The greatness of Gwen Stefani: Even her excrement comes out gold

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Best piece of outright hagiography this year:

GVEN in the Sunday Los Angeles Times.

Excerpts:

[Gven is so great she's famous for being famous and in] ...the past two years has seen her launch her L.A.M.B. fashion line, formalizing her status at the front of street-smart couture; embark on her solo career; amd land her first big screen role, as Jean Harlow in Martin Scorsese's forthcoming film about Howard Hughes, 'The Aviator.'

Gven always wears the neatest clothes, even when it's just a sweatshirt, and I must tell you about it.

"Gven has traded in the exotic ensembles for a humble zippered gray sweatshirt [a humble shirt, where can we buy them?], a pair of well-lived in blue jeans and canvas deck shoes. Her hair, swept up for photos into a sort of Buck Rogers sci-fi do, has been hastily combed out [hastily combed out!] and is gathered loosely at the nape of her neck [thank heaven it's not gathered loosely at her feet], tied off in a green bandana that perfectly matches her shoes [those canvas deck shoes, ooo-eee]."

"Gven Stefani, Fashion Model, gets to punch out. Gven Stefani, Fashion Maven, never does."

"Gven rooted through thrift shops and stitched together her own signature outfits, and even after she afford to go haute couture, she worked side by side with designers such as Christian Dior's John Galliano to create new looks, rather than simply placing orders for them." Fuckin-ay!

"Gven may look the part of the ditzy blond sex bomb but she's no one's marionette."

Nothing stands in Gven's way and she's so authentic.

"[Gven] has no barriers...You're getting the authentic person in every aspect...Most people aren't that honest."

Gven is not squishy and since she's rich, money means nothing to her.

"[Gven] is a very solid human being ... It doesn't matter how much money you wave in front of Gven -- the only reason she'll do something is for the quality and integrity of it."

"Sales of [Gven's] L.A.M.B. apparel, handbags and accessories are expected to reach $50 million...and she's hard at work on her Fall 2005 line."

Gven shrugs at the angry forces of nature.

"On the morning Gven was to appear on Japanese television, a 6.0 magnitude earthquake rocked the hotel room where she, Gavin Rossdale and other members of her party were staying...Gven barely batted a brown eye."

Harry Klam, Monday, 8 November 2004 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Gwen Stefani's Solo CD

Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Monday, 8 November 2004 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I need to start compiling the most egregious examples of this kind of ass-licking...I want to write an entire novel in this sort of sub-Vanity Fair (the magazine) voice.

pdf (Phil Freeman), Monday, 8 November 2004 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

That would be very Augean Stables.

Harry Klam, Monday, 8 November 2004 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Did Hilburn write that?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 8 November 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Gven? Rhymes with Sven?

57 7th (calstars), Monday, 8 November 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Did Hilburn write that?

No. He's on the legendary singer/songwriter beat.

Harry Klam, Monday, 8 November 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

That would be very Augean Stables.

That would be very Patrick Bateman.

Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Monday, 8 November 2004 21:29 (twenty-one years ago)

i was gonna say

s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 8 November 2004 23:04 (twenty-one years ago)

THIS ALBUM IS SO BLISTERINGLY BAD. SHE EVEN MANAGES TO RUIN A TRACK BY JAM AND LEWIS. GOD THIS SUCKS SHES AN IDIOT.

big chaki (chaki), Monday, 22 November 2004 03:25 (twenty-one years ago)

The last album that was sold on the 'guest artists' that had agreed to work with her, was Naomi Campbell's.

mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 22 November 2004 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Babywoman!

I loved her version of "Ride a White Swan". She sounded so posh.

Titsy Borgnine (Arthur), Monday, 22 November 2004 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I bought it for 50p. Never played it.

mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 22 November 2004 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.cnn.com/CNN/anchors_reporters/images/carlson.tucker.jpg

BUTT BOY!!!!

