What percentage of ILMers are straight up assholes

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I'd say 20-30%. Now let's name names. :D

― Shitsticks McGregor, Friday, 11 March 2005 22:27 (twenty years ago)

Shitsticks McGregor

― Honorary Banana Slug (nordicskilla), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:30 (twenty years ago)

Shitsticks McGregor
x-post!

― Don't Ever Antagonize The Horny (AaronHz), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:30 (twenty years ago)

Shitsticks McGregor

― Fillet Show (Hereward), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:31 (twenty years ago)

GIVE SHITSTICKS A CHANCE!

― Tim Ellison (Tim Ellison), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:35 (twenty years ago)

cue g04tse.cx

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:37 (twenty years ago)

I think it's a higher percentage than 20-30.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:39 (twenty years ago)

yeah, I was going to say somewhere between 45 and 60.

That would be more than 1 in 2 which sounds right.

― Honorary Banana Slug (nordicskilla), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:40 (twenty years ago)

I'm more of a cockfarmer, personally. Tho I also dabble in douchebaggery.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Friday, 11 March 2005 22:40 (twenty years ago)

I mean obviously some ILMers are bigger assholes than others too. Shouldn't we weight that somehow? So that their increased assholishness counts for more?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:41 (twenty years ago)

what is the unit of assholery?

― Shakey Mo Collier, Friday, 11 March 2005 22:42 (twenty years ago)

a unit of assholery ranges from alex in nyc to markelby

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:44 (twenty years ago)

Welcome to ILM. Please fill in this questionnaire so we can better serve you.

% Assholishness:
No. Asshole Units:
Douchebaggery Quotient:
Cockfarming Harvest (in inches):

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:45 (twenty years ago)

Yes, we can model a closed quantum system of N ILM users, with each user in a coherent superposition of |asshole> and |not asshole> state kets. Then we compute the density matrix for ILM to get our answer.

I've laid out the framework, now I'll let somebody else do the math.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:45 (twenty years ago)

Once we've done this I can probably run some reports and generate some drill-down charts. You know how the higher ups respond to visuals.

That was funny, cutty.

― Honorary Banana Slug (nordicskilla), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:46 (twenty years ago)

I want to see asshole piecharts!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:47 (twenty years ago)

Woops. That should be:

I want to see asshole piecharts!

― CEO in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:48 (twenty years ago)

[Chorus - (Scratched)]
(I am in fact, unbelivable)
The name's Obie Trice, the well known asshole
(I be what I wanna, shut yer fuckin' mouth child child)

[Verse One]
Aiyo, its massive now, Obie Trice is now here
So all weak mutherfuckers step to the rear
My techniques been sweet since I was a embryo
On tour fetus
And at birth who could belive this?
8 pounds, 3 ounce, child could move a crowd
And have my music blisteratin' through systems loud
Turning partys out wit a cup of Guinness stout
Talk shit, knocked out, what a thug all about
Without a doubt I brings terror, sex changing MC's
Put 'em out there (?) mascara (meh meh)
clever wit ryhmes, its like whateva wit mine
Talk shit, get smacked unlimited times
I'm known to focus, get the buzz like the locust
An' Obie is the dopest Nigga

[Chorus (with variations)]

[Verse Two]
I flip birds, like dimonique dogs flips ass
Jack ma dick wen i sit in hot baths
Roll with raw dawgs, I'm ready to rock
I been settin down shit since the hiohop shop
In ma block nuttin but thugs mean dogs
40 cal slug, broken 40 ounces of bud
To suds, (?) the floor, you niggaz want more?
catch me on tour at your local record store
The "o" the finest, Nap entertainment the finest
Who told that lie that obie wasn't the grimiest?

[Chorus (with variations)]

[Verse Three]
Verse 3, I thought this rap game would never curse me
Leave on the service, dyin, hungry an' thirsty?
Take yo' mind, like I took yer girl virginity
And leave clips empty on any nigga that tempts me
Moss, show me tracks so I can ride in this thang
Whatevas left that we got thats undecided
Violent, hittin fifty states like a riot
Attracting crowds from newborns to those retired
Admire it an' let yer mans know
Its Obie Trice nigga, The Well Known Asshole

(I am in fact) The well known asshole
(scratched) Shut yer fuckin mouth child
(scratched) I am in fact, unbelivable
The name's obie trice the well known asshole
(scratched) Shut yer fuckin mouth child
(lemme show me back wit the way that I can demonstrate)
(scratched) I am infact, unbelivable
The name's obie trice the well known asshole

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:48 (twenty years ago)

okay we just broke open the liquor here at the office, so I'm ready for this thread to TAKE OFF into heretofore unexplored regions of the assholosphere...

