel free disregard at will.

― Nicole, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think today I am being very sweet on all counts: cutesy as I am wearing a pink girle cute dress with pink lacey ankle socks and non- selfish as I have performed numerous kind acts e.g. holding the door for people, buying clothes for my boss's daughter (above and beyond the call of duty). But don't hate me for it.

― Emma, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

every time i have been referred to as sweet, it has most certainly been a death knell.

― gareth, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Skipping 9 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I am always very nice to people I hate and mean to peopl e I like. thats why I am so kind to Grimace but like to smash rocks on hamburlars' face.

― Mike Hanle y, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm always "sweet" around girls I fancy and have never tried the teasing routine. When I observe others doing this, it seems cloying and irritating and I wondered why so many girls fell for it. Emma's info leads me to believe that this may be (one of) the reason(s) that I don't pull more girls. If someone here doesn't refute this, then I may well become a teaser.

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What, now your'e calling me the Hamburgler? Tart was bad enough, you ponce.

― Ally, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

PONCE? Did Ally say "Ponce"? Now I know I'm in love. Nobody uses that word anymore.

― Nude Spock, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

tee hee heee!!! more peaches pleeeeease!

― Mike Hanle y, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

David was described as gentle and sweet when we first met, this worried me because i thought sweet was code for banal. But he was not, he was just sweet.

― anthony, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Sweet" to me is an easy letdown. Its a word you can throw into a rejection to soften it up. "Well, I think you're really sweet, but I'm just not looking for a relationship right now." Which comes off kinder than, "I find you hideous, and would rather be torn apart by wolves than ever look at you again." Sweet is a nice, hollow compliment.

The problem with the "why don't girls like nice guys" complaint is that it implies that these nice guys are owed something. That its up to the world, or the ladies, or other guys, to come and find them. It just doesn't work like that. (So speaketh the pot to the kettle...)

― bnw, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

How come the ruder I am, the more people love me? That's so fucked and twisted. See, I TOLD you all being described as "sweet" is the kiss of death. "Nasty" and "rude" are way better.

― Ally, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

nasty tart

― Mike Hanley, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

someone called me sweet last week. well, she said something i did was sweet. i felt good about it until i read this thread, especially ally's post.

i don't think sweet has ever turned me off a girl. i'm pretty sure i've told a girl i was in love with she was sweet before without meaning any sort of badness.

― sundar subramanian, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The other side of the coin of course might be that girls who pride themselves on not liking 'sweet men' tend to be high-maintenance ego- ridden harridans.

― Tom, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Woo - way to tell 'em, Tom. This might be true, but they've probably had unhappy childhoods. I love everybody!

― Nick, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

spot-on, Tom. i.e. the girls I go for.

― Tracer Hand, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's not a fucking matter of "priding" oneself on not going for "sweet men". The men most women go for ARE good natured, nice people - why else would you date them? It's just that "sweet" is not a word used to actually describe men of that nature. It's a word I personally use to describe men who are a bit dull and that's the best thing I can say about them. If the best thing you can say about a person is that they are "sweet" it generally means they are boring and uninteresting, and who the hell wants to hang out with that sort of person?

It's not a personal affront to anyone here because quite frankly I don't find any of you sweet, I think you're all awful.

― Ally, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There's a world of difference between 'sweet' and 'nice'. Admittedly calling someone nice usually, but not always, means that there's an absence of things better to say. But sweet, if I call you sweet, it implies that you're actively DOING SOMETHING good. Something I like.

― Kim, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

sweet = he is a neutral male who will not be a good matin g partner

― Mike Hanley, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Not in my eyes. Nice is neutral. Sweet is active. Dammit Mike! Damn. it.

― Kim, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

To me personally, sweet is a neutral not interesting term, which is why I said what I did. To other people it might be great, but I think a lot of women use the word sweet the way I do: you're a nice enough guy, but you aren't my thing.

― Ally, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But baby, we had such a thing going!

― Dave M., Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am free dave...

― Mike Hanley, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Update: I asked Isabel about this feeling sure her answer would be 'sweet men are GRATE and I agree with you about the HARRIDANS' but instead her answer was i. it is the death knell, ii. you are not at all sweet Tom, you delusional fool.

So now I retract my above answer and can inform you that sweet men are rubbish and that girls who hate them are ace.

― Tom, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Since there seems to be sitcom theme to today's postings, it strikes me that there's probably a good sitcom to be made about Tom and Isabel.

