everybody's favorite: pitchfork writer fucks up

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anyone catch jess harvel's front page review of the trojan dub rarities box, wherein she references "niggers are scared of revolution" and credits it to gil-scott heron? i suppose this is something you could get self righteous over, but i'm just pointing it out for y'all.

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Monday, 9 January 2006 17:45 (twenty years ago)

is jess harvel hot?

― kyle (akmonday), Monday, 9 January 2006 17:47 (twenty years ago)

JESICA HARVEL HOLLA AT ME

― kyle (akmonday), Monday, 9 January 2006 17:48 (twenty years ago)

let's talk about cumming on jess harvell's tits

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Monday, 9 January 2006 17:51 (twenty years ago)

morelike "niggers are scared of new pop", amirite?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 9 January 2006 17:52 (twenty years ago)

Jess Harvell: hates noise dudes and hippies, has no point (NOT SAFE FOR WORK - mod)

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Monday, 9 January 2006 17:53 (twenty years ago)

as hot as dominique i hear

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Monday, 9 January 2006 17:53 (twenty years ago)

i've been a fan of jess harvell ever since the first issue of hit it or quit it!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 9 January 2006 17:54 (twenty years ago)

strongo foxington

― latebloomer: Let's just say I do for bullshit what Stonehenge did for Rocks (lat, Monday, 9 January 2006 17:56 (twenty years ago)

Website in poor fact-checking shockah!

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Monday, 9 January 2006 17:56 (twenty years ago)

Jess harvell is fucking sexy. She has a big cock.

― ooooh yeh, Monday, 9 January 2006 17:57 (twenty years ago)

That's an editing problem, you know.

(xpost: bah)

― Dan (Fact-Checking? What's That?) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 17:57 (twenty years ago)

actually this one is my fault. (though i do often wonder what they have interns for.)

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:00 (twenty years ago)

NSFW picture of smokin' music critic Jess "Ms. Titsalot" Harvell.

― Dan (Wolf Whistle) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:01 (twenty years ago)

"what's her problem?"

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:03 (twenty years ago)

wait, pfork has interns?? for what?

― miss michel legrand (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:05 (twenty years ago)

ryan's feet don't rub themselves.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:05 (twenty years ago)

ewww

― miss michel legrand (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:05 (twenty years ago)

Also, titty-twisters.

― Dan (TUNE IN TOKYO) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:06 (twenty years ago)

"I asked for LIGHT starch in my nightcap!"

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:06 (twenty years ago)

that's almost as low as "telemarketer" on the list of "jobs i'd be too ashamed to put on a resume."

― miss michel legrand (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:07 (twenty years ago)

don't hate on telemarketing, ms. priss.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:07 (twenty years ago)

i've done some myself. i'm not proud.

― miss michel legrand (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:08 (twenty years ago)

Interns?

― Dan (Good On You!) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:08 (twenty years ago)

i'm not getting into THIS discussion again.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:09 (twenty years ago)

http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/images/n25/n128442.jpg

― ELLI$ HARVELL, Monday, 9 January 2006 18:09 (twenty years ago)

http://bestmessageboardever.com/uploads/post-189-1136573471.jpg

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:09 (twenty years ago)

in america, interns do you

― miss michel legrand (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:09 (twenty years ago)

one thing i like about being named jesse is how often people who see my byline think i'm a chixor. it makes me feel sexy.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:14 (twenty years ago)

hotchie motchie!

― miss michel legrand (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:15 (twenty years ago)

http://www.vamvax.net/almanako/dukes%20vs%20Mac/photos/uncle%20jesse%20and%20daisy.jpg

― JE$$ICA WHORVELL, Monday, 9 January 2006 18:17 (twenty years ago)

http://www.celebstation.org/actors/john_stamos/John_Stamos-005.jpg

― miss michel legrand (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:18 (twenty years ago)

sunburned is a creatively-marketed drum circle. "wait, they're more than that, right?" haha, no.

― Lawrence the Looter (Lawrence the Looter), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:19 (twenty years ago)

i can still remember the disappointment i felt when I found out jess was a man.

― Zwan (miccio), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:20 (twenty years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0784011184.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Zwan (miccio), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:20 (twenty years ago)

Wait, are you guys kidding around, or are you seriously surprised that Pitchfork would have interns? I mean, think about the mechanics of it for a second.

If you read the site much you've probably already seen the interns' names -- they write plenty of news stories. They're kind of adorable, too.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:23 (twenty years ago)

My brother was a Pitchfork intern once. I forget what he did, though.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:25 (twenty years ago)

sorry i didn't know "jess harvell" was male :(

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:27 (twenty years ago)

There's an actual real-life non-scare-quoted Jess Harvell who is male, too!