Does John Coltrane Dream of a Merry-go-round? (ex machina), Monday, 22 November 2004 17:53 (twenty-one years ago)

More gold excrement from Gven:

Gwen Stefani has confessed she was disappointed when she didn't get Helena Bonham Carter's role in 'Fight Club'. -- Hollywood Reporter

Since Stefani owns a naturally high Kewpie-doll voice, it was almost inevitable that she would model herself after L.A.'s squeakiest New Wave vocalists, like Dale Bozzio, Terri Nunn and Astrid Plane - all frontwomen who didn't so much sing as cluck on key ... Nearly every cut channels the dinky rhythms and palm-tree'd production of L.A. pop's worst era. Vocally, Stefani vacillates between a porn star's coo and a series of chirps and bleats that sound like Lene Lovich crossed with a sheep. -- New York Daily News


Gwen Stefani fans everywhere read on. NME.COM have got the framed cover artwork for the new album, signed by Queen Class herself, to give away.
-- NME

Singer Gwen Stefani's promotional tour of Japan got a shakey welcome as the hotel she was staying ,was rocked by an earthquake. The singer was in Tokyo, preparing to go on TV when a sever earthquake rumbled the foundations of the hotel. "We were literally rattled, but not really scared. The last time (No Doubt toured Japan) we had a huge one as well. The buildings here are all on rollers, they're so incredibly engineered. I wasn't panicking, I was just thinking, 'This is so weird how the earth can move ... " New Kerala

"[Stefani's] early sessions with Linda Perry — the first collaborator to grace Stefani's solo project — sometimes brought her to tears. "I basically cried in my bed," Stefani explained, "because I was so scared." -- MTV

If you need a gift for that special someone, take a look at the latest collection of LAMB bags designed by Gwen Stefani... -- NMC News Stream

GWEN STEFANI was taken aback when she discovered MARTIN SCORSESE wanted her to audition for a part in THE AVIATOR - but felt deflated when she found out she would only have one line. "It was so humiliating because you get used to being a star..." -- FemaleFirst

The No Doubt star's husband, rocker Gavin Rossdale, may have aged Stefani a few years with the revelation that he's the father of a two-headed dog named Daisy Lowe ... -- E!

Pop beauty GWEN STEFANI is so devastated her rock star husband GAVIN ROSSDALE has fathered a two-headed dog she's reportedly insisted on marriage crisis talks ... -- FemaleFirst

As befits a woman who inhabits the world of Alice In Wonderland in her latest video, Gwen Stefani keeps getting curiouser and curiouser... -- The Herald

Special mention to Gwen Stefani - accompanied everywhere by four freaky-looking Japanese ladies ... -- The Mirror

Organizers fear the potent aroma of excrement at the Tor di Valle horse racing track will irritate celebrities like Eminem [and] Gwen Stefani... -- San Fran Chronicle

Gwen Stefani was lowered onto the stage in a giant cock to perform her new solo single ... -- Gigwise

The Cure's Robert Smith introduced a "shimmering" Gwen Stefani who swung down to the stage suspended from a huge cock to perform her solo hit ... -- People

: Gwen Stefani is a modern female rocker. Her sound is unique and individual - she's the real deal. -- top40-charts.com

But in my next life, I'm going to be a guy and I'm going to be a slut.". -- pop singer GWEN STEFANI, in the December/January issue of Complex magazine. -- Reuters

Gwen Stefani is having her hair done, and it's a wonder she can sit still. "I'm buzzing," she rasps... -- New Zealand Herald

Gwen Stefani is proud of her writing skills on No Doubt's album Return On Saturn, because she was able to articulate her inner turmoil... -- Ireland Online

Rocker Gwen Stefani popularized Hindu forehead jewelry for suburban white girls everywhere. -- Chicago Sun Times


Harry Klam, Monday, 22 November 2004 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Gwen Stefani was lowered onto the stage in a giant cock to perform her new solo single ... -- Gigwise

The Cure's Robert Smith introduced a "shimmering" Gwen Stefani who swung down to the stage suspended from a huge cock to perform her solo hit ... -- People

I AM DYING (Dan Perry), Monday, 22 November 2004 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

the parts about Gavin Rossdale fathering a two-headed dog are what got me.

Al (sitcom), Monday, 22 November 2004 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

"...the first solo album from No Doubt's frantic frontwoman is an exercise in pointless artifice...[Gwen Stefani] is so robotic that it comes as a shock when nine songs in, on The Madonna-like "The Real Thing," she suddenly sounds ... almost real. -- Los Angeles Times

Harry Klam, Tuesday, 23 November 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)


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