This is the thread where we make fun of the 2004 MTV VMAs

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cuz threads like this:
Did You See The Beastie Boys On The MTV Movie Awards? (This Is An Eminem Thread)
are so damn much fun.
The show starts tomorrow night at 8pm, why wait to start the hate?
Confirmed Performers:
Christina Aguilera
Fat Joe
Hoobastank
Jet
Alicia Keys
Lil Jon
Nelly
Outkast
Petey Pablo
Polyphonic Spree
Jessica Simpson
Terror Squad
Usher
Kanye West
Yellowcard
Ying Yang Twins

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:17 (twenty years ago)

The performance line-up seems godawful.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:19 (twenty years ago)

Where the white women at?

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:33 (twenty years ago)

Lil Jon, YYT, Outkast and maybe Fat Joe and Kanye might be aiight. The rest...meh.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:35 (twenty years ago)

yeah, all that great crunk is kinda cancelled out by... well... hoobastank

― lemin (lemin), Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:36 (twenty years ago)

Yellowcard ups the anti on crappy late 90s pop/punk by adding a violin. As the Beastie Boys would say, "You can't front on that".

But in real defense of this, Polyphonic Spree is an interesting concept and in my opinion at least half of Outkast has picked up where Prince left off. But whether I'm a "true funk soldier" is still yet to be determined.

As for the rest of the bunch, either I don't know who they are or I don't care enough to make a comment.

Dio, Ween, and Turbonegro forever.

― Helltime, Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:37 (twenty years ago)

I've got that Ween DVD too, Helltime. Sick, innit?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:38 (twenty years ago)

Isn't that Jet song about a year old now? Way to stretch your 15 mins.

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:39 (twenty years ago)

I'll allow that p. spree might be fun to watch.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:40 (twenty years ago)

Yeas, Aaron, in my opinion, the Ween DVD is sick. Everything Ween does is sick. Personally, I have always agreed with Hank Rollins that everyone should bow down to the alter of Ween because they are the Saviours of music in general. Back when I did a lot of drugs I loved them. Now that I just drink myself into oblivion whenever my schedule allows it I love them even more. In fact, my band Josta Baby is kinda modeled after them, in the sense that we're just 2 guys with a drum machine and 4-track recorder. And a keyboard with a vocoder. Can't forget the vocoder. That's what gives us a competative edge. Over other duos with drum machines and 4-tracks.

― Helltime, Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:48 (twenty years ago)

Just make sure ten years from now you're recreating the 4-track/drum machine stuff with a full band live cuz THAT SHIT KICKS ASS.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:51 (twenty years ago)

Oh, don't you worry. Believe me, when either I hit the lottery or my wife gets some ridiculously high paying job we're gonna hit the live circuit like a motherfuck. I'm talking me and A-train backed by another guitarist or two, a bassist, a drummer, 2 keyboardists (one on Fender/Rhoads electric piano and synths, one Hammond B-3 and synths), a bongo/toca percussionist (or maybe 2 or 3, a la DC GoGo style), a horn line, and 3 black chicks in church robe (one with a tamborine) singing soulful-as-a-motherfucker backups. I got this shit all planned out.

― helltime, Sunday, 29 August 2004 04:59 (twenty years ago)

Hurrah for being nowhere near a TV when this happens! (Because I'll be out on the beach at a party.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:00 (twenty years ago)

Sounds rad helltime.

Some more scheduled VMA celebs:
Beastie Boys
Brandy
Dave Chappelle
Hilary Duff
Jimmy Fallon
Tony Hawk
Paris Hilton
Lenny Kravitz
Nick Lachey
Jude Law
Amy Lee of Evanescence
LL Cool J
Jennifer Lopez
Ludacris
Mase
John Mellencamp
Omarion
Shaquille O'Neal
Gwyneth Paltrow
P. Diddy
Queen Latifah
Shakira
Ashlee Simpson
Will Smith
Jon Stewart

Anyone know who's hosting?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:00 (twenty years ago)

No host this year. They tried to get Chappelle but he wouldn't/couldn't for some reason.

― The Good Dr. Bill (Andrew Unterberger), Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:16 (twenty years ago)

Hoobastank

'nuff said, right there.

― joseph pot (STINKOR™), Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:18 (twenty years ago)

x-post
Seriously? What, will there just be announcer v.o.'s?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PRESENTING BEST FEMALE: PARIS HILTON AND QUEEN LATIFAH!

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:20 (twenty years ago)

When I dig a hole in the ground, Erection.
When I hear that Nick Lachey sound, Erection.