― Nicole, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It can be calle d"Post- Happy and Sweet Bitch"

― Mike Hanle y, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's a shame Gary Olsen died.

― Nick, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

WHo the shit is he?

― Mike Hanle y, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Good call nick - Olsen would have played Tom to a tee. Now all we have is that fool John Thompson (who previously was down in the supporting role of Alex Thompson).

― Pete, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ahem. So do us harridians get an apology then, ol' rushing to judgement chap?

― Ally, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

An apology?? I've said you were ace for goodness sakes.

Anyway it wasn't aimed at anyone on this board (rapidly becoming the standard caveat to anything).

― Tom, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Also SERIOUS POINT it is true that people of both sexes often seem entirely happy to tickbox all the stuff they want or don't want in a potential partner without considering how this reflects on them. This probably contributes to the stifling gender paranoia under which so many live their lives.

― Tom, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ha. You should see my roommate's list of things guys have to be to be perfect for her. It basically rules out 99.9% of the population. She sits and rates guys with it. She has a book full of guys that she has rated according to this criteria. It's very amusing, she'll look at these perfectly normal, attractive even, guys and label them deformed freaks on a regular basis, and I'm not really 100% sure what she thinks of herself that guys that look like Tom Cruise in Risky Business are "deformed freaks".

I have no standards, myself. That's obvious.

― Ally, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Still if she was going out with .1% of the population - and lets assume for assumptions sake that this is the population of the US - she would still have a good 250,000 blokes to pick off.

Of course my blinkered non-bisexuality already knocks out 50% of the pop for me in one fell sweep. ANd if you take out OAP and kiddies under the age of twelve...

― Pete, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes, but when that 250k are all male models...

― Ally, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Male models are gay anyways tart

― Mike Hanle y, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Since one of her requirements for perfect boyfriend was "not gay" then I guess they're off too. So forget it, it eliminates 100% of the population.

― Ally, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Maybe she could date Turtles

― Mike Hanle y, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

One of her requirements was height, unfortunately.

― Ally, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Turtles are plenty tall!

― Mike Hanle y, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Compared to what?

― Ally, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one month passes...

Aw, c'mon fellows (and harridans). Can't "sweet" ever mean something just a bit closer to what it means -- pleasing, agreeable, affectionate approval, a confection, if you will? I also think timing is significant. Sweet + dating + no sex = I like you but no promises. Sweet + dating + some sex = I like and trust you enough to let you make love to me. Sweet + dating + lots of sex = I like and trust you enough to have a relationship. My lady calls me "sweet" during lovemaking and it inspires us to even greater heights !

George in California

― george vecchio, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

u like to do it on the scaffolding or something?

super good news if pronounced "sah-WEET"

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

two years pass...

Do you use "sweet!" as an exclamation? If so, please book yourself on the next rocket being fired directly into the sun. You are an obsequious turd whose only contribution to civilization is accelerated entropy. Take your SUV back to whichever TGIF or Chili's spawned you and backslap your fellow turds with a hearty "schweet!" in between rounds of shitty shooters that People Like You drink while Satan nods in approval. By using "schweet" or "sahweet" in every sentence, you've quickly identified yourself as an asshat who's not worth my time, thought, or energy. Enjoy your life before it's outsourced - I live for the day when I can chisel "schweet!" as the epitaph on your tombstone when your empty life has come to a merciful end.

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Saturday, 27 March 2004 01:17 (twenty-one years ago)

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

― wo est mein auto (blueski), Saturday, 27 March 2004 01:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Hi Alex in NYC!

― NA (Nick A.), Saturday, 27 March 2004 01:57 (twenty-one years ago)

haha, take a chill pill, man. you sound like a total asshole.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 27 March 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

The people I hear exclaiming "sweet" are invariably around 9 or 10 years old, so I'm unable to feel such animosity toward them, but it sure is an ugly expression.

― jazz odysseus, Saturday, 27 March 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Sad.

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Saturday, 27 March 2004 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

nine months pass...

revive

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 17 January 2005 01:35 (twenty years ago)

dude, sweet

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 17 January 2005 01:39 (twenty years ago)

dude, what does mine say?

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 17 January 2005 02:40 (twenty years ago)

twenty years pass...

sweet revive

― Minty Gum (Latham Green), Friday, 22 August 2025 13:13 (three weeks ago)

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