I was trying to think who the nicest/most polite ILMer but I confess I'm kinda at a loss. Ned, maybe?

― Shakey Mo Collier, Friday, 11 March 2005 22:50 (twenty years ago)

One never notices polite people.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:51 (twenty years ago)

Spencer is pretty polite. He never curses and when he argues with people he is still very considered and fair.

Ned says bad words sometimes.

― Honorary Banana Slug (nordicskilla), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:52 (twenty years ago)

Ned's probably the most consistently nice. There are certain people who seem consistently like assholes, but I shant name names.

― his face was burned off in a flaming crossbow accident (King Kobra), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:52 (twenty years ago)

He threatened me with the prospect of Amazing Randy pounding my head for eternity.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:53 (twenty years ago)

50% straight-up assholes, 50% beat-around-the-bush assholes.

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:55 (twenty years ago)

a unit of assholery ranges from alex in nyc to markelby

OMG WAFFLES

― Darius Rucker Lookalike (deangulberry), Friday, 11 March 2005 22:59 (twenty years ago)

I am the biggest asshole ever. Fuck you all. You can't even come close.

― :D, Friday, 11 March 2005 23:00 (twenty years ago)

He threatened me with the prospect of Amazing Randy pounding my head for eternity.

I did? Strange.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 March 2005 23:00 (twenty years ago)

Is asshattery the same as assholeness? If it is, I'm an asshole.

― David A. (Davant), Friday, 11 March 2005 23:03 (twenty years ago)

I don't think Alex In NYC is an asshole at all. I think it's pretty obvious that he's kidding most of the time.

― Tantrum (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 11 March 2005 23:05 (twenty years ago)

Here, here. Alex in NYC directs bile at music and pop stars, not fellow posters. Not his fault if people take it personally. I feel he is misunderstood.

― Mark (MarkR), Friday, 11 March 2005 23:05 (twenty years ago)

How do they type from inside the assholes?

― Darius Rucker Lookalike (deangulberry), Friday, 11 March 2005 23:06 (twenty years ago)

10% assholes or less.

― Mark (MarkR), Friday, 11 March 2005 23:06 (twenty years ago)

19% assholes
15% douchebags
11% asshats
10% cockfarmers
9% dillholes
8.5% fucksticks
7% fartswallowers
6% tossers
5% dickwranglers
4% hipsters
3.5% shitmonglers
2% turdjugglers

― Stupornaut (natepatrin), Friday, 11 March 2005 23:11 (twenty years ago)

I did? Strange.

*beats Michael down*
HISTORY WILL BE THE AMAZING RANDY STOMPING ON YOUR FACE GOING 'HI DERE WHAT IS IT MADE' FOREVER.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), February 17th, 2005 11:55 AM. (Ned) (link)

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 11 March 2005 23:21 (twenty years ago)

That would be assholish of me to judge!

― Ian Riese-Moraine (Eastern Mantra), Saturday, 12 March 2005 00:01 (twenty years ago)

I occasionally feel like I'm being an as*hole. I have an occasional tendency to crusade/make things "right", when in fact I should really just let things go.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Saturday, 12 March 2005 00:16 (twenty years ago)

i can be an asshole alright. i prefer not to think of myself as a *straight up* asshole though :-)

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Saturday, 12 March 2005 00:18 (twenty years ago)

Also, I'm usually the biggest as*hole to the people who's opinions I care about the most; otherwise I can't be bothered. I used to have mean thoughts occasionally when I felt like someone was ignoring me, but I'm over that now (I figured out that if someone doesn't comment on a comment, it's usually because they have no problem with it).

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Saturday, 12 March 2005 00:23 (twenty years ago)

i'm more of a twit, or a prick.

― latebloomer: damn cheapskate satanists (latebloomer), Saturday, 12 March 2005 00:24 (twenty years ago)

latebloomer OTM

― Michael White (Hereward), Saturday, 12 March 2005 00:29 (twenty years ago)

How do they type from inside the assholes?

-- Darius Rucker Lookalike (power.strik...), March 11th, 2005 6:06 PM.

i lol'ed!

― eman (eman), Saturday, 12 March 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

Are there any turdburglars in the Ilx?

― -rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Saturday, 12 March 2005 00:41 (twenty years ago)

This is like an AA meeting (Assholes Anonymous):

Hi, my name's David, and I'm an asshat!