― Helltime, Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:27 (twenty years ago)

haha, I knew I did right starting this a day early.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:29 (twenty years ago)

I'm actually kinda curious how they're going to pull this off myself.

Fact: Three of the five nominees for best video are ILM Top 20 songs of the decade.

― The Good Dr. Bill (Andrew Unterberger), Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:30 (twenty years ago)

I see my bosses face -
I see a swastika -
Another loser in the human race -
I see a swastika -
I see the cars go by -
I see a swastika -
Pretty girls pass me by -
I see a swastika -

I'm a timebomb and I'm out of control -
I'm a live one and I'm gonna explode -
They are closing in and I'm out of control -
Timebomb and I'm gonna explode -

I read the billboard signs -
I touch the flames of Hell -
Their hidden message I unwind -
I touch the flames of Hell -
The dark void behind the golden mask -
I touch the flames of Hell -
I blew my cover now I've got to move fast -
I touch the flames of Hell -

I'm a timebomb and I'm out of control -
I'm a live one and I'm gonna explode -
They are closing in and I'm out of control -
Timebomb and I'm gonna explode -

I'm outta control -

1 - 2 - 1-2-3-4 -

Timebomb -
Tick tock -

― helltime, Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:32 (twenty years ago)

Man I was gonna paste the complete nominee list but MTV's website fucking sucks.
Best Video Nominees:
D-12 - My Band
Jay-Z - 99 Problems
Outkast - Hey Ya
Britney Spears - Toxic
Usher f/Lil Jon & Ludacris - Yeah

A link to the rest

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:41 (twenty years ago)

Is this the 20th anniversary of the award show? Or was that last year?

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:43 (twenty years ago)

If so, it's a sad fucking way to celebrate.

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:43 (twenty years ago)

Man, the list of performers is quite behind the curve, even for MTV.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Sunday, 29 August 2004 05:52 (twenty years ago)

You know you love it! You know you want it! Pre-show at 6:30 Eastern! (no, i don't have a life, wanna make something of it?) I will be here and I will be queer.

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 29 August 2004 16:37 (twenty years ago)

wtf have the polyphronic spree had a hit or something? Why are they being involved? Are they the official mainstream Flaming Lips stand-in now or something?

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 29 August 2004 16:39 (twenty years ago)

and I was about to say Hoobastank would be the most boring part (and I like that damn song) but that was before I realized Alicia Keys was on the line-up.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 29 August 2004 16:41 (twenty years ago)

oh hey! I jus realized why she had a car key on her ear in that video. Her name! Keys! Witty.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 29 August 2004 16:42 (twenty years ago)

They play Polyphonic Spree on the local nu-grunge radio station here!!!

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 29 August 2004 16:43 (twenty years ago)

Who will kiss in the opening number?

Britney and Kevin?
Ashlee and Jessica?
L'il Jon and Kanye West?

WHO WILL IT BE?????

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 29 August 2004 16:49 (twenty years ago)

Terror Squad and Hoobastank.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 29 August 2004 16:50 (twenty years ago)

judging by commercials I am assuming dave chappelle is the host, but there is going to be some kind of running joke about how he isn't the host. this could be hilarious or terrible or both.

― artdamages (artdamages), Sunday, 29 August 2004 17:00 (twenty years ago)

So who will be watching/posting 2nite besides me? It's gonna be bloody and it's gonna be ugly. In other words: I hope Alex is watching. We need his bile.

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 29 August 2004 17:06 (twenty years ago)

dude, terror squad. kind of excited.

― brock (brock), Sunday, 29 August 2004 17:16 (twenty years ago)

my tv and computer aren't in the same room, so not me.

x-post

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Sunday, 29 August 2004 17:43 (twenty years ago)

Barry beat me to "who's gonna lez up?"

Jessica Simpson's father would disapprove/get off on it, so you know that's out. My money is on Xtina and Paris Hilton.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Sunday, 29 August 2004 20:20 (twenty years ago)

So who will be watching/posting 2nite besides me?
Well, me obv.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 20:34 (twenty years ago)

Could someone please tell me who the fuck Omarion is? He's the only celeb appearing tonight who I have never heard of before in my life.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:13 (twenty years ago)

So do they keep Kurt Loder cryogenically frozen all year and just thaw him out for the VMA preshow or what?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:32 (twenty years ago)

yes, they do.

i have already learned that quentin tarantino is making a movie with the muppets and queen latifa.