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:27 (twenty years ago)

Is Jess really everybody's favorite Pitchfork writer?

― Mark (MarkR), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:32 (twenty years ago)

My brother was a Pitchfork intern once. I forget what he did, though.

Faxing, filing, shaking his junk.

― Dan (You Know, The Ususal Intern Stuff) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:33 (twenty years ago)

i know, sorry to have raised everyone's ire... i just thought a paid critic confusing his black folks was worth a mention :(

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:34 (twenty years ago)

... they get paid, rite?

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:35 (twenty years ago)

Dude, it's Pitchfork! Half of us are happy they're at the point where they realize black folks exist.

― Dan (Baby Steps) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:35 (twenty years ago)

hahahaha

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:36 (twenty years ago)

hey, i've got plenty of black friends.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:37 (twenty years ago)

I liked both of Jessie's articles today.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:38 (twenty years ago)

jess harvell is the only pitchfork writer with balls wrapped in wire.

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:40 (twenty years ago)

i'm in a pretty good mood today! i might be talking to tommy lee!

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:41 (twenty years ago)

There's a new Methods of Madness masterwork?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:41 (twenty years ago)

show him the rodeo clown thread

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:42 (twenty years ago)

that's MAYHEM, you're clearly not a REAL FAN after all (xpost)

― Offended M.O.M. diehard (blueski), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:42 (twenty years ago)

after, e-40, david thomas, and david lee roth, dude is probably my masculine ideal.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:43 (twenty years ago)

someone post that picture of him, matos, and some other dude at a chubby chaser convention.

― titty sanskrit (sanskrit), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:44 (twenty years ago)

David Thomas of SCTV or David Thomas of Wendy's?

― Dan (U&K) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:44 (twenty years ago)

i might be talking to tommy lee!

He'll probably hit on you, he hits on all the chicks.

― Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:44 (twenty years ago)

actually the three david thomas' are probably my real masculine ideal.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:45 (twenty years ago)

ask tommy lee how many under-20s he fucked while at college.

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:45 (twenty years ago)

i bet they stick with me mick.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:45 (twenty years ago)

the bastards.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:46 (twenty years ago)

i would definitely throw on a girly voice and see if it affects his behaviour

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:46 (twenty years ago)

Ryan Schreiber - male
Scott Plagenhoef - male
Amy Phillips - female
Catherine Lewis - female
Nick Sylvester - furry
Kristin Sage Rockermann - genderless ancient wiseperson
Mark Richardson - regulation-size football
Jonah Flicker - online picture-hosting service
Kati Llewellyn - female (sex change following "People's Court" stint)
Catherine Lewis - female (though "Lewis, Catherine" is male)
Nitsuh Abebe - turtle (unsexed)
Zach Baron - royalty
Tom Breihan - tall
William Bowers - woodsman, scholar
Cory D. Byrom - female
Martin Clark - fake
Jason Crock - fake
Chris Dahlen - Marissa Marchant
Drew Daniel - robot
Stephen M. Deusner - hermaphrodite
Brent DiCrescenzo - fake
Ryan Dombal - anthropomorphic tooth
Will Dukes - royalty
Sean Fennessey - single-malt
Jess Harvell - female
Marc Hogan - male
Brian Howe - shortstop
Michael Idov - entrepreneur
Rachel Khong - "makes no sense"
Matt LeMay - cannibal
Dominique Leone - hot French chick with big tits
Alex Linhardt - fake
Johnny Loftus - James Dean in hiding
Peter Macia - barn
Rob Mitchum - kind of like that evil brain-thing the Ninja Turtles fought
Adam Moerder - orc
Matthew Murphy - colorless, odorless liquid
Amanda Petrusich - "world's tallest woman" of internet fame
Mark Pytlik - Canadian
David Raposa - Connecticutian
Julianne Shepherd - superintelligent bangs with opposable thumbs
Philip Sherburne - eunuch
Dave Stelfox - fox
Brandon Stosuy - collaborative
Joe Tangari - bioluminescent sea creature
Sam Ubl - female, nee Maselli
Jonathan Zwickel - male, former editor of The Onion

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:46 (twenty years ago)

Rob Mitchum - kind of like that evil brain-thing the Ninja Turtles fought

krang, you fake gen x'er!!

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:48 (twenty years ago)

Dominique Leone - hot French chick with big tits

This will never not be funny.

― Dan (ROFFLES) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:48 (twenty years ago)

you forgot the best part.. SHE LIKES PROG!!!!!