― David A. (Davant), Saturday, 12 March 2005 00:48 (twenty years ago)

sausage party

― eman (eman), Saturday, 12 March 2005 00:56 (twenty years ago)

Dude, what's a turd jurgler? :-)

― Chris O., Saturday, 12 March 2005 01:04 (twenty years ago)

Michael, I was merely concerned for your soul. ;-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 12 March 2005 02:01 (twenty years ago)

There've been individuals that I initially asusmed were fatuous assholes, but as I've read their posts over time, I realize that they've either been kidding or i was simply overreacting and/or misinterpretting things they'd been saying. There are people I strenuously disagree with, but I wouldn't call them assholes, necessarily. There is one individual who typed something uneccessarily nasty and dismissive at me recently, but his was a name I don't really recognize, so i have no idea whether he was being serious or merely flippant. Until I find out, though, he remains firmly in the "asshole" camp. But, I ain't gonna name no names, baby, `cos that would make me the asshole.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 12 March 2005 03:00 (twenty years ago)

Someone's been reading Chunklet.

― maria b (maria b), Saturday, 12 March 2005 03:35 (twenty years ago)

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 12 March 2005 03:44 (twenty years ago)

Chunklet is overrated

― polar exploration, Saturday, 12 March 2005 03:58 (twenty years ago)

Assholes! Count me in!

― Cranberry Pantsuit, Saturday, 12 March 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

Assholes, when handled properly, can be an awful lot of fun.

― Drew Daniel (Drew Daniel), Saturday, 12 March 2005 04:28 (twenty years ago)

when handled properly

Ooh Err!

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 12 March 2005 04:43 (twenty years ago)

I kinda didn't really pay attention to anything in the thread.
You're all fuckwads. And I mean that with total respe ... no, you're fuckwads.

― BanjoMania (Brilhante), Saturday, 12 March 2005 05:23 (twenty years ago)

Being that assholishness bears a direct relationship to level of ignorance, to increase asshole levels, instant recruiting of ignorant fuckwits must commence post haste.

― VegemiteGrrl (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 12 March 2005 05:48 (twenty years ago)

What about the douchecorks, huh? Who will speak out in defense of the douchecorks!? Won't someone PLEASE think about the douchecorks!?!?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Saturday, 12 March 2005 06:21 (twenty years ago)

Being that assholishness bears a direct relationship to level of ignorance,

With the greatest respect for my antipodean compadre, I don't necessarily think this is true. My Dad, for example, is not an ignorant man in the slightest, but OOOF is he ever a king-sized asshole.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 12 March 2005 06:49 (twenty years ago)

I dunno. The worst assholes I've come across always use that to amplify what half-truths they glean as they walk through life. That way they can start arguments & win them just by being louder. But I'm glad to hear there are intelligent assholes. It gives me hope :)

― VegemiteGrrl (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 12 March 2005 06:54 (twenty years ago)

You guys are pretty nice, actually. I expected this board to be really elitist and snooby, but it isn't.

― The Brainwasher (Twilight), Saturday, 12 March 2005 07:02 (twenty years ago)

I do try to be snooby but, well, you know how it works...

Michael, I was merely concerned for your soul.

Talk about facts not entered into evidence...

― Michael White (Hereward), Saturday, 12 March 2005 07:30 (twenty years ago)

turdjugglers

― Bimble... (Bimble...), Saturday, 12 March 2005 07:58 (twenty years ago)

Mmm...asshole pie...

Just like gramma used to make.

― Austin (Austin), Saturday, 12 March 2005 08:38 (twenty years ago)

That brings up thoroughly horrifying mental images, man.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Saturday, 12 March 2005 08:55 (twenty years ago)

When I was in my senior year of high school I had a good friend who was basically a goth, but he really opened his ears to some of the music I introduced him to (Cocteaus, Wolfgang Press). He was really nice even though he was very popular.

Anyway, one day we were outside waiting to board the school bus and it began to rain. He said "I love the smell of wet asphalt". But I thought he'd said "I love the smell of a wet asshole". We cracked up laughing.

I've never forgotten that for some reason.

― Bimble... (Bimble...), Saturday, 12 March 2005 08:56 (twenty years ago)

turd-jug-gler (tûrd jug'ler) n.
1. One that juggles excremental opinions or performs other tricks of mental dexterity.
2. One that uses tricks, deception, or fraud in an argument

― eman (eman), Saturday, 12 March 2005 19:37 (twenty years ago)

Hmm.. There definitely are some on ILM, and often a bizarrely disproportionate level of hostility directed at other ILMers. Whereas Alex in NYC insults of music & pop stars = urgent & key, I demand MORE.

Last week NPR's Fresh Air had this piece on Fred Hersch's ensemble performing compositions of Walt Whitman poems & Hersch's music, & I was like I HATE FRED HERSCH WITH A FIRE THAT MAKES HIROSHIMA LOOK LIKE A WEENIE ROAST..

― daria g (daria g), Saturday, 12 March 2005 19:52 (twenty years ago)

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