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:38 (twenty years ago)

Was Sofia with him? I'm anxious to see the forehead/chin of their future spawn.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:39 (twenty years ago)

[omg I can't believe how I don't even have a glint of interest.. ]

― dave225 (Dave225), Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:39 (twenty years ago)

Courtney Love should take this opportunity to showcase her new chin, or lack thereof. Oh, and the record, which is actually still brilliant, btfw.

― I'm American, Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:40 (twenty years ago)

no, quentin wasn't there. it was someone else in the movie talking about it.

kurt loder reminds me of the king of the vampires i saw last nite in that movie Underworld.

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:41 (twenty years ago)

i have already learned that quentin tarantino is making a movie with the muppets and queen latifa.

OLD NEWS DUDE:
Quentin and Muppets and Toto oh my!

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:42 (twenty years ago)

it's new to me!

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:43 (twenty years ago)

someone will eventually explain to me what john norris is wearing, right?

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:45 (twenty years ago)

Can I just say this now: HOOBASTUNK! There, I got that out of the way.

Hey, Jadakiss, live and in full effect.

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:48 (twenty years ago)

I like the lyrics to this Jadakiss song:
"Why's the industry designed to keep the artist in debt?"
When's the last time you heard someone say something like that in a mainstream song?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 29 August 2004 21:53 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 509 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

HELLO

VH1 CLASSICS "ALTERNATIVE" IS ON

― reo, Monday, 30 August 2004 02:26 (twenty years ago)

muchmusic is showing "hey ya"

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:26 (twenty years ago)

dude it was NOT, was it?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago)

Night Jess! I feel we have all learned a little something about Miami tonight. And about ourselves.

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago)

wtf - now why didn't that work?

― Kim (Kim), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago)

sweet sweet gabba

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago)

John Norris is wearing all white = John Norris has jumped the shark

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago)

i mean that wrt dark crystal

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago)

well no

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago)

has john norris come out yet?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:28 (twenty years ago)

John Norris has jumped the shark

I have no idea what year it is anymore

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:28 (twenty years ago)

my brain is so fried from this show you coulda told me it was Love Theme From Caligula and I woulda bought it.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:30 (twenty years ago)

wow, muchmusic are replaying the mmvas right NOW. if i wanted i could fall into a glossy short attention span sinkhole.

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:30 (twenty years ago)

must... look... away

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:31 (twenty years ago)

Much music has its own award show? any better than this?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:32 (twenty years ago)

sorry, i mean they're replaying the mtv ones

fwiw, the muchmusic one sucks in a completely different, wholly canadian way

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:33 (twenty years ago)

Hey it's J-Lo! The shows beginning again! I bet there's a circle of hell where you just watch this over and over.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:33 (twenty years ago)

alright dudez i gotta go to bed. you should too!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:34 (twenty years ago)

hehehe it's only 8:34 here! I'm-a watch it again!

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:35 (twenty years ago)

i'm going to go sit in my bedroom and contemplate space and time and bruce willis

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 30 August 2004 02:37 (twenty years ago)

I'm watching a little of this on rerun right now, but after a quick scan of this thread I don't think I'll watch much more.

Even at that, though, I wish the VMAs were 4 days long and the RNC was already in reruns. The pundit gushing over Bush's speech on Thursday is gonna make Kurt Loder seem like an amateur.

― spittle (spittle), Monday, 30 August 2004 04:18 (twenty years ago)

It just occured to me that much of MTV's core audience may have thought Alicia Keys/Stevie Wonder/Lenny Kravitz were covering the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Monday, 30 August 2004 04:50 (twenty years ago)

Does that core audience remember farther back than "Californication"?

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Monday, 30 August 2004 05:03 (twenty years ago)

Yeah but dude RHCP just put out a new greatest hits thingy

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Monday, 30 August 2004 05:09 (twenty years ago)

wait was the lead singer dude NED?!

Wash yer goddamn mouth out. I fucking hate the Polyphonic Spree!

I'm very glad I was at the beach yesterday during all this, but I'm also glad this thread exists. You suffered for my entertainment.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 30 August 2004 11:56 (twenty years ago)

inexplicably, there were a lot of shots of bruce willis. any reason why the fuck WHY?

― maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Monday, 30 August 2004 13:28 (twenty years ago)

Maybe he gave the cameraperson a hummer beforehand.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 30 August 2004 13:29 (twenty years ago)

Bald and beautiful (if you've been pounding the Seagram's)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 30 August 2004 13:32 (twenty years ago)

DUDE NEW EUPHEMISM ALERT EXCELSIOR etc

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 30 August 2004 13:33 (twenty years ago)

What was the thing with Wayne Coyne that inspired so many "WTF!"s up there? I didn't get to see this coked-up VMAs!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 30 August 2004 13:36 (twenty years ago)

"we would like to thank tok tok!"

actually scott, thats what i thought they said at first.

my personal highlight was watching this on the brand new flat-panel tv at my job and having the screen be so wide, that everyone looked fat. [except for queen latifah, who looked thinner than everyone else on it]

we nicknamed it "ass-o-vision."

other fun moments:

- the dale chiluly glass/light sculpture as the backdrop

- jet looking downright lively, in comparison to the other two mall-emo bands they played with in the rock block, and thats being *kind*

- the kerry/bush daughters segment where it seemed like kerry's daughters were being booed more than the bush twins [perhaps the audience wasnt aware who they were?]

- gratuitous bruce willis shots

- puff daddy's mr t mohawk

- wishing jessica simpson would fall off the trapeze she was sitting on

- tim delaughter of the polyphonic spree looking very scared when being held in mid-air at the end of their song

- how the entire program was a non-stop advertising about voting [not that i have a problem with this but you know...]

- chaka khan singing way way way off key.

― maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Monday, 30 August 2004 13:38 (twenty years ago)

its kind of sad that i listed a glass sculpture before the performers as a highlight of this years VMA, but i guess thats saying a lot.

― maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Monday, 30 August 2004 13:39 (twenty years ago)

[perhaps the audience wasnt aware who they were?]

if you can get a mob to try to stop election officials from carrying out their legal duty you can get one to boo people at an MTV show

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 30 August 2004 14:50 (twenty years ago)

xxxp nickalicious: to get to the stage, wayne walked on the crowd while trapped in a 10+ foot plastic bubble.

Also, I just saw him about an hour ago on the budget rent-a-car shuttle bus heading to Miami airport. I put my bags down on the luggage rack, and he was sitting right there. Had a nice "what the fuck?" moment.

― Elliot (Elliot), Monday, 30 August 2004 14:54 (twenty years ago)

pic here:

http://www.dfw.com/images/miami/miamiherald/9533/90882616175.jpg

― Elliot (Elliot), Monday, 30 August 2004 15:18 (twenty years ago)

He's no John Travolta.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Monday, 30 August 2004 15:21 (twenty years ago)

Wow, that looks like a cheesy Doctor Who special effect! ("Time And The Rani" to be specific)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 30 August 2004 15:21 (twenty years ago)

It looks like he's saying "Gimme five! Through my bubble!"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 30 August 2004 15:22 (twenty years ago)

I heard that Tony Hawk, in a move reminiscent of the violin virtuosos of olde, who would file down three of their strings so that when they broke during the passionate performance they could astound and astonish the audience by continuing to play the single remaining string... anyway, Tony Hawk. His board broke.

Oh, and inspired by a couple of posts up there which unintentially mention jumping the shark and The Dark Crystal next to one another, I'm going to start saying that things "jump the shard."

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Monday, 30 August 2004 15:46 (twenty years ago)

ESSENCE OF GELFLING!

Apropos of nothing.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 30 August 2004 15:48 (twenty years ago)

how much better would that have been if he got sick and shit his pants in that bubble.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Monday, 30 August 2004 15:55 (twenty years ago)

Cut to an exclusive with Sway...
"Yo Wayne Coyne has just shit his pants."

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Monday, 30 August 2004 15:58 (twenty years ago)

He's done that before at shows, so I guess it's standard practice now.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 30 August 2004 16:01 (twenty years ago)

WAYNE COYNE SHITS HIMSELF AT SHOWS!?!? HE'S THE INDIE ROCK MIKE PATTON OMG!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 30 August 2004 16:15 (twenty years ago)

anyway, Tony Hawk. His board broke.

thats because he was riding one of those shitty birdhouse models.

i bet.

― maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Monday, 30 August 2004 16:18 (twenty years ago)

mike patton shits in paperbags.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Monday, 30 August 2004 16:18 (twenty years ago)

"604 new answers"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(605, now!!!!)

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 00:11 (twenty years ago)

It's no fun the way MTV fixes all the fuckups after the first replay. Fr'instance, I just caught the Jessica Simpson performance and the piano intro to her second song was restored. Also dud the way they edit out things like audience interference, like the dude that jumped onstage and started yelling about BB King during the Best Video presentation last year.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 00:12 (twenty years ago)

Oh that and the time Eminem got all pissed off at the Triumph puppet. They edited that out of replays too.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 00:14 (twenty years ago)

That's why you have to tape it the night of.

― billstevejim, Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:06 (twenty years ago)

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