If you were a gynaecologist and Missy Elliot came in would you make your excuses and leave the room?

The mag's going fine James. You should perhaps buy a copy.

I like making my odd, irregular, little posts here James. It makes me happy to see that I can get your little self talking, inspire your empty little life with pictures and ideas of who I might be or what I might look like or what mental state I might be in. Suffice to say, you couldn't be more off the mark but if it keeps you happy to vent your obvious insecurities out on me then I'd advise it.

AS long as it stops you hanging yourself.

Repulsive can equal brilliant and funny. I'd point you to Irvin Welsh, Chris Morris or my fave local comedian a great chap called Allan Millar. As well as others.

Not that I think of myself as a comic genius, but I certainly don't consider myself sexist. It's actually impossible for me to be sexist, I've been raised only by women and, as such, in real life (That's real life James, the real world) have nothing but the utmost respect for the opposite sex. Then again, my experience of women (and, hey, this might just be me) has several funny, independent, intelligent young and old ladies who can out-crude even myself if they do desire. Yup, I've had vibrator conversations and all porn conversations and 'I'd fuck him until he bleeds' conversations with women. Just as I've met women who think all men are cunts (I even went out with one once).

But, hey, guess they can't be proper women if they don't fit into your own ideal of what a female should be an are GROSSED OUT by a silly, harmless thread such as this.

Get a life James and stop concerning yourself with mine you sad, pathetic little man.

And just to confirm it wasn't me that made her that way, much as I'm sure many would. It was a lot more complex than that but out of respect I'm not at liberty to say.

Ta

And James, I am perfectly happy with the love and tenderness I recieve. But, hey, I'm open to be proven wrong!

I post here coz I'm usually

A) At work
B) Bored and working on stuff (like freelancing or my mag that you seem so obsessed by)
or
C) It's not the weekend yet
D) I'm too broke to get wasted.

That good enough for you?

"2003 was very much the year of Calum in my expert opinion. he really livened up ILX with his hilarious posts and proved quite imaginative, much to the envious outrage of many of the other posters there who only wished they could think of such clever stuff and be as popular with the ladies and whatnot"

"I think what a lot of people, and they should've known better really, should've realised is that the threads should have just been ignored, but once the troll is out of the cage it's very difficult to ignore it of course"

Hello, I am a hog-faced idiot and ought to be killed.

"the perception of a lot of people was that it was all just a bit of fun...but it went a bit too far at times. worse than that though, it just got very boring in the end, and it wasn't even that funny in the first place - i mean, what were we thinking?!"

"Yeah, I remember Calum. 2003 was a big year for ILX, or at least my brother went on about it a lot in between shoving the Gary Jules Crimbo CD up his arse. You see, the thing with Calum is that he was an absolute breath of fresh air, none of your pompous stuff about the VU or Phillip Glass, he went straight for the tits and ass! I loved him! But then again I like violating babies in Pagan ceremonies in order to bring around the second coming of the She-God, Smolenkehrht! Classic!"

"I loved Calum. I use the net a lot and you just don't get the kind of views that Hedge Mazes agree with on most public forums. Calum put that right. You go, girl!"

Living in New York as trio of lemons has not been easy these last few years, people tend to stare so we don't go out alot, thank god for Calum and his hilarious and informative posts they really brightend up our year.

"As a part of the body easily confused with certain other areas, I found Calums posts both insulting and degrading, there should be laws against this kind of thing"

I know, I know. That's exactly what Lynskey was like as well! Phew! What a year!

And then there's rubbish like this sort of thread.

Conclusion: Can be great on other threads, but bad on his own originals.

"well i just think that...i can't see what relevance his comments have in relation to anything else. i find the whole situation nonsensical but unfortunately that's what FIFA have decided and we just have to go along with it Clive"

"When I was considering dying a blazing shootout of glory, I remembered my weeks in that hole in the ground reading ILE solely for Calum's titterings. He really kept my spirits up during my times of need, and I pray that I will miraculously be restored to power so that I can impose, er, suggest his posts as required reading. Tariq also thought he was the shit."