Songs that will never in a million years help your love life...

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We've all done the compilation-as-courtship-ritual thing. But last night, while putting together a CD for a girl I know, I began chuckle to myself at all the other wildly inappropriate material I have in my collection, too. Here, I propose we put together the anti-mixtape to end them all.

1) Regurgitation Of Giblets - Carcass

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Sunday, 27 April 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

"Bring On the Nubiles" by the Stranglers
"I Kill Everything I Fuck" by GG Allin

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 27 April 2003 15:01 (twenty-two years ago)

"Bring Your Daughter To the Slaughter" by Iron Maiden

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 27 April 2003 15:02 (twenty-two years ago)

5) Unleash The Beast - Geto Boys

(not about animals, oddly enough)

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Sunday, 27 April 2003 15:04 (twenty-two years ago)

"Tabazan" by Killing Joke

Sample lyric:

architects erect erections, monoliths are raised
i love the swollen mound i love the swollen mound
all hail the new seed breeding from our hearts and wombs
and night and day run round in circles following sex instinct
push it between her legs and stretch the lips mother relieve me

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 27 April 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

ugh! I see you and raise you:
"Cunt" - Diamanda Galas

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Sunday, 27 April 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

What is the most badass song eva?

― Adam A. (Keiko), Sunday, 27 April 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Rush! (all of them)

― original bgm, Sunday, 27 April 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

NIN - "Closer"

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Sunday, 27 April 2003 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

"I Got Erection" by Turbonegro.

― Ally (mlescaut), Sunday, 27 April 2003 17:21 (twenty-two years ago)

"Can I Touch You...There?" by Michael Bolton

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 27 April 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

ghostface killah - Wildflower

― brains (cerybut), Sunday, 27 April 2003 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"Bi-aa-iii-aa-itch" by Li'l Wayne or one of these guys ...

― Jay K (Jay K), Sunday, 27 April 2003 22:56 (twenty-two years ago)

My Girls Pussy by R. Crumb And The Cheap Suit Serenaders

― Mike Taylor (mjt), Sunday, 27 April 2003 22:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Faith No More: "I Want To Fuck Myself"

― dog latin (dog latin), Sunday, 27 April 2003 23:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Mentors, "Golden Showers". Altho who knows, maybe it might

― dave q, Monday, 28 April 2003 08:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Just about anything by Bikini Kill or Huggy Bear... (Unless you are trying to get off with Everett True!!!)

― kate, Monday, 28 April 2003 08:30 (twenty-two years ago)

'Delia's Gone' by Johnny Cash
the narrator shoots his wife in her beauty parlor

'Bills, Bills, Bills' by Destiny's Child
TLC: No Scrubs

― Jay K (Jay K), Monday, 28 April 2003 10:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Just about anything by Bikini Kill or Huggy Bear...

i have experience to the contrary

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 28 April 2003 11:00 (twenty-two years ago)

'Bills, Bills, Bills' by Destiny's Child
TLC: No Scrubs

and i have experience to the contrary here!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 28 April 2003 11:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"Dead Babies" by Alice Cooper

― John Bullabaugh (John Bullabaugh), Monday, 28 April 2003 11:58 (twenty-two years ago)

interesting relationships you've been in, dave ... any details?

― Jay K (Jay K), Monday, 28 April 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

No Scrubs is just a nice tune regardless of the lyrics and Fanmail by TLC was the album of the summer for me when it came out... the whole record is quite jiggy and sexy so certainly didn't hurt...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 28 April 2003 12:07 (twenty-two years ago)

"Raping a Slave" by Swans

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 28 April 2003 12:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Mr. Bungle's "Girls of Porn"
Faith No More's "Jizzlobber", "Be Aggressive"
Ween's "She Fucks Me", "Waving My Dick In the Wind", "Touch My Tooter"

It seems funny to me that these folks have also written their fair share of songs-what-would-be-appropriate-on-a-crush-mixtape. Balance is a good thing.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 28 April 2003 12:19 (twenty-two years ago)

'Just about anything by Bikini Kill or Huggy Bear...i have experience to the contrary'

Heh. I once went out with someone who was really into NoMeansNo (whom I love also), and was always wearing a 'NoMeansNo' top and my more obnoxious friends who never heard of the group were all like "wow, bet SHE's a lot of fun (*snicker*)"

― dave q, Monday, 28 April 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Bloodclot Gangster Youth – Kill Or Be Killed
DJ Assault – Ass & Titties
2 Live Crew – I Want Some Pussy
House of Discipline – The Art Of Fist Fucking II
and finally, ladies and gentlemen, I give you...
DJ Shitspitter – Fuck Your Face (released on Crapchute Records, no less!)

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 28 April 2003 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

And though I'm not a big fan, this CERTAINLY fits the thread-title-description:

Bloodhound Gang - You're Pretty When I'm Drunk

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 28 April 2003 13:53 (twenty-two years ago)

DJ Deeon - Pushin' Dik

Booty bass is so charming.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 28 April 2003 14:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Speaking of the Bloodhound Gang, I'd like to respectfully submit "The Bad Touch".

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 28 April 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Can one be respectful when discussing the Bloodhound Gang?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 28 April 2003 14:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Weird Al Yankovich - The Night Santa Went Crazy

― Fivvy (Fivvy), Monday, 28 April 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"Me And A Gun" Tori Amos

I think I actually put that on a crushtape once... Jesus Christ I'm fucking stupid.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 28 April 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Momus-Cabriolet

Narrator becomes seriously aroused by female companion, but crucially, for this thread, after she is killed in car crash ('lying bizarre in the wreck of my car...')

― Kim Tortoise, Monday, 28 April 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Swyzak's Car Crash has a similar JG Ballard/ David Cronenburg vibe.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 28 April 2003 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm very respectful towards "The Bad Touch", it's a great song. I wish all their songs were "The Bad Touch", and not all those other songs that they do. What's the point of even doing any more songs? They already reached their "pinnacle", and it's all even further downhill from there.

I think that "Deez Nuts" is not a very sexy song.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 28 April 2003 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Ludacris Move Bitch

― Siegbran (eofor), Monday, 28 April 2003 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

"Dead Babies" by Alice Cooper

This helped my love life! I put it on a crush tape and was instantly fallen in love with.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 28 April 2003 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

"angel of death" Slayer

― gage o (gage o), Monday, 28 April 2003 16:02 (twenty-two years ago)

"Herpes"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 28 April 2003 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I said songs, not infections!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 28 April 2003 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus Lizard, "Mouthbreather"
Pussy Galore, "Cunt Tease"
Thin Lizzy, "Boys are Back in Town" (but it still roxxxx!)

― hstencil, Monday, 28 April 2003 16:27 (twenty-two years ago)

DMX What These Bitches Want From A Nigga

― Siegbran (eofor), Monday, 28 April 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I said songs, not infections!
don't tell me you never heard Tony Orland and Dawn's classic version of "Herpes":

"I think of you/when my sores ooze/I think of you/and your tainted cooze"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 28 April 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

The Monks - Nice Legs Shame About The Face
The Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up

― Kim Tortoise, Tuesday, 29 April 2003 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Freddie Mercury - Love Kills

''Too much love can kill you....''

(well, it doesn't do it for me!!)

― Kim Tortoise, Tuesday, 29 April 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Bon Jovi, "You Give Love A Bad Name"

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 29 April 2003 14:00 (twenty-two years ago)

The Cymbaline - Matrimonial Fears

with it's rousing chorus of:
I'm using you using you-oo
I'm using you using you-oo

― Flippa, Tuesday, 29 April 2003 14:35 (twenty-two years ago)

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