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:49 (twenty years ago)

She has MAGMA tattooed on the creamy-white skin between her ripe, heavy breasts.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:52 (twenty years ago)

rec.arts.progslash

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:53 (twenty years ago)

superintelligent, bangs with opposable thumbs

― Zwan (miccio), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:54 (twenty years ago)

Dominique, nique, nique I will tell of Dominique
His goodness to acclaim
And I pray the song I sing
Will some simple pleasure bring
That the world shall know his name!

I will tell of Dominique as I sing this little song
And when I sing the chorus all the world will sing along!

Dominique, nique, nique it was good Saint Dominique
He lived for you and me
From his labors long ago
Came a better world I know! And his love shall always be!

Though I'm poor, said Dominique as he spoke unto the Lord,
I will be your humble servant and your love is my reward!

Dominique, nique, nique I will follow Dominique
His burdens will I share
For his courage will I pray
His teachings to obey! His words shall be my prayer!

By the kindness of his heart and the labor of his hand
He brought love and understanding as he wandered through the land!

Dominique, nique, nique I will tell of Dominique
His goodness to acclaim
And I pray the song I sing
Will some simple pleasure bring! All the world shall know his name!

Dominique the mighty warrior was a soldier of ther Lord
His armor was devotion and the Gospel was his sword!

Dominique, nique, nique it was good Saint Dominique
He lived for you and me
From his labors long ago
Came a better world I know! And his love shall always be!

Through the blazing heat of summer and the chill of winter snow
I will follow Dominique! In his footsteps I will go!

Dominique, nique, nique I will follow Dominique
His burdens will I share
For his courage will I pray
His teachings to obey! His words shall be my prayer!

― miss michel legrand (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:55 (twenty years ago)

am i parsing "bangs wih opposable thumbs" properly??? xpost

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:56 (twenty years ago)

it's threads like this that make me happy my mother is computer illiterate enough not to be able to google me

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:57 (twenty years ago)

Bangs that are superintelligent, accompanied by thumbs that are opposable.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 9 January 2006 18:58 (twenty years ago)

i don't think that's what miccio's remix meant

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:00 (twenty years ago)

WINKY

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:00 (twenty years ago)

oh, see.. i thought bangs was a verb.

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:00 (twenty years ago)

All depends on context.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:05 (twenty years ago)

http://kniazeu.by.ru/images/music/ricky_martin_picture.jpg

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:06 (twenty years ago)

i am the internet

(ps nabisco I am sending you music in the spring)

― Dominique (dleone), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:07 (twenty years ago)

WORST PANTS EVER

― Dan (Ew) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:08 (twenty years ago)

clearly, dan, you don't remember "jams."

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:09 (twenty years ago)

they look like he hitched up a lawn and leaf trash bag

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:10 (twenty years ago)

At least with Jams and Zubaz you couldn't tell to which side a guy dressed.

― Dan (I Want My Pretty Mind Back) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:11 (twenty years ago)

You and your band should wear zubaz, preferrably matching pairs.

― Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:15 (twenty years ago)

IT'S A MAN'S NAME, DAMNIT!

http://www.cyberboxingzone.com/images/willard.jpg

― Tim Ellison (Tim Ellison), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:16 (twenty years ago)

http://www.domeplus.com/images/Vikings_images/blitz_camo.JPG

― Dan (Solid!) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:17 (twenty years ago)

Now, off to Glendale with you.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:26 (twenty years ago)

I think Zubaz were born in Minnesota.

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:37 (twenty years ago)

the zubaz tribe of the great frozen plains

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:38 (twenty years ago)

They definitely were from Minnesota!

― Dan (Go Gophers) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 19:43 (twenty years ago)

Wait'll you see my thumb.
Wait'll you see my zubaz.

― Zwan (miccio), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:24 (twenty years ago)

wait'll you see my sexual misconduct

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:26 (twenty years ago)

He can only gain his credibility back with one phrase: "311, I am ready to fight."

― js (honestengine), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:33 (twenty years ago)

i am always ready to fight!!

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:34 (twenty years ago)

No 311, no credibility.

― js (honestengine), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:36 (twenty years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/6303383319.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Stephen C (ihope), Monday, 9 January 2006 21:18 (twenty years ago)

FYI Jess you can't call me a fake Gen-Xer unless you picked up the Who's the Boss reference in that list.

― nabiscothingy, Tuesday, 10 January 2006 04:57 (twenty years ago)

That list is the funniest thing I've seen in 2006.

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 07:05 (twenty years ago)

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